I personally eloped. It was awesome. My friend one the other had an awesome wedding. She had it at a park on Sat afternoon. So no vendor. She had no alcohol, but providered dinner. It was beautiful. It was the Smokey mountain national park.
At my wedding we only had liquor during the cocktail hour; during dinner it was wine and beer only and the bar closed an hour before the reception ended. That helped cut costs and kept things from getting too sloppy ☺. We got married on a Sunday because you can't get married on a Saturday if you're Jewish, so we picked a holiday weekend so that people would not have to take off work on Monday. Our families are out of town, so almost our entire guest list traveled in. When this is the case, and people are buying a gift, driving/flying, and staying in a hotel, that can be A LOT of money that is spent on attending. We put up a bunch of friends at our house to help them out. I agree that wallets should not be a part of your guests' experience while they are celebrating (except to tip bartenders if they choose to).
I think there has to be a balance when you get married. Yes, it's your day, but if you are inviting guests, then I would hope that they are important enough to you to merit your attention and concern. If budget is a serious restraint, keep the guest list small and close, or if you and your circle are able/willing to DIY stuff and/or get hitched in the backyard (like all my mom's siblings did) go for it. If you go this route, try not to abuse the kindness of friends and family.
ETA: my older sister had a pretty DIY wedding that put a lot of pressure on my family in the days leading up. An uncle's fridge holding food for the reception lost temperature, there was a lot of scrambling, and my grandma went into severe congestive heart failure and was hospitalized during the ceremony, in part due to running around baking dessert. So I really really didn't want to put my family through that again. They were also renovating their house so were asking for Home Depot gift cards since they really didn't need traditional registry stuff, and people were happy to give them what they actually needed. I think there is nothing wrong in registering for something like honeymoon or house fund, though it is nice to at least have a small registry for the really traditional folks. My sister registered for some china that she really loved and hardly anything else.
We paid a lot for our wedding. We kept it within budget and didn't go into debt, however. We're still married nearly three years later. I don't think either of us would change a thing. Our wedding was perfect.
I'm all for cutting corners, but not at the expense of your guests. Your job as bride and groom is to be a good host to your guests. Even though it's "your day" your guests are choosing to share that day with you.
There are a lot of opinions on what are acceptable ways to cut costs, but a simple Google search will let you know which ones most folks are offended by. I'd steer clear of those, personally. What you want to do, however, is your business!
You can google all you want, but everyone's opinion is different. Everything I googled say cash bars are a big no-no. But my guests BEGGED for one. But I refused to pay $1000 for it when the bar was up and running anyway. (Our reception was in the banquet room of a restaurant, so the bar was already open.) My guests We're understanding when I explained prices. They paid for a few drinks themselves, drank at the bar, returned to the reception, and other than that, we drank later that night at our favorite bar.
So googling doesn't always work. Ever corner that I had to cut I either gave my guests a heads up or asked their opinion to get a feel for the response. And then made the decision that was best for us and our budget. You can't please everyone and people are not obligated to come. And as long as you don't make a stink about people who can't (or don't want) to come because of budget restrictions, then you're fine.
You can google all you want, but everyone's opinion is different. Everything I googled say cash bars are a big no-no. But my guests BEGGED for one. But I refused to pay $1000 for it when the bar was up and running anyway. (Our reception was in the banquet room of a restaurant, so the bar was already open.) My guests We're understanding when I explained prices. They paid for a few drinks themselves, drank at the bar, returned to the reception, and other than that, we drank later that night at our favorite bar.
So googling doesn't always work. Ever corner that I had to cut I either gave my guests a heads up or asked their opinion to get a feel for the response. And then made the decision that was best for us and our budget. You can't please everyone and people are not obligated to come. And as long as you don't make a stink about people who can't (or don't want) to come because of budget restrictions, then you're fine.
I'm sorry but I find it hard to believe anyone would beg for a cash bar, Why would you not want free drinks?
@emmaaa I could be wrong but I assume @krzyriver meant instead of no bar (or having to leave the reception to go to the restaurant bar), her guests wanted a cash bar lol
@emmaaa They begged for a cash bar because an open bar was not an option and they knew that. I could NOT afford it. So it was cash bar or no bar. They didn't realize they could go out to the bar and order drinks tho. I didn't realize it either because the event coordinator made it sound like they banned wedding guests from the bar if I didn't at least pay for the cash bar.
@emmaaa They begged for a cash bar because an open bar was not an option and they knew that. I could NOT afford it. So it was cash bar or no bar. They didn't realize they could go out to the bar and order drinks tho.
My mistake, I misunderstood your post.
As a guest, I would honestly rather have no bar than have a cash bar at a place I'm a guest at.
@emmaaa They begged for a cash bar because an open bar was not an option and they knew that. I could NOT afford it. So it was cash bar or no bar. They didn't realize they could go out to the bar and order drinks tho.
My mistake, I misunderstood your post.
As a guest, I would honestly rather have no bar than have a cash bar at a place I'm a guest at.
But as a guest you're not obligated to buy a drink if it's a cash bar. And other guests may rather pay than have no bar. This is one of the points I'm trying to make: you can't please everyone. So the bride and groom have to do what's best for them and their budget.
@LGW2015 Yes that was what I meant. Lol. Sometimes I don't post my complete thought and forget that people can't read my mind to fully understand what I'm saying.
@emmaaa They begged for a cash bar because an open bar was not an option and they knew that. I could NOT afford it. So it was cash bar or no bar. They didn't realize they could go out to the bar and order drinks tho.
My mistake, I misunderstood your post.
As a guest, I would honestly rather have no bar than have a cash bar at a place I'm a guest at.
But as a guest you're not obligated to buy a drink if it's a cash bar. And other guests may rather pay than have no bar. This is one of the points I'm trying to make: you can't please everyone. So the bride and groom have to do what's best for them and their budget.
Of course you aren't obligated to *buy* a drink. My only point is, your guest shouldn't need to open their wallet at your wedding you invite them to (and hosted a reception to thank them for their support and coming). If someone is that unpleased that there isn't alcohol at a wedding, then they may have a drinking problem or I would just rather not have them there. you can do what is best for you and your budget without treating guests poorly. It is simple etiquette.
@emmaaa They begged for a cash bar because an open bar was not an option and they knew that. I could NOT afford it. So it was cash bar or no bar. They didn't realize they could go out to the bar and order drinks tho.
My mistake, I misunderstood your post.
As a guest, I would honestly rather have no bar than have a cash bar at a place I'm a guest at.
But as a guest you're not obligated to buy a drink if it's a cash bar. And other guests may rather pay than have no bar. This is one of the points I'm trying to make: you can't please everyone. So the bride and groom have to do what's best for them and their budget.
Of course you aren't obligated to *buy* a drink. My only point is, your guest shouldn't need to open their wallet at your wedding you invite them to (and hosted a reception to thank them for their support and coming). If someone is that unpleased that there isn't alcohol at a wedding, then they may have a drinking problem or I would just rather not have them there. you can do what is best for you and your budget without treating guests poorly. It is simple etiquette.
That's your opinion tho. Some people think it's poor etiquette not to give people the option. I do agree with you that if people can't come and enjoy your day without alcohol, they don't need to be there.
@emmaaa They begged for a cash bar because an open bar was not an option and they knew that. I could NOT afford it. So it was cash bar or no bar. They didn't realize they could go out to the bar and order drinks tho.
My mistake, I misunderstood your post.
As a guest, I would honestly rather have no bar than have a cash bar at a place I'm a guest at.
But as a guest you're not obligated to buy a drink if it's a cash bar. And other guests may rather pay than have no bar. This is one of the points I'm trying to make: you can't please everyone. So the bride and groom have to do what's best for them and their budget.
Of course you aren't obligated to *buy* a drink. My only point is, your guest shouldn't need to open their wallet at your wedding you invite them to (and hosted a reception to thank them for their support and coming). If someone is that unpleased that there isn't alcohol at a wedding, then they may have a drinking problem or I would just rather not have them there. you can do what is best for you and your budget without treating guests poorly. It is simple etiquette.
That's your opinion tho. Some people think it's poor etiquette not to give people the option. I do agree with you that if people can't come and enjoy your day without alcohol, they don't need to be there.
We're just going to have to disagree on this one it seems!
I personally don't understand big, elaborate weddings. Why would you spend so much money on one day, to make everyone else happy? Weddings are suppose to be about you and your SO, without worrying about anyone else, or inconvienincing anyone else. DH and I were planning a big wedding, paying for t 100% and listening and worrying about everyone's options. We said screw it. Eloped at a local, gorgeous brewery, for free, without telling anyone. We had our photographer there. DH zipped up my dress, help me put on my shoes, bustled my dress and it was amazing. Our photographer was crying. We didn't have to worrying about anyone else, but us. We had a backyard BBQ later that summer to celebrate and everyone kept telling us how much they wish they eloped and did what we did. Just my thoughts.
Stuck in box...
Why do you care how much money anyone spends on their wedding? My parents gifted us a lot of money because they (and we) wanted a big party with all our friends and family. It was awesome. Would not change a thing. And it made both us AND everyone else very happy. I would not have liked getting married the way you did - without my loved ones around? That would have sucked for me. I'm glad it worked for you, though.
On the topic of cash bars. I'll share what we did. we had a concern with several invited people consuming too much alcohol, so we compromised between cash and open bar. We provided the drinks for cocktail hour, as well as wine for dinner and 2 drink tickets. That way guests could easily enjoy drinks, of their choosing and then if they wished to drink more the tickets were $2. Of course non alcoholic drinks were free.
I think it's okay to cut some corners. I did a lot of DIY and skipped a few things I felt weren't critical to the comfort and overall enjoyment of our guests.
In Manitoba, guests give cash as gifts at a wedding. I have never been to a wedding or heard of one where anyone brought gifts. I think a cash bar is a no-no, but if you are doing one, mention it on the invite so guests are not caught off guard. When I go to a wedding I write a cheque and I factor in the meal, entertainment and drinks. If I get to the wedding and it is only finger foods and a cash bar, I wouldn't be very happy. Our parents gave us $5,000 and we spent $10,000 on our wedding and we broke even at the end of it. Our goal was to not go into debt because of the wedding. No one should start married life with a huge bill. There were definitely things I rented that I did not need to and could have saved us money. Some of the very small details that you really enjoy, no one else will notice. So save yourself some money and really think of the must-have and can-live-without details.
Re: What's your opinion on "saving money" weddings?
I think there has to be a balance when you get married. Yes, it's your day, but if you are inviting guests, then I would hope that they are important enough to you to merit your attention and concern. If budget is a serious restraint, keep the guest list small and close, or if you and your circle are able/willing to DIY stuff and/or get hitched in the backyard (like all my mom's siblings did) go for it. If you go this route, try not to abuse the kindness of friends and family.
ETA: my older sister had a pretty DIY wedding that put a lot of pressure on my family in the days leading up. An uncle's fridge holding food for the reception lost temperature, there was a lot of scrambling, and my grandma went into severe congestive heart failure and was hospitalized during the ceremony, in part due to running around baking dessert. So I really really didn't want to put my family through that again. They were also renovating their house so were asking for Home Depot gift cards since they really didn't need traditional registry stuff, and people were happy to give them what they actually needed. I think there is nothing wrong in registering for something like honeymoon or house fund, though it is nice to at least have a small registry for the really traditional folks. My sister registered for some china that she really loved and hardly anything else.
I'm all for cutting corners, but not at the expense of your guests. Your job as bride and groom is to be a good host to your guests. Even though it's "your day" your guests are choosing to share that day with you.
There are a lot of opinions on what are acceptable ways to cut costs, but a simple Google search will let you know which ones most folks are offended by. I'd steer clear of those, personally. What you want to do, however, is your business!
Baby GIRL born 9/16/201
BFP! EDD 8/1/2019 CP 4w2d
So googling doesn't always work. Ever corner that I had to cut I either gave my guests a heads up or asked their opinion to get a feel for the response. And then made the decision that was best for us and our budget. You can't please everyone and people are not obligated to come. And as long as you don't make a stink about people who can't (or don't want) to come because of budget restrictions, then you're fine.
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
As a guest, I would honestly rather have no bar than have a cash bar at a place I'm a guest at.
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
we had a concern with several invited people consuming too much alcohol, so we compromised between cash and open bar. We provided the drinks for cocktail hour, as well as wine for dinner and 2 drink tickets. That way guests could easily enjoy drinks, of their choosing and then if they wished to drink more the tickets were $2. Of course non alcoholic drinks were free.
I think it's okay to cut some corners. I did a lot of DIY and skipped a few things I felt weren't critical to the comfort and overall enjoyment of our guests.