Anxiety???

sbear9991 · February 2016

I am 25 weeks pregnant and sometimes I feel as if I cannot breathe or catch my breath. It's quite irritating because you see, I thought my anxiety went away for good but I've noticed the come back. I begin to freak out for no reason so then I tell myself ,'it's just your congestion that's making you believe you cannot breathe, calm down'. Whats even more tough is that my partner isn't even supportive when my attacks happen. All he says is to calm down and stop acting like a child. (I was diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety months before becoming pregnant.)
My partners' unsupportiveness does not help, every time I feel like reaching out to him to help me calm myself he only judges. He's told me that he understands anxiety because he himself has it but does not show nor come to me for help. He says and I quote, 'I'm not a child, I can control myself and my thoughts. You're just being immature about the whole situation.' Quite aggravating, could you say?
Now my mother has gone through anxiety and is free from it now, which I know must have been hard for her but she had the support of her partner unlike mine. I call her whenever I feel it's absolutely necessary to explain to her and ask her to keep me calm in the event of a panic attack. She always reassures me that everything is fine and to breathe slowly. But my mom isn't always there, she has her own life too.
So my question to whomever can help is, is there anyone out there suffering with the same conflict and otherwise cannot seek the help they need? I would really appreciate some support because going through anxiety is tough regardless of how it effects you and I myself will not judge someone for a disorder. Can anyone please help me in my time of need?

bbiutmcph · February 2016

sbear9991 said:

I am 25 weeks pregnant and sometimes I feel as if I cannot breathe or catch my breath. It's quite irritating because you see, I thought my anxiety went away for good but I've noticed the come back. I begin to freak out for no reason so then I tell myself ,'it's just your congestion that's making you believe you cannot breathe, calm down'. Whats even more tough is that my partner isn't even supportive when my attacks happen. All he says is to calm down and stop acting like a child. (I was diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety months before becoming pregnant.)
My partners' unsupportiveness does not help, every time I feel like reaching out to him to help me calm myself he only judges. He's told me that he understands anxiety because he himself has it but does not show nor come to me for help. He says and I quote, 'I'm not a child, I can control myself and my thoughts. You're just being immature about the whole situation.' Quite aggravating, could you say?
Now my mother has gone through anxiety and is free from it now, which I know must have been hard for her but she had the support of her partner unlike mine. I call her whenever I feel it's absolutely necessary to explain to her and ask her to keep me calm in the event of a panic attack. She always reassures me that everything is fine and to breathe slowly. But my mom isn't always there, she has her own life too.
So my question to whomever can help is, is there anyone out there suffering with the same conflict and otherwise cannot seek the help they need? I would really appreciate some support because going through anxiety is tough regardless of how it effects you and I myself will not judge someone for a disorder. Can anyone please help me in my time of need?

You need to speak to your OB about your anxiety and how it's effecting you. They can help. As for your partner you need a serious talk with them and perhaps have them be at the OB appt with you when you bring it up. Your partner needs to be supportive and if they are not and continue to be so unsupportive and hurtful you may need to look long and hard at that relationship. I wish you the best. Many many people have anxiety but the professionals can help.

thebigoaktree · February 2016

Agree with pp, your DH needs a little bit of a wake up call on this. Anxiety is such a complex monster that just saying "well just calm down" isn't the cure to handle it. I have anxiety and I get attacks every now and again I find the best way for me to handle mine is to get up and separate myself from whatever I'm doing and go breathe for a little while. You're DH needs to be more supportive however, pregnancy I'm sure spikes your atracks because our bodies are just not our own for the time being and hormones be crazy.

mandyjulie · February 2016

sbear9991 said:

I am 25 weeks pregnant and sometimes I feel as if I cannot breathe or catch my breath. It's quite irritating because you see, I thought my anxiety went away for good but I've noticed the come back. I begin to freak out for no reason so then I tell myself ,'it's just your congestion that's making you believe you cannot breathe, calm down'. Whats even more tough is that my partner isn't even supportive when my attacks happen. All he says is to calm down and stop acting like a child. (I was diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety months before becoming pregnant.)
My partners' unsupportiveness does not help, every time I feel like reaching out to him to help me calm myself he only judges. He's told me that he understands anxiety because he himself has it but does not show nor come to me for help. He says and I quote, 'I'm not a child, I can control myself and my thoughts. You're just being immature about the whole situation.' Quite aggravating, could you say?
Now my mother has gone through anxiety and is free from it now, which I know must have been hard for her but she had the support of her partner unlike mine. I call her whenever I feel it's absolutely necessary to explain to her and ask her to keep me calm in the event of a panic attack. She always reassures me that everything is fine and to breathe slowly. But my mom isn't always there, she has her own life too.
So my question to whomever can help is, is there anyone out there suffering with the same conflict and otherwise cannot seek the help they need? I would really appreciate some support because going through anxiety is tough regardless of how it effects you and I myself will not judge someone for a disorder. Can anyone please help me in my time of need?

I agree with previous posters. I would schedule an OB appt ASAP, and make sure your partner is there. You can outright ask your OB if just "trying to calm down" is the way to alleviate anxiety. Your partner will then hear how insane such an assertion truly is.

So your partner says he has anxiety too...but was he diagnosed with anxiety? Or just assuming he knows what it's like? Two extremely different things. Even if he was diagnosed, no one experiences things in the same way or needs the same things.

Also, how long ago were you diagnosed with anxiety? You said it was several months before becoming pregnant, but you also say you "thought it was totally gone" -- be easy on yourself. If you were only diagnosed in the last year or so, even if you've experienced some period of time without anxiety since then, don't expect that your anxiety is just "gone for good." That's not how a diagnosis like this works, it's likely something you'll have to battle on and off for your whole life. You need a doctor to help you do that. You may also benefit from a counselor. Talk to your doctor about all of it.

Also, do you have some good friends you can lean on?

I hope you get relief at your doctor's appointment and your partner sees the light. His responses to you right now are simply unacceptable.

sbear9991 · February 2016

Thank you all for the great support! I will bring my partner with me to my doctors next appointment and ask her if what he tells me is the correct way to respond when my attacks begin to happen. That was actually a very good suggestion. Hopefully he won't refuse to go.

sbear9991 · February 2016

@mandyjulie I don't really social in my area nor do I have any long time friends. I would always separate myself and focus on the task at hand. The only real people I have are my family and they never say no to take care off me.

purplefan1 · February 2016

Get a therapist, download anxiety reducing apps on your phone, talk to your OB, and realize that the hormones that are excessive in pregnancy can mimic feelings of anxiety (as well as pregnancy being an anxious time). The self talk you are doing is good. Especially when you can just recognize "I'm having anxiety, I'm going to be fine" or "this is a panic attack. I know what it is and I know I can eventually feel better." Sorry your partner is being such a jerk. Maybe one day he will learn that just because he has experienced anxiety does not mean he knows what your anxiety feels like.

Deep breathing apps (breathe2relax) are very helpful in distracting your mind and getting healthy oxygen in while letting go of anxious thoughts. And a therapist to talk through triggers for anxiety and go to for support would help as well.

stillcozy · February 2016

Guided imagery or meditation apps are also very helpful as they take you through a relaxation if you are anxious instead of trying to remember one on your own as well.

peregrinefalconx · February 2016

I have GAD too. You can tell your partner, if I could control it, I would.

That being said, you need professionals. Whoever diagnosed you should be able to refer you to a good therapist, particularly if you are new to this game. There is a multitude of info online about how to manage anxiety, books, breathing, meditation, visualization, music, exercises, etc. and there are meds that a doc may determine are appropriate for you. You just need to do the best you can. As for your partner, talk to him. You may find that he just can't support you in that way--I know that sucks. And I would be very angry if my partner diminished what was happening to me like that. Not helpful.

Find and use as many tools as you can--google can help.

ashleyrobertson0113 · February 2016

I suffer from severe anxiety attacks due to being bipolar (type II) and having ptsd (from an extremely abusive ex). If my husband was being as unsupportive as your SO is I would be so unbelievably pissed. Anxiety isn't just being unable to control thoughts and emotions. It is an actual medical issue. It is a chemical imbalance in your brain causing things to go haywire. And unfortunately being pregnant there isn't much you can take medicine wise (I had to go off my meds because they aren't pregnancy safe).

If if you aren't already, I definitely recommend some sort of therapy. When I've gone through my rough patches it's definitely been really helpful. Also work on building a support system of people who DO understand even when your SO is being a jerk about it. And as far as he's concerned, if you find a good therapist, bring him to an appointment so a medical professional can explain to him that it's not just all in your head and ways that he can help.

SweetMamaJune · February 2016

The feelings & physical symptoms that your anxiety produces is not "in your head" nor are they "in your control" as FH has dismissed them.

I have anxiety, although it is a different kind related to a medical phobia so I know what situations to avoid and which to prepare for. The breathing symptom scares me the most though and I have found that repeating to myself "We are safe" and trying some of the relaxing exercises on spinningbabies.com has been a great outlet for me.

Hoping your FH gets with the program real quick. ❤️

Soontobejones33 · February 2016

I've been a mild worrier most of my life. It became full on anxiety while I was taking medication for depression. That was fun. It took a long time to get it back to the worry I was use to. Pregnancy has brought it back. I don't have the full on panic attacks you see dramatized on TV but dang if it isn't still uncomfortable and annoying. My H often doesn't really know what to say so something stupid comes out, like "stop it". Yes stop it has been his advice. But I know he isn't unfeeling, just feeling overwhelmed by something he can't control. Plus I tend to mention it in a calm manner so he is REALLY confused about what to do. I've found that reaching out to multiple people helps alot. I had an attack while driving home, thought I was going to have to pull over. Instead I called half my family, just to talk, and was able to calm myself down and make it home. Identifying a coping skill that doesn't rely on one person is important I think. And you need more than one. When I'm not talking I'm creating. Focusing my attention on making things for the baby's room right now.

homebird · February 2016

I have GAD and depression. If my husband ever talked to me like that I would kick him in the nuts. Okay, not really. But I doubt that your partner has a diagnosed anxiety disorder. If he did, he wouldn't say things like that to you. People who have never experienced the kind of anxiety that GAD, bipolar disorder (and many other mental illnesses) bring on will never be able to truly understand how bad it is. But they can learn how to deal with a loved one in an appropriate way.

I personally suggest trying to see a psych or therapist specialized in dealing with anxiety and taking him along for a session. In my experience, OBs aren't qualified to deal with that kind of disease, and sometimes give very bad advice.

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