Stressed out FTM.. Advice please!!

jbro88 · January 2016

Hi everyone.

I am at a loss for what to do with my LO. He is 2 weeks adjusted age (born at 29 weeks) and he refuses to sleep anywhere at night but on my chest in a recliner. I feel like a terrible mother for putting my baby at risk but I don't know what else to do.
We rock him to sleep for a good 20-30 minuted before we try to transition him to his bed but he wakes up 5 minutes later fussing, after a few more minuted it turns into full on crying and I go and pick him up.

We've tried inclining his bassinet (he has reflux). We've tried a rock n play. We've put a heating pad in his bed to warm it and then take it out before putting him in it. We've tried his swing. I have at least 5 different types of swaddles and he hates having his arms swaddled. We've done gripe water, we are trying gas drops tonight but I don't have much faith it will help.

I don't know what else to do.. My dh and I are both back at work now too.

Is there anything else we can try? I am to the point where I am crying every night because I am so scared to sleep and harm my baby.

I am desperate.

littleloves3 · January 2016

I'm sorry; this sounds absolutely awful. Our daughter has reflux and she would fuss and then cry sleeping flat on her back in her bassinet as well. Do you have a podster? We found this inclines her enough to ease her reflux and she is happy sleeping in it (all day and night). We put the podster in her bassinet. It fits flush on 3 sides and we stuffed blankets to fill the gap on the other side.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B003HIXOTQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452913323&sr=8-1&pi=SX200_QL40&keywords=leachco+podster&dpPl=1&dpID=411H8Y4y+gL&ref=plSrch

SaguaroBlossmom · January 2016

Have you taken him to the pedi? He might need to get on reflux meds. Sometimes position is not enough, I know lots of mama's that have this issue.

jbro88 · January 2016

Yes he is currently taking Zantac for his reflux which has seemed to help but he just refuses to lay down at night.

Ju111310 · January 2016

You've probably already thought of this, but is it too quiet at home? NICU grads are usually accustomed to a certain level of noise in their environment (past NI nurse here). Tried a white noise machine or Baby Shusher? I'm sure he wasn't being held the entire time while he slept in the NI so don't give up yet Momma, just gotta find that secret trick! Maybe an arms reach co-sleeper or "By your side"' type snuggle nest so that you can still touch him while being in a safer sleep environment? If all else fails and bed-sharing is the only way you can survive -- consider an owlet monitor? Expensive, but worth the peace of mind.

carlyhammond · January 2016

I'm a FTM as well, my son does this.
I let him sleep on me for about an hour to make sure he's really knocked out before I put him down he normally doesn't wake up that way.
If I put him down after only 20 mins or so he gets upset and wakes within 5 mins.
So I usually just hold him for an hour and watch tv or scroll around the bump for an hour put him down and we both go to sleep..
Try white noise as well

Good luck

mommaofmultiples · January 2016

Don't feel like a terrible mom. This sounds exactly like my daughter. She was on Zantac too but the only way to get her to sleep was to sleep with her in the recliner. We had to do it for three months until she learned to roll over on her own. She is now 21 months. Do what you have to do to get some sleep.

jbro88 · January 2016

Ju111310 said:
You've probably already thought of this, but is it too quiet at home? NICU grads are usually accustomed to a certain level of noise in their environment (past NI nurse here). Tried a white noise machine or Baby Shusher? I'm sure he wasn't being held the entire time while he slept in the NI so don't give up yet Momma, just gotta find that secret trick! Maybe an arms reach co-sleeper or "By your side"' type snuggle nest so that you can still touch him while being in a safer sleep environment? If all else fails and bed-sharing is the only way you can survive -- consider an owlet monitor? Expensive, but worth the peace of mind.

Yes I forgot to mention that.

jbro88 · January 2016

Ju111310 said:
You've probably already thought of this, but is it too quiet at home? NICU grads are usually accustomed to a certain level of noise in their environment (past NI nurse here). Tried a white noise machine or Baby Shusher? I'm sure he wasn't being held the entire time while he slept in the NI so don't give up yet Momma, just gotta find that secret trick! Maybe an arms reach co-sleeper or "By your side"' type snuggle nest so that you can still touch him while being in a safer sleep environment? If all else fails and bed-sharing is the only way you can survive -- consider an owlet monitor? Expensive, but worth the peace of mind.

Yes I forgot to mention that. We tried white noise, tranquil music, television. Nothing. I do have an owlet monitor already ordered though haha. It should be here Monday.

He is on an apnea monitor from the hospital right now. He doesn't need it any more so I know my days with that peace of mind are limited.

I just feel like I am knowingly putting my son in danger and I feel terrible about it.

ainverso · January 2016

Hhe prob likes to be on his tummy and hearing your heartbeat. For safety, I wouldn't recommend sleeping him on his belly yet due to prematurity and such. One thing that's works for babies with reflux is an Ar pillow. It's a wedge pillow with a strap/harness to keep baby in place for safety. It might be worth a try.

MissMheMhe · January 2016

My lo does not have reflux, but absolutely hates sleeping on his back. I've resorted to sleeping with him on the couch at night, allowing both of us to get 3-4 hours at a time. At first, I was very nervous to do so, and only tried it out of desperation because I was exhausted and just needed to sleep. But it works for us. I sleep on my side with him cradled in my arm (he's on his back nestled into my chest). I keep trying him in his pack n play (elevated at one end) for naps during the day. I think the problem is he tries so hard to roll over and gets himself all worked up and upset when he isn't successful. I know it will all work out one of these days.

tfrangul · January 2016

So with my daughter she refused to ever sleep on her back so she slept on her belly. I know this is so frowned upon. I cried to her pediatrician about it and she said to just be causious about it. She slept in her bassinet for 6 months with my hand on her back. Lol
She is now a healthy happy 7 year old! Now my son seems to love his side....SIDS scares the crap out of me but we all have to sleep.

jbro88 · January 2016

I'm glad to know this seems to be pretty common. I talked to my pediatrician and she sounded less than thrilled. All she told me to do was try to have him sleep in his carseat, I don't feel good about that either.

Last night I called my mom in desperation and she came over to help so I could get some sleep. We started him on little remedies gas drops yesterday and at about 5 am this morning we were able to get him to sleep in his bassinet for an hour! I hope it's just gas that has been bothering him and maybe these drops will help. Still, 1 hour is a HUGE improvement!

EC2016 · January 2016

Sleeping in the car seat is actually generally dangerous because the seat doesn't get the same incline on the floor as it does strapped in the car. The babys head can go forward and if they are not old enough to lift their heads they can suffocate.
I don't have much advice on the sleeping but I have heard chiropractors trained in infants and children can work wonders with reflux. If you have someone trained in your area it's worth a shot if it's something you are comfortable with.

ChrissyD1203 · January 2016

Did you try the Halo Sleep Sack - even without arms swaddled - I feel like it's a tight swaddle where they feel like they are being held. Also we have the Halo Bassinest and you can swivel it so it is on the bed right next to you.

jbro88 · January 2016

ChrissyD1203 said:
Did you try the Halo Sleep Sack - even without arms swaddled - I feel like it's a tight swaddle where they feel like they are being held. Also we have the Halo Bassinest and you can swivel it so it is on the bed right next to you.

Thank you for this suggestion!! We had some sleep sacks and i forgot about them. He is currently asleep in his bassinet for going on 45 mins so I will keep my fingers crossed that this will be our saving grace!

JoJoMama730 · January 2016

You are virtually describing our experience with DD1. We never found a magic solution, but over time it did improve. Like, a year. She liked to sleep on her side, and we ended up helping her to do so with the ped's blessing. In terms of the gas drops, we were always sure to give them before eating, by a hald hr if possible, rather than giving them after eating. That seemed to help too. Good luck mama!

BarrettJ89 · January 2016

This is exactly like my son, and now baby girl too. My son refused. Absolutely refused to sleep. He would go from 7 am to 11 pm easily without a single nap as a newborn. Freak of nature, seriously. At night, he would only sleep if we held him. After a few weeks, we put him in a glider/swing. As terrible as it sounds, he ended up sleeping in that for 8 months... the transition to his crib was awful.

Now DD is refusing to sleep at night anywhere but in our arms (or attached to my boob). I'm so exhausted and delirious after only 5 days that I honestly don't know if I can keep this up. She will sleep in a pack n play or swing during the day without a problem, but at night, no go. Tried swaddles, sleep sacks, warm fuzzy sleepers, sound machines, lights, TV. No avail. Hopefully with time, she will get it straightened out.

MeghaJake · January 2016

Sleep deprivation is the worst and I am so sorry you are dealing with it. I had the same experience with my son and daughter. My son was the worst though. Many nights were spent in a recliner. I bought every product - swaddles, bassinets, rock n play, a cradle swing and a regular swing, gas drops and other tummy trouble medicine, sound machines, books etc. I gave him a full body massage with special massage oil every night before bed. I was so desperate, I even started putting him on his tummy to sleep starting at two months old. Nothing worked. He pretty much woke up every half hour until he was 7 months old and we consulted with a sleep lab. Just know that it won't always be this way! You will sleep again.

ChrissyD1203 · January 2016

Two other thoughts - I noticed my baby is more fussy when I do her vitamin D drops at night and secondly, are you watching what you are eating. I've tried to avoid some of the foods most commonly thought to cause problems like broccoli, citrus fruits, garlic, etc

deedeecmc79 · January 2016

with my daughter we started Allementum forgive the spelling. it is made by Similac. It seemed to calm her down quickly.All of the protein is broken down and easier for the time digest. We did survive and now she l OK kes to sleep

jbro88 · January 2016

I breastfeed him except for 4 bottles during the day in which I have to fortify my breast milk with neosure formula for preemies. I've read its rough on some babies tummies but my pediatrician won't offer any other options. He's almost 9 lbs now so I'm not sure if we will get to stop the neosure soon or not.
So far the gas drops before feeds and the fleece sleep sack seem to be working... He's back in his bassinet again and sleeping at hour long stretches which is such an improvement.

Wicked4589 · January 2016

I have been going through this since my son was born 12 days ago. Sleep deprivation and anxiety was getting the best of me. I have put him on his belly to sleep even though I know I'm not supposed to. It helps sometimes. Last night I put him in our bed with me. I went to a LLL meeting yesterday and it was discussed. I've always been anti bed sharing but we did last night. He slept like a log. I slept like crap and my husband was up every 15 minutes but baby slept for 4 hours straight.

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Stressed out FTM.. Advice please!!

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