Getting flack for coed baby shower?

khochanadel · February 2016

I'm not much of a petifores-and-tea or poopy-diaper-game baby shower and went for a coed hangout instead. I didn't think it would be a big deal, since most of the showers I have been to in recent memory have been coed, but boy was I mistaken.

My brother in law (DH'S oldest brother) asked why he got an invitation and then, when DH said he was going, told him not to forget to bring his vagina.

When my host went to send out invitations, she freak out texted me "why are there men on your guest list?!" This about a month after I gave her my guest list and was sure we were on the same page about what I wanted.

Anyone else having a coed shower and dealing with this type of shade throwing? How are you and DH dealing with it?

vinerie · February 2016

Whaaaa? Co-Ed showers are way better IMO. I actually enjoy co-Ed showers. Might be an UO, but I can't say the same for ladies-only versions. Co-Ed showers are like fun day parties.

dsmith211 · February 2016

Personally I'd rather have a co-ed shower. I don't know why people act so weird about it. Personally the showers I've been to that have been co-ed have always been more entertaining. I'm having a 'surprise' shower and I know the people throwing it are not inviting guys. I almost want DH to mention something anyway in hopes they might change their mind...

ayeshaohara · February 2016

I'm having girls only but that's by choice. I'd be totally happy to have guys as well but my husband doesn't really care to be around and his friends would totally ruin it.

But what I want to know is why no one seems to be able to manage to respect the wishes of mom to be? When we get married everyone always says, whatever the bride wants etc...but then we have a baby and it suddenly becomes whatever everyone else thinks/wants!!?!? Since when is that ok? It drives me absolutely insane. My MIL flat out told me I was not allowed to have ANY input into my shower, knowing how uncomfortable it makes me. But no one cares. I can't wait to throw that back in her face when I remind her this is my child and not hers and I don't want her opinions. Makes me so angry.

Rant over.

rlworzalla · February 2016

I'm not having a co-ed shower but that's because most of the friends DH has could care less about the shower. DH is coming for gift opening after having some drinks with his friends at a bar down the road. The rest of the guys will probably come then and hang out.

Sounds like your BIL is razzing your DH but if it gets worse I would tell him to back off. Its not like you're going to make him where a tutu and change diapers.

LadySamLady · February 2016

That is really frustrating. We're having a coed shower but it's mostly family and everyone is excited. I'm sorry your BIL is being such a jerk, try not to let him ruin the day for you!

JoMunson · February 2016

I think sticking to girls- only showers because that's "what you're supposed to do" is a little old fashioned, just like the idea of calling DH taking care of the baby "babysitting". In previous shower threads we talk about how a shower is celebrating a woman becoming a mom, isn't it nice to also celebrate the dad becoming a dad?

dsmith211 · February 2016

JoMunson said:

I think sticking to girls- only showers because that's "what you're supposed to do" is a little old fashioned, just like the idea of calling DH taking care of the baby "babysitting". In previous shower threads we talk about how a shower is celebrating a woman becoming a mom, isn't it nice to also celebrate the dad becoming a dad?

This is kind of how I explained it when DH asked why only girls went to showers typically and it seemed like he was disappointed by the response. I agree that a man becoming a dad should also be celebrated. It's no less special than a woman becoming a mom in my eyes. Especially seeing as my father played a huge role in my sister and I's lives. It just seems very old fashioned to me. That being said... DH said even if he wasn't celebrated he would still like to be a part of celebrating the person he loves becoming a mother. I have a feeling he's just going to be at the shower no matter what anyone else says.

tt8mpowell · February 2016

I guess mine is kind of a coed shower. Same venue but technically two different events. During the baby shower upstairs, DH is having a Beer and Diaper party hosted by his friend downstairs where the guys can go to the bar, bowl, and eat. This way DH can take part in certain pieces of the shower like gift opening but nit be consumed in the games that he won't have any interest in. Also we have several 'couple' friends that we want to be there.

Either way I feel it should be your choice. My opinion was asked about what I wanted in order for my wishes to be executed. Who wants a baby shower thats not "them"?

Lillie0309 · February 2016

We are having a co-Ed shower as well and calling it a "celebration" like you I'm not into all the games and fancy shower stuff. Most of our friends are married or engaged and my side of the family is from out of town so I'd rather see everyone than ask only ladies to travel in for the shower.
We are having a huge taco bar and hang out.

mmemartinez · February 2016

I had one co-Ed and one women only shower (we lived about a three hour drive from "home.") Co-Ed was all my friends and family, not just the women, and was great! We hung out, ate and had a great time. When it was time to open the gifts, the guys had a poker tournament in the next room. (Well, most. My dad made DH open the presents with me

The girls only shower was nice too, some of my students/athletes came and we all made scrapbook pages. But very different and I utimately enjoyed the co-Ed one more.

ETA: this was for DS1 over 4 yrs ago! Seems to be even more common today...

lbachran · February 2016

We're having a co-ed, open house style shower, that we're hosting. Omg, the horror! So far, everyone has been receptive to the format and really grateful that they didn't have to leave their significant other at home. Honestly, there's been a number of showers I haven't attended because DH wasn't included. Invite who you and your husband are comfortable with, I'm sure your BIL has been immature before and will be immature abour something again.

silverspring81@hotmail.com · February 2016

We had a Baby BBQ for my son and had almost 60 people there, and there were way more guys than girls, all my husband's friends were there, we had beer, sangrias, a queso bar and it went on until midnight. We are doing the same with my next son soon, and the diapers at the door raffle with a case of beer meant we had plenty of diapers in the garage. Your BIL is a bit of a douche.

sapphirerose915 · February 2016

I was going back and forth about having a co-ed shower.. then my brother told me about the co-ed shower he went to and all the guys just got drunk in another room while the girls did their own thing.. i say if they wanna go drink they can do it at another location.... last thing i want to deal with at my shower is a bunch of drunk guys lol!!!!! But i say do what you want... to each their own.. DH will be coming by with his buddy and my bro and dad to help move everything so he will be making an appearance!!

TheHauntedHauswife · February 2016

I wanted a co-ed shower, but it would have been like 150 people. So DH is having a small guys only shower at our house while we have all the women at the shower (just a few blocks away). But originally had every intention to do co-ed! I think its becoming increasingly more common. Sorry you are getting slack for it.

GoatSnakeMouse · February 2016

Forget DH's friends - what about MY male friends? Am I just supposed to exclude them? I had a mixed-gender wedding party for that same reason. Fortunately everybody found it very normal.

khochanadel · February 2016

silverspring81@hotmail.com said:

We had a Baby BBQ for my son and had almost 60 people there, and there were way more guys than girls, all my husband's friends were there, we had beer, sangrias, a queso bar and it went on until midnight. We are doing the same with my next son soon, and the diapers at the door raffle with a case of beer meant we had plenty of diapers in the garage. Your BIL is a bit of a douche.

You're not wrong, except for the "bit of" part. Your shower sounds like it was a lot of fun!

TinaTho · February 2016

Having a co-ed shower. Almost backed down on it as everyone was being difficult- especially my single mother even though my MIL is hosting as everyone else lives far enough out of the area that it would be difficult. I just heard the other day that my mother when providing her guest list addressed to women only and I honestly just told my sister to leave it as is. My mother knows damn well it is co-ed and if family friends end up uncomfortable due to that, that's on her. My father was so incredibly excited to be invited to the shower which made me not back down. And I'm happy to avoid some of the overly feminine elements of female only showers and celebrate with DH as well. I'll honestly be relieved when it's all over. My MIL, mother, sister and stepmother are all working together and frankly it concerns me. I appreciate the support from them of course, but it is a lot of strong personalities collaborating.

Sharra13 · February 2016

We are doing co-ed. I just like that idea SO much better. I designed our invitations (I'm really into planning and design so my "host" is letting me be a control freak about it lol) with a sort of toungue-in-cheek feel. One side is SUPER fru-fru girly "You are cordially invited..." with lots of pink and flowers and gold foil and what-not. The other side is really manly--all black and gold and big, bold letters "BABIES BEER BBQ!!" We are going to mostly hang out, do a few non-traditional games (big water gun fight, baby-themed cards against humanity, etc), and have lots of yummy food and cake. Everyone I've talked to so far has been pretty excited about it.

The only disadvantage about co-ed is that the guest list can really get crazy (not to mention including kids!!). We are probably going to have 50 people at ours. I can see where some hosts may not appreciate the extra expense.

katxattack1212 · February 2016

I had a co-ed pool party shower. It was great! People either come because they want to or they don't. Don't let anyone change your views/ desires. Those who are important will come!

Charissadeats · February 2016

Are you ladies giving your DH a gift if he is also having a shower?

My dad is hosting a couple of my DH's friends while we are faffing downstairs over cake and baby clothes. I want to make him feel special as well!

I was thinking of doing a Emergency Fatherhood kit with a book about becoming a dad, energy drinks and sweeties, a couple of vouchers that says 'It's your turn' and stuff like that.

Any suggestions of gifts for dads-to-be?

emma+karen · February 2016

With DS, my mom, sister and SIL threw us a "family shower." I was raised in a small town and called all my friends' parents and parents' friends by their first names. They've all known me since I was a baby. So the shower was at my parents' house, my dad cooked, and my parents' friends, my childhood friends, and their kids were all there. It was pretty awesome. One of my dad's friends didn't show up along with his wife and daughter (I grew up with the daughter and her dad coached my basketball team) and my dad literally called him and said, "I know it's a baby shower, but THIS shower you come to!" He showed up 20 minutes later.

It was super fun, relaxed and enjoyable. I highly recommend the co-ed shower!

dsmith211 · February 2016

Charissadeats said:

Are you ladies giving your DH a gift if he is also having a shower?

My dad is hosting a couple of my DH's friends while we are faffing downstairs over cake and baby clothes. I want to make him feel special as well!

I was thinking of doing a Emergency Fatherhood kit with a book about becoming a dad, energy drinks and sweeties, a couple of vouchers that says 'It's your turn' and stuff like that.

Any suggestions of gifts for dads-to-be?

DH isn't having his own shower, but I definitely plan on making something like this for him. I was going to make a gift basket of sorts with some snacks and other odds and ends that would make him feel more included in everything.

khochanadel · February 2016

I've heard of guys doing a 'diapers for daddy' poker night, where the buy in for poker chips is in diapers (no matter who wins, dad takes home all the diapers). One of my coworkers said his twins were covered for diapers for the first year with his diapers for daddy poker winnings.

GoatSnakeMouse · February 2016

Charissadeats said:

Are you ladies giving your DH a gift if he is also having a shower?

My dad is hosting a couple of my DH's friends while we are faffing downstairs over cake and baby clothes. I want to make him feel special as well!

I was thinking of doing a Emergency Fatherhood kit with a book about becoming a dad, energy drinks and sweeties, a couple of vouchers that says 'It's your turn' and stuff like that.

Any suggestions of gifts for dads-to-be?

I'm giving him a baby I made myself.

Sharra13 · February 2016

Charissadeats said:

Are you ladies giving your DH a gift if he is also having a shower?

My dad is hosting a couple of my DH's friends while we are faffing downstairs over cake and baby clothes. I want to make him feel special as well!

I was thinking of doing a Emergency Fatherhood kit with a book about becoming a dad, energy drinks and sweeties, a couple of vouchers that says 'It's your turn' and stuff like that.

Any suggestions of gifts for dads-to-be?

I saw this a few months ago and thought it was awesome. Thinking of getting this for my husband: https://www.mancrates.com/tactical/new-dad-tactical-bag

Charissadeats · February 2016

@GoatSnakeMouse LOL! This is true.

jessib899 · February 2016

I don't get why people make such a big deal about things like this anymore. My husband's best friend (a man) attended his fiance's baby shower to be there to thank everyone and write down who brought what--you know, to support his fiance and baby on the way. My husband went with me to their shower knowing his friend would be there, plus the fiance's brother attended including several other of her male friends and family. Personally, I'm inviting a few of my male friends, and I'm pretty sure my husband's friend is coming too since we're all friends and since my husband is also attending OUR baby shower.

Getting flack for coed baby shower?

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