FTM expectation/reality

JoMunson · January 2016

I'm interested to know how many other FTM have an expectation-reality gap with their pregnancy.
For me, I thought I'd be a glowing goddess and my DH wouldn't be able to keep his hands off me. I'm more like a pregnant dragon who needs to be left alone. At first it was hard to give up the goddess idea, but pregnancy is what it is, you know?

JessicaB0627 · January 2016

You'll most likely find that you'll have a huge expectation-reality gap in parenting too. When I was pregnant with DD I was very adamant about everything being a certain way. All of that goes out the window when you're actually dealing with it.

I also have a strong hatred for any woman that says she loves being pregnant. There is nothing glamorous about creating a human.

kp90 · January 2016

Honestly I thought I would be miserable with morning sickness and have a rough first trimester but I didn't. I swear I wouldn't have even known I was pregnant if we weren't trying. Although I also felt I would have more of that "glow" everyone talks about but I just don't see it. So far pregnancy has been better than I expected except now that I'm creeping up to 3rd trimester I am definitely getting the sleepless nights, the aches and pains, etc.

LadySamLady · January 2016

I didn't know what to expect really, but I had no idea it would be so gross. I feel like a teenage boy.

bookelf221 · January 2016

@kp90 I'm right there with you. Up until recently I kept having to question whether I really am pregnant, now I'm uncomfortable enough of the time that I know I am!

hellogoodbye2 · January 2016

JessicaB0627 said:

You'll most likely find that you'll have a huge expectation-reality gap in parenting too. When I was pregnant with DD I was very adamant about everything being a certain way. All of that goes out the window when you're actually dealing with it. I also have a strong hatred for any woman that says she loves being pregnant. There is nothing glamorous about creating a human.

ALL OF THIS! I took all the birthing/nursing/baby classes out there. And while I did find them beneficial, there's nothing that can prepare you.

With the exception of car seat safety. That shit can/should be learned!

saraleigh2 · January 2016

FTM here too (sigh)

I expected the baby bump, the pregnancy glow, beautiful hair and nails, cravings for pickles and ice cream etc

I got debilitating morning sickness and vomiting, large breasts that put me in maternity clothes way before my belly began to show (bonus now they leak), fatigue, iron deficiency anemia, frequent urination, mood swings, cravings AND aversions, RL pain, night weakening due to hunger..... I could go on...

Gap - HA it's a canyon!!!

Still can't wait to meet our little boy tho

gamommyx3 · January 2016

I too am a pregnant dragon. Before, I actually thought (BWAHAHAHA!!) that I'd be able to force myself to continue to eat healthy foods all the time during pregnancy. I underestimated the power of food aversions. Drastically underestimated. I also had no idea that pregnancy was so disgusting. I told my husband that I am basically like a 20 year old frat boy at this point between gas and eating habits. I have never felt more unattractive in my entire life.

saltedcaramel518 · January 2016

Before I got pregnant, I was consistently going to the gym 3-4 days a week and occasionally on weekends. I was by no means a hardcore gym rat, but I definitely planned on working out consistently while pregnant. Yeah.. First tri it was all I could do to drag myself out of bed every morning to get to work, definitely wasn't feeling the gym. Now, I usually go about once a week and occasionally do prenatal yoga videos at home. I wish I could be more disciplined with working out.

yogahh · January 2016

bshurdy said:

Before I got pregnant, I was consistently going to the gym 3-4 days a week and occasionally on weekends. I was by no means a hardcore gym rat, but I definitely planned on working out consistently while pregnant. Yeah.. First tri it was all I could do to drag myself out of bed every morning to get to work, definitely wasn't feeling the gym. Now, I usually go about once a week and occasionally do prenatal yoga videos at home. I wish I could be more disciplined with working out.

this is me exactly. I thought it would be soooooo easy to be that pregnant lady that still worked out. I am going to the gym about once a week now to walk slow as hell on the treadmill. I am so over my prenatal yoga and pilates videos. I would rather sit on the couch, eating pie.

TXmamatobe · January 2016

I think so many pregnancy expectations in general are shaped by society's expectations overall. I feel like now more than ever, there is a huge amount of pressure to be that "fit pregnant woman" or to maintain a perfectly slim figure while only adding a baby bump. Just look at how the majority of maternity clothes are marketed - a thin, tall model with a prosthetic bump. For real.

It's fine and well to eat the best you can and maintain some level of activity during pregnancy but in reality, it is damn hard to eat a perfect protein and veggie based diet, do cardio and resistance while maintaining a career or taking care of kids at home. Damn hard! That's what would be required to achieve those expectations. Social media doesn't help. I feel it breeds attitudes of comparison over what each individual woman should look like, pregnant or not.

Anyway, all that was to say that as a STM I appreciate knowing that pregnancy is hard and that I need to slow down and appreciate the miracle that's happening. Then...I might get back on the wagon once the baby is born.

Delitachan · January 2016

I thought I was going to be the classic case - morning sickness, cravings, belly growing from the start. Even at 22 weeks, I only have SOME of the symptoms women experience. My first trimester was AWFUL, constant headaches and nausea. I ate so little and lost weight. And it was NOT in the morning. It was ALL DAY.
I expected to start using maternity clothes since week 8, but I didn't really switch until week 20. My feet have not grown, I have not had pregnancy itch and the cravings are a moving target - it varies. One week pickles, then hamburgers and even PORK (I hate pork).

gamommyx3 · January 2016

bshurdy said:

Before I got pregnant, I was consistently going to the gym 3-4 days a week and occasionally on weekends. I was by no means a hardcore gym rat, but I definitely planned on working out consistently while pregnant. Yeah.. First tri it was all I could do to drag myself out of bed every morning to get to work, definitely wasn't feeling the gym. Now, I usually go about once a week and occasionally do prenatal yoga videos at home. I wish I could be more disciplined with working out.

During the 1st tri I saw the gym exactly ZERO times. Washing my hair for work seemed like a victory. Most of my work out discipline is gone...I aim for 3 times a week and usually hit 2...and I go to spin so if I get tired I just sit there and pedal in the dark because no one can see me

@yogahh good for you for getting out into the light and using the treadmill!!

TXmamatobe said:

I think so many pregnancy expectations in general are shaped by society's expectations overall. I feel like now more than ever, there is a huge amount of pressure to be that "fit pregnant woman" or to maintain a perfectly slim figure while only adding a baby bump. Just look at how the majority of maternity clothes are marketed - a thin, tall model with a prosthetic bump. For real. It's fine and well to eat the best you can and maintain some level of activity during pregnancy but in reality, it is damn hard to eat a perfect protein and veggie based diet, do cardio and resistance while maintaining a career or taking care of kids at home. Damn hard! That's what would be required to achieve those expectations. Social media doesn't help. I feel it breeds attitudes of comparison over what each individual woman should look like, pregnant or not. Anyway, all that was to say that as a STM I appreciate knowing that pregnancy is hard and that I need to slow down and appreciate the miracle that's happening. Then...I might get back on the wagon once the baby is born.

This makes me crazy!!!

Bluejay3030 · January 2016

TXmamatobe said:
I think so many pregnancy expectations in general are shaped by society's expectations overall. I feel like now more than ever, there is a huge amount of pressure to be that "fit pregnant woman" or to maintain a perfectly slim figure while only adding a baby bump. Just look at how the majority of maternity clothes are marketed - a thin, tall model with a prosthetic bump. For real.

It's fine and well to eat the best you can and maintain some level of activity during pregnancy but in reality, it is damn hard to eat a perfect protein and veggie based diet, do cardio and resistance while maintaining a career or taking care of kids at home. Damn hard! That's what would be required to achieve those expectations. Social media doesn't help. I feel it breeds attitudes of comparison over what each individual woman should look like, pregnant or not.

Anyway, all that was to say that as a STM I appreciate knowing that pregnancy is hard and that I need to slow down and appreciate the miracle that's happening. Then...I might get back on the wagon once the baby is born.

kbrands7 · January 2016

Bluejay3030 said:

I think so many pregnancy expectations in general are shaped by society's expectations overall. I feel like now more than ever, there is a huge amount of pressure to be that "fit pregnant woman" or to maintain a perfectly slim figure while only adding a baby bump. Just look at how the majority of maternity clothes are marketed - a thin, tall model with a prosthetic bump. For real. It's fine and well to eat the best you can and maintain some level of activity during pregnancy but in reality, it is damn hard to eat a perfect protein and veggie based diet, do cardio and resistance while maintaining a career or taking care of kids at home. Damn hard! That's what would be required to achieve those expectations. Social media doesn't help. I feel it breeds attitudes of comparison over what each individual woman should look like, pregnant or not. Anyway, all that was to say that as a STM I appreciate knowing that pregnancy is hard and that I need to slow down and appreciate the miracle that's happening. Then...I might get back on the wagon once the baby is born.

I was just about to post this!

cortney626 · January 2016

bshurdy said:

Before I got pregnant, I was consistently going to the gym 3-4 days a week and occasionally on weekends. I was by no means a hardcore gym rat, but I definitely planned on working out consistently while pregnant. Yeah.. First tri it was all I could do to drag myself out of bed every morning to get to work, definitely wasn't feeling the gym. Now, I usually go about once a week and occasionally do prenatal yoga videos at home. I wish I could be more disciplined with working out.

This is me as well. I would call myself a gym rat prepregnancy. Love lifting heavy, etc. I was in much better shape this time around than I was before getting pregnant 8 years ago. So I thought I'd be able to keep it up and be fit all through pregnancy. Ha! First trimester sickness knocked me on my ass. I've been trying to workout and eat healthy as much as possible but it's no where near what I imagined I'd be doing.

GoatSnakeMouse · January 2016

I thought I would have a libido, at least in the second tri. Oh well.

Pascal86 · January 2016

My biggest expectation/reality gap is that I hoped that I would be nesting like crazy starting in the second trimester, and basically do every house project we've needed to do for the past year. So far my available nesting time has been used for napping/crying for no reason instead. Still hoping for the third trimester!!

salbb · January 2016

Love this thread! Feel I can stop beating myself up now for pregnancy fail!! I didn't expect much but shoot there is a lot of stuff thats been a surprise!
And I really hate being out of control of my body more than I thought I would..

businessmama · January 2016

I thought I would give up caffeine completely. I did for the first tri but it is creeping back in. I limit myself to one cup a day about four times a week, but feel guilty.

Is anyone still drinking coffee?

jessiedee13 · January 2016

I actually got what I expected...just on a different level. I expected horrible morning sickness, but didn't expect to be hospitalized over it. I expected my boobs to grow huge...but not jump 3 cup sizes BEFORE birth. I will say I expected to have a bump, even if it wasn't the cute one, but enough people would know I'm pregnant...3rd time mom...first bump. It's insane.

As others have said, parenting will also be a much different reality. I thought I had a handle on it, that I was strong and could do it exactly as I had planned. Psh...yeah right! When it comes down to it, I want sleep, and if that means we camp out in the living room 4+ nights a week, then that's what we do!

Merciel · January 2016

@AliciaD39: yep, still drinking coffee! Two cups every morning and sometimes a third in the afternoon (...actually I'm about to go out on a coffee run right now; today's case has dulled my mind to the point where I am just not going to get through this argument without more caffeine).

I don't see it as a problem. The big worry with caffeine is miscarriage in the first trimester, which we're all well out of, and I'm persuaded that it's a correlative rather than causative effect anyway. Since the futurebaby is measuring completely healthy at all prenatal checkups and my doctors have no concerns, neither do I.

saltedcaramel518 · January 2016

@AliciaD39 Yes, I have an 8 oz. cup every morning, doctor approved.

yogahh · January 2016

AliciaD39 said:

I thought I would give up caffeine completely. I did for the first tri but it is creeping back in. I limit myself to one cup a day about four times a week, but feel guilty. Is anyone still drinking coffee?

Yup still having coffee. I didn't in first tri, but once second hit, I went back to a cup in the morning. I do try to limit it to that, except on the weekends I sometimes I have an afternoon coffee (with some cookies of course). I actually crave the creaminess of the coffee and look forward to it every morning.

LadySamLady · January 2016

AliciaD39 said:

I thought I would give up caffeine completely. I did for the first tri but it is creeping back in. I limit myself to one cup a day about four times a week, but feel guilty. Is anyone still drinking coffee?

I have an aversion to coffee and it makes me so sad. Please, drink one cup for me? Seriously though, I miss it so much. Not just the caffeine but the whole ritual of it. *sigh*

JoMunson · January 2016

salbb said:
Love this thread! Feel I can stop beating myself up now for pregnancy fail!! I didn't expect much but shoot there is a lot of stuff thats been a surprise!
And I really hate being out of control of my body more than I thought I would..

Oh my gosh THIS! I feel like (in addition to being a pregnant dragon) I just have no clue about my body anymore. It feels like when I was in puberty and had no fucking clue what was going on.
I'm glad I started this thread- it sounds like we all needed to hear that we aren't having "perfect" pregnancies.
(In quotes because if we're all this varied then there is no perfect pregnancy! Just YOUR pregnancy).

Soontobejones33 · January 2016

I was sure that I could handle the morning sickness as my PMS was fairly bad. Surely I had built up a tolerance to the hormone surge! Uh, no. Worst 15 weeks of my life. And still getting random bursts at 25 weeks. I'm not the greatest eater but man when you're down to Ramen noodles and grits you gotta wonder what the point is. I'm still wary of vegetables. I try though.
And the glow, what glow? I got acne, and hairyness. I will be thankful that the weight is mostly confined to the belly. I popped way early. I expected to be larger.
No one told me though about the cost of being pregnant. Geez, why am I broke before I even start buying baby stuff!

togmama · January 2016

Ugh this could not hit any closer to home! I expected to be a glowing "Blake lively like" pregnant woman. I am like a morning breath breathing dragon as well and I feel so unattractive. I eat well (with the exception of my occasional sweet tooth) and my hair is frizzy out of nowhere, my boobs are still teeny, my skin is so pimply, and my nails see no change. Blah. On the bright side, I didn't get sick ONCE and I'm not the least bit scared of childbirth I'm ready to dive in there and squeeze my little love bug!

Merciel · January 2016

I really thought I was going to have more hormonal mood swings and nope, that never happened. To be clear, this is NOT a complaint -- I'm pleasantly relieved! -- but it was a surprise.

Boobs never got any bigger. That's also not a complaint (well, not much of one).

I thought I'd be able to control weight gain via diet and exercise. Haha nope. Turns out that is entirely out of my control (thanks, water retention!). That's been the most frustrating thing for me so far. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE LAWS OF PHYSICS STOPPED WORKING ON MY ASS.

wsgjmw1 · January 2016

Bluejay3030 said:

I think so many pregnancy expectations in general are shaped by society's expectations overall. I feel like now more than ever, there is a huge amount of pressure to be that "fit pregnant woman" or to maintain a perfectly slim figure while only adding a baby bump. Just look at how the majority of maternity clothes are marketed - a thin, tall model with a prosthetic bump. For real. It's fine and well to eat the best you can and maintain some level of activity during pregnancy but in reality, it is damn hard to eat a perfect protein and veggie based diet, do cardio and resistance while maintaining a career or taking care of kids at home. Damn hard! That's what would be required to achieve those expectations. Social media doesn't help. I feel it breeds attitudes of comparison over what each individual woman should look like, pregnant or not. Anyway, all that was to say that as a STM I appreciate knowing that pregnancy is hard and that I need to slow down and appreciate the miracle that's happening. Then...I might get back on the wagon once the baby is born.

Yeah the maternity clothes models are so damn unrealistic. Always have been annoyed by that.

kp90 · January 2016

AliciaD39 said:
I thought I would give up caffeine completely. I did for the first tri but it is creeping back in. I limit myself to one cup a day about four times a week, but feel guilty.

Is anyone still drinking coffee?

Not coffee but I still drink soda. 1-2 daily but the caffeine content for each can is only about 38mg so nowhere near the 200mg that we are allowed but I tried giving it up and just can't.

vinerie · January 2016

I drink a cup a day and I don't feel guilty at all. It's pretty accepted that <200 mg of caffeine a day is perfectly fine.

JennyS86 · January 2016

I'm not drinking coffee, but I probably eat enough dark chocolate to make up for it

JennyS86 · January 2016

This is my second pregnancy, and I'm still unrealistic about some things. I had twins last time, so I thought the morning sickness would be better with just one baby? Not true - hyperemesis again.

However, this time, as soon as the home pregnancy test turned pink, I cancelled my gym membership.

GoatSnakeMouse · January 2016

Also - I had no idea how annoyed I'd be by all the advice-givers. Especially women who have had ONE baby and think that makes them an expert on ALL BABIES EVER. Sure, yeah, YOUR baby didn't like a bassinet. That doesn't mean that every person who even considers one is an idiot. Cool down.

valerie4786 · January 2016

I'm not sure I had any major expectations going into pregnancy. I didn't expect my bump would get this big this quick since when I was my sister at 9 months she looked only 7 months pregnant, but it makes sense since I have a shorter torso. I knew heartburn was common, but I didn't expect it to be this bad. I expected my body to change and do things that I had no control over, but you really don't know what to expect with that until you're actually pregnant. Also I think I expected to get the "glow" everyone talks about, but I definitely got break outs instead. Other than that, I've had a pretty good pregnancy. I still sleep pretty well. I haven't thrown up at all, but I did have a couple food aversions. No major headaches, and the ones I do have go away with water intake. I guess my hormones have been pretty intense though.

I think what had surprised my the most about my pregnancy is the lack of support I've received from my mom...she just seems completely uninterested in my pregnancy. It's a bummer and it's been kind of hurtful, but I have an amazing step-mom and MIL that are so supportive. They're great.

salbb · January 2016

I didn't expect so many people to be interested in whether baby was 'planned'!!!! In my 30's no kids so far you think they would figure I know how birth control works or doesn't ! Plus why the douche does it matter?!

valerie4786 · January 2016

@salbb - Yes! I just started letting my client's know that I'm pregnant this past Friday and when I sat down with one of my former clients and confirmed to her that I was pregnant she almost whispered "Is this something we're excited about..?" Uh yes, it is...because I'm not 15 and in high school anymore and I'm a responsible adult that can decide when I'm ready to start a family with my husband..

LadySamLady · January 2016

salbb said:

I didn't expect so many people to be interested in whether baby was 'planned'!!!! In my 30's no kids so far you think they would figure I know how birth control works or doesn't ! Plus why the douche does it matter?!

I find this so weird too. What do they expect us to say, "yes it was a huge mistake but now we're stuck"?! And it's only people who I am not at all close with who have asked that, including a rando old man at the dog park.

salbb · January 2016

@valerie4786 it would be so fun to screw with them huh? Couldn't deal with the rumours though from those with sense of humour bypasses - but it's getting tempting!

RaquelFry · January 2016

All of this so true. This thread just made my day. Thank you. I needed it.
I feel huge, covered in zits and hair, tired all the time. I can't go without coffee/caffeine, or I get a migrane. I sleep like a pile. There is no glow. I can never decide what I'm hungry for. My mind and body are having a long term out of mind and body experience!

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