- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
September 2016 Moms
kotono
member
Bridezilla SIL - Stepped Out of Wedding & Need to Rant!!!!!
kotono
member
In December 2014 my SIL asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I accepted cause I figured she wanted us to be closer together, and I was recently married and wanted to try to be closer to my husband's family members. My husband however has always said he wasn't a fan of his sister cause she has been coddled her whole life due to her complicated medical issues. She tends to be a drama queen and doesn't like being heard, "no" for any reason. They grew up separately so I figured over time maybe she has grown up. I found out as time went on I was so wrong!
Last summer in July 2015 after two miscarriages I went to an RE and was diagnosed with PCOS. It was stressful, everything being out of pocket, lots and lots of drugs making me exhausted 24/7, and making sure I got all my hours into work (contractor). My job was understanding and let me work from home a couple days a week if necessary, as my commute is 90 minutes one way.
She's been very difficult. She knew about my appointments, treatments, and medications as I told her, and I explained there was a huge possibility that I could be pregnant at her wedding, possibly super pregnant with multiples. I told her this because she has been on me and the MOH to get the bridesmaids dresses picked and ordered, but everything was super short and tight she picked out. We tried to compromise with her by saying we could purchase the infinity dresses Summer 2015 cause then it wouldn't matter what size I would be and we can get the very last thing done for her wedding. She had everything else done, so she was stressing on this. She makes the decisions for a long dress that works, then hours later she is mad about it cause its her wedding and demands we take a day off work to discuss this. We’ve had 7 meetings, but we were trying our best to be there for her. My SIL is on disability and can’t work due to medical issues, so she has never had a job in her life. She’s also been coddled for it. She keeps screaming and swearing at us for not doing exactly what she wants, when she wants it. The dress she finally decided on was a short, tight dress that even the shop owner said wouldn’t fit a pregnant lady far along, but she ignored the advice and kept claiming it’ll work because its what she wants for her wedding. The dress is over $300. She keeps talking about how simple her wedding is, yet she can’t pay for anything and is planning to take out a loan for $25,000 to cover for everything. Great way to start off a new marriage!!!
I don’t want to go into all the details cause its super long and drawn out, but she has high expectations and when things don’t go her way, she explodes. She exploded at me multiple times, I told her how she made me feel, and I wish she wouldn’t do it again. She apologies with an excuse, and does it again. One example is us taking a day off with such short notice. I suggested a day in Janaury because we had a new system launching at work I was preparing for, so I couldn’t do it sooner than that. MOH had the January 5th off, so we all agreed to that. Yet again, hours later she wants us to take a day off in December instead, to accommodate her fiancee’s winter break schedule as she is a junior bridesmaid. The 10 year old feels left out and wants to be involved, so we need to change it for her. We both explained our schedules again and how we can’t take a day off on such a short notice. She was screaming and swearing again, claiming it was her right to talk to me that way cause its her wedding. Her excuse/apology later was because we decided on this date of January 5th without talking or considering her (even though we had a chat on the phone to confirm with her) or the junior bridesmaid. This is ridiculous. Also the main reasons why she keeps dissing any other option for a dress is because the junior bridesmaid can’t wear those dresses as she tends to rough house and won’t behave properly in it. We’ve looked at over 20 dresses, all a yes then hours later a big fat no.
She exploded on me again, so a few days later I came to the decision to just step out. “I am flattered you asked me to be apart of your day to bring us closer together, but I feel that it is pushing us apart. I have a lot of medical issues and work obligations which is preventing me from being the bridesmaid that you need. I can understand if you’re upset but I think its best for both us if I step out now. I have to think of my health first at this time.” She kept saying she didn’t know what to say, and she was really shocked.
I know she’s mad, but I figured with the medical issues and having a high risk pregnancy herself she would understand. I didn’t say it was because I was pregnant, cause she would blab just like my engagement before. But I have informed her of how complicated getting pregnant was with all the drugs and treatments, and that any pregnancy I may have in the future would be high risk as well so there might be some things I cannot do for her wedding because of that. She said she understood, but yet she still screams and cusses at me. I cannot miss a day at work cause my infertility appointments were out of pocket and very expensive, close to $2000 a month. I also said that was another reason I couldn’t take a day off but I was told I was being unreasonable, not her.
She was playing the pity party to the family, which thankfully most aren’t buying cause they know how she gets. Her Grandma knows about my appointments and infertility treatments, so when my SIL told her “Jennie backed out of the wedding cause she can’t commit to helping out.” She knew the real reason why. Grandma called me telling me how ridiculous the SIL is acting about her whole wedding and will talk to her about me backing out, agreeing that I should. I don’t need the stress with what I was doing, I would have a high risk pregnancy anyway so its best that I did step out, so she’ll talk some sense into her. However she did tell me how ridiculous my SIL is acting about everything and overdramatizing. This was after my SIL posted on Facebook how upset she was, and isn’t sure if she she just explode on people or go in a hole in hide. My husband and MOH’s husband, as well as other relatives have said that it never solves anything to do that, and it creates more problems. However there was a few of her future in-laws saying she does have the right to explode as I backed out of her wedding due to petty and stupid reasons. It wasn’t fair to say that I would agree to a wedding, then back out later. My parents didn’t raise me right at all. I wasn’t fair to my SIL to stress her like this with her medical issues and upcoming wedding. All this crap she hasn’t said herself, but is encouraging through these people as she sits there and likes the comments. I didn’t respond to anything cause its ridiculous to engage, but I committed before I knew all this was going to occur. She asked me in December 2014, and my diagnose and infertility treatments was July 2015. She is not the only person in the family that can have medical issues. However I don’t scream and swear at people, no matter how frustrating it may be!!!!
More relatives post a response how this won’t solve anything. Her Grandma logged on to see this too and was disgusted by it! “This needs to stop! I’ll go talk to her in a week. Does she know about your medical issues?” I explained yes, and that was why I backed out. “What?! No, she is not the only one that is allowed to have medical issues use that as a reason to take crap out on people. You’ve done so much for her in the past with her baby shower. I’ll calm her down and get her to see its for the best you’re not in the wedding.”
I was a little stress by what my decision would cause, but I’m glad that a few of his family members are willing to back me in this, but also don’t know I’m pregnant. A few friends of ours know, his brother knows, and my mom knows, but thats really it. They know all that we have been through and so happy for us. I just really needed to rant about this!!!
Re: Bridezilla SIL - Stepped Out of Wedding & Need to Rant!!!!!
I had FOUR bridesmaids back it of my wedding as late as 2 months before he ceremony. I didn't slam them on Facebook or yell at them or swear at them. She is an immature person and I'm so sorry you've got her as a SIL. Good luck with the rest and it's good you've got some support. You don't need that with your own stresses and high risk pregnancy.
There's NEVER an excuse to test people like that...especially people that are doing you a favor and shelling out time and money for a wedding that isn't even theirs.
It never ceases to amaze me that people are really like this.
First of all, she's in the wrong. You're in the right. She has plenty of time before her precious wedding to find a replacement bridesmaid. That totally sucks that you had to deal with her immature and selfish behavior at such a vulnerable time in your life.
And I'm not directing this at you but -- I never understood why people feel they must be friends on social media with anyone and everyone they know.
I have one rule with Facebook (or any other social media site)... If you post things that make me feel upset/hurt or uncomfortable, I delete you. Plain and simple.
I have family members whom I still love, and friends IRL, that are not on my social media friend/follow list because of their behavior on those sites.
Example: A friend who hangs ALL her dirty laundry in posts and also posts things to get attention like, "Well that sucks..." and then leaves it there for everyone to go "aw what's wrong??" and make people dig for her to open up so she can feel loved/special/validated. I deleted her from FB, but we still talk on the phone and grab the occasional coffee together.
You can still love someone or be friends with them and NOT interact with them on social media..
It's the same way when someone calls you and you send it to voicemail because you don't want to talk... I even ignore a doorbell ring if I need to... (which I HATE btw. It's 2016 for gods sake... pick up the phone and call before you decide to randomly come knocking on my front door uninvited and unexpectedly! --- looking at you MIL)
My point is, DELETE HER. I've actually physically felt relief from deleting someone from my social media circles.
Wash your hands of it... you said so yourself, your husband doesn't even like her... and they're siblings. I understand that you were trying to be the bigger person and be form a bond with her... but who wants to be friends with a bitch that puts you down and makes you feel crappy? You're not gaining anything by being her friend and you're not loosing anything by cutting her off. Delete her!
Clomid 150mg 2 follicles, BFP 7/4/15, EDD 3/12/16, CP 7/7/15
Clomid 150mg, 2 follicles, IUI BFN
Natural Cycle, BFP 12/28/15, EDD 9/3/16
She's making a shit show of things now, and it's only going to get worse.
And I guarantee that if her ILS don't know what a peach she is now, they'll find out sooner rather than later.
Fast forward to now, maybe 5 years later and my sister was one of this same SIL's bridesmaids and her kids were the flower girl/ring bearer, they have a good relationship at this point as the SIL has matured over the years.
I would suggest that you still go to the wedding as you don't know what the future will hold. Seems like it would be more of a regret to miss the wedding than to go even if you don't have a great time... hell it could be crazy entertaining!
Good luck!
Should she grow up and decide that she was in the wrong and want a relationship with you and your H, she can come to you, apologize, and make amends.
I let my family walk all over me for too long and I have a VERY short tolerance now for people treating me poorly. It sounds like you've put up with her for WAY too long and you just don't need that kind of negativity during your pregnancy or in your life period. You can shut her down without being petty, and I would recommend it. She needs to realize who she's dealing with and that she can't treat you that way - but also that treating you like she has will have repercussions.
Maybe saying something like "I understand that my decision is upsetting to you. However, I am dealing with complicated medical issues of my own, and being treated poorly is only adding stress and complicating things further. In the future, if you'd like to discuss an issue with someone, I recommend talking to that person directly instead of blasting them on Facebook." Mic drop, and unfriend. Block her if you need to.
IMO, if she's treating you like shit and your husband doesn't even like her, that's your home free card. Again - I would highly recommend not going to her wedding and avoiding her like the plague until she can act like an adult.