TTCAL check-in 2/15

AL_TwinCities · February 2016

Welcome to TTCAL! This check in is a great thread for you to jump in and introduce yourself.

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new)

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.)

3. Rants/raves

4. GTKY: where will you be taking your next vacation or weekend getaway?

AL_TwinCities · February 2016

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.)

Benched, first cycle after loss

3. Rants/raves

My temp keeps dropping - expecting AF any day now. Hopefully she holds out at least another day so I can be at CD3 when we have our infertility consult Thurs and that way I could do the CD3 blood draw that day and not have to wait another cycle.

4. GTKY: where will you be taking your next vacation or weekend getaway?

Mini-vaca last weekend in February to a little cottage nestled into the bluffs overlooking the Mississippi river. Can't wait for hot tubbing and relaxing!

NamelessAria · February 2016

2. WTO. CD2 at the moment.

3. I'm still a bit confused as to how my last 3 luteal phases were 16, 15 and 13 days. 16 to 13 seems like an abnormal amount of variation but I suppose that goes with the territory of post-MC cycles. I have no idea what to expect now going forward in terms of LP length. But, I have to say I'm pretty happy that I didn't have another 16 day LP. I'm too impatient to sit around waiting for AF when I know I'm totally out already.

4. GTKY: where will you be taking your next vacation or weekend getaway? I have absolutely no idea. Probably to visit either my family or DH's family. That's all we ever get to do with our vacation time from work. We literally have ever taken a single "real" vacation (read: a vacation that wasn't going to his parent's house or to visit one of my family members. Or to go to a wedding or funeral or other family event.) I'd really love for us to, at some point, actually have a real vacation. Even if it is just a weekend getaway somewhere relatively nearby.

valleric · February 2016

2) should ovulate in a few days.
3) tired of trying, seeing pregnant friends and cousin. Plus I've been super irritable the last few days.
4) DH and I are going in a cruise in 5 weeks, can't wait!! (Aruba, Grand Turk, Curaçao, Dominican Republic)

BooksForMe23 · February 2016

@AL_TwinCities Your vacation sounds amazing! Good luck at your consult.

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.) WTO, but I'm on cycle day 19, so hopefully I get to move to TWW soon.

3. Rants/raves This planning of BD is really getting to me and DH. We got lucky and got pregnant on our second cycle trying before, so we're not really used to this. He doesn't have a high sex drive anyway, and he's basically making me feel like I'm forcing him, which sucks.

4. GTKY: where will you be taking your next vacation or weekend getaway? DH just told me he booked a trip to the Outer Banks in June! So excited!

zrain · February 2016

2. WTO, CD6, 1st cycle after loss.

3. Spotting is slowing down. I'm nervous about starting to try again. DH and I have only had sex once in the last few weeks (before I miscarried) and I cried. It was weird. I know I want to start TTC again right away, but at the same time I'm a little scared. Trying to focus on the present and not all the what-ifs.

4. DH and I are going on a 2 week trip to Cambodia and Vietnam in a couple weeks. We have dinner plans one night in Phnom Penh with a couple friends who are traveling there at the same time, which should be fun. The first week we'll do sightseeing in Phnom Penh and then fly to Siem Reap to see Angkor Wat and the other temples, and then the second week we'll be on the coast in Vietnam so we can just relax at the beach and explore the town. My brain is still a little too hazy to be very excited, but I'm glad we'll have some time together away from normal life to be distracted and focus on just us.

@AL_TwinCities Your weekend cottage get-away sounds wonderful. I'll keep FX for you that AF doesn't show til tomorrow!

@NamelessAria Sorry about your confusing LP changes.

@valleric Wow, that cruise sounds amazing! How long will it be?

AL_TwinCities · February 2016

@zrain I totally understand feeling conflicted about starting TTC again. Right there with you! If it weren't for the fact that it took us 15 months to get our second BFP, I would be waiting longer. This whole thing is so emotionally draining!

Neikoda · February 2016

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new)
Hey everyone. I'm new to this board but have been on the site consistently since Nov 2015. Two early losses later and DH and I are back for our first cycle TTCAL.

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.)
WTO at the moment.

3. Rants/raves
Yesterday was just a complete meltdown for me. Early this month, I was diagnosed with APS or Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome after some repeat bloodwork due to my two losses. The only treatment options are baby aspirin regiment (which I'm on) or heparin injections. My levels we're 15 then jumped to 25 six weeks later. They said that I need to be at 40 or have another loss before they want to put me on the injections. Also, as soon as I get KU again, I have to go in for immediate blood work for my progesterone levels to see if I need to be on medication. I'm just terrified of getting KU again and not doing everything in my power to save my baby. My OB/GYN has been extremely nice about the whole process, but this stupid disease is barely researched and has no funding, so there isn't much that can be done even with the MFM I was referred to. I just want to do everything in my power to make sure this next time doesn't end the way the others have and I don't feel like I'm being given the resources to do so. I mean, even with medication I'll be at a 20% risk of MC the entire pregnancy. I'm just terrified and ranting to get some of this off of my chest. I feel bad bother DH with it constantly. Sorry for the wall of text. These past few weeks have just been really hard on me. I feel like I'm failing as a woman and a wife.

4. GTKY: where will you be taking your next vacation or weekend getaway?
Not sure yet. DH and I aren't much of vacation types but hopefully within the next year we can plan to go somewhere warm since we skipped our honeymoon to get setup for purchasing a house.

chloe97 · February 2016

2.) Cd 12, 2nd cycle after loss
3.) H and I are supposed to BD tonight and we got in an awful fight this am. My 37th bday is approaching and I asked him if regrets not proposing a year earlier so that we had more time to complete our family. Despite what we've been through, he still doesn't regret it. He doesn't understand what enormous pressure I'm under and if we don't have kids, it will always be MY fault bc of my age. I just wish he could for 1 minute feel as bad as I do or feel any of the blame, but he just doesn't and it pisses me off that not only do I have to put my body on the line again and again, but I also have to endure all the emotional consequences.

I started looking into adoption this weekend. I've made a vow to do whatever it takes to get a biological child. But I'm not sure I can go through a 2nd time and I've always thought that I would have 2-3 kids.

4.) I'm supposed to go on a girls spa weekend in April with my 3 BFFs, which normally I would look forward to, but 1 is pregnant, 1 is undergoing an embryo transfer in March, and the other is trying. I'm deathly afraid that I will be the only one not pregnant when last we were all together, I was the only one pregnant. I know I will be devastated. I'm already trying to think of ways out of it. I'm so sick of TTC and the emotions around it messing up my life.

RiverSong15 · February 2016

@AL_TwinCities I hope AF holds out for you! If not, could you call the office and see if they could run your bloodwork before your consult? If it's all pretty standard, maybe they would?

@NamelessAria I hope your LP gets itself sorted out soon!

@BooksForMe23 hugs. I hope you and your H figure out a system that works for you soon.

@valleric Enjoy your cruise!

@zrain I'm sorry you're feeling conflicted. For me, the first time doing anything after my MC (sex, going to work, drinking, etc) made me the saddest, and it's gotten better from there as things become "normal" again.

@nwegman7878 I'm so sorry for your losses. It just sucks that you know something is wrong, but they're making you wait for another loss before they treat you more aggressively. So many hugs.

ETA:

@chloe97 All the hugs! I'm so sorry things are rough for you right now. Hopefully you can get your H to see your POV.

RiverSong15 · February 2016

2. CD 20. TWW. 1, 2, or 3 DPO, depending on whether FF or OPKs are right.

3. My (almost) positive OPKs aren't lining up with temps and FFs prediction. FF is saying Friday, which is the first afternoon I got an almost positive OPK, which stuck around through Saturday night. I've never gotten a positive OPK, but my almost positives have always lined up with temps before. Ugh. It's complicated by the fact that I slept through my alarm on Sunday and temped late. If I discard that temp, FF says Saturday for O. Not sure what to go with at this point. Friday just doesn't line up with OPKs or my usual pattern.... I guess I'll find out when AF or a positive shows up, but I hate guessing.

4. Not sure. We want to take a long weekend somewhere soon. We've both been working 60+ hour weeks lately, and we need a break.

MamaCoffin · February 2016

2. TWW- CD 16. Ovulated CD 10-11. Will be testing tomorrow because it's my birthday and I'm a glutton for punishment (even though I know likelihood of getting a positive is zero to none). Then I know I'll test every day until BFP or AF. Because I have 20 tests and it's just what I do. Ha!

3. It's snowing and icing here today. Everything is closed/cancelled because my area can't handle any precipitation. People seriously turn into idiots. It's ok. I'm catching up on laundry and cooking. Boiling some eggs right now to make egg salad for lunch. Have dinner in the crock pot! Fireplace is going and the TV is on. All in all not a bad day.

4. We just booked a week in Myrtle Beach June 5th-12th. That's the week I was due. Hopefully if I'm not pregnant again by then the trip will help take our minds off of things!

jlo1019 · February 2016

I should be ovulating in a few days...fingers crossed. No signs of ovulation or anything... Patiently waiting.

Im super tired today. I was up late reading and watching TV and guess I overstimulated myself bc sleeping was difficult. Bleck!

We are planning a family trip to Yellowstone in summer. I'm excited! I've always wanted to go to Montana and Wyoming.

MissPrint1219 · February 2016

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): TWW (6 dpo), 5th cycle after last mc. I'm feeling pretty zen right now and just doing my best to trust that the universe knows what it's doing and that, when it's our time, it'll happen. This is a bit of a change for me, as I would characterize myself as BSC most cycles between the obsessive symptom-spotting and constant peeing on sticks. It feels good to feel good for once.

4. GTKY: where will you be taking your next vacation or weekend getaway?
We'll be heading "home" to Florida in April for a wedding and thinking about making it a long weekend.

@BooksForMe23 - I know exactly how you feel. This was the first month we went back to using the SMEP, which has been effective for me in the past, but just plain feels like WORK!

@zrain - That sound like an awesome trip! Travel safe and enjoy!

@nwegman7878 - I'm so sorry you have to be here, but I hope you find strength & support here.

@Chloe97 - I am so sorry! Sending lots of creepy internet hugs your way.

catiecatp · February 2016

2. Status - TWW (3DPO), 2nd cycle post MC. We hit -1, -3 and +1 this round - FX

3. Rant - my body is responding to the progesterone after ovulation differently than it has in the past - with all my key pregnancy symptoms that I never had before being pregnant (or never noticed) which are clearly not pregnancy symptoms right now but are serving to remind me of being pregnant. I'm slightly dizzy and going to the bathroom all the time. Oh and @RiverSong15 my CM isn't lining up with temperature shifts - it always did pre MC... so frustrating - hard to time BD when my signal isn't accurate.

4. trips? Not sure when but at some point this year we'll go to either Hawaii or Florida (depends on finances and the Canadian dollar) because we have a timeshare that we deferred from last year. We had been planning to go this week but I started to bleed right when we were about to book - we didn't know it was a MC at that point so we delayed booking because travel was not advised and then by the time that we were emotionally ready to think about places it was too late to book flights with any semblance of good rates.

chloe97 · February 2016

@RiverSong15 and @catiecatp My temperature shifts did not line up with CM last month either. FF had me o-ing at CD 17, but I still had ovulation pain and fertile CM at CD 21 and H and I had stopped BD-ing at CD 18. f I believe FF, I had a 14 day LP, if I go based on other signs, it was a 10 day LP. My doctor swears that this sort of weirdness is normal the first few cycles after MC. All you can do is just BD as many days as you possibly can until you are 100% positive that the FW has closed.

@MissPrint1219 Thanks for your thoughts. I have the day off and went to the gym and feel a bit better now. I am going to try to clean out my cupboards to feel productive.

valleric · February 2016

@zrain it's 8 nights. Can't wait!

cjs260 · February 2016

@AL_TwinCities That sounds so cozy!

@valleric That will be so nice to get away from winter for a bit!

@BooksForMe23 I LOVE the outer banks. DH and I went there during a road trip we took a few summers ago before we were married. We just set up a tent at the state park, and it was absolutely perfect. (And super cheap!)

@zrain Uh, who do I talk to to get a vacay like that?! Enjoy!

@nwegman7878 I'm so sorry for your losses. I can't imagine your frustration right now.

@chloe97 I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. Hopefully DH will be able to understand the gravity of how you feel soon.

@RiverSong15 I'm having some frustrations with FF myself, so I know how you feel.

@jenmlangtake2 sounds like the weather we had yesterday, We got several inches of snow yesterday and freezing drizzle this morning. A ton of the kids' schools closed down, but my university was only on a delay, so my deep south raised self got to practice my snow driving this AM.

2. TWW according to FF. Gave me crosshairs this AM at 7 dpo, but I'm skeptical. I had a serious dip at 3 dpo, and have only really gotten high above the cover line for the past 3 days. Trying not to read anything in to it.

*TW- previous BFP mentioned*
3. Rant - this freaking sinus infection I have is unrelenting. Not only does it feel like my face could explode at any minute, but the last time I felt this terrible, I got my bfp a few days later. So not only do I feel like absolute crap, I'm symptom spotting, too. I keep telling myself that it's highly unlikely, and until the cross hairs this morning, I had been counting myself out, thinking that this cycle was anovulatory. I need the logical and rational side of me to win out on this. All I know is that I will be knitting some mittens (and probably something else, too) to keep my mind and hands busy until next Monday.

4. DH and I are planning a trip out to Portland to visit some old friends. We had originally intended to go in July, but a really big opportunity for my husband's band opened up the weekend before we were planning to go, so we might end up pushing it back to August.

fivetimesnoluck · February 2016

Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): Benched for 2 more cycles while new treatment protocol takes effect.

Rants/raves: Today, I'm off, so I am content. Had an appointment this morning so I got up and out of the house. Then I shopped (which I never do, but enjoyed.) and now I'm having a leisurely Mexican lunch, complete with a frozen margarita.

Next Vacation: we will take a weekend trip to Greenville, SC to see Pearl Jam in April! I'm so excited. Saw them in 1992 and haven't seen them again since. But next real vacation is our annual July 4 trip to Massachusetts and Vermont. Dear friends live outside Boston. We fly to them, hang for a day or two and then drive to VT for a camping trip over the 4th. Gone a week and totally unplugged. Already counting down. They have a 2.5 yo daughter. Our first child was supposed to be born two months after her. It's hard. But I can't miss out on life and let the spite or the sad win....I just can't.

Aera11 · February 2016

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): Still benched. Waiting to talk to my RE this week about the pathology results and to discuss acupuncture and our timeline, but I think we have 4 more weeks left before we can TTC again.

3. Rants/raves: We went up north this past weekend (some family and some friends), and one friend who doesn't know we are TTC or about my miscarriages said, "why aren't you drinking? Are you preggers?" Why do people feel the need to point things out and put you on the spot? I had a drink two weeks ago at home and literally sobbed, so drinking isn't a good idea for me right now and it's none of her damn business. I wanted to say, "well why are you single at 31?" but I didn't, because it doesn't matter what age you are when/if you get married and I would have only felt better for a minute before I felt bad. I just wanted her to know how I felt. Ugh, some people...

4. GTKY: where will you be taking your next vacation or weekend getaway? We are going down south (Savannah, HHI and Charleston) in June where DH is from and for a wedding. I really want to go away somewhere now.... it snowed this morning and I want to sit on a beach with a good book and think about nothing. We'll see if that happens.

@zrain I hear you... I am okay with being benched right now, but it scares me to think about going through all of this again. DH and I were talking the other day about it and agreed that we won't start TTC unit we are mentally and emotionally prepared to potentially go through this again...it sounds horribly sad, but I think I'll loose my mind if I have to go through it all over again.

chloe97 · February 2016

@Aera11 Oh my god people who call you out for not drinking are the WORST! My girlfriend did that to me when i was pregnant and forced me to announce it before I was ready. I hated fake drinking. I think it's stupid and not fair. Why can't people just mind their own freaking business? i don't care if people go off and gossip about whether I'm pregnant when im not around, just don't put me on the spot and force me to tell you my sad story. Sorry rant over.

BooksForMe23 · February 2016

@Aera11 I hate it when people feel the need to call you out! And the worst thing is, I did stuff like that back before I was TTC and had my miscarriage! I've certainly learned my lesson.

MamaCoffin · February 2016

@Aera11 I'm dreading that this weekend. Not only is my birthday tomorrow but I'm singing with my friends band at a local club on Friday. I'm not really that much of a drinker.... Ever... But the combination of it being my birthday and performing (not gonna lie.... Whiskey usually helps my performance... Haha) people are going to look at me sideways. I'm going to try to let it go because I'm officially TWW-ing it..... But I'm not sure if I'm prepared.

Edit: I'm not a very private person.... My pregnancy and loss was very public.... But people don't need to know we're trying again.

Af2013nl · February 2016

2) TWW currently 11 dpo, so will be checking later this week. Hopeful but scared at the same time.

3) Not really a rant or a rave...my due date of my first loss would have been this week. A little more emotional than normal but oddly at peace for the most part--which I am thankful for.

4) Most of our vacations these days are visiting family. Just got back from visiting DH family in Florida. Will be traveling to Ireland in a few weeks to visit with my family.

@Aera11--totally agree about how people should mind their own and not blurt thoughts of whether or not people are pregnant out in front of them. It always puts you in an akward situation.

MissPrint1219 · February 2016

@catiecatp - I can totally relate!! After three pregnancies, I know my early symptoms pretty well, and progesterone checked all the boxes including late AF! Thankfully, my MFM disagreed with my OB instructions to start taking it after ovulation, and beginning this cycle, told me to just start when I get a BFP. I'm wondering if that's not why I'm much calmer this cycle - I pushed myself to the BSC limit with the progesterone for the last four months and now I don't have psycho symptoms messing with my head!

Aera11 · February 2016

Right?! Thank you @chloe97 & @BooksForMe23! I literally just starred blankly at her. I hate the feeling of fake drinking too...I did it once when I was pregnant each time and it felt so awkward and weird. It shouldn't matter if I am or am not drinking.

@jenmlangtake2 such a tough situation but hopefully you'll still rock your performance and get to enjoy your birthday! Happy early Birthday!

catiecatp · February 2016

@AL_TwinCities FX AF holds out a few more days so you can get the testing done this cycle rather than wait

@namelessaria we got married in 2006 and didn't take a vacation together until 2012 I think - now we try to go more regularly, but we missed last year because I had to visit my family in Italy. Was a lovely if exhausting trip, and thank goodness we weren't TTC at that point yet because my family and family friends were asking all the time. A few were harmless - we'd talk about their kids and then they'd ask if we had any, and having been married 9 years and being close family/friends it was a reasonable thing to ask. Now I'm glad I don't live nearby... well, they'd all know about the MC so I suppose it would be less of an issue

@valleric@BooksForMe23 and @nwegman7878 - hugs

@zrain - that trip sounds great!

@chloe97 - adoption can be beautiful too - FX you can experience both.

@jenmlangtake2 - I love it when the city shuts down for snow - Calgary never shuts down though, we're too prepared for the white stuff...

@MissPrint1219 - I'm glad you're experiencing calm this cycle - it must be so refreshing

@cjs260 - I love knitting - just finished a Bugle that I'm giving to a cousin

@aera11 - it sucks when people call you out like that - I respond that I prefer my calories in chocolate form, I don't drink much in the first place so it works for me - but you shouldn't have to explain your decisions to anyone. @BooksForMe23 I was the same for saying stupid stuff before TTC - like you I'm more sensitive now.

catiecatp · February 2016

@MissPrint1219 - it seems we were typing at the same time - I have only had the one loss but I wonder about progesterone levels. I don't know that at this point I could convince my GP to test that early after a BFP though - my only rational would be that my prolactin levels have been crazy in the past (to the point that I had an MRI to check my pituitary gland a few years ago). I'm scared that something is actually wrong and that we'll have to go through a few losses that could be prevented. But I guess that's normal worries once you've had a MC - I was worried in my first pregnancy about a MC but it was in an abstract sense.

Knottie12904461 · February 2016

Hi!

1. Benched until after next AF. AF this weekend was 4 weeks from CP and decreasing hcg (came normal 2/11/16 and my hcg was still 8 that day).
2. Rant: like the others, my DH doesn't have a high sex drive either so sometimes I feel like I'm forcing him as well. Rave: had first GYN appt this morning and aside from being benched, I was given a clean bill of health--transvag US in office normal. DH was with me and to his credit (gets queasy at the word "band-aid"), stayed for the US and was totally fine with it! :-) Also rave: GYN NEVER mentioned my age as a factor! (I'm 37).
3. Vacation (we live in OR): a few weekends in NY and TX to see my family, but DH and I spend our anniversary week in October with his mom in New Orleans. It was around the time I was to be due so it will be a welcome distraction.

megsbrock · February 2016

Hey all,
The fake drinking and the constant scrutiny of oh she's drinking, not drinking....I feel you. It's SO annoying. There could be so many reasons one does not feel like drinking on a certain day-why is it anyone's business to comment? People are so close minded. I would like to think that these days people know better, but they don't. People just don't get it.
after all this time of TTC I feel that my close friends and family finally have learned to lay off the questions about drinking, but acquaintances not so much. I guess they wouldn't know my story but still - stop prying losers.

Status: WTO. I am thinking it's happening tomorrow.

Rant: a co-worker is bugging me to go snowshoeing on our lunch break tomorrow. I am not up for it tomorrow since I will have dance class tomorrow night, which will be tough enough after a few weeks off, and I just don't want to put my body thru it especially on O day. When I finally said to her, listen I am just trying to be careful over my body these days (she is well aware of my two losses and TTC) and she said "ok fine, play that card". She was joking but seriously....i expect more understanding from her, since she had to use a sperm donor for both pregnancies and went through her own stress about it.

Rave: My husband made us a beautiful Valentine's dinner at home this weekend. I was really surprised and impressed. He printed a little menu and everything.

Next vacation: Florida with the in-laws end of March into April. There's a bunch of us going down together. My in-laws go every second year for 6 weeks, we had always wanted to join and this year we are finally doing it. Looking forward to some sun, sand, and Disney

Too bad the Canadian dollar is so bad right now though - DH will be happy for me to keep shopping at a minimum.

m6agua · February 2016

Sorry for not responding to anyone's posts today, I'm just having a rough day. I skimmed through them. FX for everyone.

Status: TWW 10DPO. Very little spotting today. AF should be here by Friday.

Rant: I am having a hard TTCAL day today, I cried my entire 40 minute drive home. I noticed my PMS symptoms are more prominent since my MC, which doesn't make it any easier. Of course yesterday I seen a pregnancy announcement from a girl I went to college with. It will be her second. I was really hoping this would be our cycle. Looks like it won't be. I don't plan on doing anything the rest of the day. I'm going to curl up on the couch today and just watch The Bachelor.

Vacation: H and I aren't really big on traveling. We don't have anything planned. Unless you count a day trip to Milwaukee. We will be going in May to see Kevin Smith in the evening and hang out and do something down there during the day.

@zrain You asked about my tattoo last week. It is still healing and I plan on getting a few touch ups once it is healed.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/qt/chuqw4jincjo.jpg

beff12 · February 2016

1. Hey guys, I'm new here

*TW - loss/child mentioned* I've been lurking since our MC in October and figured I should go ahead and jump on in. We lost our baby at 8w1d. We have an 18 month old daughter that was born in July 2014! And also a big stinky golden retriever. I am excited to offer support to all of you lovely people!

2. Current status: TWW. That's what made me decide to man up and post - I'm so in my head and am driving myself crazy. I know that you ladies know exactly what I'm feeling. My period should start Saturdayish and I feel so pregnant but keep having negative tests. I'm afraid it's all in my head.

3. Rant: I'm mad at myself for not tracking ovulation/symptoms/cycles better. I feel like a TTC slacker! I use Fertility Friend and know kind of when I ovulated but I feel like I should really know specifics.

4. Vacation plans: DH and I have talked about traveling somewhere around Memorial Day, when our baby would have been due.

GhanimaAtreides · February 2016

Edit to add: I changed my screen name from Lizzie5831 to this.

@nwegman7878 I'm sorry your going through so much uncertainty with your treatment path of action and a little-researched diagnosis. It sounds like you're doing all the research you can and trying to be proactive.

@chloe97 I feel you on the trip hesitations. Last year I was the first one pregnant in my group of friends after a huge group dry-spell. Within the next 3 months 4 others announced they were pregnant. I miscarried and they're all in their 3rd trimester. It feels so irrationally unfair. WE started this round of baby-craze (ok, it's incredibly egocentric to think anyone else's family planning decisions have anything to do with us, but my mind goes there) and we have to look on from the outside as they cross the finish line.

@Aera11 People who have never BTDT (with trouble TTCing or losses) just.don't.get.that it's not all sunshine and rainbows. It literally doesn't occur to them. Nobody really talks about it. It took me a few months to get there, but I now just give a bare bones explanation. It usually makes the other person really embarrassed/feeling a little foot-in-mouth, but it's a mistake they won't make again. Before I got to that point, I found hiding my pain & discomfort was prolonging the grieving process. I felt wildly out of control when it came to constantly being put in awkward situations. But they were only awkward for me. Now when I make that simple statement, the awkwardness becomes their issue. Which is only fair, they brought it up. It should be their burden.

@MissPrint1219 It's good to know you can wait until a +hpt before starting progesterone. I have a bit leftover from last time and I've been afraid of wasting it on an unsuccessful cycle, but also afraid of it being too late to make a difference if I waited for a +.

@m6agua 10DPO is still a bit early if you had good timing. Fingers crossed for you.

Status: WTO CD6

R/R/CS: This is really the most chill part of the cycle, not a thing to worry about. DH passed the home SpermCheck Fertility test for count, so that's good. I guess the only thing on my mind that I can't shake is the study someone in another group brought up about recurrent losses being caused by indescriminate endometrial cells... Basically certain women have linings that are receptive to any egg, whether high or low quality (to be m/c'd later), whereas normal women's lining is only receptive to high-quality eggs. That's why it's supposed to take up to a year. It fits for my mom, she always said getting KU was never the problem, keeping a pregnancy was (huge red flag) she's para 9 gravida 2, herself a fraternal twin with 7 brothers and sisters. I'm terrified I'll end up the same. What if it doesn't take long enough and I miscarry what should've never implanted in the first place or end up with a severely disabled kid because my screening process is shit? I know there's plenty of reasons to m/c, but it feels like my family history fits... Am I weird to worry about this?

Layman article: https://m.livescience.com/22706-super-fertility-recurrent-miscarriages.html

Actual study: https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0041424

Vacation: Last year was the first year we experimented with a bunch of weekend getaways to the mountains and surrounding lakes instead of one big budget-blowing-too-short vacay. It was so much more enjoyable to spread them out! We have 7 weekends away planned from April-October plus a week TBD this summer with my BFF & her family who moved out of state last year.

BornReady · February 2016

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.) TWW here... the count down begins.

3. Rants/raves: Not much going on here. Just plugging along to my yearly appt with the OBGYN on Thursday. I'm hoping to get my progesterone checked as it will be CD21. I continue to suspect that's an issue, both for my loss and during TTC since. We'll see how receptive the doctor is to my inquiries!

4. GTKY: where will you be taking your next vacation or weekend getaway? We have a few ideas kicking around, but nothing planned yet. My husband travels very frequently for work, so he likes to stay home when he has the chance. We still travel fairly often, but have been in a planning rut lately. We are thinking some time in Santa Barbara, CA in the spring or fall. Also I have a class coming up in DC in the spring which should be a nice distraction.

@beff12 Welcome and sorry for your loss. We have a similar story, big smell retrieve and all! My son is May 2014 and I also miscarried a late May/early June 2016 baby around when you did.

FiancB · February 2016

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new) Had a MMC ending in a D&E a couple months ago. I was 8 weeks but baby was only 5-6.

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.) WTO

3. Rants/raves: this is my third cycle and things still aren't normal. I had a long, heavy period with spotting through CD10. Now it's CD18 and I've never ovulated later than CD17.

4. GTKY: where will you be taking your next vacation or weekend getaway? We will be in San Francisco in a month!

penelope4612 · February 2016

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): We are officially off the bench. We avoided this cycle b/c of a number of reasons, but since I already ovulated, we will technically be "trying" once AF comes.

3. Rants/raves: I think I complained about this last week, but I totally ovulated days earlier than ever before this cycle, and this was the only cycle I have been counting on ovulating at my normal time (CD 20) so I wouldn't have my period on vacation. WTF, body.

@NamelessAria - I know how you feel. My LP was almost always 13-14 days (there was one 12 day one in there) and then last cycle it was 15 days. It was also my 3rd cycle after my loss so it's even more odd that it was suddenly longer. I do wonder sometimes if FF calculates my O day correctly. I often have a bunch of low temps (low 97ish) and then a middle-rise to 97.4 or 97.5, and then the next day it jumps to high 97s/98. It always counts the low temp as the day I ovulated, but sometimes I wonder if it's the 97.4 day. This cycle I was playing around with my CM (like, marking it as watery on some days and not others) and it switches the day it predicts that I ovulated. Since I wasn't really tracking that closely (since we weren't TTC) I didn't record accurately in the first place, so who knows.

@Aera11 - ugh I feel you. The drinking police. Like, shut the F up. Seriously. Sometimes I purposely drink just to prove I'm not pregnant to avoid those questions. There is a girl who I work with, who I'm not terribly close with, who got married in the fall and people kept asking her, month after month, if she was pregnant yet. And she finally said "We're not trying but if we were you all would be making me feel really terrible for not being pregnant every month". I have no idea if she's trying or not, but good for her.

@nwegman7878 and @m6agua, sorry things are so sad/frustrating right now. Hang in there. *hugs*

4. GTKY: where will you be taking your next vacation or weekend getaway? We are going to Hawaii on Friday for a week and I am so pumped!

silentP · February 2016

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.)
No longer benched! Doctor said once I get another BFP, they will see me right away. He said I could also consult a fertility specialist first (since I have had two losses), but I don't think I am there yet, so we will try again.

3. Rants/raves: This is my third period post MC and it's so awful. Of course, this makes me wonder if I got pregnant too soon after my first loss (waited two cycles, as instructed) but now I am having doubts that my body didn't recover fully. Sigh.

4. GTKY: where will you be taking your next vacation or weekend getaway? no plans yet, aside from probably visit family this summer in NY/NJ. I would love a weekend away with DH, though.

mylittleversailles · February 2016

** TW Some details of loss mentioned**

2. Hmm, not sure where I am right now. Bleeding from my medical miscarriage (I was 10 + 1 when I took the Misoprostol; 9 +2 when the baby stopped growing) just ended after 15 days, a couple days ago. I may have ovulated already as my hormones were low enough. I supposed Benched is still the official consensus, as I am waiting for my first menstrual period and the word on a 5 cm fibroid next week before we can start actively TTC again.

3. Minuses, One of my closest friends is aggressively CHILD FREE and completely abandoned me when I was pregnant and ill. She is mentally ill and I love her and hope she'll get the help she needs, but she felt the need to poke me with a metaphorical stick into a frenzy, which had me worried sick that the anxiety would cause a miscarriage. A few days later we found the baby had died and I just couldn't deal with her anymore (Rationally I know that's not the cause, but that's impossible to feel whilst bereaved). She just won't let it go, won't leave me alone and is making it all about her. People I hardly know have reached out, sent letters and touched my heart and she - the person I send flowers every time one of her rescue rabbits dies - can only think of herself through all this. I'm at a loss and so bitterly disappointed that this is the point in time she's chosen to stop growing as a person.

My emotions are way out of whack and I cry every time I have to go somewhere and I totally ruined our Valentine's evening by spending the whole afternoon crying my eyes out about how I looked and how I feel. Self-hatred is my go-to place when my anxiety is high and there just feels like there's so much more to hate these days. I don't even remember what normal is anymore; I don't feel like I had a life before we found out our baby's heart had stopped.

On the pluses, my hemoglobin is superhuman. Hasn't dropped at all, which amazed my nurse, as I am a long term vegetarian and it's something you can easily struggle with when only getting plant-based iron.Everything else looks in order, too, so hopefully the fibroid doesn't need any treatment and we're on track to making a healthy rainbow baby.

My husband and I have some amazing friends, they've done so much emotional work for us in these past weeks. I'm planning my first dinner for this Sunday, so I'll throw my heart and soul into making it special, I think.

My Chromebook bit the dust last week, so we got a new laptop for me and it means I can do more work with my photography and that I can play The Sims again. Helps when I'm stuck in bed with an inopportunely timed cold and a serious lack of motivation to do anything I used to enjoy.

4. GTKY: where will you be taking your next vacation or weekend getaway? I am the certifiably the worst traveller in the world. I am obsessed with not being late, which means we're three hours early for the plane or train or bus. I panic. I can't sit still once we're moving. I can't read or play games because of motion sickness. I am too nervous and panicky to talk about anything interesting. Once we're there, I just want to go home, but then we have to go through the trouble of the plane or train or bus again. I'm not fun. I am OK at roadtrips in a car, but neither my husband nor myself drives.

That said, I've never taken DH home to Winnipeg to meet my family (I'm only in contact with my Grandma and one aunt but I love them unbelievable amounts) so we're going to have to do that soon. I really only like visiting Montreal, it's home and it's always beautiful and we have so many friends there we don't have to book an AirBnB or anything. Yeah, I'm not one with the wanderlust.

All the best to everyone here this week!

Edited for spelling.

Megan198623 · February 2016

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.) WTO/TWW need to confirm with temping, but fairly certain I ovulated.

3. Rants/raves: rant-Valentine's day pregnancy announcements were all over Facebook of course. My first ultrasound was supposed to be tomorrow, I am hoping to stop thinking about how many weeks I should be sometime soon.
Raves- I seem to have ovulated and our timing is really good!

4. GTKY: where will you be taking your next vacation or weekend getaway

Hawaii! Probably the end of April for a week. I have never been, so I am really excited!

beff12 · February 2016

@BornReady thank you! I hate that our stories are so similar but am always glad for a community of support. People that haven't been through this just don't understand, try as they may. I'm glad that you have your son and stinky dog to get you through the rough days!

cjs260 · February 2016

@reneeannemm I am right there with you on the self-hatred. I'm not a fan of my body in general, then add to it the further betrayal, and it's a recipe for disaster. I don't really have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry that you're having to go through this and I'm right here with you. Sending creepy internet hugs your way.

TTCAL check-in 2/15

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