I'll be honest, with DD when I found out she wasn't a boy I cried. I had called my peanut a "he" for 4 months and genuinely felt I was having a boy. I wasn't angry I was having a girl just was going to take an adjustment period. Now, that period lasted all of 2 hours and I was thrilled and couldn't have been happier. Since then I've had a miscarriage and can completely understand the feeling of not caring what the sex of this baby is. Just a healthy happy baby. And that's what I say when people ask. I would never expect someone who hasn't experienced a loss to understand that or even have it cross their mind. I think there are a lot of harsh judgements being passed and rather than pushing your losses onto someone else just let people be people. Im kind of over the know it all policing that's going on. This community belongs to each of us and if you have nothing nice to say, maybe don't say it. And maybe stop making things all about you. We all have different bodies, minds, hearts and lives. Lower the expectation that anyone is going to be thoughtful to each opinion you may or may not have.
I will admit my views on gender disappointment are influenced by my losses to an extent, but even before those happened, I found it ridiculous to get upset over the sex of your baby - especially a first baby. I could kinda get it if you knew this was your last and you were mourning the idea of never having a son/daughter. But at the end of the day, you knew going in that the shot was 50/50. If you aren't okay with those odds, maybe you shouldn't be having a baby. But it's looking like this is an UO, though, so I'll move on.
I will admit my views on gender disappointment are influenced by my losses to an extent, but even before those happened, I found it ridiculous to get upset over the sex of your baby - especially a first baby. I could kinda get it if you knew this was your last and you were mourning the idea of never having a son/daughter. But at the end of the day, you knew going in that the shot was 50/50. If you aren't okay with those odds, maybe you shouldn't be having a baby. But it's looking like this is an UO, though, so I'll move on.
:::Lurking::: wowza- for someone expecting others to be sensitive to others losses including your own when posting, your comments are loaded to the brim with some pretty condescending and insensitive judgements. You have zero idea why someone may have a preference on sex and to say they shouldn't have a baby bc of this is pretty shitty. I have a terrible relationship with my mother and have lots of fear and anxiety that I'm working through knowing I'm have a girl. A friend of mine's little brother died very young and finding out she's having a boy is triggering a lot of fears about losing her son at an early age. Yes the poster your responded to is disappointed she won't be able to use a name but maybe that name honored someone close to her. You just don't know. Besides, it's totally normally to have an adjustment period when you find out the sex since we all sort of have things we envision doing with our sons and daughters.
You also seem to overlook some peoples journey that may consist of years of infertility or possible medical conditions that may only allow someone to have one child. Your nonchalance that ehh, you sorta get it if that were the case but quickly add don't have a child if you can't handle the result is downright cruel.
Just sayin OP, if you're expecting others to be sensitive and cognizant to things you've experienced, maybe extend the same courtesy.
This^ the wisdom has spoken thanks @PinkLady2015. suffering a loss or multiple losses while absolutely awful does not give you a free pass to be judgemental of others and their journeys.
Eta: @bananers also how dare you suggest that someone shouldn't have a baby because they were disappointed. It reflects terribly on you and doesn't at all encourage others to share their difficulties on this board
I just got the call from my doctor's office with the NIPT (Verifi) results. Everything is normal and we are having a boy! My DH is basically giddy... I think finding out the gender made it finally seem real to him.
I'm so excited! They called me today while I happened to be at lunch with my hubby (we rarely go to lunch together but we both had some extra time and decided to meet up) and we found out we're having a BOY! I already have daughter and a step-son, so we both would've been happy either way.
Me: 25 DH: 28
Hubby's little boy - my wonderful step-son - born 5/23/10
BFP#1: 06/2010...my beautiful baby girl born 3/7/2011
BFP #2: 10/24/15...mc on 10/31/15
BFP #3: 11/27/15. EDD 8/6/16
"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." -Winston Churchill
@mimihatesyou For the record, my daughter's dad was disappointed when we found out we were having a girl. I could hear it in his voice when he called his mom to tell her the news. Luckily, once she came, he was over-the-moon that we had a girl. I remember when she was a couple of months old he told me, "I know I really wanted a boy, but now that I have a girl, I can't imagine having it any other way." I bet it'll be the same for you! You'll have that little boy and you'll very quickly think that you couldn't imagine it any other way. We're having a boy too and I had kind of half-hoped it was a girl, just because DH only has a son and I thought it'd be fun to see him with a baby girl.
Me: 25 DH: 28
Hubby's little boy - my wonderful step-son - born 5/23/10
BFP#1: 06/2010...my beautiful baby girl born 3/7/2011
BFP #2: 10/24/15...mc on 10/31/15
BFP #3: 11/27/15. EDD 8/6/16
"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." -Winston Churchill
You are utterly rude. She can have dreams of what she imagined her first child as. I've had miscarriages and I found no offense. Stop trying to criticize other mothers, this is supposed to be a support system. Can't believe some of you. Being rude in the name of saving someone else's feelings is pointless.
@1faceinacrowd thank you for the kind words. honestly now that we've landed on a mongolian boy's name, my enthusiasm has been quickly rekindled! i've spent so much time visualizing a girl that it's been pretty cool retooling my mental projections with a boy in the picture. reading the gender-neutral parenting / fear of pink-washing thread was also a positive reminder that i won't have to fight through all the "daddy's little diva" girly accoutrements foisted on a first child.
it's hard finding a child's name that honors my heritage and family while still being simple enough to anglicize. i wrestled a lot with my own name as a child- it's half-mongolian, half-sanskrit- and provoked so much mockery from classmates. i've been going by mimi since starting school in america because my very first teacher refused to attempt my legal name. but when i finally obtained my u.s. citizenship a few years ago and was faced with the freebie option of changing it, i realized how significant it is to me and i wouldn't give it up for anything.
i'm aware that people think it's dumb to agonize over something as irrelevant as a name, but nomenclature carries such weight in my culture and it's something i've thought extensively about even before becoming a mother was in the cards for me. but my fiance is right, we'll still get to use our girl name to honor my mother, and by that time she'll have a big brother looking out for her too.
It is a girl! I never had a sister so I am excited for my daughter...and for the fact that I don't need to go out and buy anything. My MIL had three boys, no girls and this baby will make her 4th granddaughter. What are the odds??
Got results today - DH is NOT a CF carrier - woohoo! Also, heard baby boy's heartbeat today at my 15 week appointment - 160s and lots of moving around!
So We got our genetic screening back yesterday and everything was fine we have a healthy baby. I wanted to find out the gender with my DH and DD so I handed my phone off to a friend at my office so the she could write it down. After she got off the phone she was like I hope I heard that right. A few seconds later the nurse called back agian and asked to talk to my friend agian. She told her she gave her the wrong gender the first time and switched it around. My 6 yo DD got to open the envelope and read us the results a baby GIRL! We are excited but I think I am calling the doctor agian today just to double check. Who messes up results like that!! Think goodness it was my friend and not me. We would be happy with either but I was kind of hoping for a boy this time around since it is our last.
For those of you that didn't do a NIPT, how/when are you finding out?
I have a regular OB appointment at 16 weeks but they just have a handheld ultrasound tool. Not sure if it would be clear enough to show the gender or if I could ask my OB for a full scan. My anatomy scan isn't until 20 weeks and I would love to know before then.
We're having our first and it's a BOY!! I captured the sweetest video of DH crying as he read a letter from Baby Boy S (that's how I told him). What a special moment!
I'm so jealous that so many of you know already! lol I won't find out until at least 18-20 weeks at the anatomy scan if baby cooperates (my daughter wouldn't cooperate until 30 weeks along! lol)
Just had my NT scan yesterday and the tech took an 'educated guess' that it's a girl. Definitely not counting on that guess being accurate, but it will be interesting to see if it was right when we have our anatomy scan.
All these results are exciting! I have 24 more days until my gender scan! The anticipation is killing me. I sure hope the baby cooperates because we are planning a big reveal party for the following night w pink or blue fireworks. Im having the nurse put results in an envelope so I can be as surprised as everyone else.
FWIW, all three of my kids were guessed right at the NT scan. I think it's more accurate than people think. This LO was very obviously a boy and this was confirmed by the panorama results. So add another August 16 BOY!
For those of you that didn't do a NIPT, how/when are you finding out?
I have a regular OB appointment at 16 weeks but they just have a handheld ultrasound tool. Not sure if it would be clear enough to show the gender or if I could ask my OB for a full scan. My anatomy scan isn't until 20 weeks and I would love to know before then.
I'm due August 3 and my I'll have my full scan in mid March.
Re: We're having a ......
Since then I've had a miscarriage and can completely understand the feeling of not caring what the sex of this baby is. Just a healthy happy baby. And that's what I say when people ask.
I would never expect someone who hasn't experienced a loss to understand that or even have it cross their mind. I think there are a lot of harsh judgements being passed and rather than pushing your losses onto someone else just let people be people.
Im kind of over the know it all policing that's going on. This community belongs to each of us and if you have nothing nice to say, maybe don't say it. And maybe stop making things all about you. We all have different bodies, minds, hearts and lives. Lower the expectation that anyone is going to be thoughtful to each opinion you may or may not have.
BFP #2 8/22/12 | EDD 5/5/13 | DS1 born 5/9/13
BFP #3 4/25/15 | EDD 1/7/16 | MMC 7/2/15 @ 13w1d | D&E 7/8/15
BFP #4 12/9/15 | EDD 8/22/16 | DS2 born 5/18/16 at 26w2d
Just keep swimming.
wowza- for someone expecting others to be sensitive to others losses including your own when posting, your comments are loaded to the brim with some pretty condescending and insensitive judgements.
You have zero idea why someone may have a preference on sex and to say they shouldn't have a baby bc of this is pretty shitty. I have a terrible relationship with my mother and have lots of fear and anxiety that I'm working through knowing I'm have a girl. A friend of mine's little brother died very young and finding out she's having a boy is triggering a lot of fears about losing her son at an early age. Yes the poster your responded to is disappointed she won't be able to use a name but maybe that name honored someone close to her. You just don't know. Besides, it's totally normally to have an adjustment period when you find out the sex since we all sort of have things we envision doing with our sons and daughters.
You also seem to overlook some peoples journey that may consist of years of infertility or possible medical conditions that may only allow someone to have one child. Your nonchalance that ehh, you sorta get it if that were the case but quickly add don't have a child if you can't handle the result is downright cruel.
Just sayin OP, if you're expecting others to be sensitive and cognizant to things you've experienced, maybe extend the same courtesy.
Eta: @bananers also how dare you suggest that someone shouldn't have a baby because they were disappointed. It reflects terribly on you and doesn't at all encourage others to share their difficulties on this board
I bet it'll be the same for you! You'll have that little boy and you'll very quickly think that you couldn't imagine it any other way.
it's hard finding a child's name that honors my heritage and family while still being simple enough to anglicize. i wrestled a lot with my own name as a child- it's half-mongolian, half-sanskrit- and provoked so much mockery from classmates. i've been going by mimi since starting school in america because my very first teacher refused to attempt my legal name. but when i finally obtained my u.s. citizenship a few years ago and was faced with the freebie option of changing it, i realized how significant it is to me and i wouldn't give it up for anything.
i'm aware that people think it's dumb to agonize over something as irrelevant as a name, but nomenclature carries such weight in my culture and it's something i've thought extensively about even before becoming a mother was in the cards for me. but my fiance is right, we'll still get to use our girl name to honor my mother, and by that time she'll have a big brother looking out for her too.
We're having a boy!
I called my husband and said "I was right!" and he said "It's a boy?"
We also finally decided on a name - Oliver.
Son #1- 2/15/08
Son #2- 8/18/10
Baby 3 due 8/8/16
Son #1- 2/15/08
Son #2- 8/18/10
Baby 3 due 8/8/16
My 6 yo DD got to open the envelope and read us the results a baby GIRL! We are excited but I think I am calling the doctor agian today just to double check. Who messes up results like that!! Think goodness it was my friend and not me. We would be happy with either but I was kind of hoping for a boy this time around since it is our last.
I have a regular OB appointment at 16 weeks but they just have a handheld ultrasound tool. Not sure if it would be clear enough to show the gender or if I could ask my OB for a full scan. My anatomy scan isn't until 20 weeks and I would love to know before then.