Losing hope

kwolf002 · January 2016

Hi I'm Karen. I had a late 1st tri m/c and one chemical. My 5th Iui just failed and im
losing hope. I feel frustrated going to the doctor and having to take off work to go. I feel silly that the bloodwork office knows me by name. Every close friend is pregnant after me. I can't be around them and I'm starting to feel like a bad person. I just need some advice or support. Thanks.

kwolf002 · January 2016

Just to add some more context, I have had two cysts removed, hsg and another procedure. I forget the exact name. I took clomid 4 cycles. The last two cycles I needed a mid cycle jump of clomid again. The 5th cycle I asked for something different and got femara. I'm over 35, but the dr says my reserve looks great. I have low prog but she will never put me on anything.

PrincessSabert · January 2016

Karen, I'm sorry to hear that, ((hugs)) to you. Perhaps you need some time to regroup, but don't give up! You are not silly for being known by name - I'd call that good customer service. I totally understand being frustrated with having to take off work. Perhaps you need a few months off TTC, go have some "you" time, then come back to treatment when you're ready, after you've had a rest.

I have also watched my family and friends be pregnant and have kids while I try so hard to get there, and found myself avoiding some events or avoiding talking to them about their situation, because it hurt, and I did feel like a terrible person, but if they are good friends, they should understand you are having a hard time, and be there to support you. I believe there are some articles on this site about that very problem, and "proper etiquette." Your friends may also be having a hard time, sleepless nights with a newborn, postpartum depression, etc. So, just hang in there, and try to support each other. Good luck to you.

kwolf002 · January 2016

Those are some
good ideas. Thank you so much. It's always good to look at things from another perspective. I saw you are starting Ivf. I might contact you if I decide to go that route. Good luck to you too

ZoeFer · January 2016

@kwolf002 I am so sorry for your losses. I have never got pregnant or had miscarriage in my life but I can totally understand your feelings about being surrendered with pregnant friends and family members. I have been feeling like every pregnancy announcement is a slap on the face and felt terrible for those bitter feelings. What I saw here in this forum is that most of us go through similar feelings and it is so good to know that I am not a bad/crazy person because of feeling like that. This is an amazing forum to find support and knowledge. If you have a specific question for advice, it might be better to address it directly. I wish you best of luck !

KLake42 · January 2016

Have you been with the same doctor through all of this? It might help to change your doctor, get another perspective.

But I feel you on losing hope. I have one more attempt to go, and then I give up on my own ovaries. It's a struggle to find hope. And I'm so sorry for your losses.

mrandmrssmith007 · January 2016

It is so unfortunate that we all have to be here. I know exactly how you feel. It is a constant struggle every single day, my mind is consumed with this every second of every day and it is hard to stay positive, especially when everywhere you turn there is a pregnant lady, a newborn baby or someone you know announcing they are pregnant. I am so bitter too and I wish I could say it gets easier and those feelings fade, but they don't. At least not for me.
The one thing that I tell myself to keep my spirit strong is that God has blessed me in so many ways (good health, the best husband, great job, great friends and family) that if this is my one struggle in life (especially when so many are struggling, i.e cancer, financially etc.) then I'm not doing so bad, and it could always be worse.

Best of luck to you, and hang in there.

thejessicanicol · January 2016

I've been thinking about writing a blog post about how I'm quickly becoming a bitter old hag. After our miscarriage I went into this deep depression and DH decided to take our little family to San Diego to see the zoo and just hang out in the nice weather. Of course every where I look there's a pregnant woman and I was upset all weekend. I turn 25 this year and should be enjoying feeling young. Instead I feel old and worry that every year that passes with no baby is one step closer to never having one. I absolutely hate that any of us have to be here. I try to think of it this way, we all probably have stronger relationships with our spouses than couples without fertility issues. I would rather be happily married with no children than in a miserable relationship with kids in tow. I have been there and it's not fun to see your child suffer.

I know it's hard but hang on to hope. Maybe start writing your feelings down? That's what I did at the start of our first IVF round and I'm so glad I did. I obviously had no idea the way it would end but when it ended in a miscarriage I had an outlet for the things I was having a hard time talking about.

Hugs to you!

kwolf002 · January 2016

Thanks everyone. Hearing that I am not alone in my feelings really helps.

PauPau77 · January 2016

Hi Karen, I'm Paula and I am going through just about the same thing. I am also over 35 (38 to be exact) I got pregnant with my first iui last July and miscarried probably due to fibroids in August. I had them removed and started to try again. I just found out my 2nd try this time did not work and I'm beyond devistated and am also losing hope. I also avoid stiuations with pregnant friends or when I know I will be around children.

That being said, I know EXACTLY how you feel and although you feel like a bad person you are not. I'm not just saying this to make you feel better, I truly feel that this is one of the worst things someone can go through and every negative is like reliving the losses. If friends know about what you've been through they will understand why you can't be around them.

taperry74 · January 2016

Please ladies be encouraged don't lose hope! I started TTC-trying to conceive over 10 years ago back when I was like 29 not quite 30 and it just never happen for me I tried everything I mean almost everything after nothing worked for me I tried God...I prayed and prayed and 10 years later out of the blue I got pregnant at 12 weeks it ended in a miscarriage I was so devastated I felt extremely hopeless. My doctor told me that due to my age my chances of having a baby were very slim. Again I felt so hopeless. I walked out of his office feeling so down but I begin to pray God gave me peace. Exactly one year later I got pregnant ,without any fertility drugs, and I gave birth to a healthy baby girl just 3 days ago. God is Good he loves you he sees he knows and he cares. So please understand that God will bless you all he ask is that you do not lose hope. Please trust God it will happen in his perfect timing! I love you ladies I feel you pain and I'm here to share my testimony. If it only helps one of you then it's all worth it. Again please pray and trust God. Don't lose HOPE!!!!

Want a personalized experience?

Losing hope

Re: Losing hope

Choose Another Board

Search Boards