Shower questions

jenbrinson07 · January 2016

I'm starting all over with my 3rd baby, as I have 2 teenage boys. I don't have a lot of close friends local, and I'm doubting even having a shower. Do you mostly invite close friends? What about people out of town that you know can't come? I had a friend volunteer to host, but wonder if it will be worth it or the best way to handle it. Anyone ever do a shower with hubby and male/females?

kp90 · January 2016

You can do co-ed showers. I threw one for a friend of mine a few years ago and it was actually a lot of fun. Guys made the games interesting.

osmama456 · January 2016

in my circle of friends we call the 2nd+ shower a 'sprinkle', and only invite very close friends, immediate family. There's 8 yrs between my first and this one, and my mom asked who she should invite, I told her just my closest girlfriends and immediate family (mother in law, sister in law). I'm not registering either, so she's suggesting people bring things that will be needed, like diapers/wipes, neutral clothes, gift cards, books, etc. the only time I've seen husbands/bf's at these things is towards the end of the event, to haul everything home. but if that's what you want, go for it! any celebration of baby is a good time, enjoy it with those you want.

LadySamLady · January 2016

I'm a FTM and my shower is going to be co-ed. It will mostly be immediate family, the guys really made a difference in the numbers and so we could only invite a handful of close friends. We did include out of town family because all of my family is out of town pretty much but surprisingly most of them are coming.

PYLWhammy · January 2016

Generally showers for 2nd+ babies are considered bad etiquette/tacky, BUT most would find it acceptable when there is a large age gap, and ESPECIALLY when it's the other parent's first child (if this is the case, the other parent should definitely be present at the shower).
Now that that's out of the way -- do you want a shower?
Usually those invited to showers would be considered your "nearest and dearest." Do you have family in the area that would to attend?
People out of town that you know cannot make it should not be invited, as it looks gift-grabby.
Nothing wrong with co-ed..my husband wouldn't be caught dead at a baby shower, but if your husband and male guests are into it, all the power to ya

mrstmoose · January 2016

Since there's such a big age gap, I personally don't see anything wrong with a shower, especially if someone is offering to throw it for you. I am having 2 showers that are female only and one that is co-ed. Most men around here have been to a baby shower before (or bridal shower) and use this time to drink beer and hang out somewhere where the women aren't (for the most part).

doozer1345 · January 2016

***Tacky here***
My daughter will be 3 when this next daughter is born. We are having another shower. My best friend and my mom are throwing it for us. We are treating it more like a cookout with both men and women. No gift time or games. The invitations will have where we are registered. I think if someone wants to throw it for you then let them. I feel like every child should be celebrated as much as the last.

PYLWhammy · January 2016

@doozer1345 - yes, that's tacky. But at least you admit it, so yay?
BTW, showers are not, and never have been, about celebrating the baby. They're about welcoming a woman into motherhood.

swaters14 · January 2016

This is really similar to what we are doing @doozer1345 Glad someone else feels the same way. I wouldn't have thought to have any kind of another shower, but family insists on doing something, so why not? Same thing, no games etc., I probably won't include a registry link, but if family/friends would like to come celebrate another baby and eat some BBQ then why not?

jenbrinson07 · January 2016

Thanks ladies! Yes, I'm starting over. My youngest is 13!!! I didn't have one for my 2nd.

AdorkablePixie · January 2016

I don't think a shower for a second child is tacky at all, especially if it is a different sex! My best friend had a boy at first and we threw her a shower, then got pregnant with a girl. Guess what? We threw her another shower. If your friends want to throw you a shower, I don't think it's bad etiquette to say sure.

My DH and I went to a co-ed shower over the summer and had a good time. There was good food, alcohol, etc. It was fun. I wanted a co-ed shower with ours, he nixed that idea immediately. He is not about showers of any kind.

doozer1345 · January 2016

PYLWhammy said:

@doozer1345 - yes, that's tacky. But at least you admit it, so yay?
BTW, showers are not, and never have been, about celebrating the baby. They're about welcoming a woman into motherhood.

It's your world. I'm just living in it.

Bluejay3030 · January 2016

PYLWhammy said:

@doozer1345 - yes, that's tacky. But at least you admit it, so yay?
BTW, showers are not, and never have been, about celebrating the baby. They're about welcoming a woman into motherhood.

I don't think it's fair to call it tacky when a family member or close friend is wanting to host a shower to welcome your second child... What do you accomplish by turning down a low-key co-ed cookout (referring to a @doozer1345 style shower)? That's hardly a traditional baby shower; seems like the more gracious thing to do would be to accept rather than shoot it down for the sake of following a rule book.

wamam027 · January 2016

I was never aware that baby showers were to celebrate a woman coming into motherhood. Every shower I've ever been to didn't get that memo at least. Every shower I've been to has had baby themed cakes/cupcakes/decorations, gifts were very solely for the baby (at least last time I checked, that onesie and those diapers certainly wouldn't fit me!). If they were to celebrate the mother to be coming into motherhood wouldn't mothers to be be receiving more prenatal massages, house cleaning gift certificates, manis, and pedis? Because this is most certainly what I would want if the party was to celebrate me, becoming a mother. And if showers are in fact to celebrate new life (which again, is the route taken by every host/new mother of showers I've ever been to) then wouldn't it make sense to have a celebration for EVERY new life and not just the first? Of course, I don't feel it necessary to have the whole open gifts and eat baby blue or pink cake, but what the heck is wrong with having a bbq and being surrounded by friends to welcome baby number 2,3,4 and so forth? I just feel like calling somebody gift grabby when they choose to celebrate a second new life and specifically said it would be more of a bbq co-Ed event is a little judgy. To each their own! You enjoy that bbq @doozer1345 and you enjoy that co-Ed shower @jenbrinson07 celebrate those babies surrounded by people you love.

yogahh · January 2016

It's time for the weekly shower fight/ etiquette discussion !

PYLWhammy · January 2016

Bluejay3030 said:

PYLWhammy said:

@doozer1345 - yes, that's tacky. But at least you admit it, so yay?
BTW, showers are not, and never have been, about celebrating the baby. They're about welcoming a woman into motherhood.

I don't think it's fair to call it tacky when a family member or close friend is wanting to host a shower to welcome your second child... What do you accomplish by turning down a low-key co-ed cookout (referring to a @doozer1345 style shower)? That's hardly a traditional baby shower; seems like the more gracious thing to do would be to accept rather than shoot it down for the sake of following a rule book.

Nothing wrong with a low-key co-ed cookout.
A registry in the invites? For your second child? Come on.
And then not having "gift time?" So the guests can't even see you open the gifts they bought for you?

@ncm0328 .. yes, showers are considered a rite of passage for a woman becoming a mother.
The mother-to-be is the guest of honor, not the baby.
Want a party celebrating a baby's birth? Fine, but that's not really a shower, is it? Just like a christening party isn't a shower...

doozer1345 · January 2016

PYLWhammy said:

Bluejay3030 said:

PYLWhammy said:

@doozer1345 - yes, that's tacky. But at least you admit it, so yay?
BTW, showers are not, and never have been, about celebrating the baby. They're about welcoming a woman into motherhood.

I don't think it's fair to call it tacky when a family member or close friend is wanting to host a shower to welcome your second child... What do you accomplish by turning down a low-key co-ed cookout (referring to a @doozer1345 style shower)? That's hardly a traditional baby shower; seems like the more gracious thing to do would be to accept rather than shoot it down for the sake of following a rule book.

Nothing wrong with a low-key co-ed cookout.
A registry in the invites? For your second child? Come on.
And then not having "gift time?" So the guests can't even see you open the gifts they bought for you?

@ncm0328 .. yes, showers are considered a rite of passage for a woman becoming a mother.
The mother-to-be is the guest of honor, not the baby.
Want a party celebrating a baby's birth? Fine, but that's not really a shower, is it? Just like a christening party isn't a shower...

Most of the people coming to this have been asking what we need/want, where we are registered, etc. So yes, where we are registered will be on the invites so we don't have to keep filtering calls/emails inquiring. No, we're not having gift time or games bc we're having guys there as well and want to keep everyone comfortable and happy. Would it help your standards if you knew we are paying for most of the booze we're having at the party?
How about this... When you have your second or whatever number child you're on don't have a shower or a cookout or celebrate the child like your first one got. Makes sense for you I guess but not for me. IMO this doesn't make me tacky nor do I feel the need to tell you how it makes you look that you wouldn't treat the impending arrival of your second (third, etc) the same as your first.

ayeshaohara · January 2016

There is no right or wrong answer to any of this only opinions about what we all prefer or would personally do. So my opinion is do what you want...there is no shower God judging you, just pregnant hormonal women who you don't know from a piece of bread, so we ultimately don't count. You want to shower each child...DO IT!!!!! You don't want to shower each kid, that's cool too. Neither option is wrong! We should be celebrating each other's choices and differences not judging each other in a public forum.

Bringmemylongswordho · January 2016

doozer1345 said:

PYLWhammy said:

Bluejay3030 said:

PYLWhammy said:

@doozer1345 - yes, that's tacky. But at least you admit it, so yay?
BTW, showers are not, and never have been, about celebrating the baby. They're about welcoming a woman into motherhood.

I don't think it's fair to call it tacky when a family member or close friend is wanting to host a shower to welcome your second child... What do you accomplish by turning down a low-key co-ed cookout (referring to a @doozer1345 style shower)? That's hardly a traditional baby shower; seems like the more gracious thing to do would be to accept rather than shoot it down for the sake of following a rule book.

Nothing wrong with a low-key co-ed cookout.
A registry in the invites? For your second child? Come on.
And then not having "gift time?" So the guests can't even see you open the gifts they bought for you?

@ncm0328 .. yes, showers are considered a rite of passage for a woman becoming a mother.
The mother-to-be is the guest of honor, not the baby.
Want a party celebrating a baby's birth? Fine, but that's not really a shower, is it? Just like a christening party isn't a shower...

Most of the people coming to this have been asking what we need/want, where we are registered, etc. So yes, where we are registered will be on the invites so we don't have to keep filtering calls/emails inquiring. No, we're not having gift time or games bc we're having guys there as well and want to keep everyone comfortable and happy. Would it help your standards if you knew we are paying for most of the booze we're having at the party?
How about this... When you have your second or whatever number child you're on don't have a shower or a cookout or celebrate the child like your first one got. Makes sense for you I guess but not for me. IMO this doesn't make me tacky nor do I feel the need to tell you how it makes you look that you wouldn't treat the impending arrival of your second (third, etc) the same as your first.

Lurker but I got a mini vent about this.

I think if you want a low key co-ed shower (not touching the second shower part) that's cool. I think not opening gifts because you don't want to make guys uncomfortable is kinda silly, and I've seen it mentioned by multiple people. I didn’t realize men were so sensitive to watching someone open gifts. Do their balls retreat into their bodies like if it's cold? Do they break out in hives? Are they so coddled they can't smile and make small talk when the mom to be opens presents?

I think it's great to involve guys in showers l. I think it's sad that people go out of their way to cater so much to the stereotype of what a guy is though. If you don't think a guy is going to be interested watching you open gifts, and doesn’t have the courtesy to pretend to be interested, don't invite him to a shower!

But yes, I would find it very rude to receive an invitation with registry information enclosed, show up with a gift and then see none of the gifts opened. I personally think you should reconsider that part, with the registry information included, I would assume a gift was expected, but wasn't important enough to you to acknowledge at the party and would find that hurtful.

Rant over and lurker out.

lbachran · January 2016

Have your shower! Enjoy yourself and celebrate with anyone who wants to! If people don't like it, then they won't come. If people don't want to buy you a gift, then they won't. We're having an open house style baby shower with men and women. Is everyone happy about the lack of diaper sniffing games or the fact that we're not eating up a set amount of hours in their weekend? So far, ABSOLUTELY! If Miss Manners or anyone else has anything to say about it, give them a stiff drink. Congrats on your new addition and have a great time.

doozer1345 · January 2016

@Bringmemylongswordho A gift isn't expected (as I said we've been asked by several about a registry and needs/wants and that's why they're including it on the invitation) and it's a non-traditional shower. You assume you know our group of friends/guests who will be coming. They really don't care about any of the things that have been brought up. For most of them it's an excuse to get together, drink, eat, and just have fun together. Like it or not that's fine. This is my shower. You can do or not do whatever you want at yours.

Bringmemylongswordho · January 2016

doozer1345 said:

@Bringmemylongswordho A gift isn't expected (as I said we've been asked by several about a registry and needs/wants and that's why they're including it on the invitation) and it's a non-traditional shower. You assume you know our group of friends/guests who will be coming. They really don't care about any of the things that have been brought up. For most of them it's an excuse to get together, drink, eat, and just have fun together. Like it or not that's fine. This is my shower. You can do or not do whatever you want at yours.

If a registry is on the invitation, I would feel like a gift was expected. Heck, set up a poll "do you feel obligated to bring a gift to a baby related party that has registry information on the invite ". I think you'll be surprised at the results. My guess is you don't want anyone to feel put upon. As someone who buys a gift for every baby, it's one thing to ask where you are registered and bring a gift to a non shower party, it's another thing to go to a shower.

And I'm not trying to call out you and your friend group specifically, I lurk many boards and when people give reasons for not opening gifts at co-ed showers, the guys being bored or uncomfortable is one of those reasons. And my thoughts are if they want to attend a shower they can watch mom to be open gifts. It's not like what happens at showers are some big secret.

I will never judge anyone for not having stupid party games at a shower. That diaper game is an abomination.

doozer1345 · January 2016

@Bringmemylongswordho Those games are terrible.

saladflambe · January 2016

My husband will be at our shower. He wants to be, and I'm certainly not stopping him. A number of folks in my family have had co-ed showers. My shower is going to be only family.

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