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December 2015 Moms
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In Laws - How is Everyone Doing?

sardavbaksardavbak member
in December 2015 Moms
I know a ton of people were stressed about dealing with the in laws while pregnant, just curious if things turned out as bad as anticipated? 

For me, my MIL was supposed to stay a week to help us out after the baby was born, but after 3 days of her sitting on her butt on the couch playing games on her phone and then asking at 6pm "what's for dinner?" I told my husband she needed to go home. It was so stressful needing to constantly get up to go to my room every time the baby needed to eat, and she wasn't even doing anything to help us! Now she's coming again this weekend for a visit and is already driving me crazy! Ugh, I hope this weekend goes by quickly! 
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Re: In Laws - How is Everyone Doing?

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  • JElizbettyJElizbetty member
    Mine has decided to make a nursery at her house. She already has a crib, now she's getting clothes and whatever else. Is that bad? I don't know how to feel about it yet. She does also charge at me and grab my baby the second she sees us but I let it slide because who wouldn't want to cuddle with a baby. 
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  • kdoak2015kdoak2015 member
    My MIL and I had it out big time a few weeks ago. There were so many factors I don't even want to discuss it'll be a novel but the topper was an email telling us which type of formula we should be supplementing with and stating she would pick it up for us. She made excuses all Xmas so she could come over. Since our blow up she has calmed down a bit but is still crazy with the baby. She comments on every pic we post on fb, she hogs her the entire time she's visiting and is just crazy. She talked about buying teething stuff when we were over last stating she bought a bunch of stuff for her. She's not even teething yet. Urg she's crazy and is going to be the death of me. 
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  • blended10blended10 member
    My mil & her wife split up right after our dd was born so she's been spending A LOT of time here. Since we're co-sleeping she has an air mattress in the nursery & comes for days at a time. At first it really bothered me but now that parenting 2 kids has brought me to my knees I embrace the help. She entertains ds & holds dd whenever I need but doesn't hog her up. I am forever grateful. 
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  • Court11152325Court11152325 member
    My mil was here for a few days after DD was born, but we were in the hospital for a lot of it because we both (DD and myself) got an infection. When we did get home I was so clueless about breastfeeding that I was so worried I wasn't producing enough. Mil never breastfed so she told me I needed to use formula. Thank goodness I only broke down and gave her an ounce before just sticking it out with BFing. Also her baby talk makes me cringe. DH facetimes with her so she can see DD and I have to leave the room.
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  • chodge29chodge29 member
    My poor husband has the inlaw stories unfortunately. I've had more problems from my family. My in laws have been great. They drop by alot but they don't overstay their welcome and have helped us out so much. The only trouble I had was breastfeeding in front of them (my MIL and sister in law) but I just eventually got over it and do it infront of them and go to my bedroom if my FIL is hanging around.

    I was worried about my father coming up more than anything when we had the baby and should have went with my initial decision to not let him stay with us. He was horrible ( smoked in my house while we were in the hospital and tried to cover it up with febreeze, drank behind my back(on my porch) when I told him he wasn't allowed hard liquor in the house, lied to my face while bragging to my husband and expected my husband not to tell me. He even brought pot and got mad that my husband was staying with me and the baby and not spending time with him. I learned my lesson and he will be staying in a hotel from now on if he wants to spend time with us.

    I love my family but I am so thankful that I moved closer to my husband's family when stuff like this happens :)
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  • dmendo01dmendo01 member
    My mil has really been fine. She's brought us dinner several times and had short visits with the baby. She doesn't hog her but she does try to help me with diaper changes and bouncing her if she's crying. My mother is the one I've been more irritated with. She means well but she is very "I know best." And it makes me crazy.
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  • preggoandglowingpreggoandglowing member
    I have this weird idea that my MIL is a pervert lol! She always follows me to the nursery during DD's diaper changes to "help me" when I've made it clear that I've got it, and she really wants to give DD a bath and always wants me to breastfeed. She loves talking to me about breastfeeding and even told me she wanted to watch me do it. I avoid her and actually screamed at DH to come and get our out of the nursery last time I was going to change and feed DD. Aside from that, her and FIL have been visiting twice a week since DD was born. I have never denied them coming over, all we asked is for them to call ahead (same day) and yet I still heard MIL complaining to my sister that they "have to make an appointment to see their own granddaughter." Worst of all, my mom told me that MIL asked her if she can watch DD Mons and Weds because she meets with her craft club those days and she'll take over the other days. Ummm... I don't go back to work for 3 more months and have never discussed with her that she will watch DD. Ugh! 
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  • rmarie13rmarie13 member
    preggoandglowing said:
    I have this weird idea that my MIL is a pervert lol! She always follows me to the nursery during DD's diaper changes to "help me" when I've made it clear that I've got it, and she really wants to give DD a bath and always wants me to breastfeed. She loves talking to me about breastfeeding and even told me she wanted to watch me do it. I avoid her and actually screamed at DH to come and get our out of the nursery last time I was going to change and feed DD. Aside from that, her and FIL have been visiting twice a week since DD was born. I have never denied them coming over, all we asked is for them to call ahead (same day) and yet I still heard MIL complaining to my sister that they "have to make an appointment to see their own granddaughter." Worst of all, my mom told me that MIL asked her if she can watch DD Mons and Weds because she meets with her craft club those days and she'll take over the other days. Ummm... I don't go back to work for 3 more months and have never discussed with her that she will watch DD. Ugh! 
    Mine wants to change DD too! She takes forever changing her and I tried to warn her but she wouldnt listen and DD peed all over her spare bed... I leave the room to bf and she'll pop in "to see if I need anything". She doesn't know but on Christmas Eve I spotted her out of the corner of my eye creeping by the door and watching me bf!! Just watching and smiling... Last time I changed her after I fed her and she got weird bc she "wanted to show her friend her butt" 
    Things are worse than I thought. Lots of nasty comments, insults and guilt trips. I'm over it.

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  • chewie5990chewie5990 member
    We live with my inlaws while waiting to move to our new house (which thankfully is also in a different city). They are a great help and I'm thankful everyday that we are able to live with them rent free as it has been a great opportunity for us to save a lot of money before we move. However my MIL is a bit crazy. I know she means well and love DS but she just has very different parenting beliefs than me and my DH. She always thinks DS is freezing, she always wants to bring him to their outdoor church early in the morning when it's still cold, and she always wants to feed him but then after 1 ounce will says he's not hungry (he's just a really slow eater with the bottle). My FIL is much better and is amazing with DS and sometimes he calms MIL down...but I will definitely be happy when we finally move and have our own place again. 
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  • dec15mumdec15mum member
    My SO's father made a "joke" about how my son wasn't breathing just to see my reaction...
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  • yl1m32015yl1m32015 member
    My dh and fil have had to put mil in her place, and ever since its been...tolerable. When I was pregnant she made a nursery in their home, fully furnished. No idea why. She won't be babysitting. My baby has no reason to spend ample amount of time there. Mil is very irritated that dd is 3 mo old and has never used any of the nursery crap at her house lol, and she won't. She desperately wants to babysit and "be alone with her grandbaby" which is actually making me feel uncomfortable and she has not babysat yet, and I don't know that she will for awhile. There's no way I'd trust her with dd right now after all that crap she's done.

    Shes super annoying on Facebook, but whatever. I can be civil every few weeks. That's how often we see them. She wants to see her everyday, but my sanity won't handle that, so dh and I agree that every few weeks we can tolerate her for an hour or so. That's literally the best we can do for her. 

    Oh, she did totally try to ruin dds baptism a few weeks ago, but dh caught her and shut it down immediately before I even saw anything. I was grateful for that. 
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  • amye02amye02 member
    My future MIL doesn't take no for an answer. "It's not a good day" doesn't work on her and will dictate the time of her visit. When she brings food it's always things I can't eat and I get stuck with a sink full of dishes. She tried yesterday  (Valentine's Day) with "what time can I visit" but I told her we wouldn't be home, it was easier than trying to say no and have her show up anyway. 
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  • dec15mumdec15mum member
    amye02 said:
    dec15mum said:
    My SO's father made a "joke" about how my son wasn't breathing just to see my reaction...
    When my heart dropped out of my throat, he would have been spitting out his teeth. That's freaking horrible
    It was cruel. I said that's NOT something you even joke about but he found it amusing so...
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  • preggoandglowingpreggoandglowing member
    @rmarie13 @yl1m32015 What is up with these women wanting to be "alone" with the babies?! I told DH my concern and he called me crazy but then I showed him an article I read where a woman discovered her MIL letting her baby suckle on her boob!!  Now I've got him wondering because he has seen her getting pushy about bfeeding
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  • redfallonredfallon member
    We went to my husband's hometown this past weekend for his grandmother's funeral. I originally planned to leaved on Saturday (got there Thursday afternoon/left after DD got out of school) and funeral was on Friday afternoon. DH was going to stay on another night to deal with some family stuff. I decided to stay another night with the kids so that the grandparents (MIL and SFIL) could spend more time with them and leave Sunday afternoon instead. One of the reasons is that they kept MILs hair appt after the funeral (weird?) so she didn't get home until a couple of hours after we did. So she missed spending time with SIL and her two girls, who she rarely gets to see because SIL needed to get home for work (3.5 hr drive for them).

    Well, they decided to go to church and Sunday school (fine, but they usually don't make it - not sure why this weekend was one that they decided they needed to make it) which took them from the house from 9-noon. Then instead of coming back to their house directly after church like they told DH they were going to, they went to TSC, and then went to another store after that. 

    So much for wanting to spend more time with the grandkids. We didn't wait for them to get home and left after lunch and after DH had talked to them when they told him they were at those two different stores. My 2 yr old had gotten sick with a high fever, anyway, and I wanted to get her home. 

    Jamie


    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers


     Lilypie First Birthday tickers

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  • RSB1982RSB1982 member
    My in laws have visited twice, once for the birth and again when DD was 5 weeks.  They live in NC and we live in OH.  They are not too obnoxious when they are here.  The baby talk is annoying and MIL does tend to hog her but it's nice to have a bit of a break.  I got some great sleep the last time they were here.  

    If we lived closer to them I would probably be going insane.  Dd is the first granddaughter after 4 grandsons and they are pretty excited.  MIL did not hold back at my shower - everyone knew she wanted a girl (we were team green).  I thought it was so rude!  She really made it seem like she wouldn't be as excited with a boy.  
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  • ammnam14ammnam14 member
    My IL's have been amazing. I was in and out of the hospital for a few days and they gladly watched DD overnight. We stayed the night with them a few nights as well and MIL took the night shift. Just last night MIL took DD for the night so we could have a night out for Vday. I love them and am so grateful! 
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  • yl1m32015yl1m32015 member
    preggoandglowing said:
    @rmarie13 @yl1m32015 What is up with these women wanting to be "alone" with the babies?! I told DH my concern and he called me crazy but then I showed him an article I read where a woman discovered her MIL letting her baby suckle on her boob!!  Now I've got him wondering because he has seen her getting pushy about bfeeding
    Omg, ew. But I wouldn't put that past my mil. She has zero boundaries and just does not get appropriate social etiquette. 
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  • littlebitmomlittlebitmom member
    My MIL couldn't believe I would be going back to work and that my parents would be keeping DD. She told my husband she thought we would have the finances for me to be able to stay home. 1. I want to go back to work 2. We "lent" (gave, they will never pay us back) them almost 4 months salary to save their house (they lost it anyways). I want to tell her so badly that if we hadn't of had to give them money, I could have stayed out longer. Ugh!!!  She is the worst.  She also demands a picture everyday. She doesn't want to look at pictures on FB she wants her own. There is SO much more to type but it really would be a novel. She is an
    unhappy person who likes to pass that misery on....
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  • oregonmommy-2oregonmommy-2 member
    Omg I would shit my pants if I found out my MIL let the baby suck on her boob!!! She is cray but I don't think she would go that far!! 

    She is just over the top she doesn't know boundaries she always tells me she will be over when she is in town. She says she has to see the baby at least every other day. And every day she calls me and asks how he is doing. I just say "he is fine, just like yesterday" and she also wants a picture of him every single day.. It must be a MIL thing.. Trying to see just how far they can push us.. Unlucky for mine I have a big mouth and say what I think.. I'm sure she is always thrilled with that.. Lol 
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  • mltarriomltarrio member
    My in-laws are perfectly lovely people, who I really enjoy, but they have surprised me with how little they have helped. We have needed a lot of help, (emergency c section, some complications, high needs baby), and have leaned on my parents a lot, and my in-laws have barely even offered to help. They only live an hour away and have never even offered to babysit. They come to visit every few weeks, and sometimes bring food, but that's about it. They are big on giving people their space, so maybe that has something to do with it. Not complaining, but they have been different than I expected. 

    On on a side note, I am still not comfortable breast feeding in front of them. I want to get better about it, but I just can't take my boob out in front of them. And my MIL was the biggest hippy dippy flower child ever. I know she wouldn't care. I am a prude haha. 
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  • rmarie13rmarie13 member
    preggoandglowing said:
    @rmarie13 @yl1m32015 What is up with these women wanting to be "alone" with the babies?! I told DH my concern and he called me crazy but then I showed him an article I read where a woman discovered her MIL letting her baby suckle on her boob!!  Now I've got him wondering because he has seen her getting pushy about bfeeding
    Ugh that makes me want to vomit!!!!
    Her pushy-weirdness makes me not want to let her babysit, ever. She has all of these old toys from when my nephew was a baby (6+ years ago) they look disgusting even though she's cleaned them. The ones that used to light up and play songs are broken... The dingy stuffed animals make me cringe  :s all I can think about is DD putting that crap in her mouth! She also has one of my nephews old bottles "for water" ....seriously?? She buys her clothes all the time when she knows we don't want any more clothes. Why can't she buy some new toys for her house or a freaking bottle!?

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  • steffnstuffsteffnstuff member
    We took the kids to DH's grandmother's house this weekend. It was most of the family's first time seeing LO. I wasn't thrilled about everyone holding her, but I didn't complain because they were good about it for the most part-not a whole lot of passing her around and they took the time to ask before they did so, which I appreciated. DH and I were taking the kids to the movies afterward, but when it was time to go, his grandmother didn't want to give me the baby! I literally played mini tug of war with over MY child! Dh came into the room and put her in her place but I was pissed!  She then asked why we couldn't just leave the baby with her and come back after the movie to get her. Um, first of all, the child is ebf so she has to be with me no matter what. Secondly, I don't even leave my older kids with her EVER, so why would I leave my infant? She then went on this rant about how I should've pumped a bottle so she could keep the baby, and then asked why didn't I just let dh take the kids to the movies and I stay there so she could spend more time with the  baby. Um hello, this is a family outing. I would much rather spend time with my dh and kids than with you while you hog my baby and only acknowledge me for feeding time. 
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  • LizzyJones22LizzyJones22 member
    My MIL is a fall risk. She falls a lot (possibly due to what I think is an addiction to prescription pain medication) and fell in the parking lot the night my daughter was born. After she fell we made a strict rule that she cannot walk around with the baby. She must be sitting down to hold her because if she fell and dropped the baby that would be the end of her holding her EVER. Plus we have a dog that likes to hang out right under your feet, and a cat that darts around the house.  She's super butt hurt about this, and always wants to come over when DH is at work because she thinks I won't say anything when she gets up and walks around with the baby. It's all she talks about and focuses on when she visits, and I just want to scream! Sit on the freaking couch and enjoy your grand daughter. Stop whining that we won't let you walk around with her.  She's had surgery on her shoulder too, so that's another reason I'm scared she's going to drop her. My anxiety SKYROCKETS when she comes to visit.
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  • littlebitmomlittlebitmom member
    @LizzyJones22 omg, I'm so sorry. How ridiculous that she can't get past not being able to walk around with her.

    All these stories, while horrible, do make me feel so not alone when it comes to my terrible MIL. 
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  • teachmegs817teachmegs817 member
    I am beyond lucky and blessed to have a MIL who is great with DS.  She has warmed up to him right from the moment he was born.  We didn't initially get a warm and fuzzy feeling from her when we announced we were pregnant and throughout.  It wasn't until DS was born that it hit her, on how amazing it is to be a grandma. She is in love with him and has been there to help out whenever we've needed something.  My mom is staying home to watch LO at our house, while I am back to work. So far, so good on both the In Law end and with my own family.  :)
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  • soccsm13soccsm13 member
    You all are making me feel blessed with my inlaws! They are pretty hands off and we don't see them nearly as often as my parents, but I think they just don't want to impose.
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  • navyblueladybugnavyblueladybug member
    edited February 2016
    If DH tells his family not to do something or that he doesn't like something they immediately do the opposite just to get a rise out of him. It's so annoying! He made it very clear that DD would never wear anything that said "Princess" on it... Daddy's princess or little princess clothes were out of the question... So what does the family do? Gives her a bunch of princess crap for Christmas! His Mom even got her a specially made tiara!!! Most of the stuff got tossed in the trash so they just wasted their money. They're just so annoying and I have to deal with his bad mood when we go home. Ugh! DH said DD would be so spoiled (she's the first girl on both sides)... Well, his sister didn't even come to my shower because she had a migraine and for Christmas, besides the tiara, all she got from his Mom was an ugly ass blanket that's now in her closet and a blanket she had knitted by a lady at church from yarn that DH picked out... She didn't even pick out the damn yarn!!! It's not about what they buy her, that's not the point, they're just so frustrating to be around too! Of course I got asked if I was still BFing and when I said no, they asked why and wouldn't drop it. I got pretty short with them after that. It's nice to be 5 hours away from them now... And I'm not going to visit with them when I go see my family next month! 

    Edited because use when I added my own smiley face all the stuff after it was deleted
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  • littlebitmomlittlebitmom member
    @sardavbak guess her feelings will just have to be hurt... Unbelievable!  What in the world would make her think that is ok?!
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  • oregonmommy-2oregonmommy-2 member
    My favorite is when I'm breastfeeding and my MIL or husbands grandma will come over and talk to my baby and poke at his face.. Hello I don't need my nipples or anything.. I've never been shy about my body (my MIL has helped take care of me after I had surgery) and I've never been shy to change or anything around them. So they would think I was weird if I went into another room to BF. Although sometimes I wish I had that excuse. 
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  • sardavbaksardavbak member
    Why do people think it's okay to talk to a baby while it is breastfeeding?? Let the baby focus on eating, and keep your face away from my boob, thanks! Lol
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  • celainevcelainev member
    My MIL has been much better than I expected! I was anticipating overbearing, and she definitely was in the beginning, but she's calmed down. During labor she was obnoxiously texting my DH that she needed to be there, but we refused. For the first few weeks of DS' life she was very jealous that she only saw DS once a week. Now she is much better about it. 
    She also babysat for us the other night for Valentines and I was very grateful. She did a good job. 
    I also am probably wearing rose-coloured glasses because she took DS and I on a shopping spree to Carters. Haha. It was very nice of her to let me pick out outfits for him. 

    All in all, I'm happy with her!
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  • Knottie65841689Knottie65841689 member
    Mi MIL started "sharing" to much advice with me, so I stopped visiting. Last time she said they had taken one of my SIL babies to get earrings without her permission, so I am never leaving my girl with them. *_*
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  • blended10blended10 member
    Knottie65841689 said:
    Mi MIL started "sharing" to much advice with me, so I stopped visiting. Last time she said they had taken one of my SIL babies to get earrings without her permission, so I am never leaving my girl with them. *_*
    What?! That's way over the line!! I don't blame you!
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  • amye02amye02 member
    edited February 2016
    Need to vent: future SIL texted @ 10am "my mom and I are on our way" I'd just gotten DS down for a nap, fiancé and I were cleaning, unshowered...and she wasn't kidding. Who the heck drops in on new parents at 10am on a Saturday? >:(

    ETA the mother only burped DS once during his bottle and then told me "babies need to cry it out" when he started screaming
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