Dear Body, How About You Stop Effing With Me (loss mentioned)

kellimarie013 · January 2016

I've never posted on these boards before - so hi! I'm feeling a huge mixture of emotions and need to discuss/chat/rant and have nowhere else to turn that would be understanding, except for strangers on the Internet.

My TTC story: My first pregnancy ended in October with a miscarriage where the doctor recommended I have a D&E. Got my AF 41 days later and it totally sucked (TMI alert: picture me standing in my kitchen to then run to the bathroom because I started to bleed HEAVILY in 2.3 seconds... straight through my pants. Gross.) My next AF was similar, only 3 weeks later where the same thing happened (though not as heavily), but the kicker that time was I was standing in the middle of Hogsmeade in Universal. Yeah, that was awesome. I think I got pregnant that next cycle (at least, I took about 10 tests and they all said so), but I ended up getting my AF on Christmas Day (thank you, Santa). I had told my husband about the positives and we didn't believe it was 100%, but tentatively were excited. I don't know if it was a chemical or not, but either way, the tests I took after that have all been negative, so I was very sad to be wrong.

I'm now at 36 days into my next cycle without my AF or any spotting, though I'm having a lot of symptoms (sore boobs, queasy stomach, tired). I have taken more pregnancy tests than I want to admit (it's more than 15) and they have all been negative. Of course, if I squint, turn them, shine a flashlight on them I'm real good at thinking that I see something - but I'm not delusional. Or am I? I also now that my cycles have been pretty irregular, so 36 days isn't really cause for me to worry.

Can someone talk me down from taking ANOTHER test when I get home tonight or from getting my hopes up with each day that passes? I just feel like if it's going to happen, it needs to happen so I can stop thinking about it and dwelling on it every single moment.

ETA: fixed my typos.

simcal18 · January 2016

Welcome and I'm sorry for your losses. Are you temping/charting? Charting your temperatures will help you pinpoint your ovulation so that you can time trying to conceive better and know when to expect your period and when you are truly "late." If you're getting negative tests so far this cycle, it's likely that you ovulated a bit later and you're just not through your luteal phase (the post-ovulation part of your cycle, which is more consistent from month to month). Reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility and participating in the WTO/TWW threads will help you a lot on your TTC journey. Good luck to you.

MonaLisaRalphio · January 2016

So, so sorry to hear about your loss. Do you temp/chart?

Lecool · January 2016

I'm sorry for your losses. I'd recommend reading the pinned Newbie guide, if you haven't already. (Here's the link! https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12613283/the-ultimate-ttgp-guide-newbies-read-this-first/p1) Also - please add a TW (Trigger warning) to your title, since you are mentioning losses. This serves as a warning to those who may want to avoid reading about topics that they would rather avoid for emotional reasons.

Are you temping? For me, it helps keep the crazy in check. Because I know exactly when I ovulated (the only way to know for sure, aside from an US), which tells me the appropriate times to test and when to expect AF.

ETA Link!

babymish · January 2016

Im sorry for your losses. I know how you feel with the crazy testing and the anxiety, unfortunately we cant stop it but posting on here and chatting to everyone really helps.

As PP's asked are you temping?

kellimarie013 · January 2016

I haven't been temping or charting - but have been thinking about starting it next cycle. I think I'll give it a shot to see if that, at least, makes me buy and take less tests. My wallet and mental state would probably be grateful.

I edited the subject too - thanks for the heads up!

MonaLisaRalphio · January 2016

I haven't been temping or charting - but have been thinking about starting it next cycle. I think I'll give it a shot to see if that, at least, makes me buy and take less tests. My wallet and mental state would probably be grateful.

Seriously, charting is the best decision I've made in this process. My cycles are doing wild things since coming off BC, and I would be absolutely losing my mind without temping (and without the community here). Familiarize yourself with the newbie threads and jump into WTO/TWW when you feel comfortable! You'll learn a ton from this stone-cold pack of weirdos. And read TCOYF. It should be required reading for all humans.

Edited for clarity.

Lecool · January 2016

I agree with @LINDSEYRVA, temping is the best thing I've done since starting TTC. I didn't temp my first month, and felt like a crazy person all month. I've learned so much from the ladies here.

MamaMunn · January 2016

kellimarie013 said:

I haven't been temping or charting - but have been thinking about starting it next cycle. I think I'll give it a shot to see if that, at least, makes me buy and take less tests. My wallet and mental state would probably be grateful.

I edited the subject too - thanks for the heads up!

You are totally right here. Since I have started charting I have stopped wasting money on tests. I know when I ovulated so I know exactly when to expect AF. I thought before I started it would be a lot of work and only feed my craziness, but I was completely wrong. It makes me feel somewhat in control since I know more about what is going on with my body. I definitely recommend starting.

Lurk the boards and read the newbie threads at the top! Participating on this board has been great with helping get through those days where I feel like I'm being consumed by ttc.

MissAmeliaPond · January 2016

I'm sorry for your losses. I agree with PPs! A BBT costs around $7-10, and Fertility Friend is free! so much cheaper than taking HPTs non-stop, and you know when AF should arrive, and when she is *truly* late. Good luck!

LadyMillil · January 2016

MamaMunn said:

kellimarie013 said:

I haven't been temping or charting - but have been thinking about starting it next cycle. I think I'll give it a shot to see if that, at least, makes me buy and take less tests. My wallet and mental state would probably be grateful.

I edited the subject too - thanks for the heads up!

You are totally right here. Since I have started charting I have stopped wasting money on tests. I know when I ovulated so I know exactly when to expect AF. I thought before I started it would be a lot of work and only feed my craziness, but I was completely wrong. It makes me feel somewhat in control since I know more about what is going on with my body. I definitely recommend starting.

Lurk the boards and read the newbie threads at the top! Participating on this board has been great with helping get through those days where I feel like I'm being consumed by ttc.

This. I also keep track of my symptoms in addition to temping. That way I don't drive myself crazy thinking "oh my boobs hurt I must be KU" because I know it's common for me to have those symptoms during my LP.

britters314 · January 2016

In addition to what everyone else said, temping will also help you know when to expect your period if you aren't KU. So then you are less likely to have mishaps like that again.

DCHokiemom · January 2016

I can only speak to my own experience, but I had no symptoms until well after I turned a test. Many of your symptoms might my attributed to PMS or wishful thinking. I think if you're not turning a test, you most likely aren't pregnant.

sarah0985 · January 2016

Everything ppshave already said. Temping saved my sanity until I became regular and even now I still do it because it's so helpful.

Im also so sorry for your losses.

hunnybunny17 · January 2016

I'm sorry for your losses. I agree with PPs and also want to add: If you want to start charting/temping you don't have to wait for your next cycle. You can start at any time.

MrsDannyOutlaw · January 2016

hunnybunny17 said:

I'm sorry for your losses. I agree with PPs and also want to add: If you want to start charting/temping you don't have to wait for your next cycle. You can start at any time.

This.
I highly recommend going ahead and getting started. That way when you hit CD1 you are already prepared and don't have to stress so much about the details you will question in the beginning.

ETA - Good luck!

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