The Circumcision Talk

1faceinacrowd · February 2016

So, now that some of us are starting to find out what we're having (I'm having a boy!), and others are at least planning for the "what ifs"...Has anyone thought about circumcision or talked to your DH about it? I only have a daughter, but I've heard mixed information about whether it's the best thing to do. On the one hand, I know it was initiated for religious reasons (I am not religious), but on the other hand, I understand there are some benefits to circumcision, just as there are benefits to remaining in-tact.
Do any of you have a boy and care to share your thoughts/experiences? Anybody pregnant with a boy and struggling to make a decision? My DH wants to circumcise, but only because he is (as well as his son from a previous relationship). I thought about just letting him decide since I have no experience in owning a penis, but I can't help but wonder if I'll regret having my little baby cut up down there.

michellelydiam · February 2016

I'm sure this is going to get heated... As most circ posts do. But for me, I didn't circ my first son as I couldn't bring myself to do that to him! He was so beautiful and perfect to cut a piece of him.

This time I am planning on not circ'ing either (if it's a boy) but spouse wants to because he is, but after I showed him that it's becoming increasingly unpopular and there are no benefits to it, he has changed his mind and if this baby is a boy he will also remain intact.

1faceinacrowd · February 2016

@michellelydiam Yeah this topic does tend to get a lot of heat around it in discussions I've seen on Facebook.

I wonder if my husband has considered how common it's becoming. I actually have no idea what the numbers are - I'll have to look!

acciobaby123 · February 2016

Our first was a boy and we just thought that there was no need to cut our infant open if not medically or religiously warranted. I'm sure some people also do it so that the boys look the same in the locker room and that is completely their decision, just not right for our family. Our infant foster son came recently circed and it got slightly infected and left one side a little wonky. As for the long term health effects, I haven't seen a study going one way or the other. I hope this helps and congrats on your boy, they are quite a ball! Just know your reasoning for deciding, be strong in it, and you can explain it if people ask.

Kristin712 · February 2016

I'll be doing it as it's customary in both my family and DH's. To us, circumcision is the norm and we feel strongly about going that route.

skelly70 · February 2016

DH and I looked at the research and consulted with multiple pediatricians; ultimately, I left it up to him. DS is circumcised.

As PP have said, this is a hot topic that will draw out very strong opinions on both sides. We have to remember that we're all trying to make informed decisions that are right for our own families.

bananers · February 2016

With DS, I was on the fence, leaning toward no. DH was adamant that we do it. I have no penis and I didn't know what it's like to have to clean or care for one, or what locker rooms are like, or first sexual encounters, etc., so I deferred to DH. Granted, I know some of the locker room and sex arguments are null now that many boys are intact, but I wouldn't expect DH to argue with me when it comes to anything vagina related, so I respected his wishes.

FTR, DS didn't even cry. They do a good job numbing them up and it's over with in a matter of seconds. He also healed very quickly. If we have another boy we will do it again.

JournoGrl23 · February 2016

I don't know what the gender of my baby is, but I've been thinking of whether or not to circumcise if it's a boy and I have no idea what to do. My husband is, but he said he wouldn't want our son to be because he doesn't see a point. I've read that there are benefits to both and negatives to both. If I have a boy, I'll probably consult a doctor before making a decision.

charmedlifex3 · February 2016

We're having a boy, and I told DH this is completely his call. As someone who does not own a penis, I am deferring to the parent who does.
I'm slightly against it for the sole (completely selfish) reason it could make him fussier when we first bring him home and post partum I don't want to make it any harder than it has to be. We've already got a lot on our plate as a family that week - me healing, us learning to BF, learning to change diapers, getting a routine down (such as we can.) I don't think it makes sense to have another member of the family recovering from elective surgery.
But... If it's really what's best for him, or if my husband decides it makes sense, I will deal with that potential.
I put this ball squarely in my husbands court. I trust him to make a decision, so this one is on him...

Bookhousegirl · February 2016

We circumcised DS mostly based on tradition. I did research pros and cons and felt there wasn't anything that completely compelled me in either direction so I left it up to DH since he had a strong preference. If we are having another boy I'm sure we will circumcise again (although we haven't had that discussion since DH is convinced we're having a girl - meanwhile I'm sure it's a boy).

FWIW it was a very simple process for DS, he was fine during and afterwards and the care was minimal (a little ointment at each diaper change for the first week or so).

asponaug · February 2016

Like other people have said, I don't have a penis so I don't feel like I'm the best judge. It's not something I've considered yet. But I keep going back in my mind to the story of my husbands grandfather who had to be circumcised as an adult after infection. Yikes.

bananers · February 2016

@Allisun85 we had it done when DS was a week old, because the hospital preferred not to do it right after birth. So that's definitely an option too (and if you have a small baby, they sometimes prefer you wait a week or two). And like I said, the recovery was almost unnoticeable for us. He healed in a few days and didn't even seem to notice anything was different.

Not trying to sway you - I firmly believe this is up to the parents and that there are pros and cons to both. Just wanted to address a couple of your concerns, from our experience.

Duffgurl · February 2016

My DH says the boys should go with what he has. So both of our boys are circumcised. It was hard getting it done. Not being able to be there for them but they both healed nicely and I have not regrets. Plus DH told me a horror story of a friend that got circumcised while in the military and how he woke up with wood and ripped the stitches. So if we have a boy again he will be circumcised as well.

If anyone decides they do not want to circumcise their child then that's fine by me. To each their own.

cabee310 · February 2016

Both my boys are circ'ed. If this one is a boy, he will be too. I let DH have jurisdiction on this matter and since he will be doing all the penis talks, I felt it was the right choice for us.

katiedidthat · February 2016

Both my boys are intact, despite DH being circ'd. We researched the benefits, the risks of the surgery, and decided that it was a cosmetic procedure, and therefore not our place to make that choice for our sons. For what it's worth, we've had no issues (no infections, uti's, cleanliness problems, questions about differences,etc). DS1 also only has one testicle, so he already had that difference that we thought we'd have to explain, but at 3.5, he's not even acknowledged that his is different from his dad's, just that I don't have one at all.

THATdisneyMom · February 2016

I'm honestly worried about having a boY just for this reason. I'm not religious and like to think of myself as a rational science based person who will make the decision off of solid facts... but it's very worrisome to consider. DH is very opposite of me and was cut so I assume he would prefer that. We haven't even talked about it yet... I just don't know I could do that to a baby. And there are so many negative things that can happen after one... like it being too tight etc. It's hard to make these calls so all I will say is good luck. Just do what you think is best and know it's becoming more popular to stay intact if you so choose that

AshleyDoll · February 2016

We knew before we even started trying that if we ever had a boy, he will remain intact. SO is circ'd but after learning about it, there's no medical need for it, it's more common to leave baby intact these days.... He's very against is as am I. I have several friends who have lost babies or almost lost babies due to this unnecessary procedure and my baby is too precious to even risk it.

nanner26 · February 2016

DH and I haven't had this conversation yet. I think we will just wait till we find out the sex. I honestly hadn't realized this was such a hot debate until a couple years ago. At this point I feel the same as a lot of you ladies do and will probably just let DH decide. I will definitely look more into if we find out we're having a boy.

ZedPM3 · February 2016

I told him he gets to make the call since he has the penis. He isn't circumcised and he's leaning towards not circumcising any potential boys we have, partially because we're hoping to move over to Europe eventually and not circumcising is the norm over there. I don't really see the need for it so I'm perfectly fine with not doing it.

Jenniferk08 · February 2016

When I was pregnant with my first I talked to h about it. I don't have a penis and no clue. We did it for health reasons and since h is.
I don't feel my son was any fussier because of it. I think the only extra step was having to put Vaseline on it.
Also if you wait I believe some doctors won't do it until the child is 6 months to a year old.

cait5413 · February 2016

This will be hubby's choice if we have a boy. My Dh is uncircumsized, but he doesn't actually feel strongly about it. We'll do some research.

Ceventa · February 2016

Our first is a boy and I left the decision of circumcision to DH. I too read a lot of both pros and cons about it, but ultimately since I don't have a penis, I felt that his father should make the choice, just like if we have a girl with baby#2 there will be decisions I will have to make as her mother. DH felt strongly about DS being circumcised, so we went ahead with the procedure. The doctor did a fantastic job, DS had little to no swelling and they gave be great instructions on how to properly care for it. All in all, DS is doing great right now and I as a non-penis owner have found it easy to keep clean and free of infections.

It's a very very personal decision that you and your partner should come to on your own. Don't worry about what other people think.

Bubblegum5586 · February 2016

This is something that has been int he back of my mind for awhile. I decided we'll wait to see the sex before having this discussion.

Our issue is that in my religion you do the circumcision (at 8 days old, although I would be willing to compromise on not doing the whole ceremony). H is not my religion and he is not circumcised, so I am not sure what his stance will be (and honestly wonder the reaction from my in laws when they go to change a diaper at some point).

H's is the first and ONLY uncircumcised penis I had ever seen and it really caught me off guard the first time. Plus as
asponaug said... I remember in HS my boyfriends dad having to be circumcised as an adult and his mom telling us all about it... very traumatizing... So for me I never knew anything else and its hard for me accept not doing it.

I am sure that if we do have a boy we will have a discussion and together and decide what we feel is best.

bananers · February 2016

AshleyDoll said:

I have several friends who have lost babies or almost lost babies due to this unnecessary procedure and my baby is too precious to even risk it.

LOL, wut? Lost babies to circumcision? I have never heard of that happening, so I seriously question your honesty when you say you have several friends who have.

Look, it's a personal decision. I'm happy to discuss pros and cons in a logical manner, but let's leave the fear mongering out of it.

Kjohnson1426 · February 2016

bananers said:

AshleyDoll said:

I have several friends who have lost babies or almost lost babies due to this unnecessary procedure and my baby is too precious to even risk it.

LOL, wut? Lost babies to circumcision? I have never heard of that happening, so I seriously question your honesty when you say you have several friends who have.

Look, it's a personal decision. I'm happy to discuss pros and cons in a logical manner, but let's leave the fear mongering out of it.

My thoughts exactly. Cutting skin off of a penis = death? And several deaths on top of that? Your babies are precious whether you choose to circumcise or not. Everyday our children are at risk of being harmed in some way because they don't live inside of a bubble.

kristynmac · February 2016

My DS, from a previous relationship, is circumcised and at the same time he had his frenulum snipped (tongue tied) both procedures were done in a few seconds and he did not cry/fuss at all and the healing was quite fast. This was 11 years ago, and my reasoning at the time was slightly influenced by a couple of friends in the nursing program at college, describing how difficult it is for older men to take care of themselves and the pain and infections that they may get. Fast forward to today and my DH is not circumcised and we are both undecided, but I have told him that this is ultimately up to him.

cbpalagi · February 2016

My DH is circumcised, but I had a past boyfriend who wasn't and I remember it totally catching me off guard...sometimes we'd have to be careful during sex because if we moved to fast the skin would pull and hurt him. I also have a best friend who's not circumcised, and just last year he ripped his foreskin during sex and had to have an adult circumcision. Based on my personal experiences and easier cleaning maintenance we are going to do circumcision if it's a boy, and my DH wouldn't have it any other way.

mentyone · February 2016

I didn't have super strong feelings either way but my husband is circumcised and it's the only thing I know so we decided to. My son fell asleep during the procedure and wasn't fussy afterwards like some babies are. We slathered the diaper with A&D to keep it from sticking for the week after and it healed beautifully. All in all it was more traumatizing for me because I read online about how they are in pain and looked at pictures of babies being held down - it freaked me out but ours was nothing like that. Super quick and easy and they gave him a little anesthesia on a pacifier - so do what you think is best! I just wanted to give a little encouragement and our positive experience.

Iristhewild · February 2016

I think it's around 100 little boys die each year from circ complications (such as hemorrhaging). So, while she may be exaggerating that several of her friends have lost their children, it's not false that little boys do die afterwards.

We are not religious, so we have no reason to have it done in that regard. Even if we were I don't see the point in removing a functioning body part from a healthy infant. I wouldn't circumcise our daughters (which was made illegal in the US in 1994). Since there's been no hard information founded on long term "benefits" of circumcision, no thanks.

Whitmore1027 · February 2016

We are hoping for a boy (but would be ecstatic with boy or girl of course!!), and although we haven't really talked about it or really cared to talk about it until we find out the gender, I think you girls who are letting DH decide is a really good idea. I feel there are pros and cons to both, and I believe letting the male of the family decide is a good idea. (knowing my DH though, he would probably be like "I don't want to make the decision by myself! We have to decide together!" Haha.

greendogs1993 · February 2016

I was leaning toward leaving my son intact. We are Christians but circumcision isn't required. I didn't see that there was much medical difference between the two so I thought it would be best to leave it alone. However my DH felt very strongly that he needs to be circumcised for social resons. Since he had the penis and I didn't feel strongly one way or another, I went with the circumcision.

In retrospect, I probably would have put more time into becoming convinced one way or the other. I don't like doing things because that's what society tells me to do. It was, "everyone in our family does it this way, so that's what we should do." I am glad that I respected my husband's wishes, but I wish we discussed it more and made a choice for ourselves.

If this one is a boy we will circumcise as well. I feel like the 1st sets the tone for the rest.

miababy · February 2016

I have a son and he is intact. At first, my husband wanted to cut b/c he was, but once he did the research with me he decided that he definitely did not want it. My father and uncle are physicians who are very much against it. I've had two friends who's sons have almost died during their procedures. You have to do your own research and decide what is the right decision to make for your child. I just believe that it is my child's body and doing a cosmetic procedure should not be my choice. There are a lot of negative consequences it can have and those cannot be reversed. Definitely a heated topic!

PineappleMD · February 2016

As a pediatrician and a fan of research and logic, I just want to point out that the "100 deaths per year" is grossly inflated. According to the CDC and AAP, the number is between 0-2.5 (which, depending on your viewpoint, may still be too high a risk, which is fine).

As a doc, I do see more complications in un-circ'd boys, especially if parents don't know how to properly care for them. The foreskin can get stuck back and cut off blood supply to the head, there is increased risk of UTI in the first few months, and there is a very slight (but research-proven) increased risk of STD's later in life. I also recently saw a teenager who had a circ with horrible complications - bleeding under the skin, but the stitches wouldn't let the bleeding expand, so picture a giant painful purple eggplant on this poor kid... who was circ'd as a teeanger only because his parents thought it was too dangerous to do in infancy.

For what it's worth, I've done dozens myself and seen hundreds done - most babies don't have pain, and almost none need stitches, which is *much* different than what happens in older teens/men.

Still a personal decision and it's definitely becoming more common to not cut, which is fine, just my 2 cents from the medical side.

danahorowitz · February 2016

Sigh, this is a big issue in my house. DH and I are both Jewish and in our faith baby boys are cir'd at 8 days old at a ceremony with family and friends. DH is anti circ and I am very much in favor of it. For social and personal hygiene reasons and for faith reasons. I'm not super religious but I feel like this is an important part of our faith.
First baby is a girl so we got to dodge this bullet once. We found out last week that this one is a boy. Sigh, I think DH will come around...

happyhorse · February 2016

DH is circed. It was the norm in our generation. His mom didn't think to ask. As an adult he'd rather not be if it'd been up to him but its not like he loses sleep over it.

Our son will be natural. We aren't religious. We read up. Agreed it's a no go. Our parents generation relatives protest because they worry he will feel embarrassed being different from dad. We say BS. We will teach him all about how people can be different in many ways and that's ok because it's the goodness in inside of a person that we love. We aren't concerned.

Nice to see this is a very civil conversation.

MamaC2b2011 · February 2016

I think it's totally bizarre to cut your sons penis to match your husbands. what?... that's weird and a ridiculous reason to cut a part of the body off. seriously anyone considering this should go watch a video of an infant's foreskin being removed and think about it... do the research. it's obscene to do and not even RESEARCH why it was even started. they will have less feeling in their penis after. many babies "go to sleep" after, it's because they're in shock from the pain. not your body, not your choice. let them decide for themselves when they get older. also, to the person who laughed that babies die every year, you're sick. they HEMORRHAGE to death. aka: bleed out. Please for the love of whatever you believe or don't believe in, research it. don't just blindly leave it up to your husbands. Check out SAVE OUR SONS for more information.

bananers · February 2016

@MamaC2b2011 I'm not sick. I laughed because the person who said several of her friends have lost babies to circumcision was obviously lying to make a point.

MSUgrad12 · February 2016

DH and I have only talked briefly about it. But here's a funny/interesting? Video about why people in the US circumcise

https://youtu.be/gCSWbTv3hng

DDRRT1982 · February 2016

MamaC2b2011 said:

I think it's totally bizarre to cut your sons penis to match your husbands. what?... that's weird and a ridiculous reason to cut a part of the body off. seriously anyone considering this should go watch a video of an infant's foreskin being removed and think about it... do the research. it's obscene to do and not even RESEARCH why it was even started. they will have less feeling in their penis after. many babies "go to sleep" after, it's because they're in shock from the pain. not your body, not your choice. let them decide for themselves when they get older. also, to the person who laughed that babies die every year, you're sick. they HEMORRHAGE to death. aka: bleed out. Please for the love of whatever you believe or don't believe in, research it. don't just blindly leave it up to your husbands. Check out SAVE OUR SONS for more information.

My husband would never do anything to harm my son. That trust in him began the moment I started procreating with him. To suggest those of us that trust our husbands enough to make the decision are "blindly" following them is ignorant. You sound like you might have trust issues with your husband, don't project those on to us.

LadyBear10 · February 2016

I brought this up with DH since we have not really talked about it before seeing this thread. After research and some discussion DH decided that we will not circumcise. This is because of genetics. His family has a long run of psoriasis in the men in his family (great grandpa, papaw, dad, him), and it tends to hang out around scarred tissue. Just another thing to think about that I have not seen yet on this debate. I personally was all for circumcision, but I allowed DH to make the decision since he is more informed.

Thurstobertay · February 2016

The death talk is probably a bit of hyperbole, but why does that indicate a trust issue with her husband? Circumcision is a lifelong decision for sexual health and I will never leave that 100% in someone else's hands. I'd be grossed out if my husband completely left something so significant up to me, I want him to care and research enough to have an opinion.

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