Did you hear a heartbeat before you miscarried?

linzandjer11 · March 2016

Many of us still feel so anxious after hearing the heartbeat. I'd love to (hopefully) encourage everyone by showing that hearing a strong heartbeat is a really good sign of a rainbow baby growing. I know that wasn't the case for everyone, but hopefully the numbers will reflect hope! (Remember, this is for your miscarriage(s), not your current pregnancy.)

purplefan1 · March 2016

Heartbeat was strong at 8 1/2 weeks but blood work wasn't doubling at that point. Miscarried somewhere between seeing the heartbeat for the first time and two weeks later for pressure in my abdomen which turned out to be a UTI.

linzandjer11 · March 2016

I've heard so many stories of women with different stories, but many of them have been losses with lower numbers and they never heard a heartbeat. I thought that would be a more common story. But maybe just not on this board.

RiverSong15 · March 2016

I MCd at 7 weeks, which was 1 week before my first appointment. So, no bloodwork or ultrasound beforehand.

ETA: my OB said that after seeing a heartbeat, the MC risk drops below 5%. I'm not sure if the TB community has a bit of a sample bias, but it sure seems higher here

purplefan1 · March 2016

I hated that statistic so much for so long after my MMC. It made me feel even more like a failure. How did I let my baby die? This happens to less than 5% of people but it happened to me. I still struggle with statistics. I just don't believe them as much any more. When I passed the first trimester and the doctor told me less than 1% chance I asked him to please not quote statistics any more. Less than 1% means it still happened to someone and there is no reason I wouldn't be that someone.

linnea625 · March 2016

Unfortunately, hearing a strong heartbeat only really means the baby/embryo is doing well at that moment. It's not a guarantee that it will continue to develop and grow healthily. I'm sure that's not what you wanted to hear, but I wish someone had told me that a year ago when I lost my pregnancy at 8.5 weeks after having heard a great heartbeat the week before...

rachrobertson · March 2016

I had a healthy heartbeat at 9 week scan and went back at 13 weeks to discover baby had stopped growing around 10 weeks and had no heartbeat. My OB does initial hcg levels, but doesn't recheck. I never knew my numbers, but I think if they were low, they would have had me do another draw.

bntfroggie · March 2016

I never had bloodwork done the first go around, but we had a healthy strong heartbeat at 9wks and discovered the loss at 12wks. Doctors estimated baby died at 9+4wks, so soon after hearing that healthy little heartbeat.

Wishilivedinflorida · March 2016

Am I the only one who hates those "chance of not having a miscarriage" threads on the BMB's? First off, I don't know where this data comes from, and second, it gives the false impression that miscarriage is not common. I'm not saying that there isn't a shred of accuracy to them (again, I just don't know where that data comes from), but I refuse to look at it. To me, it means nothing. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. All I can say is that "today, I am pregnant."

RiverSong15 · March 2016

Wishilivedinflorida said:

Am I the only one who hates those "chance of not having a miscarriage" threads on the BMB's? First off, I don't know where this data comes from, and second, it gives the false impression that miscarriage is not common. I'm not saying that there isn't a shred of accuracy to them (again, I just don't know where that data comes from), but I refuse to look at it. To me, it means nothing. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. All I can say is that "today, I am pregnant."

I found them comforting the first time around... Until I MCd when the chart said I had a 96% chance of not miscarrying. I don't put much faith in them. It looks like someone took the stats from a few time points (say, 4 weeks, 8 weeks, and 12 weeks) and linearly interpolated the data.

I see their value for women who haven't gone through a loss. Because let's be honest, we all drew the shitty short straw. While MC is very common, most of those women will be just fine. Bitter, party of one, right here.

For me personally, I won't breathe easier until second tri, and really, not until after the anatomy scan. Statistics be damned.

Wishilivedinflorida · March 2016

Agreed. If anything, this whole experience has taught me that 1,2...5% doesn't mean anything at all when it's you. When it's you, and you don't have any babies at home, it's 100%.

Here's hoping we all have better outcomes this time around.

RiverSong15 · March 2016

The positive spin I'm trying to put on this is that seeing a heartbeat is the first milestone to pass. It's not a guarantee (nothing is), but it is a requirement to move forward. So, I'm crossing my fingers and hoping to at least make it to that first milestone. And if we see a good heartbeat, we will be closer than we were before to a healthy baby. Looking too much farther than that is daunting.

mouse1029 · March 2016

**tw** I didn't vote because none of that was me. I got pregnant very soon after my first daughter was born so no lmp to go off of. My OB scanned weekly and at 6w5d we saw a healthy hb. At 7w5d there was no hb. My progesterone had been very low even on supplements, but I had low progesterone with my first healthy pregnancy so that was not a good indication for us.

purplefan1 · March 2016

@RiverSong15 you are right. A healthy heart beat is a first milestone to get to. And for people who have experienced loss, we have to measure things in milestones in order to keep a piece of sanity. Heartbeat, getting past the week where you previously miscarried, getting to second trimester, having a healthy anatomy scan, feeling baby move, viability, third trimester, and count down. I can appreciate the point behind the original post, but I also think because we are all on this page we have experienced loss and know that some times milestones aren't enough. They get me through that bout of anxiety just to help me prepare for the next bout. And it will probably never end. I am so hopeful for the birth and holding my baby but then i saw a string on my bmb about the owlet monitor and spent last night reading about SIDS. So now I am waiting for birth just to wait for the crucial first 4 months to pass then to get to 1 year then blab blah blah. I need to learn to breathe, accept the milestone where we currently are, and be thankful every moment that THIS pregnancy passes as a healthy one!

whickeyloo · March 2016

I never had a sono at my doctors cause they don't do early Sonos unless you miscarry which is weird. I have a home heart doppler and tried looking for my babies heartbeat but never found it once. Then at my 12 week appointment there was still no heartbeat. So they did a sono just in case baby was hiding. But baby had passed around 9 weeks. It really sucked. I had a bad feeling that whole pregnancy though and i was deadly sick all the time and then around the end of 9 weeks i felt very bad sharp pain. I think that is when baby ended up passing.

It was sad. I was also taking shots in my stomache twice a day for blood clots. That later on i found out i didn't need to be taking. I'm wondering if that is what killed my baby. I stopped taking the shots around the time baby passed. Who knows. Doctors always say meds are safe to take when i honestly don't believe some of the ones they call safe. This pregnancy is going like it did with my first healthy full term pregnancy. So we will see. I pray to God everyday to keep baby safe. I hope he watches over you ladies as well.

bntfroggie · March 2016

Wishilivedinflorida said:

Am I the only one who hates those "chance of not having a miscarriage" threads on the BMB's? First off, I don't know where this data comes from, and second, it gives the false impression that miscarriage is not common. I'm not saying that there isn't a shred of accuracy to them (again, I just don't know where that data comes from), but I refuse to look at it. To me, it means nothing. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. All I can say is that "today, I am pregnant."

Can't stand them, they literally go to 9wks and our died at 9+4wks so I thought we were out of the woods.

Synnovus · March 2016

@Wishilivedinflorida and @bntfroggie I can't stand them either!

Pompomlove · March 2016

Agree with lots of PP. My MMC discovered at 12w4d after strong heartbeat at 9 weeks had me thinking "screw statistics" for the first few days but I did somehow reach a place of "it has to be someone and we're no more special than the other family that experiences loss"...

My sister, mother of 4, told me motherhood is all about the heartache (and of course joy) but his is just the beginning of that journey for me. It was a bit of a moment of truth for me and made a lot of sense....

edit: just a sentence that didn't sau what I wanted it to!

carrieandr · March 2016

None of those answers apply to me. I was supposed to be 7w6d, but measured 6w1d. There was a heartbeat on the screen, but they didn't tell me the heartrate. No blood work was done.

The thing that frustrated me was that even though I knew from temping/opks when I ovulated, the dr said everything was fine and it was "perfectly healthy for 6 weeks" despite my insistence that I was almost 8 weeks. And when I posted about it on my bmb, no one said "this is a common sign of potential miscarriage." They all told me pretty stories about how the growth would catch up. That's why I try to stay honest when people on the boards ask for opinions.

UponAStar16 · March 2016

My last(first) pregnancy we had a heartbeat at my 8-week ultrasound and I was told everything looked fine but I didn't realize at the time that measuring 7w3d could have been a bad sign. I had no other symptoms though and only found out at the 12-week ultrasound with no hb and growth stopped around 7w6d. I had a lot of bloodwork but not aware if any of the tests were measuring hcg levels. My (unstable

) mood affects how I see the chances of not miscarrying. Really, the low percentage of miscarriage is artificial hope for me if I was in that unlucky percent before, but sometimes I think that, unless there is an explanation for why it happened that might cause future mc, the chances are low and I might not be that unlucky again...

mtgreen21 · March 2016

Had a nice strong heartbeat and lots of movement on ultrasound at 13 weeks at 15 weeks baby had passed

whickeyloo · March 2016

The doctors would not lie about after hearing a heartbeat the chance of loss goes down. I know some of you were unlucky loosing a child after hearing a heartbeat. But it doesn't mean it will happen again. Don't give yourself false hope. I belive God is in control. He knows what he was doing. For all we know those babies could have killed us in labor and God spared our lives. We just don't know why this happens. I know it is hard to think that your pregnancy will make it. But most likely when you hear a heartbeat baby will make it. Especially after the 1st trimester because everything is in place. All baby has to do after that is grow. I know miscarriage happens at any stage. But from what i see on your comments it looks like it is most common in the first trimester. So i hope everyone has very good luck this time. I'm sorry if I'm ranting on. I just want a positive outcome this time around. And im sure you ladies do to.

whickeyloo · March 2016

And another thing to remember for the sake of everyone we need to be supportive. Even first time mom's. I know you want to tell it how it is. But we being pregnant women already have enough on our plates. I know loss is very hard especially if you had more than one. But unfortunately it is part of life. We have to stay strong and move on. And again be supportive and a lot of you ladies are doing a great job at it. But i have seen some not so good comments to. Thanks ladies and i hope your pregnancies are wonderful and we all get our rainbow babies.

RiverSong15 · March 2016

@whickeyloo, I'm sorry but I find your comments hurtful and offensive. Your post is dangerously close to "it's God's will" and "everything happens for a reason", which are very hurtful comments for women going through loss and/or infertility. I'm glad your faith is helpful to you, but this is a diverse board, and not everyone will feel the way that you do.

Also, this board is a place for us to vent our frustrations and fears about our pregnancies, especially on our hard PGAL days. We do not have to be perpetually positive here; I feel enough pressure to be positive on my BMB. And I have seen nothing but wonderful, supportive comments from women on this board, despite our fears. Honestly, your comments were the most unsupportive ones on this thread.

Hugs to all who need them today, regardless of how you feel about statistics.

waterfall213 · March 2016

I hate to be the Debbie Downer but I lost my daughter at 31 weeks. So I had already heard her heartbeat several times, had perfect ultrasounds, felt her moving, etc. I know it's very uncommon, but for me I feel like there will never be a point in this pregnancy when I feel "safe". I feel like I'll be holding my breath until I'm holding a healthy baby.

whickeyloo · March 2016

I thought this board was about comfort. How is this thread comforting? It brings back pain in itself. I never heard my babies heart beat. But i don't want to think about it. Cause this pregnancy is different and is not that one. This is just making my anxiety worse. I'm sorry for the hurtful comments. I'm not good at comforting at times. And this brought back all the hurt. And i assumed freedom of speech was ok to do on this bord. Just because I'm a believer doesnt mean you have to be. I just didn't find this thread comforting. I don't want to remember the bad in my failed pregnancy. That isn't the point. I'm sorry for the rant. And sorry to cause pain. I'm not trying to be a downer. But apparently i am. Sorry

WinchestertoPittsburgh · March 2016

@whickeyloo if you didn't want to think about prior losses or loss in general, go to a board that has nothing to do with loss. This is specifically called 'Pregnant after a loss', so yeah, we're going to be discussing it. A lot.

purplefan1 · March 2016

This is honestly the first time I have seen any negativity on this specific board so I'm not sure where @whickeyloo is seeing the "not so good comments". This is the only safe place I feel I can go to talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly. We know that a lot of BMB don't want to hear about loss because so many of them have never had to experience it and want to live in a world where it doesn't happen. I wish some one had prepared me better for the chance of loss. I wish my doctor had been more upfront about it as well as more comforting when it happened. I want to be able to be honest that I am scared to death at times and part of that is driven by my personal experience. I hate that there even has to be a board called PGAL but it is reality and we are all entitled to tell our stories and share our grief with one another. Sharing grief and talking can actually help transition something that feels like trauma in to a less traumatic experience. The more we tell our stories the more we can feel that they are our stories and it is OK. So much about loss of pregnancy turns in to feeling like "failures" or feeling as though our bodies "betrayed us". We need to place to talk about that.

Every one is able to participate on here and every one gets an opinion. But please respect the foundation and purpose of this particular message board. Don't shame us for wanting to process our grief or embrace a community of women who know what horrors we have seen. Luckily there are many other boards you can go to that don't want to hear about grief and loss.

Pompomlove · March 2016

Well said @junebaby2016babyW. We were also honestly answering a question being asked.

Also, I don't want to forget about my last pregnancy or loss. There is a little piece of my heart in heaven (yes, I'm a believer too!) I'm scared at times too but need to talk about the facts. There is no guarantee we'll get to meet the next one but man, I hope and prey we all do!

just my 2 cents.

Wishilivedinflorida · March 2016

@whickeyloo I too am confused where you are seeing "not so good" comments. I believe this board is probably the only one where I haven't encountered any negativity. I agree with PP that honesty and discussing loss is not negative, but truth, and sometimes needed, especially being PGAL. Loss will inevitably be discussed here.

Unfortunately, our very unscientific random poll basically shot down the original premise that this thread was intended to support. And that's a tough pill to swallow. All the more reason why this board exists. We have all endured hardships that we are told in theory are "rare".

mrszoess · March 2016

no kidding discussing loss is negative. never knew loss to be a positive word. this may not be the right board for you @whickeloo if you aren't into the topic...

waterfall213 · March 2016

@whickeyloo You said that you would like to forget about your loss. That's great for you, but some of us don't have that option. My daughter's ashes are in an urn on my dresser. Her quilt and afghan are in my room. She's a part of me and now a piece of me lives in heaven with her. So no, I can't forget, and I don't ever want to forget her sweet face. I feel awful for others that have endured this pain and I will support everyone here, but I will not put on rose colored glasses and pretend we live in a perfect world where loss isn't a part of life.

purplefan1 · March 2016

@whickeyloo I'm also confused because earlier in this same thread you shared your own story on your loss. Could you be more specific on where this thread took a turn for you/why the switch from openly sharing your own experience to saying you just wanted to be able to forget about it and move on?

carrieandr · March 2016

@Wishilivedinflorida -- you mentioned that this board is the only one where you haven't encountered negativity. If anyone is over 35 and wants to participate in more than one board, the Pregnant After 35 board is awesome. Nothing but love there. TTC After 35 was great too. Just had to give them a shout-out for being really lovely people.

UponAStar16 · March 2016

Well this got real weird and unhelpful real quick. In the interest of not drawing out nonsense or stating the obvious about every single contradictory and hurtful thing that was just said by one person, I just wanted to throw out there that those involved in this board have otherwise been so supportive, nonjudgmental, and pleasant! Thanks to all who allow a safe space to work through this tricky PGAL experience with its ups and downs!

RiverSong15 · March 2016

I just want to say I love this board and you ladies are wonderful!

nerdymama15 · March 2016

With our loss last year, we heard the heartbeat, and I'm assuming that the bloodwork was low numbers just b/c this rainbow pregnancy started off with low progesterone numbers and I had to take supplements.

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