Don't know what to do...

maxmcj · March 2016

I'm 2 days overdue with my second baby my partner of 6 years says he's unhappy and he's leaving first thing in the morning ... this last month has been such a bad one. My gran has just passed at 61 Due to organ failure. My family are fighting like mad. My partners benefits have stopped... I've been working day and night to make money from family and friends. Whilst still running round after a 3 year old. I havent made it to college for the last 3 weeks as so much is going on .. I don't want to fail my course. My partner has decided he is not happy so he's packed his bags and is moving out first thing. I don't want to do it by myself. I don't feel strong enough at the moment... I've told him I need him and he's just said 'what so you want me to be here unhappy'... of course I don't want him to be unhappy... but I really need the support at the moment and can't rely on family as their going through so much. I just want some magic thing to make this better. Am so upset . What am I supposed to do ? X

rosiechriv · March 2016

Don't stress yourself specially if you are pregnant. If he want to leave he can! Let him leave. He don't deserve you when he can't be with you in the hards times. I'm sorry about your grandmother but we can't do anything about it that's life. If you have family who cares about you now is the time to ask them for help because you need it

Cowboycorgi · March 2016

This might sound heartless, and I'm sorry for that as it is not meant that way.
Honestly, if he leaves, it sounds like 1 less person to take care of.
It sounds like your family is already trying to help you by offer small jobs to help with money. I hope you are close enough to one or two of them that you can ask for help to get on your feet again.
I know it is scary, but I think a lot of single parents find it scary at first but then get used to their new normal. You can survive this!

Creepy internet hugs!

arcanejinx · March 2016

First thing first-breathe.

Ok, so he is leaving when you need him the most-he is not good enough for you. Let him go-if you are close to anyone in his family let them know what is happening, perhaps a sibling or parent of his will be willing to help you through the transition. Tell him he can leave you but he's not leaving his responsibility to your baby.

Contact student services at your college-schools want students to pass with high grades. They may be able to work out a deferal or an incomplete which will allow you to go back once life settles down.

Let your family know what is happening-everyone needs support when a loved one dies, and helping you out during this time of need may provide some distraction from the grief. Ask them or a friend to come over and play with your 3 year old while you take some personal time to figure out a plan-have a bath, cook yourself a nice meal.

Synnovus · March 2016

arcanejinx said:

First thing first-breathe.

Ok, so he is leaving when you need him the most-he is not good enough for you. Let him go-if you are close to anyone in his family let them know what is happening, perhaps a sibling or parent of his will be willing to help you through the transition. Tell him he can leave you but he's not leaving his responsibility to your baby.

Contact student services at your college-schools want students to pass with high grades. They may be able to work out a deferal or an incomplete which will allow you to go back once life settles down.

Let your family know what is happening-everyone needs support when a loved one dies, and helping you out during this time of need may provide some distraction from the grief. Ask them or a friend to come over and play with your 3 year old while you take some personal time to figure out a plan-have a bath, cook yourself a nice meal.

All of this! I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. If he's leaving now he's not much of a man and far from good enough for you!!

mshukh · March 2016

I love what previous posters said. You need to focus on what you can control. Your school, planning on how you will get your life back on track, your toddler and your baby. I would also contact a lawyer to understand your rights and what you can expect from him legally. I think it's important to have all your ducks in a row. What if he comes back later and tries to take away your children?

maelic · March 2016

First off: fuck him. If he's immature enough to leave when you're two days overdue with a baby he can get the hell out and you'll be better off. Call a lawyer as soon as possible to make sure you arrange child support payments and whatever else your baby needs, but you don't need his sorry selfish ass anywhere near you.

Call your family: I'm sure they will not only help, but welcome the distraction from their loss. A new baby is one of the best reminders that life goes on and you are in a spot where it would be unthinkable to leave you alone.

Call your dean's office: defer, defer, defer. Ask for incompletes or, worst case scenario, withdrawals. You don't need a bad, stressful semester to muck up your transcript. They will be very understanding, you are due with a baby any day.

Big hugs, one day at a time. Reach out to all your friends and family, you deserve it and they will help you in any way they can.

annawestt · March 2016

So sorry to hear this! My heart breaks with you. I haven't heard from my ex since I was 2 months along and I'm due next week. It's overwhelming but remember you have support. You have people who care about you and you are stronger than you think! Life knocks us down but we can always pull through. I'm scared to death too as a first time single mom, but I'm getting through it for my baby. Any speck of kindness or any gracious word that I'm able to say instead of a bitter one is for my daughter. Don't forget that youre in the middle of a beautiful miracle! When you see your baby's face you will know that it's gonna be ok. Breathe momma, You can do it. If you need anything or to talk please PM me.

ecwk · March 2016

So so sorry you're going through this!!!! I just want to echo what everyone else already said. It may seem worse than bad right now but you will be ok, you are already so strong for doing everything you do! Huge hugs!!

ETA was just reading through your old posts which totally refreshed my memory as to what an absolute dick that man is. IMO you are totally better off without him. As mentioned above, he has legal responsibilities towards baby. Make sure he fulfills those. Best of luck.

katy0990 · March 2016

I am sorry you are going through such a crappy time. Good luck! You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

maxmcj · March 2016

Thanks everyone have spoken to his family and the vee seemed to knock him into touch ... feeling like crap still can't wait till new baby here xx

oceanchild · March 2016

@maxmcj your sweet babe will be in your arms soon!
hope the college was understanding with your situation

i would still get bases covered in case your SO tries to pull some more crap after baby arrives; i hate to be pessimistic, but life with a newborn (as you already know) is a big adjustment and he really seems like an immature flaky jerk who may try to bail again. your little family deserves better. i hope you guys work it out, but always good to be prepared.
also, so sorry about your Gran's passing - big hugs

Synnovus · March 2016

I agree with @oceanchild. Wish you good luck and all the best!

kitteh81 · March 2016

As far as college goes, if you're in the US you have Title IX protection which should cover you for any pregnancy-related absences and missing assignments. You may have to get official coverage through Disabled Student Services (because apparently pregnancy and recovery qualify as temporary disabilities) but the professors should give you the opportunity to make up any missed work for full points, and cannot lower your grade for any pregnancy-related absences. If your school accepts any federal funding, they must legally have a designated Title IX advisor. Find out who that person is (which might not be easy to do, I has to do a lot of digging to find my University's Title IX advisor) and they can let you know what you have to do to be covered.

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