Grandma Drama

Jstump2 · February 2016

To start out let me give some background. My parents and my in-laws live an hour apart and don’t talk except for mutual social gatherings. They don’t dislike each other per say but also don’t really get along as they are very different people. This will be the first grandchild for both and everyone is very excited.

A few months ago my MIL announced to me and H that she has decided she either wants to be called Grahm or Grammie by the grandchild. Literally a few days later my mom tells me (without me telling my mom about MIL) that she has decided she wants to be called Grammie.

H and I had a discussion about what we should do. Tell them both, ask one to change, just let it be? We don’t really reach a conclusion and I didn’t want to stress about it so I just sort of pushed it to the back as something to deal with later. The baby might decide their own name’s for the grandmas and it could be a non-issue.

My shower was this past weekend and my mom hosted. She made a welcome speech and during she commented how she “can’t wait to be a Grammie.”

I looked over at my MIL and she had this upset look on her face, she later told my husband how upset she was. Not that my mom chose the same name but that H and I hadn’t told her sooner.

Now I’m not sure what to do…Am I in the wrong? Should I apologize? What to do?

bbiutmcph · February 2016

Jstump2 said:

To start out let me give some background. My parents and my in-laws live an hour apart and don’t talk except for mutual social gatherings. They don’t dislike each other per say but also don’t really get along as they are very different people. This will be the first grandchild for both and everyone is very excited.

A few months ago my MIL announced to me and H that she has decided she either wants to be called Grahm or Grammie by the grandchild. Literally a few days later my mom tells me (without me telling my mom about MIL) that she has decided she wants to be called Grammie.

H and I had a discussion about what we should do. Tell them both, ask one to change, just let it be? We don’t really reach a conclusion and I didn’t want to stress about it so I just sort of pushed it to the back as something to deal with later. The baby might decide their own name’s for the grandmas and it could be a non-issue.

My shower was this past weekend and my mom hosted. She made a welcome speech and during she commented how she “can’t wait to be a Grammie.”

I looked over at my MIL and she had this upset look on her face, she later told my husband how upset she was. Not that my mom chose the same name but that H and I hadn’t told her sooner.

Now I’m not sure what to do…Am I in the wrong? Should I apologize? What to do?

Umm this is a non issue and a total over reaction on the grandmother to be. Lots of people use Grandma, Gramma, Nana, Grammie etc for both sides. You don't need to do anything. Your MIL does not own the word Grammie or the title and personally I don't think she needed to be told anything. Your child might call them both Grandma for all you know. She sounds like a drama queen and I wouldn't apologize or even focus on this seriously non issue.

ecwk · February 2016

I called both my grandmothers Nana. No big deal.

Cowboycorgi · February 2016

I'm with PP. My MIL likes to be called Gram, if my mother were alive and decided she wanted to be called Gram I'd say "ok." And move on without thinking anything of it.

My own grandmother was called gramma by me and a few others, and grammie by several others... I doubt there was ever a verbal declaration, just aunts and uncles deciding and falling into habit.

sarahufl · February 2016

Assuming here that, since they are grandmothers, they are adults, they need to start acting like it.

cMichelle0423 · February 2016

I don't see why this is such an issue. i feel like this is one of those things where it's only as big of an issue as everyone makes it. Personally I wouldn't even involve myself. I'm mommy/mom so that's all I really care about lol

Jstump2 · February 2016

Thanks for reassuring me, everyone. My MIL can be a bit dramatic and I didn't want to cause a rift/issue. Luckily My H talked to his Mom and told her to be upset with him if she was going to be upset. I had a Grandma S and Grandma R so didn't see this as an issue. But apparently my IL's think it's some sacred thing. I have a bad habit of feeling bad/guilty over things I really shouldn't.

2-Step · February 2016

I agree that this is a total overreaction on her part. Your child is going to call them whatever it wants or whatever you decide. I called both of my grandparents the same name growing up and we sometimes used funny nicknames that us kids came up with. My MIL really wanted to be Nana so that is what we call her, had my mom wanted that too we would do the same for her. If anyone made a stink I would think it laughable and move on with my day. I get how in-laws can get under your skin a little though and make you feel guilty for things that really shouldn't be an issue. Good for you for having DH deal with her and moving on!

mrstmoose · February 2016

Growing up, both sets of grandparents were Grandma and Grandpa. Our parents have chosen different names but if both fathers or mothers had decided to be Grandma or Grandpa, it wouldn't be a big deal. And if someone made it a big deal, I'd shut it down really fast.

cortney626 · February 2016

Your H can just tell her you guys were respecting both Grandma's wishes. No need for her to be upset. No need for your to apologize or even bring it up to her. Both sets of grandparents were Grandma and Grandpa to me. When I wanted to specify which one if talking about them, I would add their first name at the end.

ehowa499 · February 2016

DD calls both grandmas "Ma". We always referred to them as "Grandma ***" and "Grandma ***", but DD shortened them both to Ma. Both Grandpas are the same way- they are "Papa". Everybody is happy with it.

ambercakes92 · February 2016

I always grew up calling both sets of grandparents by the same name -- Grandma and Grandpa. It's not a big deal at all. She can still be Grammie.

PugsandKisses · February 2016

My mom requested 'grammie' with my nephews. My eldest refused to call her that. Now know one calls her 'grammie'.

RachieTK · February 2016

My grandmothers were both grandma and my grandfathers were both poppa. You have nothing to feel badly about.

PinkLady2015 · February 2016

Don't feel bad or guilty... That's a ridiculous reaction.

baby-2-due · February 2016

This is my first, but my older sister and her husband have 2 little boys both are the only grandchildren on both sides and my sisters MIL was the same way. My mom told my sister, and has told me as well, that she is not in competition and each child is different. She doesn't care what they call her she's just happy to be a grandma. So, my advice is to just ignore the idiocy that this is. The baby will love both grandparents either way no matter what verbiage they choose to use. And you have time before LO will even be able to speak so why it's an issue when LO isn't even here yet is beyond me. By all means DO NOT FEEL BAD! You have more important things to focus on as well as enjoy during this last leg

good luck!

GinnyJ2012 · February 2016

I feel like this is the same as being upset when someone has the same name you do. You have no reason to feel guilty.

skc040512 · February 2016

I may not be the best person to ask this, because my husband said that his grandmother (LOs great-grandma) wanted to be called "Cobby", a variation of our last name. I told him that was stupid and she'd be grandma. I also shot down some of my mom's suggestions for what my dad could be called. Both of my grandmothers were "Grandmother" (apparently I was an oddly formal child), and my grandfathers were both "Granddaddy". As long as the kid knows who you're talking about, I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal.

SarahFoley725 · February 2016

I feel you. My mom is Mimi already because I have a nephew. My MIL was bummed because she wanted to be Mimi too. I told her she can also be Mimi

Mimi X and Mimi Y. She didn't want to be the same so she changed it to something else. Anyway they can both have the same name

RissKay · February 2016

Heaven forbid we go back in time to a time where every grandmother was, well, Grandmother or Grandma! Now we have all of these names to "choose" from!

Grammie X and Grammie Y. If they don't like that, then whatever. I personally think it's amazing to let the first grandchild "pick" the name that grandparent will be called: it's always worked well for people I know!

DrillSergeantCat · February 2016

When my oldest was a baby he called my mom Memaw, my dad Pepaw, mil was also Memaw, and fil was Papa. He'd tell us he wanted to go see memaw and we had to ask which one to which he'd specify Pepaw's Memaw or Papa's Memaw. When my mil found out she told our then 2 year old son that he couldn't call her Memaw anymore. She then required him to call her grandma. I understand what you're going through.

delujm0 · February 2016

A - this is not a big deal. My husband called both of his grandmothers Mom Mom. It affected no one.

B - if this is the first grandchild on both sides, it's far more likely that the kid will wind up deciding what they will each be called. That tends to be how it goes. My husband's mom is Nana, which our nephew was already calling her. My mom wants to be Meema, but whatever DD winds up calling her is going to be fine. This is in no way a big deal.

PrimRoseMama · February 2016

Honestly? Your kid will pick what to call each one all by themselves. I've never understood why this issue becomes a thing. Your parents need to get over themselves. Let it be & realize life is short for petty stuff like these. They get the opportunity to love their grandchild. Other parents don't ever get that opportunity. I'm sure some would take Bob if it meant they get to be there for their grandkids.

blended10 · February 2016

My dh's parents are lesbians & both are called "memere". It's wicked confusing to the kids when they are little- memere Anne/memere Barbara. Basically took my ds 2 years to figure it out but he only saw them a few times a year.
I think having 2 Grammies is far more common & nbd. Truth is the kids will decide. You have nothing to feel guilty about!

editted bc memere gets autocorrected quite a bit

fourtsixand2 · February 2016

I don't see any reason for you to need to apologize. There are no trademarks on the word "Grammie" and I'd hate to be the one to tell your mother and mother-in-law, but it's one of the most common names for a grandmother.
Don't stress or worry over it. It's really a non-issue. If it becomes one, let the two grandmothers figure it out...it's just a freaking name, and there's no telling what your child will end up calling them anyway.

ivyvines6 · February 2016

Ugh this thread bugs me... Not because of what any of you are saying, but my own grandmother is trying to change what we all have called her over two decades now that I'm pregnant. We've always called her Crumudgeon which is a nickname from when I was an infant, and she never had an issue with it until I was in highschool and she randomly decided that it wasn't classy and dignified enough for her anymore so we should all call her Grandmother Rita. Guess what never stuck?

She tried the same crap when my two nephews were born, and now she's doing it again because I'm pregnant, and posting on all of our Facebook pages that "somebody better call me Grandmother!" We are pretty much just ignoring her like we always have over this... However for my baby shower all the guests made blocks and signed them for my LO and she wrote Crumudgeon on one side, crossed it out, and wrote Grandmother Rita under it. Wtf?

Ok end rant... Sorry...

HBamama2B · February 2016

Knottie9983816 said:

Ugh this thread bugs me... Not because of what any of you are saying, but my own grandmother is trying to change what we all have called her over two decades now that I'm pregnant. We've always called her Crumudgeon which is a nickname from when I was an infant, and she never had an issue with it until I was in highschool and she randomly decided that it wasn't classy and dignified enough for her anymore so we should all call her Grandmother Rita. Guess what never stuck?

She tried the same crap when my two nephews were born, and now she's doing it again because I'm pregnant, and posting on all of our Facebook pages that "somebody better call me Grandmother!" We are pretty much just ignoring her like we always have over this... However for my baby shower all the guests made blocks and signed them for my LO and she wrote Crumudgeon on one side, crossed it out, and wrote Grandmother Rita under it. Wtf?

Ok end rant... Sorry...

Curmudgeon? To her face? For years? Poor Grandmother. That is not a nickname, that is literally an insult.

Your Grandmother is 100% right that it isn't classy or dignified. What it is, is disrepectful and what might have started out as an endearing joke probably wore thin after a few decades. The general tone of your post for a great grandmother... SMDH. IMO- apologize, change it, and thank god you still have her here on earth to meet your LO.

GinnyJ2012 · February 2016

Knottie9983816 said:

Ugh this thread bugs me... Not because of what any of you are saying, but my own grandmother is trying to change what we all have called her over two decades now that I'm pregnant. We've always called her Crumudgeon which is a nickname from when I was an infant, and she never had an issue with it until I was in highschool and she randomly decided that it wasn't classy and dignified enough for her anymore so we should all call her Grandmother Rita. Guess what never stuck?

She tried the same crap when my two nephews were born, and now she's doing it again because I'm pregnant, and posting on all of our Facebook pages that "somebody better call me Grandmother!" We are pretty much just ignoring her like we always have over this... However for my baby shower all the guests made blocks and signed them for my LO and she wrote Crumudgeon on one side, crossed it out, and wrote Grandmother Rita under it. Wtf?

Ok end rant... Sorry...

Full Definition of curmudgeon. 1 archaic : miser. 2 : a crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man. That is an awful nickname for anyone and if someone called me that I would refuse to answer to it. PP is right, be thankful you still have her, and show the woman respect by calling her whatever name she chooses.

ivyvines6 · February 2016

GinnyJ2012 said:

Knottie9983816 said:

Ugh this thread bugs me... Not because of what any of you are saying, but my own grandmother is trying to change what we all have called her over two decades now that I'm pregnant. We've always called her Crumudgeon which is a nickname from when I was an infant, and she never had an issue with it until I was in highschool and she randomly decided that it wasn't classy and dignified enough for her anymore so we should all call her Grandmother Rita. Guess what never stuck?

She tried the same crap when my two nephews were born, and now she's doing it again because I'm pregnant, and posting on all of our Facebook pages that "somebody better call me Grandmother!" We are pretty much just ignoring her like we always have over this... However for my baby shower all the guests made blocks and signed them for my LO and she wrote Crumudgeon on one side, crossed it out, and wrote Grandmother Rita under it. Wtf?

Ok end rant... Sorry...

Full Definition of curmudgeon. 1 archaic : miser. 2 : a crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man. That is an awful nickname for anyone and if someone called me that I would refuse to answer to it. PP is right, be thankful you still have her, and show the woman respect by calling her whatever name she chooses.

No. It's not curmudgeon. It's Crumudgeon. I'm well aware of what a curmudgeon is.

HBamama2B · February 2016

Knottie9983816 said:

GinnyJ2012 said:

Knottie9983816 said:

Ugh this thread bugs me... Not because of what any of you are saying, but my own grandmother is trying to change what we all have called her over two decades now that I'm pregnant. We've always called her Crumudgeon which is a nickname from when I was an infant, and she never had an issue with it until I was in highschool and she randomly decided that it wasn't classy and dignified enough for her anymore so we should all call her Grandmother Rita. Guess what never stuck?

She tried the same crap when my two nephews were born, and now she's doing it again because I'm pregnant, and posting on all of our Facebook pages that "somebody better call me Grandmother!" We are pretty much just ignoring her like we always have over this... However for my baby shower all the guests made blocks and signed them for my LO and she wrote Crumudgeon on one side, crossed it out, and wrote Grandmother Rita under it. Wtf?

Ok end rant... Sorry...

Full Definition of curmudgeon. 1 archaic : miser. 2 : a crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man. That is an awful nickname for anyone and if someone called me that I would refuse to answer to it. PP is right, be thankful you still have her, and show the woman respect by calling her whatever name she chooses.

No. It's not curmudgeon. It's Crumudgeon. I'm well aware of what a curmudgeon is.

That's not a different word, that's just a misspelling/mispronunciation.

flowerpower5838 · February 2016

I think it's a little silly to expect her or others that hear her called "Crumudgeon" to expect it to mean anything other than curmudgeon. I certainly wouldn't want to be called curmudgeon or some variation by my closest loved ones.

1faceinacrowd · February 2016

The only thing I have to add is that I totally feel for you, and it could be worse. My ex (whom I have a daughter with) has a neurotic/dramatic mom who insisted that our daughter call her "Ma Mere" which literally translates to "My Mom" in French. At the ripe young age of 44, she insisted that she was "too young" to be called Grandma, despite having a 21-year-old son at the time. Her response when we first announced our pregnancy was asking if she could adopt our child, and she soon spent $10k+ to get her tubes untied while I was pregnant, a bunch more money on fertility treatments, and now she's the adoptive mom of like 5 or 6 more kids (in addition to the 3 adult children she already raised to be complete failures in life - all in their mid-twenties and still living off of her/in her basement).

Sorry for the mini rant...lol. My point is, we all have to deal with what we're given. Each grandma can pick what she's called and you might just have to add a first name or last name or something so you can differentiate (i.e. DH's mom and my mom are both "grandma" so we refer to his mom "Grandma Liz" to differentiate when we're talking about her).

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