We went and looked at one center today and really liked it. However they won't even be able to give us an idea of the likelihood of getting in until June (at the earliest). They already have an unusually long waitlist for this time of year and they said several current students have pregnant moms who get priority. The number of infant spots in town at great centers is really small (this place has 6 spots).
I can tell already this is going to be one of the more stressful aspects of the upcoming months. I'll be getting on all the lists I can but I'm a planner and this will be something that I won't know until quite late.
Kind of a sad update: I spoke to my bosses today (both the owner of the company and the office manager), and they said a firm "no" to any kind of part time/work from home arrangement. They are convinced it doesn't work in our industry, and they said they've tried it with several other previous employees and it just hasn't worked. Now I can't speak to their experience with other employees who were before my time, so it's hard to get around that. But in our industry, business is conducted about 90% over phone and email, so I'm not sure where they get the idea that it can't work. Especially with technology improving all the time.
So my big hope, which was the compromise between work and home, is off the table. Now I have to choose between being here full time and paying half my salary on child care, OR taking myself off the career track for a year or so and forfeiting my income completely. And then trying to work my way back in. I see pros and cons to both, but I hate that the options are so extreme. And I hate that this decision falls on my shoulders. If I make my choice and we end up broke or unhappy or both, I will feel responsible. But my husband has been really supportive. Ugh. I can't wait to get home and talk to him about this, but I also kind of dread it. It's a stressful conversation for him too, because he's nervous about being the sole provider.
And now I'm just kind of bummed out, and I'm having a hard time getting motivated to keep working for the rest of the day.
@Snaps816 are there competitive companies in your industry that do offer that kind of accommodation/flexibility?
Perhaps a long term solution might be to transition to one of them while your child is in daycare, after your return to work, and a short term solution might be full time daycare? You may be in a better bargaining position with your current employer if you have an offer on the table and approach them with "I don't want to leave, but XYZ company is offering the family friendly accommodation I need, if you can match it I'll stay." And hey, if it doesn't work out, you can always quit.
I know there are a lot of variables in that solution (if you can find a new job, if the new job is flexible etc.), but at least then you could take advantage of FMLA and any maternity benefits in good faith now, and make a decision after - hopefully a better one than is available now.
Most companies are more willing to make exceptions for someone they WANT to bring on board, than for current employees in my experience.
Yes so many industries could offer part time but don't. Old outdated rules. So stupid. Sorry you were turned down. If it's any consolation, studies have shown children thrive while their mothers work full time and they attend high quality early education centers. The studies have also gathered evidence that having a parent home more during preteen and teen years also benefits kids more. It's the opposite than most would think. It's logical to say, 'my baby needs me home with them until they can talk' but that just isn't the case really. If you already have 18 years at your company, think what you will be eligible for as you hit your 20 year mark and more. That type of time and experience can't be replaced.
??
Our little lightbulb is on the way! 12 weeks 3 days
TTC since Oct 2011 Me: 33, hypothyroidism since 14, cleared all HSG, US, Pre-pregnancy panel tests.
Hubby: 36, testicular Ca, chemo April-May 2012. Natural cycle IUI #1 with trigger and Progesterone Suppositories (Jun 2012) Neg Natural Cycle IUI #2 with trigger and Progesterone Suppositories (Jul 2012) NEG Aug 2012 - break due to needing a girls' weekend in Cape Cod Natural Cycle IUI #3 with trigger and prednisone (Sep 2012) NEGATIVE Switched fertility clinics - forced break Oct 2012 Natural Cycle IUI #4 (Nov 2012) no trigger, no progesterone, no prednisone (Nov 2012) - Neg 1st round Clomid Cycle IUI #5 (Dec 2012) - POS
@Snaps816 - just throwing it out there, but it's not you paying half of "your" income on childcare. I assume your DH works as well, yes? If you made less than childcare costs and you had the option to stay home, then I get the reasoning that "your" income being weighed vs childcare costs. Assuming you and your DH pay your bills jointly, you shouldn't be in the mindset that it's only YOUR money paying for childcare.
Sorry, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. It's like SAHMs saying that they feel bad spending "their husband's" money. No, it's your family's money no matter who the paycheck is written out to! /endrant
But I am sorry that your bosses aren't open to you working from home at all. My career wasn't at all conducive to PT work or working from home and that was one of many factors as to why I am now a SAHM.
I'm moving to a new city in June and starting a new job in July and since I am a psychiatrist , there really is no option to work from home. I will get limited maternity leave (hopefully 6 weeks) and thankfully DH will be able to take paternity leave with his job so that covers us for the first few months. DH also telecommutes part time now so hopefully he will be able to continue this. My MIL is retired and will be living 20 minutes away but I don't want to have to depend on her all the time. I just hope that we will be able to find (and afford) decent child care! I'm leaning more towards nanny/in-home daycare but I'm already stressing about being able to find someone.
@tmk0325 We are also having twins, and I started calling around last week. Talk about sticker shock! We may end up going with a full time nanny since it's pretty much the same cost. I was also surprised that some of the daycare classes are already full/wait listed for October of this year!
@Snaps816 - just throwing it out there, but it's not you paying half of "your" income on childcare. I assume your DH works as well, yes? If you made less than childcare costs and you had the option to stay home, then I get the reasoning that "your" income being weighed vs childcare costs. Assuming you and your DH pay your bills jointly, you shouldn't be in the mindset that it's only YOUR money paying for childcare.
Sorry, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. It's like SAHMs saying that they feel bad spending "their husband's" money. No, it's your family's money no matter who the paycheck is written out to! /endrant
But I am sorry that your bosses aren't open to you working from home at all. My career wasn't at all conducive to PT work or working from home and that was one of many factors as to why I am now a SAHM.
Of course we look at our money as an "all one pot" sort of thing. But we are weighing my salary here against child care costs. I don't earn less than the cost of childcare, but after childcare and the costs I incur for work (the biggest one being downtown parking, but also things like professional clothing, gas, lunches), we'd be left with a relatively slim margin that would actually end up as discretionary income/savings. And we have to decide if X amount is worth more to us than me being with our child every day (I am leaning towards No). If my job paid more, then X would be bigger and that would sway our decision.
@smilormarie That's my goal and hope that when the kids start school that I can move to a part-time or perhaps even work from home so that I can be home with them when they are home from school and for school functions. Crossing my fingers!
Re: Starting the Day Care Search
I can tell already this is going to be one of the more stressful aspects of the upcoming months. I'll be getting on all the lists I can but I'm a planner and this will be something that I won't know until quite late.
So my big hope, which was the compromise between work and home, is off the table. Now I have to choose between being here full time and paying half my salary on child care, OR taking myself off the career track for a year or so and forfeiting my income completely. And then trying to work my way back in. I see pros and cons to both, but I hate that the options are so extreme. And I hate that this decision falls on my shoulders. If I make my choice and we end up broke or unhappy or both, I will feel responsible. But my husband has been really supportive. Ugh. I can't wait to get home and talk to him about this, but I also kind of dread it. It's a stressful conversation for him too, because he's nervous about being the sole provider.
And now I'm just kind of bummed out, and I'm having a hard time getting motivated to keep working for the rest of the day.
@Snaps816 are there competitive companies in your industry that do offer that kind of accommodation/flexibility?
Perhaps a long term solution might be to transition to one of them while your child is in daycare, after your return to work, and a short term solution might be full time daycare? You may be in a better bargaining position with your current employer if you have an offer on the table and approach them with "I don't want to leave, but XYZ company is offering the family friendly accommodation I need, if you can match it I'll stay." And hey, if it doesn't work out, you can always quit.
I know there are a lot of variables in that solution (if you can find a new job, if the new job is flexible etc.), but at least then you could take advantage of FMLA and any maternity benefits in good faith now, and make a decision after - hopefully a better one than is available now.
Most companies are more willing to make exceptions for someone they WANT to bring on board, than for current employees in my experience.
Our little lightbulb is on the way!
12 weeks 3 days
TTC since Oct 2011
Me: 33, hypothyroidism since 14, cleared all HSG, US, Pre-pregnancy panel tests.
Hubby: 36, testicular Ca, chemo April-May 2012.
Natural cycle IUI #1 with trigger and Progesterone Suppositories (Jun 2012) Neg
Natural Cycle IUI #2 with trigger and Progesterone Suppositories (Jul 2012) NEG
Aug 2012 - break due to needing a girls' weekend in Cape Cod
Natural Cycle IUI #3 with trigger and prednisone (Sep 2012) NEGATIVE
Switched fertility clinics - forced break Oct 2012
Natural Cycle IUI #4 (Nov 2012) no trigger, no progesterone, no prednisone (Nov 2012) - Neg
1st round Clomid Cycle IUI #5 (Dec 2012) - POS
Sorry, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. It's like SAHMs saying that they feel bad spending "their husband's" money. No, it's your family's money no matter who the paycheck is written out to! /endrant
But I am sorry that your bosses aren't open to you working from home at all. My career wasn't at all conducive to PT work or working from home and that was one of many factors as to why I am now a SAHM.