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Answered

Kjack85Kjack85 member
edited January 2016 in Trying to Get Pregnant
*****************TW BFP discussed*****************
Edited to change TW thanks to bcooke who expressed the ambiguity about what the TW was for.

1. Please do not read this post if you are having a bad TTC day. Please do not read this post if you don't want to be bored with the inner details of my life (I mean I'm just so interesting ... Not).

2. I miss this board even though I left early. I lurk almost everyday . I just feel weird posting but I think this group would give valuable (honest) advice.


Question has been answered also not the correct board. For original post, check comments.
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Re: Answered

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  • br0co1iibr0co1ii member
    I think if she's asking, she's genuinely interested. If you're as close as you say you are, she'd tell you she was happy for you but didn't want to talk about it.
    I believe that generally, people that are TTC are happy for those who are pregnant. There's just days here and there that are harder to handle.
    So, if she brings it up, she must be able to handle it that day.
    Report Reply
  • MRSCORKERMRSCORKER member
    br0co1ii said:
    I think if she's asking, she's genuinely interested. If you're as close as you say you are, she'd tell you she was happy for you but didn't want to talk about it. I believe that generally, people that are TTC are happy for those who are pregnant. There's just days here and there that are harder to handle. So, if she brings it up, she must be able to handle it that day.
    I second this. If she's inviting the conversation to happen, let it happen. I would think she's genuinely happy for you even if she feels a little jealous at times. 

    Me: 32 & DH: 37
    Married: November 2014
    TTC #1 Since: October 2015
    BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP
    BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
    IT'S A BOY!!!!
    DS Born 10/16/16

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  • LoveIsOwlYouNeedLoveIsOwlYouNeed member
    I don't have an IF diagnosis, but I have been in a similar situation as you having friends deal with IF or MCs and I let them take the lead and if the ask or talk about my pregnancy or child then we talk about it. If they don't, we don't.

    But regardless of all that: Why don't you just talk to your cousin and ask her those things? Then you'll know how to proceed.
          



              

    LFAF April Siggy Challenge - TV/Movie BFFS - Romy & Michele


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  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    Lulucooks said:

    Kjack85 said:

    *****************TW ******************************

    1. Please do not read this post if you are having a bad TTC day. Please do not read this post if you don't want to be bored with the inner details of my life (I mean I'm just so interesting ... Not).

    2. I miss this board even though I left early. I lurk almost everyday . I just feel weird posting but I think this group would give valuable (honest) advice.


    I'm 24. My DH is 30. We decided to start TTC just shy of celebrating 2 years of marriage. So, in September of this year I decided to have my IUD removed (there were complications) and we started trying in October. In November, I received my BFP. We were estactic however we didn't tell anyone in our families for numerous reasons, but mostly because I wasn't excited about sharing the news.

    ***********pause story for background ************
    My older cousin and i have a great relationship! We talk weekly and we are alike in personality and lifestyle. She's 43. Her DH is 33. They've been TTC for 3 years.

    *****************************************************
    Although I knew my cousin would be happy for me, I also feared the emotions it would bring about. Here is her younger cousin waving a BFP in her face and she wasn't trying! (Again, no one knew we were TTC). For this reason, DH and I said that we were ONLY going to tell the parentals. Well, my other older cousins noticed I'd gained weight and wasn't drinking (shoot me for not being more clever) and they made a HUGE deal during a pre-Christmas gathering. I'm talking.... rubbing bellies... screaming congrats...asking due dates BIG DEAL. My older cousin was there and I totally ignored the situation. Well, on Christmas she asked and I confirmed. This mad me feel horrible because I'd intended to take her to lunch and tell her privately. Before leaving to return home, she gave me a congratulatory card and told me she was happy.

    Fast forward to last week,I had my first appointment. My cousin called and we talked. She asked a lot about the pregnancy. I explained that we had an ultrasound and heard a heartbeat. I then said.. it's still early and that's all I know. I didn't want to be inconsiderate by keeping the conversation going.

    This should really be a happy time and I'm excited but I also feel really guilty. Why can't we both be celebrating our BFPs? Why does she have to struggle with something that she wants so badly? Why don't I know what to say?

    This situation has me stumped. I normally know how to "put my big girl panties on" and just deal with it but I'm lost. Here's where I need advice:

    When she asks about my pregnancy, is she just being courteous? Does she want details? Should I stop being a paranoid baby and just asks how she feels? What would you want in this situation? How would you want to be respected and treated?

    That was A LOT. I know that I'm the only one who knows my cousin however I want to get insight from other women who are experiencing infertility (hate this word and she doesn't actually refer to her condition as such) and people who are experiencing extended time TTC.

    In my questions, you can just substitute she for you since I'm asking how you all would feel/think.

    Honestly, I think you should just talk to your cousin about how she feels instead of the internet. That's the respectful thing to do.
    Uh, thanks but no thanks. Have a great day.
    Report Reply
  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    br0co1ii said:

    I think if she's asking, she's genuinely interested. If you're as close as you say you are, she'd tell you she was happy for you but didn't want to talk about it.
    I believe that generally, people that are TTC are happy for those who are pregnant. There's just days here and there that are harder to handle.
    So, if she brings it up, she must be able to handle it that day.

    Thanks.So, should I not mention it unless she does?
    Report Reply
  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    MRSCORKER said:


    br0co1ii said:

    I think if she's asking, she's genuinely interested. If you're as close as you say you are, she'd tell you she was happy for you but didn't want to talk about it.
    I believe that generally, people that are TTC are happy for those who are pregnant. There's just days here and there that are harder to handle.
    So, if she brings it up, she must be able to handle it that day.

    I second this. If she's inviting the conversation to happen, let it happen. I would think she's genuinely happy for you even if she feels a little jealous at times. 

    Ok. I just don't want to slip and say the wrong thing and then it hurts her
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  • NamelessAriaNamelessAria member
    Obviously, I don't know your cousin or what she's thinking/feeling. But I know I fake a lot of interest in my sister-in-law's pregnancy and I still fake a lot when it comes to her child. It's been hard for me the whole time and I've resented how much her pregnancy/birth/baby have dominated conversations. I just don't know any polite way to make it stop. And I'm not sure how I can ask about how she's doing and whats going on in her life and yet completely leave her child out of the conversation. Like before I didn't know how to do that and leave her pregnancy out of the conversation.

    To me, it felt like social norms (and the way my family does things) dictates that if I have a pregnant family member I have to be thrilled for her and be totally willing to discuss it with her. So I suck it up and put on my big girl panties and do it. Then go and bitch and cry about it later to DH when we're alone.

    Although, to be fair, even if my sister-in-law had asked me if it bothered me I would have said "oh no it's fine!" Because my sister-in-law and my brother are always looking for things to cause drama over and it would have turned into some major drama in the family about how horridly mean and rude I was. The drama just wasn't worth it to me. So assuming that you and your DH are reasonable people (which if you weren't you probably wouldn't be considerate enough of your cousins feelings to bother even asking for advice) then I think you could just ask your cousin how she feels and expect a fairly honest answer.

    Hopefully you and your cousin get this all sorted out. And hopefully she gets her BFP soon also. Wishing you both the best. <3
    Me: 28 Husband: 31
    TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
    Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017  ❤️

    Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
    BabyFruit Ticker


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  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    LoveIsOwlYouNeed said:

    I don't have an IF diagnosis, but I have been in a similar situation as you having friends deal with IF or MCs and I let them take the lead and if the ask or talk about my pregnancy or child then we talk about it. If they don't, we don't.

    But regardless of all that: Why don't you just talk to your cousin and ask her those things? Then you'll know how to proceed.

    As I stated in the post, we have very similar personalities and if we both thought we'd hurt someone by saying something then we probably wouldn't say it. I guess I'll eventually have to talk to her but I'm almost certain she won't really say how she feels since she may feel like I'll get mad. So, our conversation may just be me weirdly babbling and her saying she's ok, don't worry.
    Report Reply
  • Minnie1155Minnie1155 member
    *lurking from infertility*
    I've been given the IF diagnosis, one of my friends, who knows my situation, is pregnant and we recently had a conversation about this. She didn't want to make me feel bad talking about herself, but as her friend I care about her and want to know how she's doing. I would say if your cousin is asking then she really does want to hear. As PP have mentioned, I would suggest talking to your cousin. I was so happy my friend talked to me and now we both know how each other feel.
    Report Reply
  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    Lulucooks said:

    Kjack85 said:

    Lulucooks said:

    Kjack85 said:

    *****************TW ******************************

    1. Please do not read this post if you are having a bad TTC day. Please do not read this post if you don't want to be bored with the inner details of my life (I mean I'm just so interesting ... Not).

    2. I miss this board even though I left early. I lurk almost everyday . I just feel weird posting but I think this group would give valuable (honest) advice.


    I'm 24. My DH is 30. We decided to start TTC just shy of celebrating 2 years of marriage. So, in September of this year I decided to have my IUD removed (there were complications) and we started trying in October. In November, I received my BFP. We were estactic however we didn't tell anyone in our families for numerous reasons, but mostly because I wasn't excited about sharing the news.

    ***********pause story for background ************
    My older cousin and i have a great relationship! We talk weekly and we are alike in personality and lifestyle. She's 43. Her DH is 33. They've been TTC for 3 years.

    *****************************************************
    Although I knew my cousin would be happy for me, I also feared the emotions it would bring about. Here is her younger cousin waving a BFP in her face and she wasn't trying! (Again, no one knew we were TTC). For this reason, DH and I said that we were ONLY going to tell the parentals. Well, my other older cousins noticed I'd gained weight and wasn't drinking (shoot me for not being more clever) and they made a HUGE deal during a pre-Christmas gathering. I'm talking.... rubbing bellies... screaming congrats...asking due dates BIG DEAL. My older cousin was there and I totally ignored the situation. Well, on Christmas she asked and I confirmed. This mad me feel horrible because I'd intended to take her to lunch and tell her privately. Before leaving to return home, she gave me a congratulatory card and told me she was happy.

    Fast forward to last week,I had my first appointment. My cousin called and we talked. She asked a lot about the pregnancy. I explained that we had an ultrasound and heard a heartbeat. I then said.. it's still early and that's all I know. I didn't want to be inconsiderate by keeping the conversation going.

    This should really be a happy time and I'm excited but I also feel really guilty. Why can't we both be celebrating our BFPs? Why does she have to struggle with something that she wants so badly? Why don't I know what to say?

    This situation has me stumped. I normally know how to "put my big girl panties on" and just deal with it but I'm lost. Here's where I need advice:

    When she asks about my pregnancy, is she just being courteous? Does she want details? Should I stop being a paranoid baby and just asks how she feels? What would you want in this situation? How would you want to be respected and treated?

    That was A LOT. I know that I'm the only one who knows my cousin however I want to get insight from other women who are experiencing infertility (hate this word and she doesn't actually refer to her condition as such) and people who are experiencing extended time TTC.

    In my questions, you can just substitute she for you since I'm asking how you all would feel/think.

    Honestly, I think you should just talk to your cousin about how she feels instead of the internet. That's the respectful thing to do.
    Uh, thanks but no thanks. Have a great day.
    You asked my opinion, I gave it.
    What more do you want?
    Nothing hence my have a great day. I truly meant that.
    Report Reply
  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    LoveIsOwlYouNeed said:

    Kjack85 said:

    Lulucooks said:

    Kjack85 said:

    *****************TW ******************************

    1. Please do not read this post if you are having a bad TTC day. Please do not read this post if you don't want to be bored with the inner details of my life (I mean I'm just so interesting ... Not).

    2. I miss this board even though I left early. I lurk almost everyday . I just feel weird posting but I think this group would give valuable (honest) advice.


    I'm 24. My DH is 30. We decided to start TTC just shy of celebrating 2 years of marriage. So, in September of this year I decided to have my IUD removed (there were complications) and we started trying in October. In November, I received my BFP. We were estactic however we didn't tell anyone in our families for numerous reasons, but mostly because I wasn't excited about sharing the news.

    ***********pause story for background ************
    My older cousin and i have a great relationship! We talk weekly and we are alike in personality and lifestyle. She's 43. Her DH is 33. They've been TTC for 3 years.

    *****************************************************
    Although I knew my cousin would be happy for me, I also feared the emotions it would bring about. Here is her younger cousin waving a BFP in her face and she wasn't trying! (Again, no one knew we were TTC). For this reason, DH and I said that we were ONLY going to tell the parentals. Well, my other older cousins noticed I'd gained weight and wasn't drinking (shoot me for not being more clever) and they made a HUGE deal during a pre-Christmas gathering. I'm talking.... rubbing bellies... screaming congrats...asking due dates BIG DEAL. My older cousin was there and I totally ignored the situation. Well, on Christmas she asked and I confirmed. This mad me feel horrible because I'd intended to take her to lunch and tell her privately. Before leaving to return home, she gave me a congratulatory card and told me she was happy.

    Fast forward to last week,I had my first appointment. My cousin called and we talked. She asked a lot about the pregnancy. I explained that we had an ultrasound and heard a heartbeat. I then said.. it's still early and that's all I know. I didn't want to be inconsiderate by keeping the conversation going.

    This should really be a happy time and I'm excited but I also feel really guilty. Why can't we both be celebrating our BFPs? Why does she have to struggle with something that she wants so badly? Why don't I know what to say?

    This situation has me stumped. I normally know how to "put my big girl panties on" and just deal with it but I'm lost. Here's where I need advice:

    When she asks about my pregnancy, is she just being courteous? Does she want details? Should I stop being a paranoid baby and just asks how she feels? What would you want in this situation? How would you want to be respected and treated?

    That was A LOT. I know that I'm the only one who knows my cousin however I want to get insight from other women who are experiencing infertility (hate this word and she doesn't actually refer to her condition as such) and people who are experiencing extended time TTC.

    In my questions, you can just substitute she for you since I'm asking how you all would feel/think.

    Honestly, I think you should just talk to your cousin about how she feels instead of the internet. That's the respectful thing to do.
    Uh, thanks but no thanks. Have a great day.
    Wow...that was rude.
    LoveIsOwlYouNeed said:

    Kjack85 said:

    Lulucooks said:

    Kjack85 said:

    *****************TW ******************************

    1. Please do not read this post if you are having a bad TTC day. Please do not read this post if you don't want to be bored with the inner details of my life (I mean I'm just so interesting ... Not).

    2. I miss this board even though I left early. I lurk almost everyday . I just feel weird posting but I think this group would give valuable (honest) advice.


    I'm 24. My DH is 30. We decided to start TTC just shy of celebrating 2 years of marriage. So, in September of this year I decided to have my IUD removed (there were complications) and we started trying in October. In November, I received my BFP. We were estactic however we didn't tell anyone in our families for numerous reasons, but mostly because I wasn't excited about sharing the news.

    ***********pause story for background ************
    My older cousin and i have a great relationship! We talk weekly and we are alike in personality and lifestyle. She's 43. Her DH is 33. They've been TTC for 3 years.

    *****************************************************
    Although I knew my cousin would be happy for me, I also feared the emotions it would bring about. Here is her younger cousin waving a BFP in her face and she wasn't trying! (Again, no one knew we were TTC). For this reason, DH and I said that we were ONLY going to tell the parentals. Well, my other older cousins noticed I'd gained weight and wasn't drinking (shoot me for not being more clever) and they made a HUGE deal during a pre-Christmas gathering. I'm talking.... rubbing bellies... screaming congrats...asking due dates BIG DEAL. My older cousin was there and I totally ignored the situation. Well, on Christmas she asked and I confirmed. This mad me feel horrible because I'd intended to take her to lunch and tell her privately. Before leaving to return home, she gave me a congratulatory card and told me she was happy.

    Fast forward to last week,I had my first appointment. My cousin called and we talked. She asked a lot about the pregnancy. I explained that we had an ultrasound and heard a heartbeat. I then said.. it's still early and that's all I know. I didn't want to be inconsiderate by keeping the conversation going.

    This should really be a happy time and I'm excited but I also feel really guilty. Why can't we both be celebrating our BFPs? Why does she have to struggle with something that she wants so badly? Why don't I know what to say?

    This situation has me stumped. I normally know how to "put my big girl panties on" and just deal with it but I'm lost. Here's where I need advice:

    When she asks about my pregnancy, is she just being courteous? Does she want details? Should I stop being a paranoid baby and just asks how she feels? What would you want in this situation? How would you want to be respected and treated?

    That was A LOT. I know that I'm the only one who knows my cousin however I want to get insight from other women who are experiencing infertility (hate this word and she doesn't actually refer to her condition as such) and people who are experiencing extended time TTC.

    In my questions, you can just substitute she for you since I'm asking how you all would feel/think.

    Honestly, I think you should just talk to your cousin about how she feels instead of the internet. That's the respectful thing to do.
    Uh, thanks but no thanks. Have a great day.
    Wow...that was rude.
    You're entitled to that opinion. I simply thanked her for responding but didn't think I'd apply that advice hence the no thanks.
    Report Reply
  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    Minnie1155 said:

    *lurking from infertility*
    I've been given the IF diagnosis, one of my friends, who knows my situation, is pregnant and we recently had a conversation about this. She didn't want to make me feel bad talking about herself, but as her friend I care about her and want to know how she's doing. I would say if your cousin is asking then she really does want to hear. As PP have mentioned, I would suggest talking to your cousin. I was so happy my friend talked to me and now we both know how each other feel.

    Ok. Thanks. That makes this a tad more mange able. I don't know why I'm so afraid of being a jerk to her.
    Report Reply
  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    NamelessAria said:

    Obviously, I don't know your cousin or what she's thinking/feeling. But I know I fake a lot of interest in my sister-in-law's pregnancy and I still fake a lot when it comes to her child. It's been hard for me the whole time and I've resented how much her pregnancy/birth/baby have dominated conversations. I just don't know any polite way to make it stop. And I'm not sure how I can ask about how she's doing and whats going on in her life and yet completely leave her child out of the conversation. Like before I didn't know how to do that and leave her pregnancy out of the conversation.

    To me, it felt like social norms (and the way my family does things) dictates that if I have a pregnant family member I have to be thrilled for her and be totally willing to discuss it with her. So I suck it up and put on my big girl panties and do it. Then go and bitch and cry about it later to DH when we're alone.

    Although, to be fair, even if my sister-in-law had asked me if it bothered me I would have said "oh no it's fine!" Because my sister-in-law and my brother are always looking for things to cause drama over and it would have turned into some major drama in the family about how horridly mean and rude I was. The drama just wasn't worth it to me. So assuming that you and your DH are reasonable people (which if you weren't you probably wouldn't be considerate enough of your cousins feelings to bother even asking for advice) then I think you could just ask your cousin how she feels and expect a fairly honest answer.

    Hopefully you and your cousin get this all sorted out. And hopefully she gets her BFP soon also. Wishing you both the best. <3

    Thanks for being honest. Also, sorry you had to experience that. If the shoes were switched, I'd probably not want to hear about her pregnancy to the extent she's been asking because (as you have experienced ) it would just make me a big ball of emotions. I think I'm almost being too reasonable because I've analyzed all of our convos just to be sure I'm not being an inconsiderate fool. & thanks. I'll do an update as soon as I find the courage to just talk to her.
    Report Reply
  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    LoveIsOwlYouNeed said:

    missteacherlady16 said:

    I don't understand why this is posted on a TTGP board and not your BMB?

    Because we're all infertile over here, according to the OP.
    Clearly I asked for responses from people who have experienced infertility or from people who have experienced an extended amount of time TTC. I've been quoted so please be a doll and read. Furthermore, why would I ask a bunch of women who already have their BFPs about what they would feel/ think about someone else getting a BFP in their family? Doesn't seem like the right population but I'm sure you could infer that.
    Report Reply
  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    LINDSEYRVA said:

    Honestly I'm not really sure why you would post something like this on this board.  I appreciate that you're trying to be sensitive with the extensive TW and background information and everything, but you rolled into a place where you don't hang out anymore and where you know that a bunch of people are struggling and you asked them to make you feel better about someone who is going through the same thing they're going through.  It was short-sighted and thoughtless at best.  At worst, it's... kind of braggy and rude.

    Look, I know you're a TTGP grad and you're really trying to be careful about asking these questions but I just think this is a totally fake problem that you should not have brought here.  What you should do instead is talk to your cousin and share your concerns with her.  She is probably genuinely excited for you and she is probably also a little sad for herself, but she is also probably enough of a grownup to be able to separate the two.  If she's not, that's okay, too.  There are other people in your life who are excited and who will squeal and rub your belly and ask you questions.

    I don't have a reason to brag and you're entitled to your opinions. I posted here because I wanted thoughts ..feelings .. and advice from people who aren't waving a BFP and who may have extended time trying to conceive or are infertile. I don't need a pat on the back.. I need a real life .. I'd hate your guts and don't talk about that with me. That way regardless of my feelings... I can understand and have expectations for the way my cousin may respond or feel after I bring up the conversation. I also want to check my attitude to be sure that I'm not being a total donkey.

    Also, where did I ask for people to make me feel better. I was specific about asking for honest responses.
    Report Reply
  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    CharmBombExplosion said:

    Kjack85 said:

    LoveIsOwlYouNeed said:

    missteacherlady16 said:

    I don't understand why this is posted on a TTGP board and not your BMB?

    Because we're all infertile over here, according to the OP.
    Clearly I asked for responses from people who have experienced infertility or from people who have experienced an extended amount of time TTC. I've been quoted so please be a doll and read. Furthermore, why would I ask a bunch of women who already have their BFPs about what they would feel/ think about someone else getting a BFP in their family? Doesn't seem like the right population but I'm sure you could infer that.
    Why are you being so hostile? A lot of the women on your BMB may have IF/taken a while to get their BFP. This really isn't the place for this.
    Please explain how I'm being hostile. That is such a loaded word. I haven't responded hostile at all but you are entitled to that opinion.
    Report Reply
  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    Lulucooks said:

    Kjack85 said:

    LoveIsOwlYouNeed said:

    missteacherlady16 said:

    I don't understand why this is posted on a TTGP board and not your BMB?

    Because we're all infertile over here, according to the OP.
    Clearly I asked for responses from people who have experienced infertility or from people who have experienced an extended amount of time TTC. I've been quoted so please be a doll and read. Furthermore, why would I ask a bunch of women who already have their BFPs about what they would feel/ think about someone else getting a BFP in their family? Doesn't seem like the right population but I'm sure you could infer that.
    Yet you didn't want my advice.....
    I wanted your advice because I asked. I just didn't see how it was readily useful.
    Report Reply
  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    Lulucooks said:

    Kjack85 said:

    NamelessAria said:

    Obviously, I don't know your cousin or what she's thinking/feeling. But I know I fake a lot of interest in my sister-in-law's pregnancy and I still fake a lot when it comes to her child. It's been hard for me the whole time and I've resented how much her pregnancy/birth/baby have dominated conversations. I just don't know any polite way to make it stop. And I'm not sure how I can ask about how she's doing and whats going on in her life and yet completely leave her child out of the conversation. Like before I didn't know how to do that and leave her pregnancy out of the conversation.

    To me, it felt like social norms (and the way my family does things) dictates that if I have a pregnant family member I have to be thrilled for her and be totally willing to discuss it with her. So I suck it up and put on my big girl panties and do it. Then go and bitch and cry about it later to DH when we're alone.

    Although, to be fair, even if my sister-in-law had asked me if it bothered me I would have said "oh no it's fine!" Because my sister-in-law and my brother are always looking for things to cause drama over and it would have turned into some major drama in the family about how horridly mean and rude I was. The drama just wasn't worth it to me. So assuming that you and your DH are reasonable people (which if you weren't you probably wouldn't be considerate enough of your cousins feelings to bother even asking for advice) then I think you could just ask your cousin how she feels and expect a fairly honest answer.

    Hopefully you and your cousin get this all sorted out. And hopefully she gets her BFP soon also. Wishing you both the best. <3

    Thanks for being honest. Also, sorry you had to experience that. If the shoes were switched, I'd probably not want to hear about her pregnancy to the extent she's been asking because (as you have experienced ) it would just make me a big ball of emotions. I think I'm almost being too reasonable because I've analyzed all of our convos just to be sure I'm not being an inconsiderate fool. & thanks. I'll do an update as soon as I find the courage to just talk to her.
    Please no update needed.....
    But I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to that person.
    Report Reply
  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    missteacherlady16 said:


    Kjack85 said:

    LoveIsOwlYouNeed said:

    missteacherlady16 said:

    I don't understand why this is posted on a TTGP board and not your BMB?

    Because we're all infertile over here, according to the OP.
    Clearly I asked for responses from people who have experienced infertility or from people who have experienced an extended amount of time TTC. I've been quoted so please be a doll and read. Furthermore, why would I ask a bunch of women who already have their BFPs about what they would feel/ think about someone else getting a BFP in their family? Doesn't seem like the right population but I'm sure you could infer that.

    Because IF is so taboo that no one on your BMB has a similar experience with how they handled their own pregnancy? 




    I'm sure they have. It's not taboo at all. If you must know this community is more honest and right to the point. That's what I need. There are more ladies from the population I desired answers from who I expected to be more honest than My BMB (IMO).
    Report Reply
  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    LoveIsOwlYouNeed said:

    In my experience, which includes personal with friends and even Dear Prudence columns, women dealing with IF can be anywhere on a spectrum from not wanting to hear about other pregnancies and babies to wanting to hear and be there for friends/family. It's worth a convo with your cousin to see where she is on the spectrum so you can respect her. Imagine if she DID genuinely want to know and you stopped telling her. That could hurt too.

    You're right. I really wanted to jump over the conversation with her (fears) but based on your response I need to because I'd hate to hurt her by ignoring the situation. Thanks
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  • FiancBFiancB member
    edited January 2016
    Loss mention

    When I was on a BMB there were a lot of people on there that had struggled to get or stay pregnant. So. There's that. Just because they are pregnant now doesn't mean they got that way without effort. No need to be nasty to Lulu just because she was blunt with you. 

    If I honestly like and care about someone, I will honestly be happy for them and interested. The more distant, eh the more it kind of stings. One of my best friends and I are TTC at the same time and she seemed genuinely interested in hearing about my pregnancy. Now if she gets/stays pregnant first I will honestly want to hear all about that. More distant people, meh not so much. 

    If she asks, tell and gauge her reaction. If she seems not super excited to hear about it, then don't blabber on and on about it. This is kind of a non-issue that we can't really help you with. But don't avoid her- we have friends that haven't talked to me since my loss while they were pregnant and I know it's because they don't want to hurt me and they don't know what to say, but that still really sucks. 
    LFAF/Nov 16 challenge: Bad TV moms that shouldn't be celebrated


    BFP #1 10/30/15 MMC found 11/30/15 D&C 12/11/15 EDD 7/9/16
    healing comes in waves, and maybe today the wave hits the rocks and that’s ok, that’s ok, darling. you are still healing, you are still healing- Ijeoma Umebinyuo, be gentle with yourself
    BFP #2  3/21   EDD 11/28/16
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  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    CharmBombExplosion said:

    Kjack85 said:

    CharmBombExplosion said:

    Kjack85 said:

    LoveIsOwlYouNeed said:

    missteacherlady16 said:

    I don't understand why this is posted on a TTGP board and not your BMB?

    Because we're all infertile over here, according to the OP.
    Clearly I asked for responses from people who have experienced infertility or from people who have experienced an extended amount of time TTC. I've been quoted so please be a doll and read. Furthermore, why would I ask a bunch of women who already have their BFPs about what they would feel/ think about someone else getting a BFP in their family? Doesn't seem like the right population but I'm sure you could infer that.
    Why are you being so hostile? A lot of the women on your BMB may have IF/taken a while to get their BFP. This really isn't the place for this.
    Please explain how I'm being hostile. That is such a loaded word. I haven't responded hostile at all but you are entitled to that opinion.
    People are telling you that this isn't the correct place for this and you're responding in a condescending tone with your 'be a doll and read' comment. It's rude.
    That's what makes someone hostile? Ok. I can't delete my post and even if I could I wouldn't. For those who don't think this is the right place, I apologize and next time (I'm sure there won't be but if there were) , I'd know where to post.
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  • Kjack85Kjack85 member
    Lulucooks said:

    Kjack85 said:

    LoveIsOwlYouNeed said:

    In my experience, which includes personal with friends and even Dear Prudence columns, women dealing with IF can be anywhere on a spectrum from not wanting to hear about other pregnancies and babies to wanting to hear and be there for friends/family. It's worth a convo with your cousin to see where she is on the spectrum so you can respect her. Imagine if she DID genuinely want to know and you stopped telling her. That could hurt too.

    You're right. I really wanted to jump over the conversation with her (fears) but based on your response I need to because I'd hate to hurt her by ignoring the situation. Thanks
    Ah, so the advice you needed was to talk to your cousin. If only someone else had mentioned that.


    You're 15 minutes too late.(sigh). Several people have already mentioned that but they also gave how they would/ did feel in a similar situation. Notice, I said as the top you could remove she and put you in its place.
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