Not slept in a month

stephievb · February 2016

im at the end of my tether. LO (he's on formula) will feed at 6pm then about an hour later we start bedtime. Change, twinkle twinkle then in crib. He will then sleep and dream feed again at about 10pm (sometimes he wakes for this but lately he's been asleep and I pick him up and feed him) he then goes down again at about 11pm. Then it seems all hell breaks loose. I have been up every 30mins to an hour tonight. I fed him at 3am and he has been wide awake ever since. I finally picked him up at 5am and he's now asleep in my arms. I'm so tired and have spent most nights crying as all I hear are how other people's babies sleep through the night. What am I doing wrong?? I feel like such a failure all the time. Why can't I get my child to sleep?

Justone13 · February 2016

Awe sweets I'm sorry. How old is your lo? My DD started that crap at 4 months and has been like that since. Some nights are good. Some are bad. She's 5 months now. Is she crying when she wakes up at 3a? If my DD wasn't crying I didn't pick her up.

stephievb · February 2016

He's 19 weeks. Not crying but whining which gets louder and he thrashes about in his crib. I give him his dummy and put my hand on his chest to lull him back off and that works but it only lasts 30mims to an hour and we are off again. I've had about an hour tonight and just feel wretched and teary.

PaisleyC · February 2016

We're going through this too, but I don't have many answers. My LO is 22 weeks and has been waking every 3 hours almost every night for the last month. Sometimes she takes longer stretches and other nights she's wide awake at 3am. We got lax about nursing/bottle to sleep so now I'm trying to change the eat-sleep association. It's hard at night because it puts her right back to sleep and she drains the bottle! But I'm going to focus on naps first and move to the evenings. I love rocking her to sleep, but I'm afraid she may be waking between cycles like "oh I better cry because mom and dad are supposed to come rock me." No, keep sleeping! Anywho, good luck - you're not alone!

Justone13 · February 2016

I'm a ftm so I might be doing it all wrong. But I still have DD in my room. It was much easier to deal with this wakeful period having her close so that I could grab her quick and not get out of bed. I'm probably creating a ton of bad habits since my DD still doesn't sleep through the night. But when it comes down to it I'd do anything for sleep. Can you take shifts with your other half? My dh works mids so I'm flying solo 6 nights in a row. But on his nights off he would take from 3 am till 7.

stephievb · February 2016

Thank god it's not just me. I keep hearing about all these other babies that are asleep for 7pm and up at midnight then sleep through til morning. I keep thinking I'm a terrible mother as I can't seem to get him to sleep. My other half takes the weekends but he seems to sleep better when my hubbie is next to him. I'm dreading when he has to go into his own room, I am imagine it'll be even worse.

Mack2342 · February 2016

Definitely not alone! My LO is 23 weeks tomorrow. He sleeps in our room still. He was one of those babies that slept 6 hour stretches at a time. He also goes to bed awake and puts self to self, but a month and half ago he started waking every 2 hours. When he STN he did not nap well. He now naps well but night time is horrible. He nurses at night but usually only for a few minutes so I don't think he waking because he is hungry. I think he hasn't figured out how to put himself back to sleep when he wakes. Last night he literally woke up every hour. I was only able to give him a pacifier twice. Every other time I had to pick him up and nurse because he got too upset. I want to transition him to his room because it seems we wake him up when we go to bed. That is usually his first time waking up for the night. I tried naps this weekend in his room but that was a no go. I will keep trying! Just hoping it gets better soon! Wishing you all sweet dreams!

NurseRieger · February 2016

Omg we did the 4 month sleep regression thing then he outgrew his bassinet thing and crib transitioning and as it seemed to get a little better bam he's up every hour and really seems like he's starting to teethe. I'm at the end of my rope and I'm feeling so guilty because sometimes he sleeps at my mom's house because dh and I work nights and I hate that she goes through it once or twice a week. My husband ended up working 10 in a row because of a class and I was totally on my own. I have serious empathy for single moms after that. I can't figure out who women get pregnant a 2nd time. There must be some amnesia after this. I've secretly taken him to my bed in the middle of the night when he won't go back down until he falls asleep after the next feeding then put him in the crib. I've even let him comfort nurse and we stopped nursing last month! Then I do a bait and switch with the paci a minute later. I feel like he's still to little to do CIO. I'm hoping it gets better soon but goes down at 8 and will drink a full 6oz bottle at midnight and 4 so he must need those feedings still. I'm so exhausted I've been eating crap just to comfort myself.

Mack2342 · February 2016

NurseRieger said:

Omg we did the 4 month sleep regression thing then he outgrew his bassinet thing and crib transitioning and as it seemed to get a little better bam he's up every hour and really seems like he's starting to teethe. I'm at the end of my rope and I'm feeling so guilty because sometimes he sleeps at my mom's house because dh and I work nights and I hate that she goes through it once or twice a week. My husband ended up working 10 in a row because of a class and I was totally on my own. I have serious empathy for single moms after that. I can't figure out who women get pregnant a 2nd time. There must be some amnesia after this. I've secretly taken him to my bed in the middle of the night when he won't go back down until he falls asleep after the next feeding then put him in the crib. I've even let him comfort nurse and we stopped nursing last month! Then I do a bait and switch with the paci a minute later. I feel like he's still to little to do CIO. I'm hoping it gets better soon but goes down at 8 and will drink a full 6oz bottle at midnight and 4 so he must need those feedings still. I'm so exhausted I've been eating crap just to comfort myself.

I'm laughing at your comment about why women get pregnant a 2nd time. I'm 23 wks pp and we are trying again no amnesia here! Lol. Just over 40 and don't want to miss my window!

Bigboobsmcgee · February 2016

stephievb said:

im at the end of my tether. LO (he's on formula) will feed at 6pm then about an hour later we start bedtime. Change, twinkle twinkle then in crib. He will then sleep and dream feed again at about 10pm (sometimes he wakes for this but lately he's been asleep and I pick him up and feed him) he then goes down again at about 11pm. Then it seems all hell breaks loose. I have been up every 30mins to an hour tonight. I fed him at 3am and he has been wide awake ever since. I finally picked him up at 5am and he's now asleep in my arms. I'm so tired and have spent most nights crying as all I hear are how other people's babies sleep through the night. What am I doing wrong?? I feel like such a failure all the time. Why can't I get my child to sleep?

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE and you aren't doing anything wrong.

Is there a reason you do a bottle an hour before bedtime? Why not give a bottle AT bedtime then put in the crib? I've done that with both of my kids and it never created sleep problems, in fact, it made naps and bedtime a hell of a lot easier! Bottle, rock, cuddle then in the crib.

Also, do you have to do the dream feed? I think parents do that to try and keep their LO full so they don't wake up other times but IME it's better to just let them wake up to eat when they want to. Not when you want them to. My first kid stopped waking for a MOTN bottle at 7 months and my 2nd kid was 9 months. I let them determine when they were done with those bottles. BUT that doesn't mean you need to go to them every time they wake up in the night. You need to determine which wake up's are for hunger (usually only one at this age) and which ones are just your LO having a hard time going from one sleep cycle to the next. Those are the ones you can sleep train for.

I think you need to change your routine up a bit. Parenting is all trial and error so keep trying! I know you are exhausted and I spent many, many nights crying as well. It's not easy but it will get better.

Bigboobsmcgee · February 2016

NurseRieger said:

Omg we did the 4 month sleep regression thing then he outgrew his bassinet thing and crib transitioning and as it seemed to get a little better bam he's up every hour and really seems like he's starting to teethe. I'm at the end of my rope and I'm feeling so guilty because sometimes he sleeps at my mom's house because dh and I work nights and I hate that she goes through it once or twice a week. My husband ended up working 10 in a row because of a class and I was totally on my own. I have serious empathy for single moms after that. I can't figure out who women get pregnant a 2nd time. There must be some amnesia after this. I've secretly taken him to my bed in the middle of the night when he won't go back down until he falls asleep after the next feeding then put him in the crib. I've even let him comfort nurse and we stopped nursing last month! Then I do a bait and switch with the paci a minute later. I feel like he's still to little to do CIO. I'm hoping it gets better soon but goes down at 8 and will drink a full 6oz bottle at midnight and 4 so he must need those feedings still. I'm so exhausted I've been eating crap just to comfort myself.

Ugh, things sound pretty bad right now

Like I said to OP above, you need to be able to tell the difference in wake-up's before deciding what your next course of action is. Keep getting up to feed, but sleep train for the other wake-up's.

For both of my kids they would consistently wake-up 2 hours after I put them down every night and I knew they didn't need anything at that time so those were the wake-up's I worked on first. Give them 10 minutes to work it out themselves, go in, rub back, say I love you and leave again. I was consistent with this and they stopped waking up crying at that time. That helped with the rest of the night. Sleeping improved tremendously.

And yes, you do forget how shitty the baby stuff is and convince yourself you want another! My kids are almost 4 and 16 months and it's awesome at this age. Well, the 4 year old kind of sucks....

NurseRieger · February 2016

It's after midnight and we're up watching Planes because it's the only thing making us a little less miserable. I feel a bottom tooth that just cut through. After so much crying comes the gas pain. Why is it so much worse at night?? According to my mother I did not sttn until 13 months. I had issues with formula and was vomiting a lot. Also main reason I'm an only child. It's crazy before the 4 month regression my dad complimented how well he slept and said if I did that I would have a baby brother.

Bigboobsmcgee · February 2016

NurseRieger said:

It's after midnight and we're up watching Planes because it's the only thing making us a little less miserable. I feel a bottom tooth that just cut through. After so much crying comes the gas pain. Why is it so much worse at night?? According to my mother I did not sttn until 13 months. I had issues with formula and was vomiting a lot. Also main reason I'm an only child. It's crazy before the 4 month regression my dad complimented how well he slept and said if I did that I would have a baby brother.

I'm not saying you are doing this but I know WAY too many moms that blame every negative behavior on teething. I can honestly say I've never been able to tell when my kids were/are teething. Sometimes babies and kids are just dicks LOL.

Have you given anything for teething pain?

ERININSYDNEY · February 2016

Oh I feel your pain, especially regarding reading other moms' experiences with babies who sleep 7hr+ stretches or STTN. That's the worst. I am in your boat and I have found myself hating life in the middle of the night with LO waking up 3-5x/night and not always hungry (17weeks). It sucks because you want to enjoy these precious young days with LO but you can't do anything except obsess over sleep. I echo your sentiment about feeling like a failure but know that we're NOT; and more importantly, you're not alone in this.
My pediatrician is encouraging us to sleep train at 4mos. I am so beyond desperate that we're gonna do it.

NurseRieger · February 2016

Bigboobsmcgee said:

NurseRieger said:

It's after midnight and we're up watching Planes because it's the only thing making us a little less miserable. I feel a bottom tooth that just cut through. After so much crying comes the gas pain. Why is it so much worse at night?? According to my mother I did not sttn until 13 months. I had issues with formula and was vomiting a lot. Also main reason I'm an only child. It's crazy before the 4 month regression my dad complimented how well he slept and said if I did that I would have a baby brother.

I'm not saying you are doing this but I know WAY too many moms that blame every negative behavior on teething. I can honestly say I've never been able to tell when my kids were/are teething. Sometimes babies and kids are just dicks LOL.
Have you given anything for teething pain?

There's a bottom tooth that just broke through today. It is really hard to tell sometimes because babies do chew their hands to self soothe and put everything in their mouths anyway. And yes it was not until I had a baby I realized why babies are so cute...because they are selfish, greedy, and inconsiderate and if they weren't cute and cuddly no one would put up with them and the human race would die out. It's Darwinisn survival of the cutest, it's how humans have made it.

Bigboobsmcgee · February 2016

NurseRieger said:

Bigboobsmcgee said:

NurseRieger said:

It's after midnight and we're up watching Planes because it's the only thing making us a little less miserable. I feel a bottom tooth that just cut through. After so much crying comes the gas pain. Why is it so much worse at night?? According to my mother I did not sttn until 13 months. I had issues with formula and was vomiting a lot. Also main reason I'm an only child. It's crazy before the 4 month regression my dad complimented how well he slept and said if I did that I would have a baby brother.

I'm not saying you are doing this but I know WAY too many moms that blame every negative behavior on teething. I can honestly say I've never been able to tell when my kids were/are teething. Sometimes babies and kids are just dicks LOL.
Have you given anything for teething pain?

There's a bottom tooth that just broke through today. It is really hard to tell sometimes because babies do chew their hands to self soothe and put everything in their mouths anyway. And yes it was not until I had a baby I realized why babies are so cute...because they are selfish, greedy, and inconsiderate and if they weren't cute and cuddly no one would put up with them and the human race would die out. It's Darwinisn survival of the cutest, it's how humans have made it.

TRUTH.

Just wait until your LO is 3. You'll seriously consider walking out your front door and never coming back. Changing your name, hiding in another country. I've never experienced hell until I had a 3 year old

BabyBean815 · February 2016

We did a dream feed until like 4 1/2 months and deciding to drop it was a great decision. Prior to that, he was pretty good about staying drowsy for the dream feed so the put down afterwards was a smooth transition, but then something changed (as it always does) and he started staying awake after the dream feed. Then he'd eventually fall asleep, only to wake up a few hours later. So we decided to just let him go and feed him in the middle of the night when he wakes up on his own. He typically stays asleep much longer for the first part of the night now, and it's been so nice on this sleep deprived momma. Now I can go to bed early instead of staying up for the dream feed. You may want to consider dropping the dream feed and just going with the flow.

Also, you aren't doing anything wrong, and don't feel like you're defective because your baby isn't sleeping through the night. Despite our dream feed drop success, we still get up plenty because LO feels like fussing around in his crib instead of sleeping. Fun times for all!

NurseRieger · February 2016

@Bigboobsmcgee my grandma raised my dad, 3 uncles, and my oldest cousin, and watched me and 2 of my younger cousins regularly. She has always said I don't know why people call it terrible twos. A 3 year old is far worse than a 2 year old. My mom's sister is dealing with middle school drama and problems with teachers and school projects. She said she would give anything to be the mom of a baby instead of a 6th grader. I think there's just always something and it never really ends. I finally said f**k it and let my son sleep in bed with me, kept ending up there anyway and if I'm going to need to be up holding him I might as well get sleep. Actually felt well rested this morning. My mom will do the same when he stays at her house while I work. Crib for naps still works. Funny she was the one so anti-cosleeping, causes bad habits, blah blah and now she's like oh good I think this will be so much better. Lol it pays to have an open mind.

Livvyloo87 · February 2016

Have you tried not doing the dream feed and just seeing what happens? I've read that babies sleep between 8-12 is their deepest and best sleep and maybe by dream feeding (even if he doesn't wake fully) interrupts that, which then affects the rest of his sleep. Not sure if this is anything but could be worth a try!!

Mack2342 · February 2016

LO used to sleep 6 hrs at a time then turned 4 months and regressed to 2 hrs at a time at night. He will be 6 months on 25th of this month. Came down with a horrible cough and took to pedi. She gave him some steroids to take for a few days. Since he started taking them, he sleeps maybe an hour at a time. I've tried giving him paci to get him back to sleep but no go. He wants to nurse so I let him. It's usually for just a few minutes and then he falls asleep. Talked to pedi about it and she said to sleep train as he has now created a habit and this is his norm. So we will try this when he starts feeling a little better.

NurseRieger · February 2016

@Mack2342 Did she explain that steroids would cause blood sugar to rise and cause baby to have trouble sleeping and be in a crappy mood? Probably wants to nurse just for comfort. Definitely don't start sleep training until baby is back to feeling and acting normal. When the steroids are out of the system he probably won't still be waking as often. Good luck!

Mack2342 · February 2016

NurseRieger said:

@Mack2342 Did she explain that steroids would cause blood sugar to rise and cause baby to have trouble sleeping and be in a crappy mood? Probably wants to nurse just for comfort. Definitely don't start sleep training until baby is back to feeling and acting normal. When the steroids are out of the system he probably won't still be waking as often. Good luck!

No she didn't but I know how they effect me so I figured that was reason for the really short sleep cycles even more so than his norm short cycles. I don't plan on trying any sleep training until he over this cold. Thanks for info! It's been a rough couple days but getting better!

psherman42wwsa · February 2016

I'm not sure how old your LO is but I would definitely drop the dream feed and start some gentle sleep training that includes not feeding to sleep. Before bed feed baby then read a book or something and put in crib awake. It will take awhile and several attempts but it will eventually work. Baby needs to stop associating eating with sleeping. This way when he wakes up He can self soothe back to sleep. Also may want to consider weaning from the pacifier so you don't have to keep replacing that during the night. I did these things with my son and it was the best things I've done to promote his sleep. He was waking every 2 hours and finally now sleeps 12 hours.

wulfpackgirl · February 2016

NurseRieger said:

Omg we did the 4 month sleep regression thing then he outgrew his bassinet thing and crib transitioning and as it seemed to get a little better bam he's up every hour and really seems like he's starting to teethe. I'm at the end of my rope and I'm feeling so guilty because sometimes he sleeps at my mom's house because dh and I work nights and I hate that she goes through it once or twice a week. My husband ended up working 10 in a row because of a class and I was totally on my own. I have serious empathy for single moms after that. I can't figure out who women get pregnant a 2nd time. There must be some amnesia after this. I've secretly taken him to my bed in the middle of the night when he won't go back down until he falls asleep after the next feeding then put him in the crib. I've even let him comfort nurse and we stopped nursing last month! Then I do a bait and switch with the paci a minute later. I feel like he's still to little to do CIO. I'm hoping it gets better soon but goes down at 8 and will drink a full 6oz bottle at midnight and 4 so he must need those feedings still. I'm so exhausted I've been eating crap just to comfort myself.

Yeah my son sleeps almost all night now...in the bed with me! Can not get him in the crib or pack n play to save my life. And I understand your statement about baby number 2. I don't think I can go thru this exhaustion again. But I do want another one. Oh the dilemma...

stephievb · February 2016

Thanks so much for the reassurance. We have had some success, following a dramatic few weeks. Turns out he had tonsillitis so we needed antibiotics which played havoc with his tummy and kept him awake. We have ditched the swing crib and put him in a big travel cot next to us which seems to have given him more room and we often find he rolls o to his front and gets comfy. We ditched the dream feed, figuring if he is hungry he'll wake us. He has been sleeping for four hours in a row before waking (sometimes for a feed, other times he just needs a pat and he falls back off) I feel like a human being again. Who would have thought that getting four hours would be enough to stop me having a meltdown! We still have hell to pay some nights when trying to get him off to sleep, but these seem bearable now. Ironically I am typing this as I am unable to get back to sleep. Little man is fast asleep bum in the air! Thanks all for making me feel like I'm not alone X

Bigboobsmcgee · February 2016

wulfpackgirl said:

NurseRieger said:

Omg we did the 4 month sleep regression thing then he outgrew his bassinet thing and crib transitioning and as it seemed to get a little better bam he's up every hour and really seems like he's starting to teethe. I'm at the end of my rope and I'm feeling so guilty because sometimes he sleeps at my mom's house because dh and I work nights and I hate that she goes through it once or twice a week. My husband ended up working 10 in a row because of a class and I was totally on my own. I have serious empathy for single moms after that. I can't figure out who women get pregnant a 2nd time. There must be some amnesia after this. I've secretly taken him to my bed in the middle of the night when he won't go back down until he falls asleep after the next feeding then put him in the crib. I've even let him comfort nurse and we stopped nursing last month! Then I do a bait and switch with the paci a minute later. I feel like he's still to little to do CIO. I'm hoping it gets better soon but goes down at 8 and will drink a full 6oz bottle at midnight and 4 so he must need those feedings still. I'm so exhausted I've been eating crap just to comfort myself.

Yeah my son sleeps almost all night now...in the bed with me! Can not get him in the crib or pack n play to save my life. And I understand your statement about baby number 2. I don't think I can go thru this exhaustion again. But I do want another one. Oh the dilemma...

It's not as bad the second time! You figure out some tricks

Bognes · February 2016

lrwardrop said:

I'm not sure how old your LO is but I would definitely drop the dream feed and start some gentle sleep training that includes not feeding to sleep. Before bed feed baby then read a book or something and put in crib awake. It will take awhile and several attempts but it will eventually work. Baby needs to stop associating eating with sleeping. This way when he wakes up He can self soothe back to sleep. Also may want to consider weaning from the pacifier so you don't have to keep replacing that during the night. I did these things with my son and it was the best things I've done to promote his sleep. He was waking every 2 hours and finally now sleeps 12 hours.

Tell me more about dropping the pacifier. It's ruining my life. Every. Hour. My Baby's 22 weeks old now.

NurseRieger · February 2016

@Bognes I read in Ferber's book to just stop giving it if it's like that. It will be quicker to just deal with taking it away. Haven't done it myself so can't say how hard it is.

Not slept in a month

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