Am I being mean?

dmendo01 · February 2016

So..DH bday is tomorrow and he has had a big weekend in Tulsa (only 2.5 hours away from us) planned since I was pregnant. I stupidly thought "oh she'll be 2 months old it'll be okay" at the time and now I'm second guessing. I'm terrified to get her out of her element here. We have my step children this weekend also. I'm worried about everything to do with the trip. We are supposed to stay with one of DHs friends (who I've never been fond of) and Now that I'm back to work it's like she wants to nurse constantly again when I am home, which is fine but I don't want to feel weird doing it CONSTANTLY at his house or feeling the need to leave. She's also just started her second leap in the wonder weeks so maybe that's why. Anyway im worried we are gonna screw up her sleep schedule also. She's done amazing at night. I'm worried about taking her to restaurants (which she never does well during).

the point is..I told DH to take the kids and enjoy their weekend and I'd stay home with Lyncoln. Which breaks my heart because will be the first birthday since we've been together we won't celebrate together and I feel so guilty, and also a little left out

. Just wanting to see if you guys think I should just suck it up and try to go and make the best of it for DH? I'm afraid I won't enjoy myself at all due to worrying about everything!

groovylocks · February 2016

*long sigh*

I don't know.

The Ryan Reynolds in me would say "hell no. You just pushed a person out of you. You are totally entitled to be totally entitled right now" (Seriously, why did i NOT marry him thought?)

The my husband in me would say "Hell yes, you told him to go, he's been looking forward to this for months and if the tables were turned, what would YOU want?" (Actually MY husband would say something like 'Owell.. your problem i guess. Because i'm doing whatever i want to do because ME" - seriously why did i not marry Ryan Reynolds? - but that's what he'd MEAN, I think.)

The Groovylocks in me would hum and haw and tell you why not go? Because honestly, if you're staying somewhere for a couple days, you'll have your own room for nursing in/getting away from host in. And the perfect excuse for having alone time away from the host AND avoiding any social engagements that are too taxing for the noob. She would also tell you that both wanting to go and wanting to stop your husband from going AND wanting him to go with the other kids and have fun are all equally valid feelings. She'd tell you to choose the course of action that feels right.

She'd then apologize because her reply was no real help at all.

angelicac06 · February 2016

That's a tough one. I don't think you're being mean though. All the points you have made are very valid. How your going back to work? How is LO and the caregiver doing?

oregonmommy-2 · February 2016

I say you should go. My son is two months old and we just took him on his first over night trip away from home. Of course I packed his rock n play and pack n play and everything else he uses so he felt as much at home as possible. And he did great!!! I mean I don't think he even cried once!! 5 hour drive and all! But my husband and I take him to do whatever it is we are doing.. Restaurants, fishing, the beach, friends house, you name it...

Also, when it comes to my husband (I have always babied him and taken care of him) I try to make sure I do everything to treat him the same as I did before the baby came. And actually now that our little is getting older my husband and I feel like things are the way they were before baby came.. Just with this cute little guy along with us!

dmendo01 · February 2016

@groovylocks I know right? Damn that Blake Lively. Ryan Reynolds would understand! Haha. DH does understand I just hope he doesn't have his feelings hurt about it like I feel like I would. Part of me does want to just go but then I wonder if I'll be spending the weekend regretting that decision.

@angelicac06 they have actually been doing really well! Monday was rough for both of them but the other days went very well. She slept 3 hours straight at the sitter Tuesday! She has never even done that at home! And work has been so busy I haven't had time to worry which is probably a good thing.

@katielwells that's awesome he did so well! Yes I would definitely take her sound machine and RNP! She is just a little more on the..uhm, high maintenance side? Ha..she even hates the car seat. I just keep going back and forth and you know really, every time I worry about taking her somewhere or doing something with her I am pleasantly surprised at how well she does most of the time.

spottedginger · February 2016

i would suck it up and go. It sounds liken he's really excited about it and has been planning for a long time. As long as you will have a room with a door for you and the baby in a non- smoking house, you can haul everything else you need. two and a half hours isn't so far. If it was a five or six hour ride for two days, I'd probably feel differently.

RSB1982 · February 2016

I would go, although I totally understand your hesitation. Babies are hard enough to manage at our own houses so I don't blame you for wanting to stay home. Usually the things in life that I have dreaded doing are not so bad once I'm actually doing them, if that makes sense. It's all in my mind about how awful something is going to be. You may find that its actually nice to get out of the house and get in touch with your pre-baby self.

celainev · February 2016

Do it!! I want to add that I actually think it's good for baby to get out of his/her element every once and a while. I take my LO out often and he actually is better when we are out. You might find that baby is better behaved when outside of your home (might... Haha.)

blended10 · February 2016

You are def not being mean. The things we think are doable before the baby gets here may just not be once the actual baby arrives.
That said I took my lo to a much needed girls weekend. Although she fussed it really was nbd & I was so glad I went. It actually gave me a boost of confidence to keep getting out with her!

ramfam2507 · February 2016

Do it! Go! If they're annoying you, you have the perfect excuse to get away from them to feed the baby. Even if it's not time to feed, just escape for some cuddles and piece of mind.

Also, I find my LO behaves better out of the house. Probably because it's a new place for him with new ceilings fans to stare at.

misamima · February 2016

I would go, just to get used to going out of my comfort zone. LO would be a perfect excuse to leave a room if people start annoying you. Enjoy yourself, and make sure to not have any expectations with LO's sleep and behavior.

elbou · February 2016

The other posters have made great points. I just wanted to add (if you haven't already decided) that I'm getting the feeling that this is the first trip you would be doing with her, and if that's the case, I think it's better to just take the plunge.

For me at least, I was never truly ready for the first anything, so it was better to just do and get it over with than to think/worry about it for an extended period. The first time was always the hardest, and it didn't matter if my baby was 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years. The second time was easier than the first, the third time was easier than the second, and so on.

suchaglencoco · February 2016

I agree you should go. He's excited and I'm sure it's worse in your head than it will actually be.
We did a 2 hour drive and over night with our twins and I was terrified. They slept amazingly in their new surrounding and it was way better than I thought it could be.

TomekiaB · February 2016

We try to do all the smaller outings we can in hopes that DS will learn gradually how to adapt to different situations and environments because honestly I'm afraid of getting my child into a routine that is like being on house arrest.

dmendo01 · February 2016

Thanks for all of the comments! I think I will go and make the best of it! I do just need to take the plunge because we are supposed to go somewhere again next month so I need to see how she will do anyway. Hopefully my worries will ease once we get going.

Eta - I'll let you guys know how it goes.

kdoak2015 · February 2016

I personally say go, push yourself outside your comfort zone. I think it'll be good for all of you.
I haven't been comfortable doing much with DD since she's been born but I'm starting to push myself. We went to the mall today, did some shopping, I carried her around for a while, we BF in public and it was all perfectly fine. She's actually and angel when she's stimulated and sleeps well after.

cariton · February 2016

I personally think you should do what you think is best for baby and your sanity... I've been having a hard times with waves of people coming and staying to visit so I cannot even imagine going away a weekend! I think all your reasons are legit and LO is 2 months old and you just went back to work.. I'd take advantage a cuddle up to baby for some much needed alone time. But that's just me ☺️

acastl24 · February 2016

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I wouldn't go. I would have a hard time sending SO without me, especially for his birthday, but if that's what it took for him to get his trip and me to have my sanity (as well as for my daughter to be comfortable when she's had SO many things making her uncomfortable -that's another story that's pretty specific to my situation, though-) then that's what would happen. I'm not a big fan of change and routine has been a life saver for my daughter while we figure out her stomach issues. I made one trip out of town with her at 3 weeks old, 2.5 hours away, and it messed her up so badly. She screamed for two days afterwards, had horrible gas and diarrhea, and was pretty much inconsolable and impossible to deal with. I WILL NOT repeat that experience until she's older and the trip is easier on her. That much time in a car seat is hard on their little bodies. I know she's very sore for the day even after just an hour to Walmart and back.

Maybe I'm just overprotective though.

dmendo01 · February 2016

Well I did come and so far so good. This little monkey slept 9 hours for the first time last night in a crazy plot twist haha. So hopefully the rest of the weekend follows suit.

rmarie13 · February 2016

@dmendo01 glad you went! I think the more we take our LOs out and the more we socialize them the better, for them and us. Hope the rest of the trip is great

oregonmommy-2 · February 2016

I agree @rmarie13 my husband and I take our baby everywhere. And he is so adaptable and easy because of it.

dmendo01 · February 2016

Just updating to say that the weekend went very well and Lyncoln did surprise me with how well she did. We went to eat 3 times and she did amazing and slept just as well and sometimes better than she did at home! So thanks to you guys who encouraged me to go I am really glad I did. She did have a couple moments of fussiness as expected but she was seriously a trooper for 95% of the weekend.

spottedginger · February 2016

Yay!!! Good work, mama!

rmarie13 · February 2016

So happy it went well! I'm sure it was a great time for your whole family

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