Overwhelmed with anxiety about FET (Loss mentioned)

mskeenan · January 2016

Hi ladies. I wanted to see if anyone had any recommendations on how to mentally prepare for a transfer. I had my ER earlier this month and am schedule for a FET on March 4. I was SO excited and generally pretty positive during my stim days and during the ER process. Sure, I had my hormonal moments but overall I felt pretty good. I met with my doc yesterday to schedule my FET and after I left I just started crying. I feel so overwhelmed with anxiety about the part of IVF where we will determine if it will result in a BFP or a BFN. This is my first transfer but I have experienced a chemical pregnancy from an IUI previously and the grief from that has left me terrified to try again. Just thinking about being in the TWW makes me want to cry. I know that is a difficult time for everyone but I want to get my mind right before March. I don't want to go into it thinking I will get a BFN or experience another loss. I don't even know if I feel comfortable going through with the transfer if I'm in this negative place. Blah I hate hate hate this process.

chicandbubbly · January 2016

First off, my thoughts are with you. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I have no experience with FET but I understand the feelings and emotions that come along with IF. It is ok to cry! Everyone deals with the anxiety differently. Have you gone to a counselor? Maybe it would help to talk to someone.

Also, using relaxation techniques can help. Maybe try meditation, acupuncture, yoga, massage, bubble bath..... Plan activities you enjoy during the dreaded TWW

. I always schedule date nights, a girls night or double dates. Treat yourself to a manicure or something special at the store. Most of all take time for yourself!!

I am not sure if you are religious but praying and reading scripture has also helped me immensely. I will be thinking about you and wish you the best of luck! Know that we are all here if you need to vent or need support

mskeenan · January 2016

Hey @chicandbubbly thank you for your sweet response! I am currently seeing a counselor and that definitely has helped. I feel good after I see her and then a few days later I'm back in my negative spot. I know I need to be better about doing yoga and meditating. Acupuncture has been great, too though.

I am religious but to be honest this whole struggle has really tested my faith. I also need to pray more and get back in touch with my faith so I can be more hopeful and grateful for all the things I do have.

tvh1982 · January 2016

I'm sorry to hear that you are über nervous about your FET.
I've done both now, ER and ET in November and FET last week.
For my body the FET was much more relaxing which made it possible to use my energy on my mind.
I do/did go to an acupuncturist, I feel so comfortable at her place that I feel so relaxed afterwards.
Planning stuff for your TWW does help, but do plan like you can easily cancel without feeling bad. I was pretty exhausted last week.
Maybe you can book a trip away?

It's very hard to not stress and worry about that BFN, as that's all we have had. But try to remember that it should be your time soon, and whom says it's not this try?

Only go forward with it when you are ready...I wasn't ready after my ER and ET to start a new FET. My body was still full of hormones and I lost all control. I hopped over a month, and then when AF came I was ready and it was the first time I was this relaxed.
So take your time. I'm sending you lots of positive vibes xoxo

mclorn · January 2016

Hiii, I feel like we have similar paths. I think by the time I got to my FET I just totally let go and stopped stressing. The year leading up to it was worse. Now just remember your chance for success is SO much better than it ever has been before! I definitely made sure to pamper and not over extend myself. Mani/pedis, sleep lots, do whatever it is you love. Don't feel bad about declining a baby shower invite or staying in on a Friday night. Take care of you. I really think that makes a difference!! Just the other day I said to my husband, "remember when we had to do all those shots for months and months?!". It is already feeling like a dream (well, nightmare!), but time heals and you will get your BFP one of these days soon xo

susykat77 · January 2016

I only have a quick sec to respond but I used a hypnosis for IVF on spotify. I'll come back later and post the link. I LOVED it. It covers the various phases of IVF.

vssbrm · January 2016

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I agree with pp regarding acupuncture. I love it and have found it to be so relaxing.

I wish you all the best and my fx that all goes well. Try to focus on the good stuff right now. I have my cheering team that 100% positive, and they swear everything is going to work perfectly during our up coming IVF cycle (fx). This. Way I get to be cautiously optimistic but still have all the positive energy surrounding me.

Thinking about you.

susykat77 · January 2016

https://play.spotify.com/user/rasebastian/playlist/6jjosb33uM2XQkXKQ6JWHJ

This is the Hypnosis for IVF that I have used in prior IVF cycles. I really love it. I can so relate to feeling anxiety. The cycle where I got pregnant I used the above mentioned playlist as well as this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQLXTF7FT_c 

It is only 10 minutes long and totally doable each evening. I picture myself very pregnant during this meditation. Sending you big (creepy internet) hugs.

AandDM2014 · January 2016

I think being overwhelmed is a pretty standard part of IVF. Crying is also definitely a part of it. I try to limit myself. When I feel the need to cry, I need to get it all out pretty quickly, then no more. It helps me to focus while I'm crying so I can really think every horrible, terrible thing in one session.

I would recommend jumping on the February/March IVF/FET thread. We're a fun group, and it is great having others to talk to who are going through the same thing at the same time. I too dread the TWW, but luckily at my clinic I only have to wait 10 days after transfer! I try to keep busy during my wait. I especially enjoy binge watching tv shows!

oxinfree · January 2016

@mskeenan - ugh - so sorry! I know exactly how you're feeling. I felt that way on our 2nd transfer (first frozen). After our first failed fresh IVF I was in a really negative place. Like @susykat77 said, have you ever tried meditations? There are guided ones that can really help in the IVF process. I'm a fan of circle and bloom, and also vibrational child. Free ones are good too, but I can vouch for both these being worth the money as well if you do decide you want more variety.
https://www.circlebloom.com/frozen-embryo-transfer-program/
https://vibrationalchild.com/
I've found them really helpful in getting ready for our upcoming treatment cycle. Big hugs to you. I know how emotional this process is. Like @AandDM2014 said - you should join us on the Feb/Mar board.

emsmama15 · January 2016

I also used "Circle and Bloom" and loved it. I did frequent acupuncture and though it sounds kind of silly, I really felt like doing an adult coloring book helped me relax every night before bed!! I'd highly recommend it. Get good colored pencils though - totally worth the money! Good luck. I would not wish that anxiety on anyone. No one understands it that hasn't been through it. Having to wait for a FET only gives you more time to think about it. Thinking of you @mskeenan and keeping everything crossed for your BFP!

mskeenan · January 2016

Ladies, thank you so so much for the support. I really like everyone's recommendations. I will definitely check out circle and bloom! Thank you thank you for posting links!! I'm feeling better today... but as yall know this process is a lot of up and down. One day I tell myself "I'm already a mom.. I've got little embryos frozen and I'm going to be pregnant" ... other days I just don't feel like it's going to happen because I feel broken. Everyone's kindness on here really means the world... can't get this kind of support anywhere else.

Overwhelmed with anxiety about FET (Loss mentioned)

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