Telling Work/Boss

guitarra1614 · February 2016

Hi Ladies,

I am telling my boss tomorrow that I am pregnant. I am 11.5 weeks and I am starting to show. I also just had a huge success at work, so I thought it would be a great opportunity. I am planning on letting her know that I will be working through to pretty much my due date, and then taking at least 12 weeks off.

I thought I was ready... but now I am really nervous. Any tips? When is everyone else planning to tell their work place?

blondie080300 · February 2016

No tips but good luck! I will probably also tell around 11.5 weeks after we hear the heartbeat on Monday. I am between that or the beginning of week 13 (I am 10 weeks now).

PSUBecky23 · February 2016

Already told around eight weeks. Couldn't avoid happy hour any longer. It's always way more intimidating than it needs to be. Good luck.

Tennis11785 · February 2016

I guess I'm fortunate as I have the flexibility to tell my boss whenever. I don't work in a job that would require me to tell her right away (like I don't move heavy things or work with chemicals). My boss isn't based in my state, so I don't have to worry about showing (although the other people in my office who work for a different department of the same company might notice). With all that said, I'll probably tell her somewhere between 12 and 15 weeks. Our tentative timeline is to tell extended family (I'm ridiculously close to my aunts and uncles) around week 12, and then friends around week 13. Prob tell work sometime in there.

mamadomino · February 2016

I told my new boss at a job I haven't even started yet. I wasn't planning on telling until after the first tri but then I found out I'm having twins and there is the potential it's going to be a complicated pregnancy. He took it really well!

Tippy05 · February 2016

***TW***

I'll be telling sometime after week 12, our next scan. I told my boss early last time, around 8 weeks and we ended up having a mc so it was good that he knew. He was pretty supportive while I was out so I shouldn't be nervous to tell him, but I am. I've got a couple more weeks to go before I really have to worry about it.

Like @Tennis11785, I don't work with my boss on a daily basis so he doesn't have to know right away.

ElcaB · February 2016

I told my boss at 11.5 weeks and plan to share with the rest of the office at 14 weeks.

Seriously, don't sweat it. It's exciting news!

AnnaS930 · February 2016

I told my boss at the end of last week (11.5 weeks) and announced to all of work today (day after our 12 week appointment). I think you tell whenever you're comfortable. With my boss I keep things light-hearted. He was very happy for us and the rest of work is thrilled. It helps that I brought in donuts today for the announcement.

eboyd83 · February 2016

I'm not going to tell my boss. I don't have to. I work in a call center and the pregnancy doesn't affect my ability to do my job. Obviously at some point they will figure it out and/or I will meet with HR later on to go over maternity leave details and get the paper work for short term disability and fmla.

myjessesgirl · February 2016

I rarely go in to my office, maybe twice a month, so I will likely share at either my next scheduled office time or the one after that. I had planned on waiting longer to tell everyone, but my body decided to disagree with that plan. I even had a nosy patient ask if I was pregnant, so I know that it will be obvious pretty soon. I am always surprised at how well employers take the news, in my own experience as well as others' sharing their experiences. I am usually intimidated by sharing anything health related, but I end up worrying needlessly.

vampirina · February 2016

I plan on telling her until around week 20 - which is apparently MUCH later than everyone else! I figure everyone can think I'm fat and my co-workers (and boss) aren't nosy enough or rude enough to ever ask about it anyway.

I just don't really have a desire to let others know before then. If I could I would hold off telling EVERYONE until around week 20 (or later!).

bunnymay · February 2016

I'm one of five in my office so whe. I was throwing up, they found out. Our parent company/HQ doesn't know yet. I probably won't say anything to HR until I decide if I'm going to stay or leave.

Sporty1216 · February 2016

I told my immediate supervisor at 8 weeks because of the way some scheduling works. I'll tell the next line up after our 12 week appointment next week so that we can get a maternity plan in place with time to spare for making some changes that will affect others. I think how and when you tell is so dependent on the particulars of your work situation. Do what feels best for you!

mjpatzwa · February 2016

Probably won't tell until I start showing obviously. I work from home so I see my boss on work trips to the HQ or at events. I want to tell her in person, but I also know that even though it is illegal, discrimination happens all the time in the form of little things like, "oh, we probably don't want to give her that project right now." etc, etc. My mom basically said-- keep it quiet for as long as possible, do a great job so they have no reason to worry and ALWAYS say you are coming back even if you are on the fence. I'm not on the fence-- I'm coming back-- but that was her advice.

Tippy05 · February 2016

mjpatzwa said:

Probably won't tell until I start showing obviously. I work from home so I see my boss on work trips to the HQ or at events. I want to tell her in person, but I also know that even though it is illegal, discrimination happens all the time in the form of little things like, "oh, we probably don't want to give her that project right now." etc, etc. My mom basically said-- keep it quiet for as long as possible, do a great job so they have no reason to worry and ALWAYS say you are coming back even if you are on the fence. I'm not on the fence-- I'm coming back-- but that was her advice.

I agree. I work in a predominately male environment. i'm the second female to work in my department in my entire zone and the first one that I know of who has gotten pregnant while working here. I'll either get coddled to death or treated like an outcast.

erinkerr13 · February 2016

I have monthly one on ones. My next one is tomorrow and I won't be sharing the news then. I am thinking I will wait until my next one . . . I am 10 weeks now. Everyday I contemplate whether or not to tell my boss though since my morning (all day) sickness makes it hard for me to actually do work and I had to go home yesterday because of it. My DH and I were just talking about this last night. We don't know when to tell anybody. We just finished telling our parents last night and we know when we want to announce to the world. But we don't know when to tell siblings, close friends, bosses, etc. This is baby #1 so we are just figuring it out as we go along.

mandi135 · February 2016

I am going to tell in week 12 sometime. I have a big trial on a Monday that week and I want to get through that without having the whole office stopping in to talk about the baby. I work in a place that's mostly women and they all want more babies because a lot of them have grandkids that don't live nearby or their kids are older.

I'm pretty sure my boss is also pregnant though, possibly a few weeks ahead of me, so if she is and she tells me, I might just tell her then, I'm not sure. She's been eating crackers and drinking ginger ale and is always talking about being tired and has had a lot of personal appointments lately. She was also telling me how many mgs of caffeine were in her tea, and I feel like that is a thing only pregnant women really talk about. Plus I've noticed she's not wearing anything form fitting. I hope she is, otherwise I'm just projecting.

Thurstobertay · February 2016

I told my boss/company at 12 weeks and then some. It's a small company and we've never actually had a pregnant employee, so I figured 1. I should announce before we start playing "is she fat or is she pregnant?" and 2. Lets give them some time to figure out leave, accommodations, etc.

I pulled my boss aside, ripped off the band-aid, and everything went really well.

Good luck! I totally can't blame you for being nervous but it will probably go much better than you expect.

scifichick09 · February 2016

I'll be telling my boss next Thursday, I'll be 10 weeks at that time and will have just heard the heartbeat. Assuming all goes well, I plan to just come in to the office the next day and announce it! There's only me and one other person in my office...so it's not a big deal. But I am super nervous about what kind of maternity leave I'll be working with once we get it all hashed out

That's really the only conversation I'm nervous about. I know my boss will be happy for me....just not sure how much time he'll be willing to give me off...he doesn't really understand that childbirth is kind of a big deal lol.

Prncesta · February 2016

I haven't decided when I'm going to tell my boss. I'm a school teacher so I constantly see her. I'm thinking maybe I'll wait until I start to show and someone asks? Lol I'm 9 weeks now so hopefully I can leave it until at least 12-15 weeks. I'm not showing yet but my clothes are starting to get a bit tight so I'm assuming I'll be showing within the next few weeks...

SarahDarah333 · February 2016

I work two jobs, one early morning part time and the other day to evening full time. I told the part-time boss a couple of weeks ago at 9 weeks, only because I called out a few times and didn't want her to think I was a flake. She was awesome about it, very supportive. My other job, I'm overdue for a raise and I have a feeling she will be weird towards me about it if she knows before hand, even though that's technicallyillegal to deny me a raise because of my being pregnant. I'm hoping to talk to her about the raise next week after the big exhibit opening this weekend (I helped curate and coordinate it, so when it's a smashing success she will be pleased with me for sure). After that, I figure I'll wait until about 3 to 4 weeks to tell her- so I will be at around week 15 or 16 by then.
I'm nervous about telling her for sure- but I am going in armed with a plan- work up to my due date so long as the doctor OKs it, take 2 to 3 months off- two weeks of totally disconnecting and then a month and a half working remotely part time (at a reduced rate if she insists upon it though I'm leaving salary out of the conversation unless she brings it up), and then returning full time. We close for at least two weeks from Christmas to New Year's anyway, so I'b be back full-time after 2 months for just a couple of weeks, so I may just come back in the new year depending on what she says.

Good luck!

guitarra1614 · February 2016

Thanks for the encouragement everyone!! I told my boss and she was really supportive. I still have to figure out when I'm coming back to work, but at least I have one less thing to do!!

geminigirl16 · February 2016

I am happy to hear that it went well when you told your boss!

I am feeling very fearful about telling my manager so I hope mine takes it as well as yours. I am currently 10 weeks and plan to hold off for probably another 4 weeks at least or until I can't hide it any longer.

My work has just gone through major restructuring (let go over 25% of staff) and I made it through the cuts then found out I'm pregnant! I fear that they will do another restructure while I am on leave and tell me I have no job to come back to. Sadly my company has done this in the past to more than one person on parental leave so I know it's a very real possibility and it scares me.

Husband tells me to relax and we will deal with things as they come. I have not told family or friends yet and am feeling stressed and alone at the moment.

Wishing all you ladies good luck as you manage your own work situations. I sure wish it was simpler

scifichick09 · February 2016

@geminigirl16 - your husband sounds like mine. Every time I stress about something he comes back with that exact same response. Ugh. It must be nice to live in a world where you don't stress about anything.

I hope things go well for you, wishing you all the best.

blondie080300 · February 2016

@geminigirl16 Good call on waiting to tell your boss. My best advice to you is to reassure your boss that you love your job and have every intention of coming back after maternity leave (when you do announce that you are pregnant). And then just make sure you do your best before going out on leave so they will miss you when you are gone and not even think of eliminating your position while you are out. I know how stressful this must feel as I used to work for a company that did the same thing (and I witnessed colleagues get laid off while on maternity leave). I think those that stand out as top performers and really demonstrate how passionate they are about their jobs have a leg up over those that don't. But no matter what happens, you will be ok and there are other jobs out there. So please try not to stress about it! (Easier said than done, I am sure).

SarahDarah333 · February 2016

@geminigirl16 look into your rights, does the FMLA law apply to your company? If so, you may have job protection for a period of time- I think it's 12 weeks- which would be unpaid technically but you would be guaranteed either your job or one of equal level/pay so long as you return before the end of that time frame. I know in NY state at least it applies to companies with over 50 employees in a certain radius. Doesn't apply to me because we have 4 or 5 employees which stinks, but make sure you look into it- totally worth it!

AMT1107 · February 2016

eboyd83 said:

I'm not going to tell my boss. I don't have to. I work in a call center and the pregnancy doesn't affect my ability to do my job. Obviously at some point they will figure it out and/or I will meet with HR later on to go over maternity leave details and get the paper work for short term disability and fmla.

This...

I will probably wait to tell my boss because there are a few people on my team that it's really none of their business and I don't need them prying. According to my HR manual, I just need to let her know 1 month before my 1st day of leave. I'm sure it will be sooner, but I'm in no hurry to tell them.

geminigirl16 · February 2016

@blondie080300

Thank you for the reminder on performance. I've been a bit removed and quiet lately at the office lately and I appreciate your comments. It's a good reminder that they do pay attention to those details and that I need to work on turning that around. I know I need to put in the extra effort to do my job well to remind them of my contribution. I am sure stressing myself out over something that I cannot control is not worth my time anyways. But as you wrote, much easier said than done!

blondie080300 · February 2016

@SarahMConnors and @geminigirl16 Just a heads up that FMLA does not protect you if your company chooses to "eliminate" your position. For states that it applies, FMLA ensures your company can't fire you and replace you with someone else while you are on leave. However they could eliminate your position, not back-fill it and that is legal and unfortunately, happens. In addition, FMLA ensures you have a job when you come back from leave (if your position wasn't eliminated) but it does not have to be the position you held before you left. I used to be in management and there were a ton of questions from our staff on this as our company was acquired and we were going through mass lay-offs. It was not fun. Anyways, these are extreme scenarios and I am sure you will be fine but it is always good to be educated so you know your rights and aren't assuming you are 100% covered when you may not be. *Fun Fact* I am no longer with that company and am a million times happier!

KimmySchmidt · February 2016

Good luck! It's awkward telling your boss because it's good news for you, but bad news for them. Come in willing to lay out your plan for leave, that'll be what they're really interested in. Both of my bosses in the past seemed genuinely happy for me and it was nice to have it out in the open.

In my current situation I don't see either of my direct superiors with any regularity. I plan on waiting until I'm showing enough for people to be too polite to ask. I'm waiting AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.

I work part time now with no benefits or leave. There is talk of turning me full time starting in September, a decision that would be made in May. If I start in September full time I'm actually entitled to a maternity leave. I don't expect to be able to wait it out until May, but I'm OK with people just thinking I got fat for a while.

geminigirl16 · February 2016

One of the items causing me the most stress is that I recently started in a new position and am replacing someone who is retiring at the end of March. I am not ready to share about my pregnancy before that person leaves and I'm worried how my office will react when they hear the news that I plan to take maternity leave within a few months of the other person retiring. I mean, I have all intentions of returning after my leave but I highly doubt this is what they had in mind when I moved positions not long ago. At the same time, I don't want to tell them early due to risk of miscarriage and the fact I'm not yet 11 weeks and feel it's too soon. I wish I could just fast forward and not have to deal with all of this

SarahDarah333 · February 2016

@blondie080300 yikes! I'm not covered anyway since we have so few employees- but good to know that! Scary world we live in when mamas can't take time to be with their new babies and recover.

Shiva14 · February 2016

@geminigirl16 I hear you, I just moved into a new position too and with the move came a new boss. I've only known her for about a week, and she's taking a vacation next week. I was planning to tell everyone now (just had a major win in my old position) but since I'm in a new department now I want to hold off until I've proved myself. Also, my position change is a temporary change that will turn permanent only if I perform well, and I worry that I'll be discriminated against when it comes time to make the selection (this could all be in my head). It's hard to be a woman sometime, DH is super excited to tell his job because he'll only be out for a week.

jas1982 · February 2016

I agree with @mjpatzwa and @Tippy05 , I am a lawyer in a firm where the partners are older men and I do not see a reason to tell them. There is additional risk there as we compete for clients and I do not think most of my coworkers would hesitate to try to use my "delicate" condition to try to talk clients out of sending me work

All that being said, I am short and showing already at 11 weeks and change. Several of the female staff have noticed and commented.... loudly... so I am not sure it will be a secret long.

SarahDarah333 · February 2016

I think I have to woman up and talk to my boss next week

I don't feel right asking for a raise and then a few weeks later dropping the pregnancy bomb on her. I just hope she doesn't treat me differently. I wanted to wait until the second trimester to tell her, but the best opportunity for me to ask for a raise is next week. We have a big exhibit opening this Saturday that I helped curate, and it's been generating a lot of buzz- should be a huge hit, including with my bosses obnoxious overcritical husband who previewed the show and likes it. So I need to strike for the raise while the iron's hot- right after the successful event. But that also means I have to share my news with her at just 12 weeks pregnant. But she promised me a raise and promotion quickly, she said as soon as she saw I could handle the job- it's been 8 months and I've been rocking out, getting positive feedback from her regularly, and she goes as far as telling other people how great I'm doing- including announcing it at events to the general public. Just wish I could have been brave enough to ask for the raise sooner so it's not such a double whammy. I have in my favor that she's a bit vulnerable to family and marital things- she has a sensitive side for that kind of stuff. *sigh* Trying to focus on the positive- nothing is going to change my situation, or how I feel about it, so I have to just pull the big girl pants up and do it. I just love this job so much- it's the first job I really love, and it makes me so nervous!

Sporty1216 · February 2016

Good luck, @SarahMConnors ! You can do it! I hope you get the raise and a hearty congratulations (along with a good maternity leave situation).

OBMommy · February 2016

I told my boss last week (at 10 weeks) because I have an appointment this Monday and don't want my prenatal to come across her desk without me having told her (I work in OB). Fortunately for me, one of my coworkers just resigned so I was able to play the "I'm not quitting just having a baby" card! I was starting to show so I couldn't have kept the secret much longer. She took it really well and is also happy that I'm planning to work up until I deliver. What's the worst that can happen, I go into labor at work? Lol!

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