Breastfeeding and BS opinions

aoliveira0726 · February 2016

so my husband and i collectively decided not to breastfeed. I am still planning on pumping but i just dont want to do the actual breastfeeding. Why is it that moms who choose to breastfeed feel the need to lecture me about the benefits or upside to breastfeeding??!! Its a decision we made together and last time i checked, random people wede t paying my bills or making my decisions. Seriously...bc you already have a kid gives you the right to tell a pregnant woman whats best for her baby??!!! Ugghh sorry for the rant. People are just annoying today

Huskerfanz · February 2016

Just kind of curious on why you want to pump but not nurse?

aoliveira0726 · February 2016

The honest answer is that the actual act of breastfeeding, in my mind, is strange. I grew up in a world where boobs are sexual and not used for their intended purpose. I cannot trick myself into thinking about it otherwise, and even though breastfeeding is not sexual at all, i cant see myself doing it bc of the stigma created in my mind. Shes still going to get the nutrients from me pumping, but nursing is just out of the question for me

dennyandlee · February 2016

That's very interesting. I'm guessing we probably grew up in the same world and I have a hard time understanding your perspective... Of course, to each her own. Your husband doesn't want to share does he

aoliveira0726 · February 2016

denny+lee said:

That's very interesting. I'm guessing we probably grew up in the same world and I have a hard time understanding your perspective... Of course, to each her own. Your husband doesn't want to share does he

Lol i can ask him for you but he'll probably say no haha

Bear14+ · February 2016

I will say that if you plan on pumping from the beginning and sticking with it that it's a ton of work. I just hope you are going into it with realistic expectations to how often you have to pump (every two hours) and then the time bottle feeding and washing everything. The women I know who successfully did it, never got a break in the beginning.

I would do lots of research!

Edited to add..middle of the night is no joke when you have to bottle feed baby & also pump.

Bear14+ · February 2016

https://kellymom.com/mother2mother/exclusive-pumping/

Good resource here!

Huskerfanz · February 2016

Yeah, I'd just maybe look into exclusive pumping a bit more. It's a lot of work but doable. Babies get more efficient but pumps don't. That's great you want to feed breast milk, though!

Lyette1206 · February 2016

Your baby, so you can do whatever you want. As long as you feed it. I will second PP, that exclusive pumping is a ton of work. You basically are feeding baby twice (once while you pump, once when you give them the bottle). Plus the time it takes to clean bottles and pump parts. I know a few moms who did it, and I think they're super heroes.

I breastfed my daughter, and can I just say that in our society, as it is today, I think the only real advantage of breastfeeding is cost. I can't believe how expensive formula is!!

aoliveira0726 · February 2016

Cost is a big factor into why i plan on pumping. I kno its gonna be a lot of work but im ready for it. Im just sick of people telling me my choices are wrong. We thought them out and have reason for them. To quote bon jovi... ITS MY LIIIIIFE

Bear14+ · February 2016

I also do want to say that when I think of breastfeeding, it's weird. Ever since I had my son I am so protective over my breasts. I don't like my husband messing with them. There was just this weird feeling that happened...maybe it was all his jokes about drinking breast milk & breastfeeding in general that he thought was funny. But for as weird and self conscious as I felt about it, it wasn't at all like I expected after he was born. It felt right & normal.

ScoutPout · February 2016

It's a personal choice. I'm sorry people are giving you crap about it. You could do just formula and I'd high five you. You made that choice nobody else should get to chime in. Sadly people feel entitled.

huskypuppy14 · February 2016

Lyette1206 said:

Your baby, so you can do whatever you want. As long as you feed it. I will second PP, that exclusive pumping is a ton of work. You basically are feeding baby twice (once while you pump, once when you give them the bottle). Plus the time it takes to clean bottles and pump parts. I know a few moms who did it, and I think they're super heroes.

I breastfed my daughter, and can I just say that in our society, as it is today, I think the only real advantage of breastfeeding is cost. I can't believe how expensive formula is!!

I don't believe this is actually true. I think there are many advantages to breastfeeding for both mom and baby, if there weren't the doctors and nurses wouldn't push it so much. However, there is nothing wrong with giving your baby formula. As long as you feed your baby I don't care what you do. But to say the only advantage is cost is misleading and untrue.

Tawny87 · February 2016

I exclusively pumped for twins, because I HATED the feeling of breast feeding. You can totally do it, yes it's a lot of work but if it can be done for two it can be done for one. I am planning on exclusively pumping for our singleton this time around too. My mom was all maybe you can BF him and I told her that I have absolutely zero desire to breastfeed!!!

Tawny87 · February 2016

Also I multi tasked with feeding and pumping especially at night. I would put them in boppys and hold their bottles.

HeartLikeMine3 · February 2016

I want to echo pp's and state that I'm not judging whatsoever. I don't care what or how you feed your baby. I just want to say that I related to you a lot as a FTM I had a lot of the same feelings towards breast feeding but decided I would at least give it a try. If I hated it I would pump. I ended up nursing DS over a year and he went straight to a straw cup never once took a bottle.
Dont care what you do but seems odd to me that you wouldn't try even once.

Lyette1206 · February 2016

@huskypuppy14 a lot of the benefits are greatly exaggerated and/or are more relevant in parts of the world where health care and nutrition aren't what they are in North America/Europe. New research has shown that breast fed babies aren't necessarily any smarter than formula fed. Overall, in non-third world countries, breastfed babies aren't sick less often than formula fed babies. Outcomes aren't better for breastfed babies. Now, I'm pro-breastfeeding, and I hate that society has taught large numbers of women that their breasts aren't meant for nurturing their children. But I also hate that the pro-breastfeeding movement has become so extreme that most bottle feeding mothers feel judged for their choices (or, shamed that they couldn't make breast feeding work).
So, re-reading what I said, I'm going to change my wording to the biggest advantage of breast feeding is cost savings. But formula babies will be just as smart, just as healthy, just as awesome, as breastfed ones.

ETA - fixed autocorrect

kassondra5 · February 2016

I exclusively pumped for a year. It was work, but certainly not the fire and brimstone it was made out to be. I was scared to death that I would become a dairy cow, but if you have a partner that's willing to help and feed the baby while you pump, it works out just fine. In fact, my husband was deployed for a large chunk of the year and I managed just fine on my own. In hindsight, it bothers me that most of the people who told me it would be too much work never did it themselves. I am planning on doing it with baby number two as well. I did it mostly because I am intensely data-driven and couldn't handle not knowing exactly how much my baby was eating. Being able to see the milk in the bottle and measure how much she was getting put my mind at ease in the very tumultuous time that is postpartum. I produced plenty of milk and she gained plenty of weight. Had I not produced enough milk, I would have gone to formula. Best of luck!

Rosehip15 · February 2016

Just don't discuss it with people. We all have different plans & theories on child rearing, and people think theirs are correct. So what? Don't worry. Just say, oh, we'll figure it out, thanks, and drop it.

dennyandlee · February 2016

Lyette1206 said:

@huskypuppy14 a lot of the benefits are greatly exaggerated and/or are more relevant in parts of the world where health care and nutrition aren't what they are in North America/Europe. New research has shown that breast fed babies aren't necessarily any smarter than formula fed. Overall, in non-third world countries, breastfed babies aren't sick less often than formula fed babies. Outcomes aren't better for breastfed babies. Now, I'm pro-breastfeeding, and I hate that society has taught large numbers of women that their breasts aren't meant for nurturing their children. But I also hate that the pro-breastfeeding movement has become so extreme that most bottle feeding mothers feel judged for their choices (or, shamed that they couldn't make breast feeding work).
So, re-reading what I said, I'm going to change my wording to the biggest advantage of breast feeding is cost savings. But formula babies will be just as smart, just as healthy, just as awesome, as breastfed ones.

ETA - fixed autocorrect

Can you give any links to the information you are citing? I'd be interested to read it.

Tawny87 · February 2016

Oh also, make sure you invest in a good pump. It may be worth upgrading to a more expensive one and paying the premium on it. With my twins I had a free rental through a charity on a Medela symphony lactina and it was a power house.

mkemommy · February 2016

I am curious... why are you sharing this information with others other than venting on this site (which I understand completely) if you don't want opinions on what I'm sure you know is a pretty highly charged topic? I don't share my child-rearing/feeding/etc. plans with anyone in "real life" without knowing I am opening myself up to hearing their never-ending opinions on the topic.

For example, today alone three different people asked me if I planned on breast feeding, if I planned on having an epidural and if I planned on having a C-Section. I politely declined each potential pitfall of a discussion with a "we will see when I get to that point in the game" because I just didn't want to get into it, KWIM? Some still offered their opinions and I just said "interesting" and changed the subject. Just saying, if it frustrates you (like it does me) when others butt in, just avoid, avoid, avoid.

GinnyJ2012 · February 2016

Just feed your baby! However you decide to feed baby will be the right choice for you. I don't respond well to the pump, but mines not the highest quality. There are different levels of pumps. I know some hospitals let you rent them, and they are very efficient. Also invest in hands free pumping bra.

TunieBee · February 2016

@Lyette1206 I have to say, working in the area of allergy, asthma, and immunology, formula-fed babies have much higher incidence of both asthma and allergies and the research strongly suggests formula vs. breastfeeding as one cause of this. Additionally, the immediate and life-long immune system benefits of breastmilk are pretty clear (not to mention GI benefits as well). At the same time, there are multitudes of reasons one must formula feed vs. breastfeed but in my personal and professional opinion, the many, many advantages of breastmilk are undeniable.

Lyette1206 · February 2016

For some literature I've read, see links below. A few are some well-written non-scholarly articles I liked as more of a lay summary. Also a few scholarly. It's frustrating finding papers on my iPhone though, so it's only a handful.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/03/about-that-breastfeeding-study/388309/

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/

https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0138676

https://jhppl.dukejournals.org/content/32/4/595.full.pdf

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953614000549

Please keep in mind, I am pro breastfeeding. I did it, I loved it, I wish every woman had the support and resources and desire to do it. I just don't believe in the fear tactics that go along with "breast is best", or promoting the idea that choosing to breast feed somehow makes you a better mother/better decision maker for your child. I like the Duke journal article best as more of a dissection of public policy and research that went into the "breast is best" campaign.

MistKeeper · February 2016

What I find hilarious about this is that my family and friends judge me for wanting to breastfeed (everyone was formula fed, and my friends are mainly childless). It just goes to show that no matter what you choose, there will be naysayers. You have to do what's right for you.

bedinabelinda · February 2016

BOOBY POLICE!!!!

They are everywhere.

JennyS86 · February 2016

Hey - as a lurker from May 2016 - good for you for talking to DH and coming up with a game plan.
I did pump (pretty much exclusively) for my twins for 16months. It worked for us, and it really helps when someone else can be on "baby duty" while you pump. I pumped with the medela symphony, rented from the hospital, but I've also heard that the Spectra line of pumps are great too.
I'm going to try to nurse this baby, but I will always have the pump ready to go if nursing doesn't work out.

Don't be afraid to stand up for your choices - we felt like our pediatricians thought we were crazy (!)

TunieBee · February 2016

In a report for the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, review of the literature demonstrated benefits of breastfeeding for both the infant and mother. Breastfeeding has direct clinical benefits for the infant as well as potential-long term benefits that are realized after the breastfeeding period. The direct benefits of human milk include improvement in gastrointestinal function and host defense, and prevention of acute illnesses (eg, acute otitis media, wheezing) during the time of breastfeeding.

www.ahrq.gov/downloads/pub/evidence/pdf/brfout/brfout.pdf

Grapes13 · February 2016

My sister in law only pumped for over a year. I know countless other women who have done the same, and even if I didnt, it wouldn't matter. Your body, your baby, your choice. The baby is in no way harmed by this, I don't see why anyone should have an opinion on how you get milk inside your baby.

mrsb8244 · February 2016

I'm not here to comment on your choice to breastfeed, exclusively pump, or formula feed because I really just want you to feed your baby. I did come to say that as a health care provider I can assure you there are many benefits of breast milk over formula. Of course either way the child gets fed and as long as they're growing appropriately that's great. However, breast milk is often the only form of immunity for infants (other than what is passed from mom to baby before delivery and the first Hep B shot given at birth) until they get vaccinated, first vaccine out of the hospital is given at 2 months typically. So I think it's awesome you are willing to put in the time and effort to try to pump for your little one!

*Disclaimer: I promise I don't judge those who only formula feed. Like I said as long as your baby is fed I'm happy! Now if you don't feed him/her I'll have a problem ha

princessandthegator · February 2016

People will have opinions regardless, I agree with @mkemommy in that you should just avoid these kinds of questions because they obviously cause you a lot of frustration. My Mother couldn't breastfeed (which was something they apparently told a lot of women in the 80's) and I was formula-fed. I was also lactose intolerant, so I was on soy based formula as an infant. I've always had a great immune system, have no allergies or asthma, and am relatively smart (who knows how much of a genius I would've been on BM). I think the research on breast feeding is fabulous but our culture has become a hotbed of mommy shaming and formula-feeders seem to be the newest punching bags. At the end of the day, it's your kid and it's your choice how you choose to nourish them. I don't have studies or citations to give you, but this isn't a classroom. I think it's ridiculous the extent some people will go when you share an opinion they may not necessarily agree with.

dennyandlee · February 2016

I don't think that anyone has been asked to back their opinion with citations. But when someone cites findings from research studies, you should be able to back the information that you are putting out there. No, this is not a classroom, but if you want to use research to prop up your opinion, you should be able to provide some kind of evidence that that research exists for those who are interested in reading the data to which you are referring.

VikingGirl12 · February 2016

@TunieBee I am so ashamed to say I did not know this. My son had to be bottle fed (as much as I hated it) and he is deathly allergic to peanuts and chickpeas and just finished oral-immunotherapy treatment for egg. I'm glad there's someone in the group that knows something about this stuff

TunieBee · February 2016

VikingGirl12 said:

@TunieBee I am so ashamed to say I did not know this. My son had to be bottle fed (as much as I hated it) and he is deathly allergic to peanuts and chickpeas and just finished oral-immunotherapy treatment for egg. I'm glad there's someone in the group that knows something about this stuff

While there are higher incidences of allergies in formula fed babies, it's often multi factorial, so please don't blame yourself for not breastfeeding or the formula alone! I only meant to say that bf does have numerous benefits, reduction in allergies being one. I'm so glad to hear the oral IT to egg was successful! Where did you do the sensentization? Here's to hoping he outgrows his peanut allergy as well! Being a parent of children which serious allergies can be so stressful!

almostpriceless · February 2016

I have both exclusively pumped and exclusively nurses for a really long time each. It was an experience that I have often described as having been a special kind of hell. I'd also like to add that there is still a cost associated with pumping. You need bags. You need bottles. You need tubing. You need a car plug or tons of batteries. And you need extras of all of these things. My husband and I ended up having to buy a freezer. Also, I never stopped having to pump at least every 3 hours, which was horrendous.

No judgement, I'm just pointing out that it's not all roses for everyone.

TunieBee · February 2016

@denny+lee I just can't help myself. I'm very research-driven. The sad truth is, you can find peed-reviewed research to back your opinion on almost anything.

dennyandlee · February 2016

TunieBee said:

@denny+lee I just can't help myself. I'm very research-driven. The sad truth is, you can find peed-reviewed research to back your opinion on almost anything.

Yeah, i get that. I was really responding to @mrsmartinez16 comment "I don't have studies or citations to give you, but this isn't a classroom. I think it's ridiculous the extent some people will go when you share an opinion they may not necessarily agree with." I don't think it's ridiculous to ask to evidence when someone is referring to research.

princessandthegator · February 2016

@denny+lee I didn't say anyone had asked for research. I gave an anecdote about my childhood and wanted to enter the disclaimer in case someone else dove in with the "well, you're just one case" argument. I certainly didn't reference any one person in my post.

dennyandlee · February 2016

@mrsmartinez16 My bad, I assumed that you were referring to when I asked @Lyette1206 for links to research that she referred to. My apologies for defending that when it didn't need to be defended

alsbaldwin · February 2016

I exclusively pumped for 9 months. DS had a painful latch and once we were comfortable, he'd scream and scream while still latched on. The most frustrating thing for me about EPing was staying consistent about pumping. I hated having to plan outings around when I'd need to be back to pump or having to pump in the car. DH was super supportive and would wash bottles and share feedings, so that helped so much.

I'd suggest doing research, finding a lactation consultant who understands that you want to EP and not caring what anyone else thinks. In the end, just feed your baby.

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