Keep me from strangling the dog...

lucylove619 · January 2016

I never post here but I do read frequently, and I need some advice on how to how to handle a pet situation. My husband has a dog - he got her before we met and she's almost 11 now. I have never liked this dog but I put up with it because I love him. She has gotten incontinent so pees all over the house. We don't have a fenced yard and she won't go to the bathroom outside unless she's put on a leash and walked. At 36 weeks with a 1 and 3 year old and zero temps, I certainly dont do this when DH is gone, which he is frequently. If I tie her up in the garage during the day, she goes crazy and tears things up. If I crate her she barks endlessly. If I let her inside she gets on all the furniture and pees. DH was just out of town and I had to board her because I just couldn't deal with it. And when I'm home with my kids and a newborn I will have even less patience for her. She is not a good family dog, she's super anxious and the kids freak her out. I'm just at my wits end with what to do with her! Any suggestions, or even advice to help my mindset? I'm already a little resentful that DH has to spend half of what little time he has at home each day walking her, when he's doing that instead of helping me when this baby comes I afraid I'm not going to be very nice about it....

kirkie928 · January 2016

We treat dogs as members of the family, so I couldn't imagine feeling that way personally. Maybe it would be better to find her another home? Dogs have real needs and if you can't/won't give it what it needs, it would be better for all of you to let the dog go to a family that can give it those things.

summererdvig · January 2016

It's hard to say because my boys are my babies. They have their accidents and mess ups, but I consider it "training" for the real parenting I am about to take on. I'm with @kirkie928, maybe re-homing her would be best for both your family and for her. I don't recommend surrendering to her to shelter due to her age, but maybe a friend or family member can take her so that your husband can still see her?

TalulaPants · January 2016

Agree with pp. Tying her up in the garage is inhumane. Dogs need love and attention. I'd consider rehoming her. Talk to your DH.

Achae · January 2016

If it's incontinence could you have the dog wear diapers? Otherwise it sounds like you don't have the time to have her in your family. She may be your husbands dog but his lifestyle doesn't seem adaptable for a dog

paytonpedro · January 2016

If she is truly incontinent they make medication for that. Simply take her to your vet and ask them for it, it's called Proin. While you're at it, get her checked to make sure she doesn't have a UTI, which would also make her urinate in the house. Either one of those, it wouldn't really be her fault...
As for walking her outside, I can understand your frustrations there 100%. My yard is not fenced, however my dogs are trained very well and do not leave the yard when I let them out. Have you considered a run? Like a smaller fenced in area? Or a lead attached to your house/porch? That way you could hook her up and stay inside. Another option might be an underground fence. For yours, your husbands, and her sake I really hope everything gets better!

Latina211508 · January 2016

I see how that can be frustrating. I think the problem at first was your husband. It seems she has had no proper training at all. I have 2 pit-Bulls. One my husband bought for me and the other he chose to buy on his own right before we moved in together. But I did personally train both my dogs so things like this would not happen. Regardless if he got the dog before, you both are responsible for the dog now. I have 3 children, pregnant and my husband is in the military. He's gone a lot so I am always the main one taking care of my dogs. She does need patience and love. But also some type of training. If you don't want to continue then something needs to be done. I honestly am not fond of people giving away their pets unless absolutely necessary but I also don't think it's fair for her. You need to talk to your husband and find a solution. Training, doggy day care, a walker, etc etc.

g8trkim · January 2016

It doesn't sound like she's truly incontinent, it sounds like she's not being cared for properly. Of course a dog will have accidents if you don't take it outside! I understand it was his dog first but that's a responsibility you signed up for when you married him. If you have a garage (which by the way is completely cruel to leave a dog in during low temps), I'm assuming you're in a single family home or something similar. Couldn't you walk the dog just outside the door and leave your kids safely inside? Just walk around in circles if you have to but at least the dog will be able to go. Maybe you could pay a neighbor kid to walk the dog when your DH is gone. If this isn't something you can handle then you need to talk to your DH about finding her a new home.

blueberrymomma · January 2016

I agree with @paytonpedro that the first step should be taking her to the vet.

lucylove619 · January 2016

Believe me, I SO wish I was a dog person because I know how much easier this would all be! We have a ragdoll cat that I totally adore and don't mind taking care of at all. Unfortunately, I didn't realize how much I'm not a dog person until I lived with one. I agree that a lot of this is training issue, and we should have tackled these problems earlier but it is what it is. We did take her to the vet and she doesn't have a UTI, but they didn't say anything about medicine or anything, just that she's getting older so it happens - I will see about medicine though, that may help! The incontinence issue combined with the fact that she won't go to the bathroom unless she's actually walked just makes for more accidents - she dribbles even when DH is home and she gets her walks. She has started refusing to poop unless she is really walked - like away from the house. She's always been an odd dog but her behaviors have gotten much worse so I'm not sure exactly what's going on. Having someone help walk her is a good idea, and maybe a doggy day care or something. FWIW up until about a month ago when these behaviors started she loved the garage - we have a 3 car with a car spot set up for her that has carpet, a nice bed and lots of toys. She gets really freaked out by the kids so it was her quiet place, and I honestly can't see how it's inhumane to keep her out there sometimes during the day. It never gets below mid 60s and she can't handle being around the kids all day. She usually sleeps inside. I may not be a dog person but I'm not a total monster. This dog is terrified of everything! I actually wonder if some anxiety medicine would be helpful. Anyway, I think DH and I do need to have a talk about what we can realistically do to keep me and the dog sane while he's gone so much. I hope we can figure something out.

thisusername · January 2016

Well, my dog used to pee everywhere too, but I'm the one who loves my 12 year old brat more than I should. DH puts up with it. Recently (like I've mentioned a couple times) we got a new potty pod, it's got a fake grass topper than just rinses out and then underneath is a washable pad. She loves the thing! I have also bought puppy pads and put them under the grass topper, works the same for when I won't be able to wash for a while. (Seriously 3.25$ for one load is insane. Stupid apartment)
Another thing is doggy diapers. We have some, don't need them anymore, but they're great. I recommend the cloth ones and using human pads in them, learned that from a client whose dog has a messed up bladder. They're easy to take care of and stay on better.
As far as her being a bad family dog.. What does that mean exactly..? Is she aggressive towards the kids or just afraid of them? Did she come from a traumatic past? There's a lot of tips and tricks to do with anxious dogs and helping them socialize better with children if they just get nervous.
Now as far as anxiety.. My vet actually has my dog taking a vitamin made by nutriscience that works really well. I'll have to look up the name. They do indeed make anxiety meds for dogs! Highly recommend asking about it. They also have OTC supplements you can give and relaxers that help ease the dogs anxiety and usually sedate them in doing so. I have a lavender extract one that even calms down my psycho kitten.

Today my brother saw my dog for the first time in 2 years, and even he said it was insane how much she's changed and calmed down.

Highly highly recommend the diapers and looking into some supplements or something for the anxiety.

OctoberStars · January 2016

Keeping a dog "tied up" for long periods is inhumane and illegal in many states. So if that's how you're keeping your dog in the garage, you need a different solution.

Zaphina · January 2016

I don't have a dog, just 3 cats, but I've been looking into these products called Spirit Essences (I swear I'm not trying to sell them or anything.) Supposedly they're all natural and work great for all sorts of animals and all sorts of problems. I'm thinking of getting the anti anxiety ones for when we bring the baby home, just to help all of the furbabies through the adapting process. Not sure if they might be an option for the potty problems or the anxiety your dog is having, but just a thought.

LIly436 · January 2016

Treat a poor dog like it is your child or relative. She feels that you hate her.
On another hand you are obviously overworked and need help. Hire someone to walk her and invest in diapers

shanaluther · January 2016

Dogs feed off of your energy and know when they are not loved. Hire a walker, take her to doggie day care so she can play with other dogs and get some proper attention, hire a dog trainer- do anything other than tying her up in your garage and ignoring her. Yes, these things cost money but it's worth it in the long run.

sarahunderthesea · January 2016

I have no helpful input here. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
My SO brought home a puppy when I was 6 months pregnant. I told him I was too pregnant to puppy so he would need to be responsible for walks, poopy pickup, vet visits, etc. And that she MUST be trained before I had the baby. Mysteriously, I am the one taking her for walks most days and our yard is littered with puppy poo (I am sticking to my guns on somethings). I am 36+6 to say and SO only just admitted that YouTube puppy training is not working.
One night a week I put her out back, we are in central FL, so I can get some nesting done, even tho she just sits at the door and cries. I feel awful because I have always thought of myself as animal person but this is a first dog for both of us so we are clueless and I have not bonded with her because I am forming a bond with LO growing inside me and all I can see 1/2 the time is the things I want/need to get done but can't because the puppy needs supervision.
Long story short. I feel where you are coming from and I can't imagine how much harder it must be with other children in the mix (FTM here).

Monkeybutt80 · January 2016

I agree with PPs that your dog's current living condition is not ideal. Remember, none of the complaints you have is the dog's fault. She's not being anxious or having accidents on purpose. You are saying that it's zero temps so you cannot walk her, but you are putting her in the garage. unless your garage is heated, this is extremely cruel.
You could rehome her but please be very selective; at 11 years old, she won't be a very good candidate for adoption. Do you have any family members that could take her?

thisusername · January 2016

sarahunderthesea said:
I have no helpful input here. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
My SO brought home a puppy when I was 6 months pregnant. I told him I was too pregnant to puppy so he would need to be responsible for walks, poopy pickup, vet visits, etc. And that she MUST be trained before I had the baby. Mysteriously, I am the one taking her for walks most days and our yard is littered with puppy poo (I am sticking to my guns on somethings). I am 36+6 to say and SO only just admitted that YouTube puppy training is not working.
One night a week I put her out back, we are in central FL, so I can get some nesting done, even tho she just sits at the door and cries. I feel awful because I have always thought of myself as animal person but this is a first dog for both of us so we are clueless and I have not bonded with her because I am forming a bond with LO growing inside me and all I can see 1/2 the time is the things I want/need to get done but can't because the puppy needs supervision.
Long story short. I feel where you are coming from and I can't imagine how much harder it must be with other children in the mix (FTM here).

You should really put your dog in obedience classes. YouTube is not a realistic source for training if you've never had experience with it before. Otherwise if you're going to make the decision to give her up-do it while she's young and has a real chance at getting another home.

Edit because it put two quotes not one!

lucylove619 · January 2016

Thanks to those of you who had actual, helpful suggestions instead of just throwing around allegations of animal abuse. I'm sure we have all seen or heard stories of inhumane animal treatment - a dog who spends half the day in an attached, heated garage with food, water and toys is hardly cruel, although it may not be her ideal living situation. We have an appointment with our vet to see about anxiety medicine and something for her incontinence. I firmly draw the line at changing doggie diapers - I will already be changing 2 kids diapers so that's not happening! DH has also agreed to board her if he's traveling for more than 2 nights. This situation is not going to be ideal for me or the dog but thanks for ideas to help us get through the next few years together.

TalulaPants · January 2016

In all fairness you just stated you leave her tied up in the garage....then you state it's freezing cold wherever you are. None of us know the condition of your garage. It's the tone of your post that's disturbing.

thisusername · January 2016

Doggy diapers are way cleaner than kid diapers. They only catch the pee and they literally just slide off when you go to change them.. It's nothing like a kids diaper. Not to be rude but It's really no use to be mad about the accidents if you aren't going to try everything in your power. I would rather change the dogs diaper than a child's. Much much much easier.
I just can't help but feel for your dog.. I know you don't like her but trying to spend time with her and making her feel loved could also help the way she behaves towards you. People underestimate animals and their feelings. Just because they don't talk doesn't mean they can't be sad or lonely.
Also I said I would look at it and tell you- the anxiety stuff my dog has is called composure pro by vetroscience. It really helps her relax and behave
Edit: words. Now to be rude? Not to be rude! What a terrible typo. Yeesh brain, way to go.

g8trkim · January 2016

lucylove619 said:

Thanks to those of you who had actual, helpful suggestions instead of just throwing around allegations of animal abuse. I'm sure we have all seen or heard stories of inhumane animal treatment - a dog who spends half the day in an attached, heated garage with food, water and toys is hardly cruel, although it may not be her ideal living situation. We have an appointment with our vet to see about anxiety medicine and something for her incontinence. I firmly draw the line at changing doggie diapers - I will already be changing 2 kids diapers so that's not happening! DH has also agreed to board her if he's traveling for more than 2 nights. This situation is not going to be ideal for me or the dog but thanks for ideas to help us get through the next few years together.

Literally every single poster had a suggestion for you. Not one person criticized and just left it at that. If you're mad about the reactions and advice, it's your own guilt making you defensive not anything we said. You painted yourself in a certain way so accept some responsibility for what you said.

paytonpedro · January 2016

thisusername said:
Doggy diapers are way cleaner than kid diapers. They only catch the pee and they literally just slide off when you go to change them.. It's nothing like a kids diaper. Now to be rude but It's really no use to be mad about the accidents if you aren't going to try everything in your power. I would rather change the dogs diaper than a child's. Much much much easier.
I just can't help but feel for your dog.. I know you don't like her but trying to spend time with her and making her feel loved could also help the way she behaves towards you. People underestimate animals and their feelings. Just because they don't talk doesn't mean they can't be sad or lonely.
Also I said I would look at it and tell you- the anxiety stuff my dog has is called composure pro by vetroscience. It really helps her relax and behave

Clomicalm is another daily anxiety medication used for dogs. I haven't used it personally, but a lot of our clients are on it currently and are having good results.

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