Baby shower Drama

MissSaritaF · February 2016

My sister (9 years younger than me, 23 years old), said she wanted to plan my baby shower when I first announced I was pregnant. My cousin who lives in Baltimore (I live in Virginia), said she would help her since she is the honorary God mother (a childhood promise I made to her). That was when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. Last week, my mom said she knew someone who planned amazing showers and when I said, maybe I should hire her, she said that's what she was going to do. Because, when my sister has her "parties" and "events" they are not put together well. Now my mom had me thinking. My little sister's events are not put together well and I really want a nice baby shower. I have a vision for what I want it to be like and I don't think my sister can deliver, she doesn't have experience putting together really nice, upscale events. SO, when my mom's friend who she was going to hire turned out to be unavailable on the date which is next month, i contacted a friend of mine who owns an event planning business. Even though she specializes in weddings. The plan was not to exclude my sister, the plan was to have a professional oversee and bring location options, etc. the have my sister work directly with her as her right hand, I would still not be involved except for the initial theme and items I really want there. When I talked to my sister about hiring my moms friend and helping her out she was fine. NOW, my mom is telling my sister that she doesn't want to pay someone and telling me the exact opposite. When I asked my sister what she had planned already (the shower date is March 26), she said nothing, she just wants me to get started working on the guest list.

My sister now has an attitude with me because she feels I am doing too much. BTW my mom kept telling me to reserve the clubhouse where I am moving for a location for weeks now. I didn't want to, but I caved and sent her the information. My sister feels like I am too involved and that I shouldn't be involved at all. She feels that since she is sponsoring the shower, she should make all decisions, except of course the theme and she doesn't need to keep me updated on anything because i am the guest of honor. When I asked her about what she already had planned, she told me nothing was planned and when I responded that the guest list she keeps hounding me for takes an hour to do, she said she will just let me handle things and let know if I need her for anything. All the more reason for me to hire a professional because I don't have time to tip toe around her to make sure she doesn't quit. Again today, we had a disagreement and she said she doesn't want to be involved anymore because I am not listening to her perspective on how things should be going. I told her it's MY shower so she should be listening more to me, not the other way around. I don't care about her 23 year old perspective, I have planned MANY events and know how this work. I am not even trying to plan anything, I just want to bring in a professional,even if I have to pay them myself.

Let me ask you, is it wrong for me to want a nice shower and to want a professional to oversee the amateurs? Or should I just shut my mouth and take whatever thrown together shower (although I am grateful, don't get me wrong) that I get from my little sister, who BTW has no kids and has only attended one baby shower in her life? Regardless of the confusion my mom has started, I really want a nice shower for my first baby especially as a FTSM, I could use a nice celebration after dealing with HG, migraines and baby daddy issues all pregnancy. I don't trust that my sister and my mom can pull it off and if it is not nice, I will be appreciative, but not as excited about it, you know? Also, I know that paying a party planner kind of defeats the purpose because I could use that money on baby stuff, which is the whole point of a baby shower, unless it's more of a social event for the mom, versus her just getting items she needs. This is stressing me out at this point

MamaNicoleof3 · February 2016

I've never in my life heard of hiring a professional to do a baby shower- seems very Hollywood and "upstagey" to me. I don't know why you need to be involved in any of the planning, aside from dates and guest list. But then again, I'm super laid back, so who knows. Totally side eyeing you though.

MissSaritaF · February 2016

People do it all the time. Event planner offer baby shower planning, wedding planning, any other party planning, it's just a professional party planner pretty much. I have seen it done a bunch of times just like my mom's friend, she does it as a side hustle.

fishwife799 · February 2016

Honest answer... yes I think it is wrong of you. A shower is a gift and you take what you get. I think it is kind of your sister to want to throw you one and if you didn't think she would do a good enough job then you should have politely declined.

MamaNicoleof3 · February 2016

You asked for opinions and I gave you mine. No one is entitled to a shower, let alone a professionally put together one, simply because you've had a rough pregnancy, or because this is your first, or because of anything else. It's a party, graciously offered to you by people who love you.

Diesel615 · February 2016

They're throwing the event and paying for it. Just be thankful you have people that want to do that, a lot of women don't. I'd say just take a step back and what happens, happens. Be thankful you have people wanting to throw you a shower and don't try to micro-manage them. Of course they're going to get upset and not want to do it anymore if they can't control it and you micromanage them. Trust that they love you and want what's best. It's about people loving you and supporting you, not having an over the top, lavish baby shower. My Mom tried doing something huge and I told her not to waste her money, it's the thought that counts and I'll just be happy spending time with her and my friends and family. I say take a step back and let them do this for you.

crdo · February 2016

MamaNicoleof3 said:

I've never in my life heard of hiring a professional to do a baby shower- seems very Hollywood and "upstagey" to me. I don't know why you need to be involved in any of the planning, aside from dates and guest list. But then again, I'm super laid back, so who knows. Totally side eyeing you though.

This. Sorry OP, your sister graciously offered to throw you a baby shower. If I were her, I'd take it as a slap in the face if my sister wanted me to use a professional event planner because she thought I wouldn't give her the fancy shower she wanted.

gray51015 · February 2016

What @MamaNicoleof3 said. I have only given a handful of dates that would work for me and a guest list. I didn't even get asked what I wanted theme-wise. I think it's up to the people paying for everything to decide how grand or laid back the party is. They did ask if there was anything about baby showers that I absolutely hated and would like to not have, but that's all the involvement I've had. I think if I was your sister I would have bowed out as well. It seems like your expectations are going to be hard to live up to.

dennyandlee · February 2016

Well, you asked for opinions, so here goes... I think that if you have already accepted the offer from your sister and cousin to throw you a baby shower, you should back up and let them handle it. You knew that they weren't professional party planners when they offered and I think by telling them you want a professional party planner to oversee the "amateurs" would be really offensive and comes off as being very bratty and entitled. The fact that you are referring to it as "whatever thrown together shower that I get from my little sister" does not AT ALL reflect a bit of gratitude and if I were in your sister's shoes, I would have probably told you the same thing; do it yourself, then. Sorry, I know that's probably not what you want to hear.

goldie987 · February 2016

I haven't ever heard of having a party planner for a baby shower either, it just seems really excessive to me. It isn't really that much logistically to throw together a shower, I say give your sister the list that she's been asking for (it seems like she's been asking and you haven't given it to her yet) and step aside. It she needs help, she can always talk to your mom or hire out some help on her own.

AmberLiz99 · February 2016

I might be in the minority here, but I think hiring a professional when someone else is supposedly throwing the shower already is kind of odd. If you are worried why not talk to your mom about what is really important for you to have included, and ask her to help your sister, or at least talk to her and make sure things move forward?

Maybe im just not that particular about events, but for both my bridal and my baby shower friends offered to do it, asked if there was a theme I liked, and I basically just showed up. But I guess I never expected anything fancy.

MamaNicoleof3 · February 2016

Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...

mrsschmity · February 2016

I'm going to have to agree with PPs. In my opinion, you're making way too big a deal about something that should be very simple. It's a baby shower, not the Golden Globe Awards. I'm sure your sister and mom will do a fabulous job either way. At the end of the day, they want to celebrate you becoming a mother and welcoming a new life into your family. It sounds like you want a very fancy, grandiose event where everything has to be on point and perfect. What's wrong with simplicity?

hockeyfan42 · February 2016

I agree with PPs. Give your sister the guest list and be grateful you have people who want to throw you a shower at all. To be honest, your original post makes you sound like a spoiled brat.

MissSaritaF · February 2016

MamaNicoleof3 said:

Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...

There definitely is

. This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.

Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.

PinkLady2015 · February 2016

Lurking but this post is really rubbing me the wrong way. I'm literally singing "it's my party and I'll cry if I want too, cry if I want too" in my my head. Yes I think you're too invested in this shower, yes I think you should keep your mouth shut, unless its to apologize. Your attitude towards your younger sister is pretty condescending and if I were her, I'd have said peace out too.
If there's any way to apologize and salvage this incredibly kind offer from your mom and sister, I'd suggest doing it and lose the bratty attitude.
If the shower doesn't live up to your high expectations, feel free to use your own money and plan an extravagant "meet the baby" party where you're footing the bill and can oversee all the details.

mrsschmity · February 2016

MissSaritaF said:

MamaNicoleof3 said:

Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...

There definitely is . This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.

Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.

You can still have a nice baby shower without hiring an event planner. If your family knows this about you, then I'm sure they've already taken that into consideration. Have a little faith in them. Again, the fact that they have even offered to host a shower for you is already more than enough. Nobody is going to remember (or care about) your baby shower 10 years from now.

crdo · February 2016

MissSaritaF said:

MamaNicoleof3 said:

Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...

There definitely is . This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.

Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.

No one said having a taste for nice things is a negative thing. I appreciate nice things, too. The issue is that you hired a party planner for your shower your sister offered to throw (aka gift!) you because you didn't think she would plan the upscale event you envisioned.

ahernandez16 · February 2016

I agree with everything everyone is saying here. My little sister was my MoH (she was 13 at the time) and she "hosted" my bridal shower. She came up with the décor, she came up with the menu, she helped with the games, addressed the invitations, etc. I offered up help to pay and set up and such because the brunt of the "work" fell on my mom and her and my dad paid for half of my wedding but I mean, if my 13 year old sister can put together a successful bridal shower, I'm sure your 23 year old sister will do fine.

All I wanted was to hang out with all my favorite women in one place for a little while and that's all I want for my baby shower as well. I'm staying out of it completely.

dennyandlee · February 2016

mrsschmity said:

MissSaritaF said:

MamaNicoleof3 said:

Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...

There definitely is . This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.

Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.

You can still have a nice baby shower without hiring an event planner. If your family knows this about you, then I'm sure they've already taken that into consideration. Have a little faith in them. Again, the fact that they have even offered to host a shower for you is already more than enough. Nobody is going to remember (or care about) your baby shower 10 years from now.

I feel pretty sure this is exactly what OP is going for and the standard by which she will judge the baby shower that her family has offered to give her.

mrsschmity · February 2016

Also, the entire original post screams spoiled and ungrateful. No wonder your sister has an attitude - if I were in her shoes I'd probably just tell you to plan the damn thing yourself.

crdo · February 2016

mrsschmity said:

Also, the entire original post screams spoiled and ungrateful. No wonder your sister has an attitude - if I were in her shoes I'd probably just tell you to plan the damn thing yourself.

100% agree.

lunagrl79 · February 2016

I don't want to be rude but this post really gets under my skin. My mom and sister have totally bailed on me this pregnancy and just in life, so I think it's kinda crappy for you to be so ungrateful. I don't even know if I will have a shower. We all have pregnancy issues. I had severe morning sickness for months and had to quit my job. My bf and I had a very rocky start the first trimester and almost didn't make it. My mom doesn't even care about me or her soon to be grand daughter. Those things are not excuses for acting so entitled. Hopefully you can take a step back and see the big picture. Sorry to sound so bitchy but I've been really depressed lately because I have no support from my mom and sister so this post was like a slap in the face.

MissSaritaF · February 2016

crdo said:

MissSaritaF said:

MamaNicoleof3 said:

Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...

There definitely is . This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.

Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.

No one said having a taste for nice things is a negative thing. I appreciate nice things, too. The issue is that you hired a party planner for your shower your sister offered to throw (aka gift!) you because you didn't think she would plan the upscale event you envisioned.

So let me clarify (because I am learning the baby shower protocol only from reading lots of Bump posts), when you find our your pregnant, you should have no vision or desire for what type of baby shower you would want? When I planned my best friends', I gave her exactly what she wanted, because it was a gift for her and I wanted her to have the best time and have the best memories. After all, it's her having the baby, at that time I had never had any and I knew she was going through a lot.

I don't understand what's wrong with having a desire for the type of baby shower you would want. I guess, I have been looking at it as just a nice party to celebrate the milestone in your life. With nice gifts of things you will need.

MamaNicoleof3 · February 2016

kjo79 said:

I don't want to be rude but this post really gets under my skin. My mom and sister have totally bailed on me this pregnancy and just in life, so I think it's kinda crappy for you to be so ungrateful. I don't even know if I will have a shower. We all have pregnancy issues. I had severe morning sickness for months and had to quit my job. My bf and I had a very rocky start the first trimester and almost didn't make it. My mom doesn't even care about me or her soon to be grand daughter. Those things are not excuses for acting so entitled. Hopefully you can take a step back and see the big picture. Sorry to sound so bitchy but I've been really depressed lately because I have no support from my mom and sister so this post was like a slap in the face.

Exactly. There are so many bigger issues in life than this. I just don't understand.

crdo · February 2016

MissSaritaF said:

crdo said:

MissSaritaF said:

MamaNicoleof3 said:

Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...

There definitely is . This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.

Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.

No one said having a taste for nice things is a negative thing. I appreciate nice things, too. The issue is that you hired a party planner for your shower your sister offered to throw (aka gift!) you because you didn't think she would plan the upscale event you envisioned.

So let me clarify (because I am learning the baby shower protocol only from reading lots of Bump posts), when you find our your pregnant, you should have no vision or desire for what type of baby shower you would want? When I planned my best friends', I gave her exactly what she wanted, because it was a gift for her and I wanted her to have the best time and have the best memories. After all, it's her having the baby, at that time I had never had any and I knew she was going through a lot.

I don't understand what's wrong with having a desire for the type of baby shower you would want. I guess, I have been looking at it as just a nice party to celebrate the milestone in your life. With nice gifts of things you will need.

You're not getting the point at all.

MillerMama13 · February 2016

MamaNicoleof3 said:

I've never in my life heard of hiring a professional to do a baby shower- seems very Hollywood and "upstagey" to me. I don't know why you need to be involved in any of the planning, aside from dates and guest list. But then again, I'm super laid back, so who knows. Totally side eyeing you though.

This^

denny+lee said:

Well, you asked for opinions, so here goes... I think that if you have already accepted the offer from your sister and cousin to throw you a baby shower, you should back up and let them handle it. You knew that they weren't professional party planners when they offered and I think by telling them you want a professional party planner to oversee the "amateurs" would be really offensive and comes off as being very bratty and entitled. The fact that you are referring to it as "whatever thrown together shower that I get from my little sister" does not AT ALL reflect a bit of gratitude and if I were in your sister's shoes, I would have probably told you the same thing; do it yourself, then. Sorry, I know that's probably not what you want to hear.

This^

hockeyfan42 said:

I agree with PPs. Give your sister the guest list and be grateful you have people who want to throw you a shower at all. To be honest, your original post makes you sound like a spoiled brat.

And absolutely this^

hockeyfan42 · February 2016

MissSaritaF said:

MamaNicoleof3 said:

Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...

There definitely is . This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.

Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.

You should try the baby showers board. https://forums.thebump.com/categories/baby-showers

MissSaritaF · February 2016

mrsschmity said:

MissSaritaF said:

MamaNicoleof3 said:

Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...

There definitely is . This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.

Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.

You can still have a nice baby shower without hiring an event planner. If your family knows this about you, then I'm sure they've already taken that into consideration. Have a little faith in them. Again, the fact that they have even offered to host a shower for you is already more than enough. Nobody is going to remember (or care about) your baby shower 10 years from now.

I actually want to remember it. Is that wrong?

goldie987 · February 2016

MissSaritaF said:

crdo said:

MissSaritaF said:

MamaNicoleof3 said:

Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...

There definitely is . This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.

Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.

No one said having a taste for nice things is a negative thing. I appreciate nice things, too. The issue is that you hired a party planner for your shower your sister offered to throw (aka gift!) you because you didn't think she would plan the upscale event you envisioned.

So let me clarify (because I am learning the baby shower protocol only from reading lots of Bump posts), when you find our your pregnant, you should have no vision or desire for what type of baby shower you would want? When I planned my best friends', I gave her exactly what she wanted, because it was a gift for her and I wanted her to have the best time and have the best memories. After all, it's her having the baby, at that time I had never had any and I knew she was going through a lot.

I don't understand what's wrong with having a desire for the type of baby shower you would want. I guess, I have been looking at it as just a nice party to celebrate the milestone in your life. With nice gifts of things you will need.

Baby showers are a gift to you from a friend or family member. You trust that they know you and what you like. If they are unsure, they can ask your opinion on something but otherwise, it's a you get what you get type of thing. Sure, it's a nice party to celebrate a milestone but it doesn't need to be a big ritzy thing, the more important part should be the friends and family that have gathered there to celebrate with you, not what they decor looked like or how upscale and fancy it was.

MamaNicoleof3 · February 2016

You'll remember your shower. I promise.

This is the last I'll say- if I was invited to a shower like you want to have, I'd be so worried about coming up with a "good enough" gift (despite the fact that we're a one-income family) that I'd probably decline the invitation,
or end up sacrificing our grocery budget to find the perfect thing. Just something else to think about.

ahernandez16 · February 2016

MissSaritaF said:

crdo said:

MissSaritaF said:

MamaNicoleof3 said:

Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...

There definitely is . This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.

Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.

No one said having a taste for nice things is a negative thing. I appreciate nice things, too. The issue is that you hired a party planner for your shower your sister offered to throw (aka gift!) you because you didn't think she would plan the upscale event you envisioned.

So let me clarify (because I am learning the baby shower protocol only from reading lots of Bump posts), when you find our your pregnant, you should have no vision or desire for what type of baby shower you would want? When I planned my best friends', I gave her exactly what she wanted, because it was a gift for her and I wanted her to have the best time and have the best memories. After all, it's her having the baby, at that time I had never had any and I knew she was going through a lot.

I don't understand what's wrong with having a desire for the type of baby shower you would want. I guess, I have been looking at it as just a nice party to celebrate the milestone in your life. With nice gifts of things you will need.

What is there to want? You want the people you love there to celebrate you and your LO on the way. Who gives a crap what the color scheme or what's on the menu? Literally zero people that show up will care. A lot of baby showers that I've been to have been surprises. Are you telling me if your mom and sister were planning a surprise shower behind your back you'd be disappointed because it wasn't exactly what you wanted?

And FWIW I didn't even have an event planner for my wedding. I did it all on my own and my wedding was a freaking blast. So the idea of you hiring someone to put together a baby shower for you because you think your sister can't handle it is literally laughable for me.

FinePlacentaPie · February 2016

I agree with your sister. You're too involved. Step away.

mrsschmity · February 2016

MissSaritaF said:

crdo said:

MissSaritaF said:

MamaNicoleof3 said:

Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...

There definitely is . This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.

Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.

No one said having a taste for nice things is a negative thing. I appreciate nice things, too. The issue is that you hired a party planner for your shower your sister offered to throw (aka gift!) you because you didn't think she would plan the upscale event you envisioned.

So let me clarify (because I am learning the baby shower protocol only from reading lots of Bump posts), when you find our your pregnant, you should have no vision or desire for what type of baby shower you would want? When I planned my best friends', I gave her exactly what she wanted, because it was a gift for her and I wanted her to have the best time and have the best memories. After all, it's her having the baby, at that time I had never had any and I knew she was going through a lot.

I don't understand what's wrong with having a desire for the type of baby shower you would want. I guess, I have been looking at it as just a nice party to celebrate the milestone in your life. With nice gifts of things you will need.

It's a freaking baby shower! For facks sake. The fact that people have high expectations for exactly what they want the occasion to be like is baffling to me. It is a nice gesture that is not required by family or friends to put on for you. The right way to respond to them would be to thank them, provide the guest list/anything else they need, be grateful, and enjoy the day. That's it. If you're going to micromanage every last detail from where the occasion is held, to what color icing is on the cupcakes, to the decorations, that is just...yuck.

dennyandlee · February 2016

So, maybe I shouldn't... but I want to add that I find it quite contradictory that OP is also the one the started the "Minimalist Moms" discussion a while back.

MamaNicoleof3 · February 2016

denny+lee said:

So, maybe I shouldn't... but I want to add that I find it quite contradictory that OP is also the one the started the "Minimalist Moms" discussion a while back.

I lied. I'm commenting again, because ^ that is rich. No pun intended.

hockeyfan42 · February 2016

mrsschmity said:

MissSaritaF said:

crdo said:

MissSaritaF said:

MamaNicoleof3 said:

Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...

There definitely is . This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.

Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.

No one said having a taste for nice things is a negative thing. I appreciate nice things, too. The issue is that you hired a party planner for your shower your sister offered to throw (aka gift!) you because you didn't think she would plan the upscale event you envisioned.

So let me clarify (because I am learning the baby shower protocol only from reading lots of Bump posts), when you find our your pregnant, you should have no vision or desire for what type of baby shower you would want? When I planned my best friends', I gave her exactly what she wanted, because it was a gift for her and I wanted her to have the best time and have the best memories. After all, it's her having the baby, at that time I had never had any and I knew she was going through a lot.

I don't understand what's wrong with having a desire for the type of baby shower you would want. I guess, I have been looking at it as just a nice party to celebrate the milestone in your life. With nice gifts of things you will need.

It's a freaking baby shower! For facks sake. The fact that people have high expectations for exactly what they want the occasion to be like is baffling to me. It is a nice gesture that is not required by family or friends to put on for you. The right way to respond to them would be to thank them, provide the guest list/anything else they need, be grateful, and enjoy the day. That's it. If you're going to micromanage every last detail from where the occasion is held, to what color icing is on the cupcakes, to the decorations, that is just...yuck.

This post paired with her previous "minimalist mom" post about saving as much as possible and cutting back make me...
.

Image: https://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/web05/2012/10/2/20/anigif_enhanced-buzz-13418-1349223535-0.gif

MamaNicoleof3 · February 2016

MamaNicoleof3 said:

You'll remember your shower. I promise.

This is the last I'll say- if I was invited to a shower like you want to have, I'd be so worried about coming up with a "good enough" gift (despite the fact that we're a one-income family) that I'd probably decline the invitation,
or end up sacrificing our grocery budget to find the perfect thing. Just something else to think about.

I'm AWing myself, because this thread just screams that. So guiiiiiiise.....look at the good point I made. LOOK AT IT!!

cmac827 · February 2016

A shower is a gift to "shower" you with gifts. You don't get any say unless you're asked. If you want to celebrate your child the way you want, do a sip and see, spend your own money, and don't request gifts. I am grateful that I've had a friend step up to throw me a shower. This is what I was asked "What themes or games push your limits" and if I wanted it on a Saturday or Sunday, that's it and I'm perfectly fine with that. My only request was that she didn't spend a fortune.
You sound like a spoiled brat, sorry.

MissSaritaF · February 2016

denny+lee said:

So, maybe I shouldn't... but I want to add that I find it quite contradictory that OP is also the one the started the "Minimalist Moms" discussion a while back.

I knew someone would mention that

. My registry is only necessities, I don't even want clothes because they are all second hand. However, I want a nice party. I like celebrations that are fun and memorable, what's wrong with that. I know I am complex.

MissSaritaF · February 2016

Question asked and answered, thank you all!

Different women, different minds, different lives, all created in HIS image. I learned something from the ladies who were not rude (that's not necessary just because someone is different). Appreciate it and have a great day!

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