Admittedly, I've always said "as long as it's healthy" . It was never meant as anything but a hopeful expression and not meant to be conditional, but after reading that article and hearing you ladies, I'll be removing that phrase completely from the conversation.
Along the lines of the Game of Thrones comments, my UO is that I think watching paint dry is more entertaining than Downton Abbey. I used to watch it until one night, the hour long plot revolved around whether the Granthams should buy a record player. And I thought, "why am I doing this to myself?"
@Ssoccerball - we loved Downton for a few seasons. Then the DVR suddenly had like 6 episodes on it because we always chose other shows to watch instead of it, and realized that we were way too bored to keep going. I miss the characters, but not the lack of plot movement at times.
@marajay6 explained my sentiments exactly. And I understand where you're coming from @AlwaysAuntNeverMom . For me there's no "as long as".. for you, if there is and if those words are truly what you're meaning then that's ok too! I faced some childhood illnesses but they did not have lasting effects on my life or on my family and otherwise have a pretty healthy family history. For me, my opinion is coming from a place of ignorance to the struggles of health issues and perhaps that's why I hope for health but will never say "as long as" because that implies a clause, or a catch to wanting the baby in my mind (not necessarily in anyone else's)
I just think that people say "as long as" for three reasons: 1. Either they're stumped and don't know what to say when someone tells them that they don't care what the sex is, 2. Because that's the typical phrase that people have used for decades (probably more) and they don't really think of the "as long as" as a clause and are simply wishing you well, and 3. They really are implying a clause and think you should only have healthy, "perfect-in-their-eyes" kids. I'm #2.
I don't mind the wording because I know most people that say that are simply saying it to wish me well as I am one to hate it and bite back when someone tells me "I hope it's a boy!" (This is our first and my sexist family thinks all firsts should be boys, ugh). I think, "I don't care if it's a boy or girl as long as it's healthy" because that's really all I'm wishing for, that it's healthy. If it's not, I will care because I will be sad for the potential suffering my child could undergo, but I will be sad briefly because they will always be perfect. I guess it really is splitting hairs.
And I understand where @AlwaysAuntNeverMomis coming from - many people do see it as a well wish. But I think when you hear it frequently enough and know that your child isn't "healthy," it starts to sink in - that those who live with disabilities aren't as valuable to society as a whole, and I think that is a shame.
@ElcaB I completely agree with you and it's crazy that it's not the norm at all! I work at a school and the kids roll up to my office texting in 3rd grade! Imagine when our kids are that age...
@AlwaysAuntNeverMom- I think you've articulated your feelings on it really well, and it is most certainly splitting hairs. I whole-heartedly believe most people are in camp 1 or 2 of your options. Although I will continue not to say those words about my own baby or others, I totally respect your thoughtful use of the words and continuing to do so.
Here's another one inspired by a conversation in my workplace: I understand having and loving a pet, but do not try to honestly convince others that your dog is smarter than an honor student. Maybe people have the bumper stickers as a joke - but this woman is saying this in earnest. Do we necessarily know an animal's full intelligence? We do not, but I think it's safe to say that human brain development is superior, regardless of how adorable or how many tricks you've taught your dog to do.
I know this may seem old-fashioned, but I think it's absurd for children under the age of 15/16 to have cell phones.
omg YES! My BIL is 11 and he has an Iphone6 and an Iwatch. I try my best to be quiet but I couldn't help myself and asked MIL why in the hell he has all that if he a child??? She said "oh for safety!" WHAAAAAAT???? That's exactly the opposite of safety for me. But he is not my child, he is only DH's little brother and I don't want to get involved because I don't want her to put her nose the way I raise my children. I just told DH "I hope she does not bring those technology ideas to our children". I understand that kids nowadays have access to much more technology than we did, but WTF. He just want to have the new one to show off at school...
I know this may seem old-fashioned, but I think it's absurd for children under the age of 15/16 to have cell phones.
omg YES! My BIL is 11 and he has an Iphone6 and an Iwatch. I try my best to be quiet but I couldn't help myself and asked MIL why in the hell he has all that if he a child??? She said "oh for safety!" WHAAAAAAT???? That's exactly the opposite of safety for me. But he is not my child, he is only DH's little brother and I don't want to get involved because I don't want her to put her nose the way I raise my children. I just told DH "I hope she does not bring those technology ideas to our children". I understand that kids nowadays have access to much more technology than we did, but WTF. He just want to have the new one to show off at school...
@miam4No, just no. The Iphone6 is not for 'his safety.' It's to keep him occupied. A flip phone, that has minutes on it to call home or grandma or 911 when/if needed? THAT is for safety.
Going along with this - my UO is that no child should have a tablet, iPad, iPhone, whatever, 'babysitting' them at the dinner table. It absolutely infuriates me to be at a public restaurant, see mom, dad, the kids, aunt, uncle, and grandma all out to dinner and the kids face deep in an iPad with earbuds in. Only to participate in the table when the food comes and then immediately putting the earbuds back in (if they even took them out at all). Whatever happened to respecting and interacting with your elders? When we were little, we ate and participated with the adults like normal people having dinner. If we couldn't handle it, got loud or whatever, our parents took us outside and dealt with it. One time it meant my dad took me all the way home and straight to bed. It mean missing out on my favorite dessert, but guess what? I never did that again!
@LakeR2014 - I 100% agree with you about kids and tablets at the table. My kids are 5 and 3 and have yet to have any kind of electronic device while at a table/restaurant. They also don't get them in the car (except when we make long trips - over 3 hours). I don't understand the need to have their faces in a screen at all times. It's ok to do something other than watch tv or a play a video game! They need to learn to occupy themselves sometimes.
@LakeR2014 You know what irritates me more than a kid with his/her nose in a tablet at a restaurant? When they are doing it at the zoo, aquarium, children's museum, ect. What's the point of taking your kid on an outing if they're going to be dinking on a tablet the whole time?
I don't give my daughter my phone when we're at restaurants but I've considered it. She's horrible at restaurants. So...we just don't go out to eat wit her.
@LakeR2014 You know what irritates me more than a kid with his/her nose in a tablet at a restaurant? When they are doing it at the zoo, aquarium, children's museum, ect. What's the point of taking your kid on an outing if they're going to be dinking on a tablet the whole time?
I'm going to go against the anti-tablet at a restaurant. My son is 1, we have not gotten to a point where a tablet would entertain him.. but if pre-meal while waiting for food he wanted to a watch a kid show or play an educational game while my husband and I had a nice conversation I wouldn't be ashamed to let him do so. There's times now that he gets a bit fussy and I wish there was an easy distraction because honestly there are times that I just want a quick fix and to enjoy myself rather than teaching him a lesson. I agree that at certain ages I would remove the child from the restaurant and not allow them to stay if being disruptive but at this age? I don't want to punish MYSELF because my child needs some extra stimulation beyond what waiting for food is offering him.
I'm not a perfect mom, but I also try not to judge others who are doing what works for them. A child having a tablet is in no way harming you or your family, let them do them and you do you.
When I was a child I remember having those paper and pens to draw with tho, and puzzles. Those were the things my parents gave us to keep ourselves occupied while waiting for the food. So I don't see an issue with playing on a phone while waiting for food, even tho I would choose not to with my kids.
I don't like the phone and tablet for another reason tho, because most of the time they don't have earbuds, and hearing the noise is really irritating and not very respectful to others.
35 years old, TTC #1 Dec 28, 2011 PCOS, Hypothyroidism.
First IVF cycle June 5th 2015 --- BFP Miscarriage at 8 weeks
FET December 15th 2015--- BFP! First saw at 6w4d It's a boy!
Luciano Alessandro Maximiliano was born on September 3rd 2016
@marajay6- ok.. now maybe i'm judging people who buy that!! hahahaha, that is extreme. The definition of letting a tablet babysit your kid. Oh that's hilarious.. I can't wait to read these customer reviews to see who buys this thing!
@marajay6 - ok.. now maybe i'm judging people who buy that!! hahahaha, that is extreme. The definition of letting a tablet babysit your kid. Oh that's hilarious.. I can't wait to read these customer reviews to see who buys this thing!
1 star: Fisher-Price missed a golden design opportunity: if they had made the
seat out of mesh and put a potty underneath, and added a bottle holder,
parents wouldn't have to touch their infants at all.
@AnnaS930 We have one app in particular that DD likes, and she loves watching Disney Junior clips on YouTube. We've never given her our phones or the tablet at a restaurant, though. I just don't want to start the habit then try to have to break it when she gets bigger. As I said, I'm more against tablet use in situations where you're out specifically doing a kid oriented activity. But I could see the restaurant use kind of being a "gateway".
Some of you would probably side eye the ish out of me for the amount of TV time my daughter gets. But it allows me to make myself look presentable in the morning (otherwise, she's lately been trying to crawl back into my uterus) and just veg out on days that I'm alone with her while my husband is working a gazillion hours. But she's a healthy, thriving almost three year old and we do plenty of non-TV related activities so I'm ok with it.
My UO is along the same lines of the phones for kids. I hate when parents are sick of dealing with their children so they give them a tablet or whatever to play on. I'm sorry, no. Yes technology is wonderful, but I wouldn't want my kids to be completely dependable on it, or have it be a replacement for some actual parenting. I was in the doctors office the other day and this kid was throwing a complete tantrum because his mom wouldn't let him play with her iPhone, so she finally caved and gave it to him... Seriously? I get being frustrated and maybe you just want some peace and quiet, but to me it's lazy. Parent your child, give them some discipline. Technology shouldn't be a cop out.
My UO is along the same lines of the phones for kids. I hate when parents are sick of dealing with their children so they give them a tablet or whatever to play on. I'm sorry, no. Yes technology is wonderful, but I wouldn't want my kids to be completely dependable on it, or have it be a replacement for some actual parenting. I was in the doctors office the other day and this kid was throwing a complete tantrum because his mom wouldn't let him play with her iPhone, so she finally caved and gave it to him... Seriously? I get being frustrated and maybe you just want some peace and quiet, but to me it's lazy. Parent your child, give them some discipline. Technology shouldn't be a cop out.
The child was tantruming in public. I probably would've done the same thing. Some battles are not worth fighting, especially in public.
@camichael84- I can agree with you on the outings/activities being times that a phone/tablet is inappropriate. At this age it's hard to say what I will/won't do, but for now going out to dinner is much more for my husband and I than it is for the little dude, so I can picture letting him zone us out for a bit until food arrives.
I love it being a gateway electronic usage.
I will say that my 4 year old nephew is an electronics LOVER. Has always just loved TV even when only allowed limited time and any phone/tablet that he can play with, but he is very respectable and knows he will not get to use it if he complains/has a tantrum or any of the above. It's much more a reward than a silencer. I was concerned early on with how much he just obsessed over electronics, but he's a wicked smart, social, well-adjusted kiddo so far. That has certainly quelled my own fears.
Eh...I let my 15 month old play on my iPad. That's how I know about that baby seat that holds the iPad - I saw the ad on a Fisher Price app. And he always goes for my phone if I leave it in his reach. He only gets to play with electronics when he is sitting on my lap or DH's lap - mostly so he won't throw it on the floor when he's done with it. It's only a few more bites every couple of days. I am quite amazed at how well he does with it - he is pretty smart.
@marajay6- 14 monther here and he loves to scroll through pictures (of himself) on my phone. I think it's really cute. He gets to look at my phone for maybe 2 minutes each evening and then he loses interest. He loves pushing the button on the iPad, I'm constantly hearing Siri say "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that" when Emmett crawls over to the side table its on. Like, come on Siri - you can't decode baby babble??
I think when it comes to electronic devices, I think moderation is key, like most things. Also it really depends on the context of the situation. I don't think the dinner table is an appropriate place, but if we are in a quiet waiting room I don't have a problem with it. I certainly wouldn't judge a mom I don't know from across the room if she gives in over one temper tantrum. In situations like that I think you do what works rather than having to to drag your kid out of the room to discipline them privately. I sympathize with any mother who is handling a tantrum in public.
My 6 year old has a son and I don't think it's weird at all. Granted I don't text very much and so far, neither does he. At this point, he primarily uses his phone for finding more information on subjects of interest -- we'll be reading something on minerals, he'll see the word "corundum," so I'll suggest he dump that into google, wikipedia, or one of our other more kid-level resources. It's been fantastic for him learning how to read and type.
I was on a computer when I was 5, and imho phones are the new equivalent or at the very least an introduction to tech. I think learning how to type super-early and having to be self-sufficient when it came to fixing my own devices has helped me immeasurably in my personal and professional life. I can fix about whatever you throw at me and I can do it across different operating systems, I know bash, networking, etc., and I wouldn't trade those skills for anything. I guide him here and there but he knows how to update and do basic troubleshooting for himself.
My hope is that the phone will have his interest piqued enough that he'll start getting more into his laptop and start voiding warranties like mom and dad.
September '16 - May Signature Challenge Awkward Family Fun
Isn't it shocking how well we can all voice opinions, especially when they differ, and the whole thread doesn't blow up? We must be disappointing the lurkers today...
I hate the word "silly". It makes me cringe. As a teacher and a mom, I feel obligated to use it instead of saying "stop acting like a f*cking imbecile". Que sera.
I'm with you on this word and the word "kiddos." Being a teacher as well, I hate when other teachers refer to their students as that. Drives me crazy!!
I think that in general it depends on what the kids are doing on the screen (though as a first-timer here, I'm certainly not claiming to be an expert!) My high school students definitely don't know how to use their tech wisely, but it can be great for hand-eye coordination, creative exploration, and other development. With that said, I'll just leave this here
@yellowrose314 you will be surprised what you will do to stop a tantrum. It's seriously the worst. You can't properly discipline your child in public. There's way too much going on. You can't put them in a time out. It's so much harder than you think.
@Thurstobertay you aren't the first person to recommend those books to me. I think I will have to try them. Actually I think I saw them at the library and was wondering about them. I agree with you on the game of throne books. That last book was so hard to finish. He's such an annoying writer. Like "I have all the power so I'm going to kill everyone just because I can."
@JLmama118 I think the thing of it is that at least the sleep you are getting is good sleep and you aren't in constant discomfort / pain.
Married 6-1-13 Sebastian 3-11-14 Simon 5-2-15 Baby #3 Due 9-29-16
My UO is along the same lines of the phones for kids. I hate when parents are sick of dealing with their children so they give them a tablet or whatever to play on. I'm sorry, no. Yes technology is wonderful, but I wouldn't want my kids to be completely dependable on it, or have it be a replacement for some actual parenting. I was in the doctors office the other day and this kid was throwing a complete tantrum because his mom wouldn't let him play with her iPhone, so she finally caved and gave it to him... Seriously? I get being frustrated and maybe you just want some peace and quiet, but to me it's lazy. Parent your child, give them some discipline. Technology shouldn't be a cop out.
Are you a FTM? Have you ever been in this situation? I ask because yes, before I had kids I probably would've had a similar opinion. Fast forward to today and 2 kids later, I've learned sometimes choosing your battles is necessary and if I'm stuck in a waiting room with a very active toddler who doesn't quite understand that it isn't socially acceptable to not throw a fit at the Doctor's office, I'm probably going to do whatever I need to do to keep my kid and everyone else in the waiting room sane. As a parent in this situation, either way you're going to be judged. Give the child what he wants to keep him quiet? You're spoiling him and you're a lazy parent. Don't give in and let him scream? You have no control over your child and should leave the office and reschedule the appointment (unrealistic and inconvenient). Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get through things like appointments with toddlers. Now, at home I would absolutely let my child scream it out to help them learn the lesson of you don't always get what you want. At an appointment though I'm probably going to give my kid what it wants to keep everyone happy.
@marajay6 My DD is 17 months and we've let her play with our phones and tablet since she's been interested in them. She was at about a year exactly for the tablet, much sooner with the phones. I'm not judging anyone for allowing their child to use technology. I just think it has a time and place. That goes for adults as well.
Not having any kids yet I have no idea what I really think about kids with phones/tablets. I know enough to never say never lol. I have no real idea on the 7 and under crowd about tablets at the dinner table but yay I think the 8 and up should be in the conversation. Funny story, I was in line at Chipotle and this dad and two kids were sitting down and I heard him say look at everyone in line they are all on their phones and not talking with anyone. Then literally 2m later I looked over and he was playing on his phone. I was in line with strangers but you are there with your children.
Edit to remove a sentence that was part of a much longer thought that I accidentally left in.
@jhems776- never say neverrrrr. were you the one dreaming of Bieber? I can't seem to remember who that was, if it wasn't you, maybe it will be tonight!
I was recently in the very small, crowded waiting room for my 6-year old's dance class and another mom had her 2-year with her. The 2-year old threw herself on the floor and started wailing at the top of her lungs. The mother decided to use this as a learning opportunity and said, "I'm not going to pick you up...if you want me, you'll need to get up and walk over here." The screaming continued for 20 minutes and I thought I was going to lose my ever-loving mind. The point is, I almost shoved my phone in the kid's face to make her stop screaming. Maybe I'm just old and intolerant, but when my babies were screaming in public, we carried them outside or quickly got the situation under control...we didn't make other people suffer in order to do the "parently" thing. Sometimes the situation can't be helped and you have to rely on strangers to be kind and understanding. But when it CAN be helped...by tablet, or otherwise, I'll choose quiet each and every time.
Re: Unpopular Opinions 2/25
Thank you!
I don't mind the wording because I know most people that say that are simply saying it to wish me well as I am one to hate it and bite back when someone tells me "I hope it's a boy!" (This is our first and my sexist family thinks all firsts should be boys, ugh). I think, "I don't care if it's a boy or girl as long as it's healthy" because that's really all I'm wishing for, that it's healthy. If it's not, I will care because I will be sad for the potential suffering my child could undergo, but I will be sad briefly because they will always be perfect. I guess it really is splitting hairs.
(*Prepares for onslaught of angry backlash.*)
Do we necessarily know an animal's full intelligence? We do not, but I think it's safe to say that human brain development is superior, regardless of how adorable or how many tricks you've taught your dog to do.
WHAAAAAAT???? That's exactly the opposite of safety for me. But he is not my child, he is only DH's little brother and I don't want to get involved because I don't want her to put her nose the way I raise my children. I just told DH "I hope she does not bring those technology ideas to our children".
I understand that kids nowadays have access to much more technology than we did, but WTF. He just want to have the new one to show off at school...
Going along with this - my UO is that no child should have a tablet, iPad, iPhone, whatever, 'babysitting' them at the dinner table. It absolutely infuriates me to be at a public restaurant, see mom, dad, the kids, aunt, uncle, and grandma all out to dinner and the kids face deep in an iPad with earbuds in. Only to participate in the table when the food comes and then immediately putting the earbuds back in (if they even took them out at all). Whatever happened to respecting and interacting with your elders? When we were little, we ate and participated with the adults like normal people having dinner. If we couldn't handle it, got loud or whatever, our parents took us outside and dealt with it. One time it meant my dad took me all the way home and straight to bed. It mean missing out on my favorite dessert, but guess what? I never did that again!
I agree that at certain ages I would remove the child from the restaurant and not allow them to stay if being disruptive but at this age? I don't want to punish MYSELF because my child needs some extra stimulation beyond what waiting for food is offering him.
I'm not a perfect mom, but I also try not to judge others who are doing what works for them. A child having a tablet is in no way harming you or your family, let them do them and you do you.
I don't like the phone and tablet for another reason tho, because most of the time they don't have earbuds, and hearing the noise is really irritating and not very respectful to others.
PCOS, Hypothyroidism.
Miscarriage at 8 weeks
First saw
It's a boy!
The child was tantruming in public. I probably would've done the same thing. Some battles are not worth fighting, especially in public.
I love it being a gateway electronic usage.
I will say that my 4 year old nephew is an electronics LOVER. Has always just loved TV even when only allowed limited time and any phone/tablet that he can play with, but he is very respectable and knows he will not get to use it if he complains/has a tantrum or any of the above. It's much more a reward than a silencer. I was concerned early on with how much he just obsessed over electronics, but he's a wicked smart, social, well-adjusted kiddo so far. That has certainly quelled my own fears.
I was on a computer when I was 5, and imho phones are the new equivalent or at the very least an introduction to tech. I think learning how to type super-early and having to be self-sufficient when it came to fixing my own devices has helped me immeasurably in my personal and professional life. I can fix about whatever you throw at me and I can do it across different operating systems, I know bash, networking, etc., and I wouldn't trade those skills for anything. I guide him here and there but he knows how to update and do basic troubleshooting for himself.
My hope is that the phone will have his interest piqued enough that he'll start getting more into his laptop and start voiding warranties like mom and dad.
Awkward Family Fun
First time mom to a human but have been a puppy mamma for over 12 years
My kids take their tablets into restaurants and play quietly with them while we wait for our food. Otherwise our wait would not be quite at all.
@Thurstobertay you aren't the first person to recommend those books to me. I think I will have to try them. Actually I think I saw them at the library and was wondering about them. I agree with you on the game of throne books. That last book was so hard to finish. He's such an annoying writer. Like "I have all the power so I'm going to kill everyone just because I can."
@JLmama118 I think the thing of it is that at least the sleep you are getting is good sleep and you aren't in constant discomfort / pain.
Sebastian 3-11-14
Simon 5-2-15
Baby #3 Due 9-29-16
Edit to remove a sentence that was part of a much longer thought that I accidentally left in.