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Who should throw the baby shower - discussion

HarlequinDaisiesHarlequinDaisies member
edited November 2015 in Baby Showers
This seems to be a hot button topic. I don't understand how that is possible because I don't understand why it's a big deal. But here we are. Is it okay for the mother to be to throw their own shower or is it completely taboo?

I see a lot of people, particularly on this site, being very rude about this subject.

So, my opinion: I'm pregnant and I am probably going to throw my own shower. Why? Because no one I know has the time, space, and money to do it for me. And it would be completely rude to ask someone to do it. I think it's completely okay to throw your own shower. Plenty of people want me to have one, but I know they can't host it for me. So if I don't do it, it won't happen. I have no issue doing it myself. And I'm happy to do it. I'm making it gift optional because I've planned all along to buy everything myself. I just wanna have some fun with my friends and family and play silly games and eat good food.

But according to some people, throwing your own shower is tacky, improper, and essentially the worst thing to do ever. I do not understand that, and people are insulting others over it calling them idiots and things like that. Even more that I don't understand. So if someone is in my situation, and no one can throw them a shower, then I guess they don't get one.

So I wanted to start this thread to see if I can have a good discussion about this. Please provide your opinions, as they are welcome, but don't disrespect people. Thanks all!
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Re: Who should throw the baby shower - discussion

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  • BringmemylongswordhoBringmemylongswordho member
    I would personally feel very uncomfortable being invited to a shower someone hosts for themselves. Both because if I'm close to them I'd feel bad that I didn't do something for them, and if I'm not close to them I'd feel like they only wanted presents.

    Have people point blank told you they can't host something? I find many times people assume someone else is already planning something, and don't want to step on anyone's toes or come across as presumptuous.
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  • HarlequinDaisiesHarlequinDaisies member
    Who would actually say to someone "sorry, can't host your party?" That would require me to imply or directly ask someone to host it for me.

    I know my people can't host it. I know their situations. If it's so bad to still call it a shower, what should I call it instead.

    If someone is invited and they feel so uncomfortable about me throwing it myself, I'm not forcing anyone to come. They can just say no.
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  • HarlequinDaisiesHarlequinDaisies member
    This thread is one of the ones that I was referring to.
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  • BringmemylongswordhoBringmemylongswordho member
    HarlequinDaisies said:

    Who would actually say to someone "sorry, can't host your party?" That would require me to imply or directly ask someone to host it for me.

    I know my people can't host it. I know their situations. If it's so bad to still call it a shower, what should I call it instead.

    If someone is invited and they feel so uncomfortable about me throwing it myself, I'm not forcing anyone to come. They can just say no.

    But you don't know that someone isn't planning, or would like to throw one then. Just because I complain about being busy doesn't mean I can’t also adjust my schedule for a 3 hour party.

    Generally the recommendation is to host a sip n see once the baby is born if you want to celebrate the baby.
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  • CalebsHabibiCalebsHabibi member
    HarlequinDaisies said:

    Who would actually say to someone "sorry, can't host your party?" That would require me to imply or directly ask someone to host it for me.

    I know my people can't host it. I know their situations. If it's so bad to still call it a shower, what should I call it instead.

    If someone is invited and they feel so uncomfortable about me throwing it myself, I'm not forcing anyone to come. They can just say no.

    Instead of a shower what about a sip n see? This is where after the baby comes, you host a party where people come to see the baby. This sounds like what you want to do anyway since you said it was "gift optional." Sip n see's are gift optional and the focus is around just seeing the baby. I've been to a sip n see, I still brought a little present but the mom didn't open presents in front of everyone and it was come and go between a certain time. People had a blast. Actually got to fees the baby and hold her and stuff.
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  • CalebsHabibiCalebsHabibi member
    edited November 2015
    Sarcasm101 said:


    HarlequinDaisies said:

    Who would actually say to someone "sorry, can't host your party?" That would require me to imply or directly ask someone to host it for me.

    I know my people can't host it. I know their situations. If it's so bad to still call it a shower, what should I call it instead.

    If someone is invited and they feel so uncomfortable about me throwing it myself, I'm not forcing anyone to come. They can just say no.

    Your logic makes no sense. So you know your friends and family are not in a financial position to host a shower. But yet, you think they are in the position to buy you gifts? which is exactly what you are asking when you invited them to your own shower.









    If it really "wasn't about the gifts," and about "spending time together" they would have a Sip N See.

    Edit: quote block fail.
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  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member

    I love how OP felt the need to defend herself and her reasons for throwing her own shower. People don't usually have to defend their actions unless they are feeling guilty or they know that what they are doing sucks.

    Do your thing OP. You don't need strangers on the internet to reassure you of anything.

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  • dufferoodufferoo member
    Personally, I think it's rude for anyone OTHER than the mother-to-be to hold her shower. That's why when I was pregnant, even though I didn't have the time, space, and money to host my own, I still held a skype shower with a babymoon registry. It was a lot of fun! But that's just the norm in my circle.
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  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member
    dufferoo said:
    Personally, I think it's rude for anyone OTHER than the mother-to-be to hold her shower. That's why when I was pregnant, even though I didn't have the time, space, and money to host my own, I still held a skype shower with a babymoon registry. It was a lot of fun! But that's just the norm in my circle.

    Wait a sec. It's rude if a friend or family member hosts a baby shower for her pregnant friend? Just making sure I'm reading this right. You think it's ok to host your own shower?
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  • Sarcasm101Sarcasm101 member
    edited November 2015
    dufferoo said:
    Personally, I think it's rude for anyone OTHER than the mother-to-be to hold her shower. That's why when I was pregnant, even though I didn't have the time, space, and money to host my own, I still held a skype shower with a babymoon registry. It was a lot of fun! But that's just the norm in my circle.
    I really can't even process how rude and tacky this is. I hope you are being sarcastic and I just am missing it. 

    So just so I am understanding correctly, you got on the computer and asked people to fund a vacation?

    Mind. Blown.

    **** Formerly Snoflakes4eva****

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  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member
    CharminglySouthern said:
    @Bigboobsmcgee I'm pretty sure that was meant TIC.
    She's good. I totally fell for it!
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  • PCOSbabyPCOSbaby member
    Wow! You got me good @dufferoo. I fell for that crap lol
    Me {32} DH {34}
    Married 05/2014

    PCOS baby due October 09, 2016
    Beta #1: 22.5
    Beta #2: 74

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  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member
    DrillSergeantCat said:
    I'm throwing my own and charging people at the door. It's $10 per plate so I'm charging $15 per person so that I make some extra cash on the side. I'm inviting 100 people so that's $500 if everyone shows. I mean, I can't afford to throw a shower and neither can anyone I know so this is the best solution for me. I also plan on having them bring the gifts unwrapped so that I don't have to take the time to unwrap them. Instead of me having to fill out thank you cards, I'm having my guests do it for me. I mean...it's so time consuming! And they better buy me something off the registry or I'm going to tell them off in front of everyone. 




    Not really. This is just some of the stuff I've seen and think is hilariously tacky.
    Be sure to tell them you don't want a card, they need to bring a children's book instead. And you only want organic products. Nothing else will be accepted.
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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    Bigboobsmcgee said:
    Be sure to tell them you don't want a card, they need to bring a children's book instead. And you only want organic products. Nothing else will be accepted. 
    I can't believe I forgot the book instead of a card! All I registered for were organic products and as I already said, if they don't get me what's on my registry, I'm going to tell them off in front of everyone. 

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  • tooba22tooba22 member
    A stranger on the street is a better option than throwing your own shower.
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  • neverblushedneverblushed member
    dufferoo said:
    Personally, I think it's rude for anyone OTHER than the mother-to-be to hold her shower. That's why when I was pregnant, even though I didn't have the time, space, and money to host my own, I still held a skype shower with a babymoon registry. It was a lot of fun! But that's just the norm in my circle.
    You crack me up.  I've had a crappy week, and this made my day. I wish I had more than one love tit to give it.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
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  • dufferoodufferoo member
    neverblushed said:
    dufferoo said:
    Personally, I think it's rude for anyone OTHER than the mother-to-be to hold her shower. That's why when I was pregnant, even though I didn't have the time, space, and money to host my own, I still held a skype shower with a babymoon registry. It was a lot of fun! But that's just the norm in my circle.
    You crack me up.  I've had a crappy week, and this made my day. I wish I had more than one love tit to give it.

    Aww I am so pleased my sarcasm could bring you joy!
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  • fabihenecfabihenec member
    @HarlequinDaisies I wrote a post in reply to the other shower thread already but I honestly I'm sorry you felt discouraged by other threads and I'm sorry that you were looking for an outcome, that instead went just as predicted.
    I understand what you're saying and I wish there was another term for what it is you're trying to do so that you might not feel so attacked or chastised by your remarks, comments, or event. Also, the whole "Sip and See" term is also new to me, I didn't know that existed. I'm surprised to see that with all this knowledge on proper terminology and etiquette, in all these generations we haven't come up with a new term for a shower that isn't really a conventional shower, but a celebration, gift optional, but still fun, and still before the baby arrives. I understand the tradition of what is the, Baby Shower, but now there's been changes to life so there's been spin off's to the tradition, I personally think it's okay. After all like some of the other woman have said we're all just strangers to one another. We all just happen to be joined by our circumstance, and modern technology. So who cares what anyone thinks or says, your friends and family know you personally and already know if you're a tacky, inconsiderate, rude, tasteless person. The way you decide to go about things for your event or anything else in life will undoubtedly continue to be a reflection of that. So plan on, have a blast, laugh, eat cake, sip and shower, and anything else you might want! Maybe you can have a game to name the kind of event your hosting and that others have similarly done...might be fun.
    I will say what I do think is tacky, tasteless, rude, insensitive, inconsiderate, and lacking of ediqiutte, is judging and labeling a person who we have no prior knowledge of. Or attacking, making fun of, and mocking someone because they have an idea or a voice which may not be tipycal. We are who we are and tacky, rude, or selfish, or not. Our personalities are not going change because of baby showers where we are careful to fit in the rules of the party.
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  • neverblushedneverblushed member
    fabihenec said:
    I'm surprised to see that with all this knowledge on proper terminology and etiquette, in all these generations we haven't come up with a new term for a shower that isn't really a conventional shower, but a celebration, gift optional, but still fun, and still before the baby arrives. 

    We have.  It's called "invite some friends over for a last get together before the baby arrives."  The guest list can be anyone you want!  You can decorate or not.  You can serve whatever food or drinks you want.  It can be any time of day you want.  You can mention the baby as much or as little as you want.  

    Just don't call it a shower.  Because the term "shower" implies that guests are expected to bring a gift.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
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  • BringmemylongswordhoBringmemylongswordho member
    Agree with PPs. It's just called a party. Not that hard to figure out.
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  • Sassenach1743Sassenach1743 member
    @fabihenec, the word is spelled typical. Not tipycal.
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  • DisneyIsabelleDisneyIsabelle member
    Just a thought, if you have a super close friend/sister/etc that you could have named on the invitations as the host and have RSVPs go to her, but you could still do the work as far as planning and paying for the party that may work. I'm sorry someone hasn't offered to throw it for you. It's a lot of work and money to throw someone a nice shower, so I do kind of get the aspect of doing that yourself, but also understand it tends to be thought of as tacky. 


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    DisneyIsabelle said:
    Just a thought, if you have a super close friend/sister/etc that you could have named on the invitations as the host and have RSVPs go to her, but you could still do the work as far as planning and paying for the party that may work. I'm sorry someone hasn't offered to throw it for you. It's a lot of work and money to throw someone a nice shower, so I do kind of get the aspect of doing that yourself, but also understand it tends to be thought of as tacky. 


    1) Please don't zombie old threads. 

    2)  That's bad advice. If you feel the need to cover up that you are your own hostess it's only because you know that being your own hostess is wrong.  Adding a lie on top of it doesn't fix the etiquette fail, it just makes it worse.


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