In laws crossed the line

Re: In laws crossed the line

• LIly436 member

  February 2016

  So what made you so upset? Was he not permitted to touch her? Did you ask him why he closed the door? MAybe he just wanted to calm her

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• Achae member

  February 2016

  cew810 said:

  so today I took my 5 week old to visit the in laws without my husband. She has been extremely fussy lately and only wants to nurse. I told them this up front. However , my father in law took her during one of her fits and went into his bedroom and SHUT THE DOOR! The first time he came back out soon after but then he did it again! The second time I went in and got her. I didn't say anything but I'm wondering how I should deal with this with my husband. Would you be upset too? 

  He probably just wanted to help give you a break. If she continued crying then I'd have gone in and gotten her as well. The end. To me it wouldn't warrant a discussion/intervention from my husband. 

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• cew810 member

  February 2016

  I think I was just upset that I couldn't see her. And I knew she only wanted me. I'm a FTM and get emotional a lot. I don't think I'll say anything about it now that I've calmed down a bit. 

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• Latina211508 member

  February 2016

  I personally wouldn't be ok with anyone taking my child into another room and then shutting a door. But that's personally me. I wouldn't even let anyone get that far lol. I would tell him straight out not to do this again. I think it's good to make things clear or it can happen again. This is your baby, don't let anyone make you feel uncomfortable. 

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• BabySeaTurtles member

  February 2016

  I also wouldn't be okay with an intentional closed door like that. Especially when it's a man with the baby because you just never know. Be open and clear about boundaries and hopefully it won't happen again.

  
  
  

  
  

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• cjd&k member

  February 2016

  It could have been very harmless; him trying to help calm baby. But in my opinion, I would have said something right away or at least followed showing that you want to be with baby. You're kind of stuck in an awkward spot now because it's happened twice and you didn't mention it being a problem. I definitely would make sure your feelings are known. You're mom and you should not feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't be comfortable with anyone going to another room with baby, especially while baby is crying. Because 1) baby probably is hungry or needs to be changed aka needs mom or dad and 2) it isn't any one else's job to take charge like that and leave my sight, without asking. I would suggest trying not to bring it up negatively to DH

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• kgcnyc member

  February 2016

  My mother in law did something similar over the weekend. We were all out in the living room and she said "let me go rock him", which I didn't initially feel weird about until I realized she took him upstairs to her room and closed the door. After about 15 mins I made hubs go on and check on them. I know she meant well, but I found it odd, so I understand why you felt upset and why you didn't say anything at the time. 
  
  I dont think hunk it's too late to say something or just pop in and check on them if it happens again. x

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• danasphillips member

  February 2016

  Oh hell no. If baby is crying you don't take them from me unless I ask you to. And I'm not a FTM. I would tell my husband and not visit again without him so that he could run interference.

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• LIly436 member

  February 2016

  I think you are all overreacting. FIL some kind of sex offender? Geez. I am so drained from having a flu and kidney inflammation on top of it, I would be glad if someone took my baby and calmed her down. Try to appreciate people's good intentions  

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• willashbaby member

  February 2016

  If someone's behavior is bothering you "mom up" and deal with it right away. Don't let it sit and bother you because then it becomes more awkward. I wouldn't involve DH, just speak up.

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• MamaGooGoo member

  February 2016

  What would've bothered me about that is it would seem like father in law or mother in law thinks they can do a better job at calming the baby than me. When my daughter was weeks old she had colicky fits at night. The second time it happened I was trying to calm her in any way I could and my MIL stepped in and said let me try, took her form me and went outside. I could still hear her crying out there so I went to get her after a few minutes and MIL told me I needed a break and to go inside. Thinking about it later I realize it pissed me off because it was like saying I didn't know what I was doing and she did (she did not). If that happens again to you then I'd just flat out say, you know I'd rather keep her while she's having a fit because it's too stressful for me to hear her crying when I can't see her.

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• OrangeFox member

  February 2016

  I'm sure he was trying to give a break and it came across strange. Our emotions are intense for quite a while postpartum. Try to remember that before you react. However, make sure you voice your opinion to him if it really does bother you. Better not to let it fester.
  
  Personally, it wouldn't bother me. But if it did I would be quick to say something. 

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• carlyhammond member

  February 2016

  Yeah, no, that wouldn't fly with me. 
  
  Don't get me wrong- my mom takes LO and walks around the house, he'll she even follows me when I change his diaper.. But she has NEVER gone into a room and closed a door.. I set boundaries way before he was born and if he cries or starts getting fussy she will hand him back to me... 
  
  At at this point in their lives they need mommy and daddy -- your scent and heartbeat alone calms them. 
  Anyone else is a "stranger" to them, and it probably scares them more than calms them... 
  
  I'm still in an argument with my dad for holding LO while I was fixing a bottle and LO started crying- instead of calming him down my dad just watched him cry.... 
  That shit doesn't fly with me. Nope... 
  
  Stand up for yourself, if it comes down to it set boundaries

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