Questions for moms who have experienced a loss

mihalchik · March 2016

i had a miscarriage back in July and now I'm 13 weeks along but I can't help but worry and every ache pain or discomfort. I know that's not healthy either. Any tips or tricks that helped you through being pregnant after a loss?

crispy11 · March 2016

Every Monday there is a check in for women who are pregnant after a loss. I had a loss in between my girls. I haven't been commenting in that thread much but I imagine it's a great source of support.

crispy11 · March 2016

I am weeks past my early loss with two ultrasounds and reassuring chromosomal testing, but especially in the early days I just tried to concentrate on the fact that I am pregnant now and I will enjoy this for now. I kept reminding myself that there is nothing I could do to affect the outcome of this pregnancy so I tried to relax and enjoy it... But that didn't stop me from peeing of sticks like a crazy person!

missfoxyleide · March 2016

I experienced a loss back in August and I've worried a lot, too. I would freak out if my nausea went away for a couple of days or if I felt little cramps...what helped me was just taking it one day at a time and the support from friends and here.

linzandjer11 · March 2016

Check out the Pregnant after Loss board, too. There are some great tips about anxiety and a supportive group of women.

mihalchik · March 2016

linzandjer11 said:

Check out the Pregnant after Loss board, too. There are some great tips about anxiety and a supportive group of women.

Thank you so much ! I'll Definatly check it out

hey_clever_girl · March 2016

I had a miscarriage in 2007 and a healthy pregnancy in 2009 and am almost 12 weeks pregnant right now. I had a scare early in this pregnancy with spotting and a little cramping. I was convinced this LO wasn't going to make it. With my daughter, I did my best to realize that it was out of my control. I did everything right my first pregnancy, and I still lost the baby. For some reason, that helped me. With this baby I tried to do the same. I would also take time each day and repeat to myself, "Safe and healthy. Safe and healthy." While thinking of my baby growing and thriving. It's hard, mama. Sending you lots of calm vibes and good thoughts!

VeraMali · March 2016

I've had miscarriages before but my most recent one was on Halloween. We were not planning on getting pregnant again so fast and it has been a complete shock. I didn't have time to grieve the lost baby before I was pregnant again. I've mostly been too numb from shock to be anxious this time but I've had my moments. For me the most important thing was support from my husband, if you can't breakdown and talk about it with your significant other then that needs to be priority.

miam4 · March 2016

I just try to keep as positive as possible. My loss was 15 years ago and it still hurts me! I was young and had no support. So, with DD I was freaking out! Really...
This time, I am trying my best to think that my first son was just sent from God to show me that I could love someone without knowing him/her and that I would have to learn a lot about faith.
Having that said... it will hunt you regardless because it is a lot of emotions involved... but if you keep strong and positive it will help a lot!!

Best wishes!

fiorip · March 2016

It took therapy for me to stop blaming myself, I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't leave the house, I couldn't stop crying every single day. it didn't seem real to me, I was 22 weeks. Looking back on it now, the best you can do is enjoy everyday and pray for the best. You can't control what will happen, you can't stop what comes. I'm taking this pregnancy one day at a time and enjoying everyday, everyday I'm still pregnant is a blessing. I learned worrying is not gonna help so embrace every moment.

SuperFudge00 · March 2016

Easier said than done, but I let it go.

tinypikachu · March 2016

I had a loss the month before I got pregnant this time around. It really shook me to the core, I started having panic attacks after my loss and was eventually medicated. When I got pregnant again, I was anxious about it, I didn't let myself get excited and I resorted to just consciously pretending it wasn't true, just so I didn't think about every little thing. I spotted twice, the second time it was bright red and on the same day that I had spotting with my loss so my anxiety got worse. I've been seeing a psychologist since my loss and he saw how anxious I was and helped me meditate. It wasn't until things got further along and I got a home doppler that I started letting go of the stress. I had 5 ultrasounds in my first trimester because I was so anxious and my doctor's office obviously knew about my loss and history with depression. Now, I'll get anxious every now and then and I'll check the heartbeat with the doppler and that makes me feel better.

It also helped talking to other mothers about what is normal and what isn't. My SIL told me she would get stronger cramps in early pregnancy than with her period, so I knew not to worry about that too much unless there was bleeding. I was lucky and only had cramps until 5 weeks but I still get twinges of pain almost every day and that's completely normal too! I'm 12w5d and having the second trimester just around the corner also makes me feel better.

ETA: a doppler might be a good idea if you feel it would help. I don't use it every day, only when I have a lot of fear or anxiety and it helps so much. If I feel in my PGAL brain that something I did might harm baby, I listen to the heartbeat a couple of days later so I can calm down. Being pregnant after a loss is never easy, you never get that carefree pregnancy that a lot of women get but I'm starting to let go more and let my body and baby do what they need to do.

ahackett1990 · March 2016

I had 2 miscarriages before this pregnancy. I'm further along than I ever got before but the anxiety is still pretty strong. Like PP said, I have to remind myself to be present in the moment and take each day as it comes. Today we are pregnant and that is amazing and provides me with some reassurance. Do you have a good OBGYN or midwife? I changed my OBGYN after my last miscarriage and he is so in tune with my emotions and stress. He has scheduled me for more frequent dopplers and US to help give me piece of mind. Maybe ask yours if they would be willing to see you more often? It can really help calm your nerves and helps time go by quicker knowing you don't have to wait forever for your next appt! Hang in there girl! You're doing awesome

mrsgillham14 · March 2016

I've had 3 miscarriages within the last year. I bought a Doppler so I can hear the heartbeat when I'm having a bad day. I also talked to my ob about my anxiety and she has no problem with me coming in every two weeks for an ultrasound to help my anxiety. I am high risk but they werent doing much extra monitoring until I talked about anxiety.

KarlaMCurry · March 2016

I miscarried back in August. I JUST passed the 12wk 3d mark, when we miscarried last year. I agree with what someone else said - one day at a time! Also, I've been trying not to get too excited or make too many plans, "just in case." I've only told a few close friends and won't be telling anyone else - they'll just have to guess! Self-preservation, I guess. Just being open and honest with my husband about my daily feelings has been helpful, too, and he has been an amazing support. I'm not typically an alarmist, calling my doctor about everything, but there were a couple times I was concerned and decided to call my doctor - don't be afraid to take advantage of their help and expertise.

Shortly after I miscarried, my twin brother and his wife had a stillborn daughter at 36 weeks, which added to the family tragedy. Since I'm close with them, I really felt the loss. I'm high-risk as it is, and all of these factors make me feel like I'm just not safe! I rely on my faith in God, praying, asking that whatever happens I will have the grace and strength to be able to deal with it. Even though I wouldn't want to lose another baby, going through that experience brought me closer to my husband, helped me relate to and sympathize with other people going through the same situation.

Hope that helps! Good luck.

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