Thank goodness for this thread!! Obviously I am SO excited, and feeling the baby move has been the coolest thing ever - but man, oh man, everything else is so hard! My hands and feet are swollen... I can't wear most of my shoes and haven't had my wedding/engagement ring on for weeks. My bump is pretty big, which I think is awesome, but when I sleep it's not awesome. I sleep horribly every night because I'm so uncomfortable and I'm an exhausted mess everyday!! I do some prenatal yoga and make sure to take the stairs here and there, but in general I have no desire to actually get any real cardio in... I can't even walk quickly without having to pee let alone do cardio!! And I am snoring so bad I have to wear nasal strips every night and half the time my husband has to move to another room to get any sleep!! We are doing A LOT of home projects and it takes everything I have to help my husband out and so all I want to do the rest of the time is sit/lay on the couch and eat potato chips and chocolate!!!
I think my expectation was that I would be able to push myself through all of this and still look great even if I didn't feel great, and be productive even when I didn't feel like it, and be pleasant even when I was miserable. I feel like I must be awful for my husband to be around because I am just a HOT MESS all the time!!
I'm a STM and while both pregnancies have been very kind to my body (in regards to weight gain, hormones, stretch marks, etc.), as a FTM, I expected it to be worse and as a STM, I didn't anticipate the added stress of being pregnant while caring for a 3 year old AND taking on additional responsibilities at work. Last pregnancy, my work responsibilities were so easy that I could nap most days and plan the nursery months in advance. This time around, I am leading a department so I'm constantly working or doing administrative tasks (even some nights) and dealing with a nasty month-long cold that we caught from daycare.
Since apparently every other female in my extended family felt "at their very best" and "incredible" when they were pregnant I suppose I expected the same.
First tri felt like crap, at 8 weeks back pain kicked in (and never left) and at 13 weeks when my mojo just started to pick up again and I had my bleed, got diagnosed with placenta previa and since then any fun is potentially very dangerous. And since then I have been thinking about all those risks etc...... so even though everything might resolve itself by the end, this diagnosis has so far really overshadowed my pregnancy and made me struggle emotionally.
I also thought I'd keep fit, only put on 8 kgs, and so on.
And then there's all those other things, like cankles and farting and so on , that nobody ever tells you about.
I think there is a conspiracy happening. People just lie so that people don't stop having babies :-) !!!!!
And I don't even want to get into this miserable and disgusting "post baby body madness" when all there is to talk about after a woman had a baby is her freakin body. Seriously. What is wrong with this world.
I didn't expect so many people to be interested in whether baby was 'planned'!!!! In my 30's no kids so far you think they would figure I know how birth control works or doesn't ! Plus why the douche does it matter?!
I find this so weird too. What do they expect us to say, "yes it was a huge mistake but now we're stuck"?! And it's only people who I am not at all close with who have asked that, including a rando old man at the dog park.
My dentist asked me this, it was very awkward as he was working on my teeth.
I didn't expect so many people to be interested in whether baby was 'planned'!!!! In my 30's no kids so far you think they would figure I know how birth control works or doesn't ! Plus why the douche does it matter?!
I find this so weird too. What do they expect us to say, "yes it was a huge mistake but now we're stuck"?! And it's only people who I am not at all close with who have asked that, including a rando old man at the dog park.
My dentist asked me this, it was very awkward as he was working on my teeth.
I had a coworker ask this. Our baby was planned, just not in May. We were wrong about ovulation and just got pregnant a little early. I said "well, yes it was". Her response? "Oh because I thought well...first year teacher...that's a little weird to have a baby". Fuck you. I'm 28, I had a miscarriage a year ago, and I'm allowed to get pregnant whenever the fuck I want.
So far, being pregnant hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. I had anticipated being miserably sick and constantly vomiting for at least the first several months. I was fortunate that I haven't been sick at all. Other than the early pregnancy fatigue and occasional heartburn, I haven't really had any symptoms. If not for my rapidly growing bump, I probably wouldn't even notice that I was pregnant. I guess I had pictured pregnancy as this completely miserable experience that I was totally going to hate, and while it hasn't exactly been glamorous, it really hasn't been that bad (so far).
I've also been preparing myself for the rude and intrusive comments, but those haven't happened to me (yet). Aside from a conversation with an acquaintance who randomly asked me if I intended to BF (which I found kind of strange since we aren't that close), no one has really said anything too rude or intrusive. Maybe it's because I work in a corporate/legal environment where the HR regulations are so ingrained in everyone that they're afraid to even broach the subject, or maybe I just give off a bitchy vibe. Either way, I'm okay with it! I can't believe some of the things co-workers and other people have said to some of you! I would have flipped my s*$!t if someone would have said some of those things to me!
I didn't expect so many people to be interested in whether baby was 'planned'!!!! In my 30's no kids so far you think they would figure I know how birth control works or doesn't ! Plus why the douche does it matter?!
Yes! I know I need to get over it, but when we called SIL to tell her about a new niece/nephew her initial response was "What!? Was this an accident?!" Um, no, it wasn't.. but thanks for the congratulations! Then she went on to remind me that years ago while DH and I were just dating/engaged I mentioned that we'd ideally have our first baby after 5 years of marriage. Well this baby is due within a few days of our 4th anniversary so she just couldn't believe we changed my fictitious timeline that I don't even remember having or mentioning to her. Ugh. I know she'll be a good aunt and spoil this baby rotten, but it would have been nice to have a positive/happy initial reaction!
I didn't expect so many people to be interested in whether baby was 'planned'!!!! In my 30's no kids so far you think they would figure I know how birth control works or doesn't ! Plus why the douche does it matter?!
Oh my, yes! I am a STM, but am still absolutely shocked how many people said this during my first and current pregnancies! MH and I had been married for 6 months and just bought a house when I got pregnant with my son and, yes, he was definitely planned (we had been discussing having a baby since before we got married and finally decided once we settled that we would "take the goalie out of the net" and then bam! Pregnant). We did honestly think it was going to take a little longer to get pregnant, but I guess we are just exceptionally lucky (and I am very grateful I never had unprotected sex before marriage! Apparently my eggs were ready and raring to go!)
This baby wasn't so much planned, but does that really change anything? Basically, MH and I had decided that we would like to have another and had one...encounter...without using BC on vacation and bam! Pregnant. But is that really something I want to be telling coworkers, dentists, people at church, my mom's friends? Umm, no thank you!
I didn't expect so many people to be interested in whether baby was 'planned'!!!! In my 30's no kids so far you think they would figure I know how birth control works or doesn't ! Plus why the douche does it matter?!
I find this so weird too. What do they expect us to say, "yes it was a huge mistake but now we're stuck"?! And it's only people who I am not at all close with who have asked that, including a rando old man at the dog park.
My dentist asked me this, it was very awkward as he was working on my teeth.
I had a coworker ask this. Our baby was planned, just not in May. We were wrong about ovulation and just got pregnant a little early. I said "well, yes it was". Her response? "Oh because I thought well...first year teacher...that's a little weird to have a baby".
Fuck you. I'm 28, I had a miscarriage a year ago, and I'm allowed to get pregnant whenever the fuck I want.
I'm in this boat!! We got pregnant right away instead of it taking the "months" that everyone said it would, so I was 8 weeks pg at my wedding. MY DOCTOR actually said to me "I guess it was a shotgun wedding" when I went in for my 9 week appt. So I said.."what do you mean?" and he said "Well, was this planned?" For fuck's sake really?? Like PP said I'm allowed to get pregnant whenever I want!! So yeah, it was completely planned (here's an aside, read my damn chart and you'll see where I had a long conversation about conception at last year's appointment, OUTLINING my plan). You know what else was planned?? MY WEDDING!! In fact I spent 10 months planning my "shotgun wedding." ARGH. Maybe after reading my chart, you could take a moment to look up the definition of "shotgun wedding" too. Dick.
Whew. Sorry girls. Apparently I was a little ragey about that subject and didn't know it until I started typing.
I haven't had to deal with the, "Was it planned?" bullshit, probably because our EDD is about 2 weeks before our 9th wedding anniversary, and most people's reactions have been along the lines of, "Finally!" But, I've had to field all the, "When are you guys having a baby?" questions for nearly 9 years. I don't know which is worse! Especially since I was pretty sure I didn't want children at all until about a year ago.
Sort of along the same lines as the invasive "was it planned?" thing, but now that I'm really showing, everyone at my office has been coming up to me to say things like, "did you forget to tell me something?" or, "wow I thought you might be pregnant but since you didn't come tell me directly I didn't want to say anything." I work in an office with 200 people. Am I really expected to go door to door on all three floors to announce my pregnancy to each individual person so they can be more comfortable? It annoys and embarrasses me.
Also - I had no idea how annoyed I'd be by all the advice-givers. Especially women who have had ONE baby and think that makes them an expert on ALL BABIES EVER. Sure, yeah, YOUR baby didn't like a bassinet. That doesn't mean that every person who even considers one is an idiot. Cool down.
My favorite is when I get advice from people who have never been pregnant and don't have any children. And are basing their knowledge off of watching their nieces and nephews for a few hours or overnight once or twice. Yep, I get ragey.
I haven't had to deal with the, "Was it planned?" bullshit, probably because our EDD is about 2 weeks before our 9th wedding anniversary, and most people's reactions have been along the lines of, "Finally!" But, I've had to field all the, "When are you guys having a baby?" questions for nearly 9 years. I don't know which is worse! Especially since I was pretty sure I didn't want children at all until about a year ago.
Right, because somehow this is people's business too!!! I don't get it. I would never ask someone why they don't have any kids. The answer has an overwhelming likelihood of being 1 of 2 things: they didn't want kids or they were unable to have kids. And the reasons behind both of these scenarios are (wait for it) NONE OF MY BUSINESS!! Gah.
Okay, I guess I spoke too soon. I just had an awkward conversation with an older male co-worker (roughly 30 years my senior) who works in another department. I work business deals with him on a frequent basis, so we are friendly, but definitely not close. He dropped by my office about 10 minutes ago to discuss one of those deals. When he walked in, he told me congratulations and motioned toward my midsection (I was sitting at my desk at the time). It's pretty obvious that I'm pregnant at this point, so I wasn't really surprised. Then, he asked if it was my first, and I responded that it was. Then, he asked if I knew whether it was a boy or girl, and I told him it's a boy. That's when he proceeded to say that I "definitely need to have a girl, too," because he has one of each and it's just the best. What!? First of all, I don't want to discuss my procreation plans with you. Second, I don't even know if I want a second child. And, even if I decide to have another one, I will have no control over its sex!
Since I have to work with him regularly, I decided to play nice, and I didn't even respond. I just started talking about the business deal. He's a nice guy and probably didn't realize how it came across, but seriously - WTF!?
@mrstmoose My favorite is when I get advice from people who have never been pregnant and don't have any children. And are basing their knowledge off of watching their nieces and nephews for a few hours or overnight once or twice. Yep, I get ragey.
Oh my goodness THIS!!!! I spent weekend with two non parents giving me advice based on being around their friends children. Drove me nuts!! Felt like a super bitch but I really had to bite my tongue. If they dare even think they are raising my child based on being around him...
And I don't know how to use the quote block.. Gah!
I think every expectation I had was shattered. Mostly for the better I suppose. However, I never anticipated so many people amazed by my "glow" when I've gained over 20 lbs and and my skin looks like I'm a teenager. It's nice of them to try but I'm pretty sick of hearing it. It's definitely code for "you look way different in a haggard way". At least in my case. Also, I had this cute idea that I would be able to eat pretty healthy and not in any way eat cheetohs and pop tarts frequently. I'm not complaining so much as I'm just surprised. My pregnancy could be much worse and I'm very thankful it's not.
Sort of along the same lines as the invasive "was it planned?" thing, but now that I'm really showing, everyone at my office has been coming up to me to say things like, "did you forget to tell me something?" or, "wow I thought you might be pregnant but since you didn't come tell me directly I didn't want to say anything." I work in an office with 200 people. Am I really expected to go door to door on all three floors to announce my pregnancy to each individual person so they can be more comfortable? It annoys and embarrasses me.
This! I work at a company of 500+ people. The head of the cafeteria seemed insulted when she had to ask me if I was pregnant. She gave me the, "Were you going to tell me about this (while putting hands on my stomach)?" While I'm trying to put my salad together. Umm... I didn't think I needed to inform every person here.
Sort of along the same lines as the invasive "was it planned?" thing, but now that I'm really showing, everyone at my office has been coming up to me to say things like, "did you forget to tell me something?" or, "wow I thought you might be pregnant but since you didn't come tell me directly I didn't want to say anything." I work in an office with 200 people. Am I really expected to go door to door on all three floors to announce my pregnancy to each individual person so they can be more comfortable? It annoys and embarrasses me.
This! I work at a company of 500+ people. The head of the cafeteria seemed insulted when she had to ask me if I was pregnant. She gave me the, "Were you going to tell me about this (while putting hands on my stomach)?" While I'm trying to put my salad together. Umm... I didn't think I needed to inform every person here.
Oh, goodness, no! If someone put their hand on me demanding personal information, I would bite it off and eat it (especially if they were between me and food!)
I actually just had my principal stop by and say she was putting me on the agenda for the next staff meeting so I could tell everyone "the news". Like an idiot I said "Oh, about the Zika virus?" I mean, what other news should a school nurse be telling the entire staff, amirght? She looked at me blankly and said "No, that you are leaving us in April and we are going to have to get used to a whole new nurse." Well, sorry my reproduction is so inconvenient for all of you!
My mom got so deathly sick with HELLP syndrome while pregnant with me that I think my expectation has been that that will happen to me too. It's too early to say it won't, but so far, so good.
I didn't have any real expectations for how I thought pregnancy would be -- I did think I'd look obviously pregnant by now, but I don't. I moreso didn't know what to expect and have just plain struggled with the emotions of it. I never thought I'd have to go through benzo withdrawal while pregnant (scrambled to get off my anti-anxiety meds). I never thought I'd have horrible depression and not feel anything positive for my baby until 2nd trimester. But that's what happened.
Now, I feel like, emotionally, I'm where I'd like to be. I'm really glad the horror from the beginning is over. I'm relieved to love my baby finally.
ETA: I may have also expected I'd have a miscarriage because I see it so much on here.... I'm glad I haven't, but I honestly kind of expected one.
I haven't had to deal with the, "Was it planned?" bullshit, probably because our EDD is about 2 weeks before our 9th wedding anniversary, and most people's reactions have been along the lines of, "Finally!" But, I've had to field all the, "When are you guys having a baby?" questions for nearly 9 years. I don't know which is worse! Especially since I was pretty sure I didn't want children at all until about a year ago.
You're not even immune to the "When are you guys having a baby?!" questions when you're a newlywed. We started trying officially 2 months after the wedding but it took us a full year before we got pregnant. A few people knew we were trying, but we didn't broadcast it to the world, especially when the months started dragging out. The questions and the pressure (especially from family) in the 14 months between wedding and BFP were ridiculous and downright annoying. In making his own announcement on FB, my FIL noted that he and my MIL were thrilled to announce they were grandparents because "they never thought it was going to happen." REALLY?!
Re: FTM expectation/reality
I think my expectation was that I would be able to push myself through all of this and still look great even if I didn't feel great, and be productive even when I didn't feel like it, and be pleasant even when I was miserable. I feel like I must be awful for my husband to be around because I am just a HOT MESS all the time!!
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
First tri felt like crap, at 8 weeks back pain kicked in (and never left) and at 13 weeks when my mojo just started to pick up again and I had my bleed, got diagnosed with placenta previa and since then any fun is potentially very dangerous.
And since then I have been thinking about all those risks etc...... so even though everything might resolve itself by the end, this diagnosis has so far really overshadowed my pregnancy and made me struggle emotionally.
I also thought I'd keep fit, only put on 8 kgs, and so on.
And then there's all those other things, like cankles and farting and so on , that nobody ever tells you about.
I think there is a conspiracy happening. People just lie so that people don't stop having babies :-) !!!!!
And I don't even want to get into this miserable and disgusting "post baby body madness" when all there is to talk about after a woman had a baby is her freakin body. Seriously. What is wrong with this world.
RANT OVER.
I had a coworker ask this. Our baby was planned, just not in May. We were wrong about ovulation and just got pregnant a little early. I said "well, yes it was". Her response? "Oh because I thought well...first year teacher...that's a little weird to have a baby".
Fuck you. I'm 28, I had a miscarriage a year ago, and I'm allowed to get pregnant whenever the fuck I want.
I've also been preparing myself for the rude and intrusive comments, but those haven't happened to me (yet). Aside from a conversation with an acquaintance who randomly asked me if I intended to BF (which I found kind of strange since we aren't that close), no one has really said anything too rude or intrusive. Maybe it's because I work in a corporate/legal environment where the HR regulations are so ingrained in everyone that they're afraid to even broach the subject, or maybe I just give off a bitchy vibe. Either way, I'm okay with it! I can't believe some of the things co-workers and other people have said to some of you! I would have flipped my s*$!t if someone would have said some of those things to me!
This baby wasn't so much planned, but does that really change anything? Basically, MH and I had decided that we would like to have another and had one...encounter...without using BC on vacation and bam! Pregnant. But is that really something I want to be telling coworkers, dentists, people at church, my mom's friends? Umm, no thank you!
Because I am a 12 year old boy:
Whew. Sorry girls. Apparently I was a little ragey about that subject and didn't know it until I started typing.
Since I have to work with him regularly, I decided to play nice, and I didn't even respond. I just started talking about the business deal. He's a nice guy and probably didn't realize how it came across, but seriously - WTF!?
My favorite is when I get advice from people who have never been pregnant and don't have any children. And are basing their knowledge off of watching their nieces and nephews for a few hours or overnight once or twice. Yep, I get ragey.
Oh my goodness THIS!!!! I spent weekend with two non parents giving me advice based on being around their friends children. Drove me nuts!! Felt like a super bitch but I really had to bite my tongue. If they dare even think they are raising my child based on being around him...
And I don't know how to use the quote block.. Gah!
Also, I had this cute idea that I would be able to eat pretty healthy and not in any way eat cheetohs and pop tarts frequently.
I'm not complaining so much as I'm just surprised. My pregnancy could be much worse and I'm very thankful it's not.
Also, I miss having sex. A lot.
Oh, goodness, no! If someone put their hand on me demanding personal information, I would bite it off and eat it (especially if they were between me and food!)
I actually just had my principal stop by and say she was putting me on the agenda for the next staff meeting so I could tell everyone "the news". Like an idiot I said "Oh, about the Zika virus?" I mean, what other news should a school nurse be telling the entire staff, amirght? She looked at me blankly and said "No, that you are leaving us in April and we are going to have to get used to a whole new nurse." Well, sorry my reproduction is so inconvenient for all of you!
I didn't have any real expectations for how I thought pregnancy would be -- I did think I'd look obviously pregnant by now, but I don't. I moreso didn't know what to expect and have just plain struggled with the emotions of it. I never thought I'd have to go through benzo withdrawal while pregnant (scrambled to get off my anti-anxiety meds). I never thought I'd have horrible depression and not feel anything positive for my baby until 2nd trimester. But that's what happened.
Now, I feel like, emotionally, I'm where I'd like to be. I'm really glad the horror from the beginning is over. I'm relieved to love my baby finally.
ETA: I may have also expected I'd have a miscarriage because I see it so much on here.... I'm glad I haven't, but I honestly kind of expected one.
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020