Every one of my relatives who came expected to hold DS in the hospital. I was very nauseous the first day and didn't get to hold him nearly enough, which I'm still angry about (which was due to both circumstance, and some of baby-hogging). I'll be putting my foot down more firmly this time. They didn't start trying to literally take him from me until he was a little older-- which I wanted to hold him on the weekends when he wanted to be held by someone, and frankly, it made me feel invisible to be pushed past like that.
This! All of this. I am still really pissed off about the fact everyone was holding my baby and passing the baby around like some type of game, taking pics, posting pics, and I still had not even held my baby at all due to baby hogging and the drugs from a c-section. A nurse finally got fed up and took the baby from all these people because baby's temp was dropping and let me do skin to skin. Some people even inquired how they could have done that and the nurse quickly said only mom can balance LO out. Then I had an audience for learning to BF I had to constantly kick out and they would contact both me and DH to see when they could come hold/hog the baby if I was done nursing, etc. We even put a damn sign on the door but nooooooo, they still burst through saying they were sure since they were family "it didn't apply to them". This time I am not sure how we will handle crowd control but there will be lots of rules.
As for who will annoy me; I know will most definitely be one of my SIL's, who has never had a child before but is a know it all.
This, OMG. My SIL is such an annoying know-it-all (who doesn't know sh!t). The last two 'conversations' I had with her were literally just her grilling me about every aspect of my life and not giving me a chance to even properly answer her questions. DH and I have come to the conclusion that she doesn't ask people things about their lives because she's interested, she asks things so she can show off how much more she knows about those topics than you do. Except she doesn't!
The dumbest thing so far had to do with an ultrasound photo. We're team green, but I'm pretty sure she didn't get the fact that not finding out the sex was a conscious decision on our side, not just the tech failing to do their job properly. She asked DH, "Can't you tell what it is just by looking at this pic?" in this 'Because I totally can' sort of way. Then when DH answered that the genitals weren't even in that pic (because, hellooo, if you ask not to find out the sex, they don't give you a crotch shot to take home) she just said, "Oh. Well, I can totally see its face!" super smugly, turned to her BF and pointed at, like, a bit of shadow on the placenta. D'oh. Then when I tried to explain that we're team green on purpose, she just cut right through me and went, "Oh, so it's just like, they can't see anything so they just tell you it's probably a girl!?" like it was the funniest joke ever. This was about 20 minutes into the interrogation so I just snapped, "Yes, SIL, that's totally how that goes!" Urgh. I don't think she realised even then that I was annoyed with her (because she probably doesn't care).
Grah, I need to stop ranting. I hardly ever post on May '16 and here I am writing a novel.
I'm just really glad we're having a baby first (she's DH's younger sister and she recently said she and her BF might start TTC in a year or so) because she would have been super extra mega insufferable if she already had one.
Also, strangers had better not try to touch the baby on the street because I think DH might actually bite them. The papa bear instinct is very strong in this one, LOL.
Astraphobicyogahh UGH i hate that too! When people call the baby 'my' or even my dog 'my'. Like im sorry im the one growing this baby and im the one who takes care of that pup all day long. Definitely MINE.
bookelf221 Yeah i think its pretty odd when people have no grasp on how much the world has changed in 20-50 years. Maybe we are more sensitive and cautious now, but thats what we are taught and thats the current standard. Its a really strange point to make especially from the grandparents generation because the world i so so insanely different.
valerie4786 I feel the same, i would love to be able to tell her and trust that she wont come but her behavoir has been so insane the past year i have no idea what version of her i will get. She has bad anxiety just like I do so i do try to empathize but she will often do things that kind of push her into the rude category that are making me think maybe shes developed some kind of OCD because she seems to be unable to help herself at this point. Like once she gets an idea or a worry she cant just handle it she needs to bother my shower hosts or someone. Like there was one day she decided that the cake NEEDED to get ordered and i had 15 people bothering me about cake things because my mom was driving everyone nuts about cake. So i just see her getting anxious about me being in labor and deciding she needs to be there, even just in the waiting room, even if i adamantly wish her not to be.
@camillaandcarson This is literally exactly why i dont want anyone there. Skin to skin and breast feeding will be me, DH and hospital staff. If anyone else is there, they ARE getting kicked out. I really dont care how many bridges i burn because its insanely selfish that people think i need to sit there with my boob hanging out trying to learn a pretty important bonding experinece with my baby, with an audience. NO.
DutchLucyLu My SIL can be a know it all sometimes and I used to totally value what she said until I actually fact checked a few things she said and they were false or opposite or like i could see where she got what she said but misconstrued it. Shes a pretty high up here nurse so she IS very knowledgeable and does have a child before me. But ive come to realize its more her perspective/opinion than it is fact majority of the time.
P.S. Im so glad i posted this thread, I almost didnt cause i though it would be a bit too ranty, but im glad we are all so on the same page
Not a FTM, but it in addition to the baby-kissing, it drove me insane when people would kiss or pretend to nibble on DS's fingers-- babies put their hands in their mouths constantly! Doing that is really the same germ-wise as kissing them right on the mouth. I know I'm going to have to put my foot down on that behavior all over again too because people just lose all common sense around a baby. I also hated receiving hypothetical breastfeeding advice from people who had never done it (same with sleep-teaching) and I hated baby-grabbing relatives who would walk right into the room and try to hold the baby/take the baby (thankfully not in the first week at least) right away-- no "hello," no "may I?" Wtf? My child is not your new toy.
Hearing about people getting their slobber on a new baby makes me shutter.
Just curious - do people expect to hold the baby right away at the hospital? I think I might have a meltdown if someone tried to take him off me within the first 24 hours. Is it the norm in mom code to say you can come look but don't expect to pass LO around like a party favor?
I am sure grandparents will expect to hold the baby in the hospital. I'm lucky that DS was born in Texas and we had no visitors in the hospital. I plan on saying as soon as they walk in (ILs...my mom knows better) "There's the restroom so you can wash your hands." THEN we can talk about you getting to hold him--for like, a minute.
My mom is driving me nuts. I told my husband last night, "Ever since I got pregnant, I'm really mad at my mother and I just can't stop it."
Everytime I bring up something we registered for or purchased (Ex: Britax Marathon car seat), she says, "Well, I don't know how you survived since I never had any of these things." She's said this this about literally everything from baby carriers, to diaper rash cream, to nipple cream. I've done a ton of research, I read everything, I take opinions/experiences from any expert that will give me the time of day and it feels like she just minimizes everything.
Then, she feels the need to one up me! I dragged her, my husband, and my grandparents to a child and infant cpr class Saturday morning (this was the result of her telling me how I stopped breathing as an infant, so she shook me.) Then when I have to rush to the bathroom during the break, she pronounces how she didn't need to go to the bathroom, unlike me and my 80 year old grandparents. My husband points out that I'm 28+ weeks pregnant and she remarks how she didn't even need to go to the bathroom when she was pregnant with me.
SERIOUSLY, I mean, seriously?
*good grief* Heaven forbid you do everything you can to keep your LO safe and make motherhood as comfortable as possible for yourself!! Jeez Louise!
I'm not mad at anyone. .yet. But I swear if my mom shows up at the hospital drunk like she did with my last one I will lose my fn mind. I may have to resort to not telling anyone until after the baby is born which is a bummer, but last time my aunt summoned my mom and 10 years later I'm still not over it.
1) My SIL. (my side) Apparently the know-it-all streak runs strong in sisters-in-law. Mine has 2 boys that she & my brother had in their early 20s. I'm 33, so taking advice from younger people isn't out of the question for me, but weird. She is a SAHM, home-schooler, Jehovah's witness, attachment, natural remedy parent, which is SO not my style. I shut her down early - said I have never ever judged her for her parenting decisions or tried to influence how she gestated/raised her family, so I would appreciate the same consideration. It's worked for the pregnancy so far; we'll see how long it lasts once the babies get here.
2) Everyone who feels the need to comment on my size. Yes, I am large. Yes, I am SURE I am not due for another 3 months. Yes, I am having twins. Can we move on, please?
3) My BIL. (DH's side) Unlike SIL he is a later in life father and DH's oldest brother so the unsolicited advice is constant as is the razzing of DH (Haha you're going to learn how to tie bows! Haha you're going to be drowned out by estrogen!) He asked us when we planned on getting rid of our dog (We aren't - she's 10 and well trained) and told DH not to forget to bring his vagina to our baby shower. Ass.
4) My mom. She hasn't approved of my parenting choices from day one (thinks I should quit my job and be a SAHM) and keeps trying to tell me how I can save money by cloth diapering and making my own baby wipes. I can afford that sh!t, ma. I swear. I'm planning on setting very clear ground rules when she comes to "help" with babies, which luckily will be with my sister and not for 2-4 weeks after the twins arrive.
5) The IRS. We didn't get to take a deduction on the 5 figures we spent on IVF last year and owe almost $3k just in time for our babies to arrive! I give you the finger.
6) Everyone who requires me to make a bjillion appointments for EVerything. Doctors, daycares, pediatrician interviews, childbirth/infant care/breastfeeding classes, maternity photos. I swear every evening/weekend in March is something baby related and I very well might rip my hair out.
Okay, I'm done. Thanks for the rant opportunity peeps
I have lost count on how many times someone has said " YOU ARE GETTING SO BIG" " YOU ARE SO BIG" " YOU'RE GETTING BIGGER AND BIGGER EVERY TIME I SEE YOU".
But thanks for letting me know how big I am, I was not aware. I haven't stepped on a scale at my dr. office or had trouble getting out of bed at all.
I have lost count on how many times someone has said " YOU ARE GETTING SO BIG" " YOU ARE SO BIG" " YOU'RE GETTING BIGGER AND BIGGER EVERY TIME I SEE YOU".
But thanks for letting me know how big I am, I was not aware. I haven't stepped on a scale at my dr. office or had trouble getting out of bed at all.
I always tell these people, "Well I should hope so-- I'm pregnant! That's what is supposed to happen." With my short, short torso and the fact that DS2 is mostly breech so he's not really sitting in my pelvis much of the time, but rather hanging out up front...I get that one a lot. There are also too many people insisting that since I'm a twin and I look big enough to be carrying twins, that my doctor made a mistake and I MUST be having twins. Nope, sorry, your regular vision is not as accurate as my doctor's multiple ultrasounds. At least my mom understands since we have the same body type and she was the same size with my brother as she was with both my sister and me.
Re: A FTM's list of people I am already mad at.
We even put a damn sign on the door but nooooooo, they still burst through saying they were sure since they were family "it didn't apply to them".
This time I am not sure how we will handle crowd control but there will be lots of rules.
The dumbest thing so far had to do with an ultrasound photo. We're team green, but I'm pretty sure she didn't get the fact that not finding out the sex was a conscious decision on our side, not just the tech failing to do their job properly. She asked DH, "Can't you tell what it is just by looking at this pic?" in this 'Because I totally can' sort of way. Then when DH answered that the genitals weren't even in that pic (because, hellooo, if you ask not to find out the sex, they don't give you a crotch shot to take home) she just said, "Oh. Well, I can totally see its face!" super smugly, turned to her BF and pointed at, like, a bit of shadow on the placenta. D'oh. Then when I tried to explain that we're team green on purpose, she just cut right through me and went, "Oh, so it's just like, they can't see anything so they just tell you it's probably a girl!?" like it was the funniest joke ever. This was about 20 minutes into the interrogation so I just snapped, "Yes, SIL, that's totally how that goes!" Urgh. I don't think she realised even then that I was annoyed with her (because she probably doesn't care).
Grah, I need to stop ranting. I hardly ever post on May '16 and here I am writing a novel.
I'm just really glad we're having a baby first (she's DH's younger sister and she recently said she and her BF might start TTC in a year or so) because she would have been super extra mega insufferable if she already had one.
Also, strangers had better not try to touch the baby on the street because I think DH might actually bite them. The papa bear instinct is very strong in this one, LOL.
Not everyone can breastfeed - Mammary Hypoplasia/Insufficient Glandular Tissue Awareness
bookelf221 Yeah i think its pretty odd when people have no grasp on how much the world has changed in 20-50 years. Maybe we are more sensitive and cautious now, but thats what we are taught and thats the current standard. Its a really strange point to make especially from the grandparents generation because the world i so so insanely different.
valerie4786 I feel the same, i would love to be able to tell her and trust that she wont come but her behavoir has been so insane the past year i have no idea what version of her i will get. She has bad anxiety just like I do so i do try to empathize but she will often do things that kind of push her into the rude category that are making me think maybe shes developed some kind of OCD because she seems to be unable to help herself at this point. Like once she gets an idea or a worry she cant just handle it she needs to bother my shower hosts or someone. Like there was one day she decided that the cake NEEDED to get ordered and i had 15 people bothering me about cake things because my mom was driving everyone nuts about cake. So i just see her getting anxious about me being in labor and deciding she needs to be there, even just in the waiting room, even if i adamantly wish her not to be.
@camillaandcarson This is literally exactly why i dont want anyone there. Skin to skin and breast feeding will be me, DH and hospital staff. If anyone else is there, they ARE getting kicked out. I really dont care how many bridges i burn because its insanely selfish that people think i need to sit there with my boob hanging out trying to learn a pretty important bonding experinece with my baby, with an audience. NO.
P.S. Im so glad i posted this thread, I almost didnt cause i though it would be a bit too ranty, but im glad we are all so on the same page
I am sure grandparents will expect to hold the baby in the hospital. I'm lucky that DS was born in Texas and we had no visitors in the hospital. I plan on saying as soon as they walk in (ILs...my mom knows better) "There's the restroom so you can wash your hands." THEN we can talk about you getting to hold him--for like, a minute.
Heaven forbid you do everything you can to keep your LO safe and make motherhood as comfortable as possible for yourself!!
Jeez Louise!
1) My SIL. (my side) Apparently the know-it-all streak runs strong in sisters-in-law. Mine has 2 boys that she & my brother had in their early 20s. I'm 33, so taking advice from younger people isn't out of the question for me, but weird. She is a SAHM, home-schooler, Jehovah's witness, attachment, natural remedy parent, which is SO not my style. I shut her down early - said I have never ever judged her for her parenting decisions or tried to influence how she gestated/raised her family, so I would appreciate the same consideration. It's worked for the pregnancy so far; we'll see how long it lasts once the babies get here.
2) Everyone who feels the need to comment on my size. Yes, I am large. Yes, I am SURE I am not due for another 3 months. Yes, I am having twins. Can we move on, please?
3) My BIL. (DH's side) Unlike SIL he is a later in life father and DH's oldest brother so the unsolicited advice is constant as is the razzing of DH (Haha you're going to learn how to tie bows! Haha you're going to be drowned out by estrogen!) He asked us when we planned on getting rid of our dog (We aren't - she's 10 and well trained) and told DH not to forget to bring his vagina to our baby shower. Ass.
4) My mom. She hasn't approved of my parenting choices from day one (thinks I should quit my job and be a SAHM) and keeps trying to tell me how I can save money by cloth diapering and making my own baby wipes. I can afford that sh!t, ma. I swear. I'm planning on setting very clear ground rules when she comes to "help" with babies, which luckily will be with my sister and not for 2-4 weeks after the twins arrive.
5) The IRS. We didn't get to take a deduction on the 5 figures we spent on IVF last year and owe almost $3k just in time for our babies to arrive! I give you the finger.
6) Everyone who requires me to make a bjillion appointments for EVerything. Doctors, daycares, pediatrician interviews, childbirth/infant care/breastfeeding classes, maternity photos. I swear every evening/weekend in March is something baby related and I very well might rip my hair out.
Okay, I'm done. Thanks for the rant opportunity peeps
But thanks for letting me know how big I am, I was not aware. I haven't stepped on a scale at my dr. office or had trouble getting out of bed at all.