Community› The Bump Month Clubs› March 2016 Moms
March 2016 Moms
New Discussion

STM's with kids currently in daycare - What are you doing while on maternity leave?

shakeweightsshakeweights member
in March 2016 Moms
My daycare lady keeps asking me how many times a week I'll be sending DD to daycare while I'm out on maternity leave because she's one of only 2 full time kiddos at her house. I was planning to send her 2-3 times a week so she got interaction with the other kids and wasn't totally thrown off her schedule, but I'm not sure. I am also not sure what to do the first few weeks. My husband will be home with me the first week, my MIL will be home with me the second week and my mom will be with me the third week. Do I keep her home with me?? We don't pay a ton in daycare costs and our daycare lady is right down the road from us, but I also don't want to be spending money when I don't have to since I'll be taking unpaid time off. 

So for those of you that already have more than 1 kid - what did you do? And for those of you pregnant with kiddo #2, what are you planning to do?

TIA!
image BabyFruit Ticker
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Report Reply to Post
«1

Re: STM's with kids currently in daycare - What are you doing while on maternity leave?

  • smushismushi member
    We send DS to daycare and plan to continue that til our contract runs out in May.  We may keep him home for a few days at first, but DH will take him the first week and maybe my mom the next, and then me and LO will take him once I'm feeling good enough.  I figure it will give me time to bond with and nurse LO in peace :)
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • MamaRoniMamaRoni member
    Believe me.... you will want to send her. Lazy days with you and the baby will be fun but she needs stability etc
    Report Reply
  • 1drmom1drmom member
    We will be sending DD twice a week still from start of Mat leave until she goes to JK in September. About 6 months. She loves her day care giver and the other children she plays with at the Literacy Centre that they go to daily. It's important for her to keep up those relationships I think. She doesn't need to be fully immersed into new baby world like I do.
    Report Reply
  • kitteh81kitteh81 member
    We'll be sending her as usual, both to maintain routines/consistency for her and also to preserve my sanity. My kiddos are super active and being stuck at home with baby would drive them crazy after too long. So even though my 6 year old will be on Spring Break, we're signing her up at the Y for camp every day. She loves going, and I don't have to worry about trying to entertain her while trying to bond and breastfeed baby.

    I'm getting partial pay while on maternity though, and we have enough savings to supplement it so that we essentially have the same income as when I'm working. We also get daycare payment assistance from a special program which makes our already affordable daycare even more affordable. If our financial situation were different we'd probably keep the girls home to save $$.
    Report Reply
  • alligreer88alligreer88 member
    I'm very passionate about this topic, so take this with a grain of salt. I had a stay at home mom growing up, worked 4 years at a daycare in college. Dd1 goes full time now because staying home or family babysitting isn't an option, I've never sent her or left her there for anything except work. It's mlk today, I'm off, husband isn't, I have a doc apt this morning and dd1 is home with me- going to apt with me. I'm paying for her to be there today, and any other day I just randomly keep her home. As soon as my husband or I get off work on a regular day we immediately pick her up. She will stay at daycare during the day/at my moms at night while we are at the hospital. My mom works at the daycare, not in her room though so they will leave together when my mom gets off. If my mom ever gets off work or takes vacation, my Mom keeps her. She will visit at least daily while we are at the hospital, as much as husband can go get her and she wants to visit. As soon as I return from hospital dd1 will be at home. Husband will only be home a few days, a full work week at most if I were happen to go into labor on a Sunday or Monday. I will take baby and dd1 to dd1 classroom to play for an hour or so here and there once I can, but she will most certainly not be going while I stay home. When I worked at a daycare in college and I could never comprehend while parents would send kids and then go back home. If you work 2/3 shift, are very ill, etc. I understand but we had parents bring kids because "they needed a day" "had to clean" "wanted to maintain schedule" (like not coming one Friday was going to throw them off or something). Sometimes it's just crazy to me. I understand having a newborn, needing to hold your daycare spot, baby with medical issues, being a single parent, etc etc etc. dd1 and baby will go back to daycare when baby is 8 weeks part time for a few months as I use fmla part time, then full time when my total of about 5 months off runs out. I personally wouldn't have more children than I wanted to stay home and hang out with every chance I could. We will not pay while dd1 stays home, but even if we did I wouldn't send her. My sil sends her kids every single day even if the rest of the family is home or other requests to spend the day with them "because she pays for it" and it just doesn't make sense to me (they are rich, and it's daycare/preschool not boarding school). Rant over, blame my past of working at a daycare for molding my view on this topic. To each their own.
    Report Reply
  • amaniupendoamaniupendo member
    Sending her to her half-day preschool everyday. It'll be good for her!
    Report Reply
  • shakeweightsshakeweights member
    smushi said:
    We send DS to daycare and plan to continue that til our contract runs out in May.  We may keep him home for a few days at first, but DH will take him the first week and maybe my mom the next, and then me and LO will take him once I'm feeling good enough.  I figure it will give me time to bond with and nurse LO in peace :)
    I definitely need some time to figure out nursing in the beginning. I tried for a long time with DD and it didn't go well and I ended up exclusively pumping for 11 months for many different reasons. I'd really like to have that this time though!
    image BabyFruit Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • J234J234 member
    I think, we are going to keep sending the 4yo, especially at first so I can recover (planned c-section.)  When I am better/moving around more, I plan to send her half days, maybe 3 days a week, because I want to enjoy the time with both kiddos, but also the 4yo needs the physical activities/socializing school provides more than I can at home.  
    Report Reply
  • JessKo08JessKo08 member
    flowerpower5838 said:

    I think @cmerribury hit the nail on the head. While you may think it's selfish to send kids to daycare of you're not at work, I think a vast majority think it's selfish to keep them home, cutting in on their education and social skills building times, likely making them a second tier priority when it isnt necessary if they have the chance to be in daycare or preSCHOOL.

    I get that you clearly want to be a sahm but can't, but your attitude reminds me of the women/minority supporters of Trump. Everyone kind of wonders why they want to so badly rally against their own cause. Bizarre.



    March 2016 Moms: January Siggy Challenge "Pregnancy Problems"
    Report Reply
  • Parker16772Parker16772 member
    cmerribury said:
    My son will be going to full time care each and every day and I don't feel the least bit guilty about it. If he were home with me I'd be stressing about entertaining him and worried about him constantly, when I should be worrying about bonding with and adjusting to my new baby. Additionally, at school my son gets much more social interaction, far more dedicated educational focus, and stays on his schedule which is extremely important to him.

    I think that some people put a lot of guilt on new moms for sending their kids to daycare/preschool when they bring home a new baby, but I think that's insane. Having a brand new infant is A LOT. Add to that lack of sleep/showers/down time and you have a recipe for chaos that I don't think would benefit mom, baby, or big sibling. 
    Pretty much exactly this. If DH stays home with me a few days then we would probably keep DS1 (he is four) home otherwise he will be going to daycare and I don't feel 1 bit of guilt about it. I also occasionally (like once every few months) take a day off work and still send him to daycare...gasp..just to have some alone time for mommies sanity.I must be an evil mom for needing time to myself. I say IF DH can take off because he probably can't. He is self employed and will already be staying three days during the week in the hospital with me so he will probably have to go back to work immediately. Most of the people I know and most of the kids at daycare still go when their parents have new babies. Call me selfish but I want some undivided time with me and the baby to figure everything out again. I am also 100% sure that I would have trouble entertaining DS1 during the day while trying to recover from major surgery (I am having a c-section again) and trying to care for a newborn so he would probably end up watching way too much tv. He really prefers to stay busy and be outside 90% of the time. This would be hard with a newborn. Unfortunately I don't have any family that would be around to help. I would much rather send him to our daycares pre-k program (which he loves) where he can be learning and interacting with other kids. We also have to pay either way to hold his spot. He has been there four years so no way we are giving it up. What ever you decide don't let other peoples harsh judgements make your decision just do what you feel is best for your family. 


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • kfarr26kfarr26 member
    edited January 2016
    shakeweights said:


    kfarr26 said:

    I'd keep sending the older one to daycare. Your situation is different from what mine will be when we have a second since mine will be going to a center. There's no full or part time flex options typically in my area...it's either "mother's day out" or full time price. If you switch from full time to the other, you lose your spot. Clearly, I would need to keep my spot and would need the priority consideration for the newborn spot given by having one kid already there.

    I see no sense in paying for full time care and disrupting their entire world just to make things harder on myself and them. The way I see it is that they are already going through a huge change by adding a sibling, so why disrupt their daytime schedule, as well? I get it if you want to for the price break, but don't do it just because of guilt.

    And to holier-than-thou mommy above...you don't love your kid any more than any other woman on this board. We're all hormonal, tired, and doing the best we can at this stage. Get off your high horse.

    I do have it pretty good when it comes to sending her part-time vs. full-time. We wouldn't lose our spot, nor would I have to pay for the days that she wouldn't be going. Our daycare lady is amazing and actually saved a spot for 2 months for my daughter to come back after I lost my job because she loves her so much! I think I'm going to talk to my husband about it again tonight and I'll probably send her 3 days a week. I just need to figure out what to do in the first few weeks, but you're right, the huge change of just adding a baby is going to be crazy for all of us, so keeping her on her schedule might help. I don't want to feel super stressed out in the first few weeks when I'm trying to heal either. 

    I've been working for the company I work for since I found out I was pregnant basically (August) and they were on 'summer hours' when I first started and changed it to always working half days on Fridays right after Labor Day. If you have stuff to do, you stay late, if you are caught up, you go home. During the holidays I worked more but on the days I leave at lunch time, I don't go pick up my daughter right away.

    1. I would have to pay for a full day anyway, so what's the point.
    2. Going grocery shopping Friday afternoon without a toddler is WAY easier than with, and
    3. I get so much done around the house in those few short hours before my husband gets home with her that we end up having to do less over the weekend. Win/Win if you ask me!

    I wouldn't change it for the world! So I may be judged. Oh well. I'm not a bad mom. I don't see any problem with taking a day to yourself if you need it either. We all have ways to keep our sanity. I don't think that @alligreer88 was trying to be judgy, but it does come across sort of sanctimommy. We all have our own opinions though.

    I think society makes us feel guilty about a lot of things and this shouldn't be one of them. Sorry for bringing up a controversial subject :/ 



    I don't think it is a controversial topic, just an honest question that you weren't sure on and wanted input. Her post just hit me wrong. There's enough judgments and comparisons out there no matter what you do.

    You do seem to have a great situation, though, and I'm sure that if you find that you need more or less care from your current care giver for your toddler that she'll work with you. I do think it's great, if you can, to have that one on one time with your new little one while you're on leave.
    Report Reply
  • shakeweightsshakeweights member
    edited January 2016
    Thanks @kfarr26 ! I didn't mean the "Sorry for bringing up a controversial subject" to be aimed at you. I guess I didn't really think it was either! I think that was a 8-/ moment for me. (That was my best big eyed, WTF moment - makeshift emoticon I could come up with since it didn't transfer over. LOL!)

    (ETA): Here we go: 
    image BabyFruit Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • cmerriburycmerribury member
    @shakeweights That seems like a great compromise, and it also seems like your daycare provider would be flexible enough to decrease or increase days as you need once you get into a groove. 

    I also shop on Friday nights on the way home and it's BRUTAL with a child in tow...so I agree. :) 
    BabyFruit Ticker


    Report Reply
  • shakeweightsshakeweights member
    @cmerribury - how old is your kiddo? Mine is 19 months so she's not TOO bad right now, but if she's tired/antsy, I tend to rush and FORGET things and then end up going back again some other time and I HATE it. I know when she gets old enough to start asking for everything...it'll be WAY worse. LOL! "Mommy, can we get Fruity Pebbles?" "Mommy, what's this?" "Mommy, are we done yet?" Ha! I can see it already! 
    image BabyFruit Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • cmerriburycmerribury member
    shakeweights said:
    @cmerribury - how old is your kiddo? Mine is 19 months so she's not TOO bad right now, but if she's tired/antsy, I tend to rush and FORGET things and then end up going back again some other time and I HATE it. I know when she gets old enough to start asking for everything...it'll be WAY worse. LOL! "Mommy, can we get Fruity Pebbles?" "Mommy, what's this?" "Mommy, are we done yet?" Ha! I can see it already! 
    He's 5.5. Honestly in some ways he's super independent...but he's now totally capable of pulling a full on guilt trip! Also, since he's going to kindergarten in the Fall I really don't want to derail any of the prep work he's going to be doing. 19 months is hard, too, just in a whole other way. They still really need you at that point...which, clearly you know. :) 
    BabyFruit Ticker


    Report Reply
  • StormiewinterStormiewinter member
    Our plan right now is for ds to stay at daycare for 2 weeks after ds2 is born (since I am having a c section and won't be able to do anything for him) then keep him home after that (Dh will be on vacation for the first 2 weeks ds is home), but send him 1 day a week for socialization (if we can afford it). Honestly, I wouldn't mind sending him 2-3 days so he can interact with kids his age, but financially we are going to be scrapping by as it is since I am taking close to 6 weeks unpaid. Ds will not be going back to daycare until September as my mom has offered to watch the two los until the end of my school year in June. We are fortunate to be in a situation where we do not pay if ds is not there, nor do we need to hold his spot. I think you do whatever works best for your family. You can do a lot worse by your child than sending them to daycare or not sending them to daycare. I think it is really just a matter of personal preference.
    Report Reply
  • lightroxlightrox member
    Aren't most daycares nowadays preschools. I'm ignorant about this since my kids never went to day care. I was lucky that my MIL watched my first son for 3 years while I worked then I stayed home when we had my second son. My MIL watched my oldest a few times during the first few weeks after I had my second son. I was recovering from a c-section and I wanted my oldest son to get some undivided attention so he didn't feel like he needed to compete with baby. I don't have this issue currently since both of my boys are in school but the day I have this little girl they will go to school even though my parents will be here to watch them. Routine is extremely important to our children and I don't want them to feel like their lives are changing that much by adding another baby.
    Report Reply
  • cmerriburycmerribury member
    @lightrox In my school they are only called preschool when they get to the 3s class, before that it's "daycare." That said, they incorporate curriculum as early as 6 months, so...yeah, it's pretty much a preschool. :)
    BabyFruit Ticker


    Report Reply
  • jenniferamcooperjenniferamcooper member
    I'm in a different situation than all you folks but our plan is to keep our 2 year old in day care full time for the first month then he'll be home with me for the remainder of the 11 months I'm on leave (I get one year total). I wish we could work it out that he could go to daycare but we live downtown in a mid-sized city and there is literally no home or licenced day cares that take kids part time. My day care is looking to see if there is a part time opportunity of sharing a space but we won't know until the last minute. It pains me because he loves daycare, he loves his friends he talks about how he has fun. I'll be really happy to have him home and I wish I could keep him in care longer (with post nap pick-up instead of end of work day) but at $1,000 a month it's not feasible.

    Or fingers are crossed that both kids get back into the daycare because unfortunately the wait lists in our area are nuts (which is why there's not PT availability). I've been volunteering for the board and the fundraising committee so I'm hoping that earns me some good will!
    Report Reply
  • cmerriburycmerribury member
    edited January 2016
    Good luck getting them in as soon as possible @jenniferamcooper
    BabyFruit Ticker


    Report Reply
  • amaniupendoamaniupendo member
    My daughter is older and I'm really glad we have the preschool option. I'm not worried about major jealously issues and one of the reasons is that she will be at school and not competing for attention for half the day. I'm hoping baby will nap when she gets home so we can have some special time together.
    Report Reply
  • skruhminskruhmin member
    After my husband's two weeks off of work, I'll be sending my boys like normal so they have normalcy.  My MIL watches them and DS1 goes to preschool 3 days a week (he'll still do preschool while my husband is off).  My big question is what I'm going to do before baby comes since I'm starting maternity leave 3 weeks before EDD.  Do I send them to MIL's, do I keep them home?  I love the idea of the snuggles but I'm so exhausted when I'm home with them all day when I'm not working.
    DS1 - 9/21/11
    DS2 - 7/4/14
    DS3 - 2/21/16
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Our family of 5 is complete!!  Love our boys!

    Report Reply
  • jenniferamcooperjenniferamcooper member
    @skruhmin I'd send them nearly full time to MILs before baby (or full time if you're comfortable) and I'd consider sending them nearly full time when your husband is home. It might be nice to have a break and spend some time bonding (haha who am I kidding.. it'd be a good time for hubby to return the house to some sort of normalcy!). Maybe if DS1 is going to preschool your other kiddo can go to MIL.

    The month our son is daycare after baby is born we're going to have our FIL pick him up early some days and do something special (walk to his favourite fountain, trip to the library to get a book, ice cream) so he feels special. We'll try to do the same with him other days. We're a little worried about jealousy though. Our son met his new cousin over the holidays for the first extended period (full day) and he was really jealous... ran into a corner and wouldn't look at anyone, was really quiet for an hour. We really had to bring him out of the shell. Near the end of the day he was okay and bringing her toys but we're still concerned.
    Report Reply
  • bntfroggiebntfroggie member
    skruhmin said:
    After my husband's two weeks off of work, I'll be sending my boys like normal so they have normalcy.  My MIL watches them and DS1 goes to preschool 3 days a week (he'll still do preschool while my husband is off).  My big question is what I'm going to do before baby comes since I'm starting maternity leave 3 weeks before EDD.  Do I send them to MIL's, do I keep them home?  I love the idea of the snuggles but I'm so exhausted when I'm home with them all day when I'm not working.
    Maybe still send them to grandma's 3 days a week so you get your snuggles in but not get overwhelmed.
    BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
    DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16).  "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
    DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18).  "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
    BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21).  "Round 3 FIGHT!"
    Report Reply
  • cmerriburycmerribury member
    bntfroggie said:
    skruhmin said:
    After my husband's two weeks off of work, I'll be sending my boys like normal so they have normalcy.  My MIL watches them and DS1 goes to preschool 3 days a week (he'll still do preschool while my husband is off).  My big question is what I'm going to do before baby comes since I'm starting maternity leave 3 weeks before EDD.  Do I send them to MIL's, do I keep them home?  I love the idea of the snuggles but I'm so exhausted when I'm home with them all day when I'm not working.
    Maybe still send them to grandma's 3 days a week so you get your snuggles in but not get overwhelmed.
    Agreed. Since my first came so early I'd probably be worried about going into labor at home alone with my child...but my labor came on FAST (like water broke and 15 minutes later at the hospital I was 5 cm dialated)...so I'm sure it's less sudden for most people. I also live in the boonies (we have a 45 minute drive to the hospital). :)
    BabyFruit Ticker


    Report Reply
  • skruhminskruhmin member
    cmerribury said:
    bntfroggie said:
    skruhmin said:
    After my husband's two weeks off of work, I'll be sending my boys like normal so they have normalcy.  My MIL watches them and DS1 goes to preschool 3 days a week (he'll still do preschool while my husband is off).  My big question is what I'm going to do before baby comes since I'm starting maternity leave 3 weeks before EDD.  Do I send them to MIL's, do I keep them home?  I love the idea of the snuggles but I'm so exhausted when I'm home with them all day when I'm not working.
    Maybe still send them to grandma's 3 days a week so you get your snuggles in but not get overwhelmed.
    Agreed. Since my first came so early I'd probably be worried about going into labor at home alone with my child...but my labor came on FAST (like water broke and 15 minutes later at the hospital I was 5 cm dialated)...so I'm sure it's less sudden for most people. I also live in the boonies (we have a 45 minute drive to the hospital). :)
    Yeah luckily DH will only be 25 minutes away work-wise and MIL lives 10 minutes away and the hospital is 25 minutes away at most.  My labors have been 17 and 12 hours so I'm not too worried about baby coming too quickly.
    DS1 - 9/21/11
    DS2 - 7/4/14
    DS3 - 2/21/16
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Our family of 5 is complete!!  Love our boys!

    Report Reply
  • jenniferamcooperjenniferamcooper member
    @cmerribury 45 minutes with fast labour like that... I'd get your husband to YouTube how to deliver a baby ;) I'm joking but a friend of mine is moving 45 minutes away and her doctor suggested it mostly as a joke but also as a just in case. She needs to go into our hospital at the absolute first sign of labour.

    We live 4/5 minute walk, 10 minute pregnancy waddle and we guess a 15 minute walk with contractions from our hospital. The one perk of having night helicopters is that we're close. I keep offering accommodations to my friend haha
    Report Reply
  • cmerriburycmerribury member
    It's a concern for sure. My neighbor is a nurse (and a farmer, so she's birthed a few calves as well) and she's "on call" for me in case. :) There will be no waiting, I will head in at the first sign of labor. :)
    BabyFruit Ticker


    Report Reply
  • shakeweightsshakeweights member
    @skruhmin - Maybe the first week you could keep them home and then the 2nd week send them 3 days and then send them every day the last week. That way, the further into your pregnancy, the more rest you'll get or time to do whatever you need to do before baby gets here. If we had family closer, I'd totally utilize them!!! 

    @cmerribury - I'm so jealous of your fast delivery!!! I hope this one is smoother and faster than the first for me! I think it was about 15 hours and 2 hours of pushing with DD (I chose to 'forget' obviously).
    image BabyFruit Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • 2-Step2-Step member
    I will be keeping my four-year-old home with me I'm super excited to get the extra time with him! I did the same when I had a two-year-old and a newborn. I can't justify spending money to have someone take him when I could be getting time with him. I also think it's great for he and the baby to have some bonding time. I can maybe understand 1-2 days a week to keep them aquainted with daycare, but I wouldn't do more than that personally.
    Report Reply
  • shelbibrooke82shelbibrooke82 member

    STM opinion here...I will be keeping her home with me until I return to work after 4 weeks.  My mom and sister are coming up to stay with me for about 2 weeks each so my DD will LOVE having them at home and she is BEYOND excited to have her new baby bubba!

    If I can save her daycare cost for a month I'm going too!! Her babysitter is a great lady and is going to hold her full time spot for her while we are off because I will be returning with 2 lol My DD hardly misses because I can't afford to miss that much work BUT when I'm off, she's off!

    Everyone is going to have their own opinion on this so I just advise talking to your sitter/daycare and asking if at any point you "need" to bring them in that wasn't scheduled could you or what can you do! Good luck mamas!!

    Report Reply
  • irenewsleeirenewslee member
    We will be sending her to daycare and I think she really enjoys it.  With a newborn at home, I will need some "free" time and get some rest during the day.  I'll most likely pick her up a bit earlier (I usually pick her up around 530-6 so I may do it around 4ish).  Some people prefer to keep their kids home if they have a choice and I totally respect that.  It is what you can handle and complete a personal choice so I don't think people should overthink what others decide to do for the family.  It is kind of like a stay home mom deciding between sending their kids to school or homeschooling.  There's obviously trade-offs there. 
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"