Why don't the Thread Police just scroll past posts they don't care about?

dshannah · January 2016

Seriously, what is wrong with these folks?

Can we not have a place to discuss things when we want to without some other Bumper telling us our discussion's expired or redundant?

sosweet487 · January 2016

dshannah · January 2016

So I posted this thread because the other post got so quickly derailed (and I realize that with all of my swearing--habitual, sorry--the message was getting lost).

But I really do want to have a place where those of us who disagree with the Thread Policing can come out of the woodwork without worrying that someone is going to shut it down.

Really, they are very loud and very good at derailing, and aside from beginning new threads and being demonstrably welcoming to new posters, I don't know how to signal that I'd prefer a community that was less judgmental about posting procedure!

sarawifenow · January 2016

You could always start a nice PM with all of the people you want instead of having a post making fun of other posters. The we won't be able to see what you have to say and can't impose.

lalala2004 · January 2016

dshannah said:
Seriously, what is wrong with these folks?

Can we not have a place to discuss things when we want to without some other Bumper telling us our discussion's expired or redundant?

dshannah said:
So I posted this thread because the other post got so quickly derailed (and I realize that with all of my swearing--habitual, sorry--the message was getting lost).

But I really do want to have a place where those of us who disagree with the Thread Policing can come out of the woodwork without worrying that someone is going to shut it down.

Really, they are very loud and very good at derailing, and aside from beginning new threads and being demonstrably welcoming to new posters, I don't know how to signal that I'd prefer a community that was less judgmental about posting procedure!

QFP

Your first thread was against the TOU, and this is doubly so.

AmmyBelle · January 2016

There is something to be said of people who apparently desire order so much that they will dehumanize, or attempt to dehumanize others in pursuit of it ... but then I just watched the latest Star Wars and The Man in the High Castle, so those kinds of people are both on my mind and scary AF

LadySamLady · January 2016

Maybe stop name calling and make your post about what you want to do and not what you don't like about what other people are doing.

missemmawoodhouse · January 2016

This is the best day ever. I haven't seen an epic tantrum like this in ages.

dshannah · January 2016

sarawifenow said:

You could always start a nice PM with all of the people you want instead of having a post making fun of other posters. The we won't be able to see what you have to say and can't impose.

You presume that I know all the people who agree with me (I don't), and you presume that the people who care about this have already come out of the woodwork (they haven't). We are not nice to people who come in with repeat questions or uncool things to say (like the Ramzi posts). We silence them and mock them, and they don't volunteer for that again.

As I said in another post, my first time posting here I got yelled at for posting in the wrong place. It felt shitty, but I got over it. Some people don't. And this broad post, here for anyone to see, is for anyone who would prefer a more welcoming board.

LadySamLady said:

Maybe stop name calling and make your post about what you want to do and not what you don't like about what other people are doing.

I did not call anyone names in this post. And by describing the behavior I don't want to see, I was describing a different form of praxis for the board. So, done and done.

LadySamLady · January 2016

I think "thread police" counts as name calling.

dshannah · January 2016

LadySamLady said:

I think "thread police" counts as name calling.

Oh. So I should describe them then? "The Bumpers who decide when a thread is "over" and shame people for posting honest questions and derail conversations they don't care for?" I feel like "Thread Police" is nicer.

LadySamLady · January 2016

dshannah said:

LadySamLady said:

I think "thread police" counts as name calling.

Oh. So I should describe them then? "The Bumpers who decide when a thread is "over" and shame people for posting honest questions and derail conversations they don't care for?" I feel like "Thread Police" is nicer.

Nah. If I were you I'd just scroll on by.

mmemartinez · January 2016

Reposting this here: I agree that it is pretty rude when someone new is excited to post something and everyone jumps in to say there is already a post for that. The bump organizes itself by date and frequency of responses so at some point things are pushed a few pages in, especially with the pinned stuff. And that system also works to push back singleton posts. So I don't get the obsession with telling people they need to comment on the old thread. I personally have a job that makes it difficult for me to keep up with everything that has been said and when I have a question I'd rather just post it instead of having to search and worry about if it's been asked before three months ago.

People are "policing" threads and making others feel bad for posting if they don't think it belongs somewhere or if it was already discussed. The board doesn't belong to any one group of people and making someone feel bad when you could just answer the question OR be positive OR say nothing (aka the scrolling on by) creates the opposite of a welcoming environment. Maybe I'm just super midwestern, IDK, but it has rubbed me the wrong way since the beginning and I didn't have this experience on my last month board. I'm even still in that FB group and recall limited drama.

sarawifenow · January 2016

Oh and for the record, my first post was met with a "use the search feature" reply because...I didn't lurk at all. So I took the time to get to know the community and have them get to know me as well. I have been going through some very hard times with my pregnancy and the thread police mean girls that you are referring to have pulled me out of the slump and helped me through. Also, I am not assuming anything. You were very direct in your post.

wsgjmw1 · January 2016

sarawifenow said:

Oh and for the record, my first post was met with a "use the search feature" reply because...I didn't lurk at all. So I took the time to get to know the community and have them get to know me as well. I have been going through some very hard times with my pregnancy and the thread police mean girls that you are referring to have pulled me out of the slump and helped me through. Also, I am not assuming anything. You were very direct in your post.

lalala2004 · January 2016

@dshannah has clearly not taken my advice about reading the TOU.

KaKip · January 2016

Dshannah, I completely understand what you are trying to do. You were the first person to welcome me to the boards by acknowledging something I posted and I appreciated it. As a newbie to the boards, it is nice to have someone welcome you into the group.

I do think folks who have been posting on here for the duration of their pregnancy may underestimate how potentially intimidating it is to move from lurker to poster as a relative newbie. Mostly, it's because a core group of folks have been building a rapport with each other for four months. You can't fault anyone for that but it does create the impression of a somewhat exclusive group.

I will say when I posted a duplicate thread, doozer was very kind in explaining the board search to me in a constructive and friendly way. And that is mostly what I've seen on here. And lots of folks chimed in when I was having some weird vaginal sensations and helped reassure me.

What I think we should do is maybe create a thread for the maybe "dryer" discussions of the kind we were having on the UO from this Thursday. I really enjoyed reading everyone's thoughtful posts and I certainly appreciated what you and others had to say.

I do wish you could have broached this subject with a different, less confrontational approach. That's my style I guess. And I think your approach probably invited the less constructive reaction it has gotten.

So I suggest a re-do...

JessicaB0627 · January 2016

NOLA520 said:
I'm not sure this isn't just a waste of typing "breath," but I think it's pretty limiting to define the community as either supportive or not solely based on whether people were there for you when you needed them, though. People can be supportive in times of trouble and alsounwelcoming to others.

It's really obnoxious for posters to come into discussions they feel have gone on longer than necessary and shut down other people's conversations seemingly just because they feel like it, and contributes to people feeling like they can't have discussions without the authorization of a select few posters. Coming into threads with the purpose of derailing conversations with "joking" surprise that the conversation is still happening, or with gifs, or whatever else, serves only to troll those having the conversation and make them feel bad. Why?

Is it reallysoimportant that threads started on Thursday die by midnight? It's never been my understanding that "UO Thursday" has to end by Friday, only that it's started on Thursday. If it's really that big of a deal that those threads are confined to arbitrary time limits, regardless of the content of the discussion or that people are actively participating in / enjoying it, that sort of thing needs to be outlined specifically so everyone is aware of the "rules." In that case, though, whose time zone is the default? This isn't a U.S.-only community, so what about the overseas posters, for whom it might already be a different day by the time the thread is posted, or the time they see it? This is obviously extreme and nitpicky, but I hope it serves to outline why it's so crazy to try to keep strict timelines for threads to be active. Not only is it ridiculous, it's also basically unenforceable.

It also seems to be typically only be applied to the UO threads, or ones that result in heated discussions. I don't think I've ever seen someone pop into a FFFC thread on a Sunday to mock people for still posting, but they go past Friday all the time. Why, specifically, is it so offensive when UO threads go past their expiration date?

I also don't really think it's necessary to create other threads to discuss the "drier" topics like you're suggesting, @KaKip. I mean, the UO thread specifically leads to discussions like that organically, just due to the nature of the thread. That's kind of the point. Should there be two UO threads? One for "serious" UOs, and one for silly things like "I don't like french fries?" But, then, who decides what the cutoff is for "serious" or not?

The sentiment behind the "is this discussion really still going on?" for the UO had nothing to do with the fact that it wasn't Thursday anymore. It had more to do with the fact that there were about 3 people reiterating the same exact opinions over and over and over again for days. If the discussion actually had a direction it would be another story. Many other OU's and FFFC's and other "daily" posts go on for much longer than one day and nobody says anything.

Also, @yogahh wasn't all "GUYS NO ONE ELSE CAN POST HERE BECAUSE ITS NOT THURSDAY". So the argument of people shutting down the thread is frankly not valid.

doozer1345 · January 2016

KaKip said:

Dshannah, I completely understand what you are trying to do. You were the first person to welcome me to the boards by acknowledging something I posted and I appreciated it. As a newbie to the boards, it is nice to have someone welcome you into the group.

I do think folks who have been posting on here for the duration of their pregnancy may underestimate how potentially intimidating it is to move from lurker to poster as a relative newbie. Mostly, it's because a core group of folks have been building a rapport with each other for four months. You can't fault anyone for that but it does create the impression of a somewhat exclusive group.

I will say when I posted a duplicate thread, doozer was very kind in explaining the board search to me in a constructive and friendly way. And that is mostly what I've seen on here. And lots of folks chimed in when I was having some weird vaginal sensations and helped reassure me.

What I think we should do is maybe create a thread for the maybe "dryer" discussions of the kind we were having on the UO from this Thursday. I really enjoyed reading everyone's thoughtful posts and I certainly appreciated what you and others had to say.

I do wish you could have broached this subject with a different, less confrontational approach. That's my style I guess. And I think your approach probably invited the less constructive reaction it has gotten.

So I suggest a re-do...

Also you can't read tone on here. I've been jumped on for being an a hole when I really wasn't meaning to sound that way. As I said in my other post on this thread, if everyone went by the rules (I think one thread even says "read this first" or something to that nature there wouldn't be such a feel of exclusivity. Everyone would be on the same page when it comes to board etiquette. I think we do pretty well on here on UO as whole when we have differing opinions on subjects. I remember being a newbie on here back 6-7 years ago on TTGP but read (even back in those days) where it is etiquette to lurk and get your bearings before jumping in. IRL I don't see a group of people standing around (who are obviously in a conversation/know each other and just insert myself into the group without knowing anything about them. I don't understand how that is a hard concept. I mean unless of course there are people on here that do... How far has that gotten you though?

blaisdew · January 2016

I really agree with everything @NOLA520 just said. I also found it rude for people to comment on how long a conversation was going on for, and to then initiate a GIF party. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE GIFs. I just found that particular situation demonstrated some immaturity and possibly even control issues.

That being said, aside from the past couple days I have found this to be a truly supportive and nice community to have. Hopefully things get back to normal in the next couple days! We are all going through this crazy experience that is pregnancy at the same time, which is pretty cool! At least for a first timer such as myself, it seems like it can bring enough drama, worries, emotions, and struggles as it is!

doozer1345 · January 2016

NOLA520 said:

@yogahh may not have commented about it not being Thursday anymore, but someone else did:

lalala2004 said:

So the abortion debate itself didn't cause the nastiness, just the fact that it's gone on too long? Kind of hilarious. This is at least the third UO thread on this BMB that had overstayed it's welcome. Let's keep these to Thursday, that's why it's called UO THURSDAY.

So it's not really true to say that wasn't part of the problem.

People have also commented (in, uhh, one of the many places this is being discussed) that they appreciated the discussion and that it did cause them to consider things they hadn't previously. Just because they weren't actively posting as part of the discussion doesn't mean they weren't enjoying it.

I also don't think the discussion was necessarily the "same exact opinions over and over again." Abortion has been discussed on the board previously, but points were raised in this thread that hadn't been raised previously, and this thread in itself even resulted in more nuanced discussions about what makes it different for some people in the case of rape / incest if they believe it's murder. The discussion had gone past the pro-life / pro-choice dichotomy and into other territory about more specific situations, which I would consider as "having a direction." It was a really civil discussion that several people (myself included) found really thought-provoking.

I did. I was also a big part of the conversation that was going on about abortion. It was becoming circular. I agreed that it should have been stopped after Thursday bc A. we could have started a new abortion thread if it really needed to be exhausted more than it was B. Other people, some newbies, were posting new UO bc it was still an active posts due to the circular argument C it's called UO Thursday bc it's something we do on Thurs. not Friday, Sat etc. Continuing a Thurs thread past Thurs negates it being called UO Thurs in the first place. To be fair, the people who did comment about it still going on were voicing their opinions on an opinion thread... Not being snarky at all with this just voicing my POV since i was involved in both the discussion and the agreement of it ending.

kimbirain · January 2016

To be honest, as a habitual lurker those gif parties come off as completely rude. If I was any of those poor women who posted a thread that wasn't approved of and then chastised/ gif overloaded I'd run and never look back. I know some of the regulars who have been here for a while grow tired of the same old repeated posts, but have a little compassion for the newbs they'll get it eventually.

doozer1345 · January 2016

NOLA520 said:

doozer1345 said:

NOLA520 said:

@yogahh may not have commented about it not being Thursday anymore, but someone else did:

lalala2004 said:

So the abortion debate itself didn't cause the nastiness, just the fact that it's gone on too long? Kind of hilarious. This is at least the third UO thread on this BMB that had overstayed it's welcome. Let's keep these to Thursday, that's why it's called UO THURSDAY.

So it's not really true to say that wasn't part of the problem.

People have also commented (in, uhh, one of the many places this is being discussed) that they appreciated the discussion and that it did cause them to consider things they hadn't previously. Just because they weren't actively posting as part of the discussion doesn't mean they weren't enjoying it.

I also don't think the discussion was necessarily the "same exact opinions over and over again." Abortion has been discussed on the board previously, but points were raised in this thread that hadn't been raised previously, and this thread in itself even resulted in more nuanced discussions about what makes it different for some people in the case of rape / incest if they believe it's murder. The discussion had gone past the pro-life / pro-choice dichotomy and into other territory about more specific situations, which I would consider as "having a direction." It was a really civil discussion that several people (myself included) found really thought-provoking.

I did. I was also a big part of the conversation that was going on about abortion. It was becoming circular. I agreed that it should have been stopped after Thursday bc A. we could have started a new abortion thread if it really needed to be exhausted more than it was B. Other people, some newbies, were posting new UO bc it was still an active posts due to the circular argument C it's called UO Thursday bc it's something we do on Thurs. not Friday, Sat etc. Continuing a Thurs thread past Thurs negates it being called UO Thurs in the first place. To be fair, the people who did comment about it still going on were voicing their opinions on an opinion thread... Not being snarky at all with this just voicing my POV since i was involved in both the discussion and the agreement of it ending.

Except that's the thing -- I've always been under the impression (after 10+ years of being on TK, TN, and TB) that it's UO Thursday because it'screated on Thursday, not that it's confined toThursday. Are there guidelines somewhere that you're referencing that I'm not privy to?

But also, if / when random newbs are posting new UOs on the thread, they're ignored because mostly the only people still participating in the thread are the ones involved in the current discussion. Literally nobody responded to the new UO posted on page 7, because everyone was preoccupied posting gifs or discussing what they are and aren't allowed to post. Her posting the new UO didn't contribute to the thread going on longer at all.

That's a good point. I don't think it's listed anywhere (I'm not totally sure though). I think (for the most part) it's a consensus that it stops after Thurs and you're right the newbies on there did get ignored bc of that fact.

lalala2004 · January 2016

NOLA520 said:
@yogahh may not have commented about it not being Thursday anymore, but someone else did:

lalala2004 said:

So the abortion debate itself didn't cause the nastiness, just the fact that it's gone on too long? Kind of hilarious.

This is at least the third UO thread on this BMB that had overstayed it's welcome. Let's keep these to Thursday, that's why it's called UO THURSDAY.

So it's not really true to say that wasn't part of the problem.

People have also commented (in, uhh, one of the many places this is being discussed) that they appreciated the discussion and that it did cause them to consider things they hadn't previously. Just because they weren't actively posting as part of the discussion doesn't mean they weren't enjoying it.

I also don't think the discussion was necessarily the "same exact opinions over and over again." Abortion has been discussed on the board previously, but points were raised in this thread that hadn't been raised previously, and this thread in itself even resulted in more nuanced discussions about what makes it different for some people in the case of rape / incest if they believe it's murder. The discussion had gone past the pro-life / pro-choice dichotomy and into other territory about more specific situations, which I would consider as "having a direction." It was a really civil discussion that several people (myself included) found really thought-provoking.

-----QBF----
Yeah, I pointed out that it's the UO Thursday thread. This isn't the first time one of them dragged on due to debating, which raises another point: The thread is about unpopular opinions. The whole point is that not everyone is going to agree. I'm not against a little back and forth, but it's simply not the Thursday debate thread. If that's something people want to start, more power to you. It's not the purpose of what is an GTKY type thread.

yogahh · January 2016

NOLA520 said:

But also (again), even if a discussion has become circular, why is your response to shut down the discussion rather than just stop participating? That's the part that people are responding to -- you have the power to just not respond anymore, but you don't have the power (per the TOU) to tell other people to stop having conversations just because you don't like them anymore.

NO ONE told anyone NOT to have a conversation. @dshannah decided to take a comment, twist it around, accuse people of being thread police and throw a tantrum. No one said anything about closing down threads or stopping conversations. That is all made up drama caused by one or two members that decided to twist a tough in cheek comment into WW3. And now we have THREE threads about it. So if anything, all we are doing is having conversations about having conversations.

vinerie · January 2016

I leave the board for a few hour, trying to be good by going to the gym and for that I miss our first epic rant!?

Image: https://img.pandawhale.com/95413-ron-swanson-what-the-hell-just-RT4g.gif

yogahh · January 2016

vinerie said:

I leave the board for a few hour, trying to be good by going to the gym and for that I miss our first epic rant!?

We've been waiting for you to join the PARRRRTTAAAYYYYYYY

doozer1345 · January 2016

NOLA520 said:

But also (again), even if a discussion has become circular, why is your response to shut down the discussion rather than just stop participating? That's the part that people are responding to -- you have the power to just not respond anymore, but you don't have the power (per the TOU) to tell other people to stop having conversations just because you don't like them anymore.

For me, it was bc I was getting addressed. I was over saying the same thing over and over.

JessicaB0627 · January 2016

NOLA520 said:
But also (again), even if a discussion has become circular, why is your response to shut down the discussion rather than just stop participating? That's the part that people are responding to -- you have the power to just not respond anymore, but you don't have the power (per the TOU) to tell other people to stop having conversations just because you don't like them anymore.

So how can I shut down a thread? If I could figure that out I would totes shut one of these 3 threads down. But, oh darn that's right, I CAN'T.

vinerie · January 2016

In all seriousness, @dshannah , I think that it is worth surveying the culture of TB. This is just not the place for serious, in-depth conversations. Yeah, sometimes it goes that way, but in reality, this is a space for gifs, snark, ranting, bump photos and way-too-long discussions about TMI-related items. In other words: FUN and pregnancy/parenting. Talking about nursery ideas and the cute onesie I found on etsy is fine for the first 30 seconds IRL, but after awhile I will inevitably become insufferable to the people around me. There is a reason that STFU Parents is such a popular tumblr. So this space fills that void.

Every community, including those online, have a system of values around which it operates. Not everyone agrees with those values, sometimes they are challenged (in ways for the better, even) but it is those values that kind of knit us together. The No. 1 value here just happens to be clever gifs. And those aren't going away anytime soon.

yogahh · January 2016

NOLA520 said:

lalala2004 said:

@yogahh may not have commented about it not being Thursday anymore, but someone else did:

lalala2004 said:

So the abortion debate itself didn't cause the nastiness, just the fact that it's gone on too long? Kind of hilarious. This is at least the third UO thread on this BMB that had overstayed it's welcome. Let's keep these to Thursday, that's why it's called UO THURSDAY.

So it's not really true to say that wasn't part of the problem.

People have also commented (in, uhh, one of the many places this is being discussed) that they appreciated the discussion and that it did cause them to consider things they hadn't previously. Just because they weren't actively posting as part of the discussion doesn't mean they weren't enjoying it.

I also don't think the discussion was necessarily the "same exact opinions over and over again." Abortion has been discussed on the board previously, but points were raised in this thread that hadn't been raised previously, and this thread in itself even resulted in more nuanced discussions about what makes it different for some people in the case of rape / incest if they believe it's murder. The discussion had gone past the pro-life / pro-choice dichotomy and into other territory about more specific situations, which I would consider as "having a direction." It was a really civil discussion that several people (myself included) found really thought-provoking.
-----QBF---- Yeah, I pointed out that it's the UO Thursday thread. This isn't the first time one of them dragged on due to debating, which raises another point: The thread is about unpopular opinions. The whole point is that not everyone is going to agree. I'm not against a little back and forth, but it's simply not the Thursday debate thread. If that's something people want to start, more power to you. It's not the purpose of what is an GTKY type thread.

So what's the solution then? For nobody to post any opinions that are actually unpopular enough to start a discussion about it? What if people get really super heated because someone posted that they don't like cheese or something else seemingly innocuous?

There are certain topics that arealwaysgoing to result in heated debate. That's just the nature of the topic. And if that's something people don't want, everyone is going to have to censor themselves to avoid starting a conversation that might upset a few people who don't want any "serious" debates. It's really restrictive and absurd to have so many rules on what people can and can't talk about.

@yogahh - Your comment, as joking as you may have meant it, was really, incredibly dismissive and hurtful to people who were actively involved in a discussion they were enjoying. Stop being so surprised that it's caused this conversation, when people haverepeatedlytold you they were offended by it and read it as you trying to stop the conversation. You may not have meant it as such, but that's the life it took on, and this is the result.

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to have an open discussion about the fact that some members of the community feel that there's an "us vs. them" mentality and that they don't feel welcome. It's a major part of why I don't really post here anymore and haven't for quite some time, so it's not like it's new. If your (and the board in general) aim is not to be dismissive and cliqueish and superior, maybe you should stop acting like people telling you that you make them feel like that are wrong and that they're overreacting, which is also dismissive. Talking about people's genuine concerns about the community being unwelcoming as "made up drama" is only serving to underline and prove true their initial point.

ONE person has said it offended her... and started 2 posts now calling out members of this board as a$$holes and twatwaffles. Which I take offensive too, and am kinda shocked that these threads are even still open.

And BTW, who are you? I have never seen you on this board, and now you are jumping in to stir the pot??? Were you even part of the initial UO??

All of this drama is caused only by @dshannah by creating these inflammatory posts to redirect attention from the UO to HER issues with it. Sorry, most people would never get this up in arms over a comment, dismissive or not. She is still talking about this TWO DAYS after my comment. Sorry, but maybe the interwebs isn't for everyone...

She needs to let it goooooo , let is goooooo

disney dancing comedy snow princess

I also want to add, that I apologized on the UO to any one that was offended. But dshannah has continued to bring it up again, and again, and again... just let it die. Many things are said around here that I find offensive. Am I talking about them 2 days later or creating all this drama? Nope. Seriously, its the internet. I am a stranger. How can you let a stranger have this much of an impact on you?

lalala2004 · January 2016

NOLA520 said:

lalala2004 said:

NOLA520 said:
@yogahh may not have commented about it not being Thursday anymore, but someone else did:

lalala2004 said:

So the abortion debate itself didn't cause the nastiness, just the fact that it's gone on too long? Kind of hilarious.

This is at least the third UO thread on this BMB that had overstayed it's welcome. Let's keep these to Thursday, that's why it's called UO THURSDAY.

So it's not really true to say that wasn't part of the problem.

People have also commented (in, uhh, one of the many places this is being discussed) that they appreciated the discussion and that it did cause them to consider things they hadn't previously. Just because they weren't actively posting as part of the discussion doesn't mean they weren't enjoying it.

I also don't think the discussion was necessarily the "same exact opinions over and over again." Abortion has been discussed on the board previously, but points were raised in this thread that hadn't been raised previously, and this thread in itself even resulted in more nuanced discussions about what makes it different for some people in the case of rape / incest if they believe it's murder. The discussion had gone past the pro-life / pro-choice dichotomy and into other territory about more specific situations, which I would consider as "having a direction." It was a really civil discussion that several people (myself included) found really thought-provoking.
-----QBF----
Yeah, I pointed out that it's the UO Thursday thread. This isn't the first time one of them dragged on due to debating, which raises another point: The thread is about unpopular opinions. The whole point is that not everyone is going to agree. I'm not against a little back and forth, but it's simply not the Thursday debate thread. If that's something people want to start, more power to you. It's not the purpose of what is an GTKY type thread.

So what's the solution then? For nobody to post any opinions that are actually unpopular enough to start a discussion about it? What if people get really super heated because someone posted that they don't like cheese or something else seemingly innocuous?

There are certain topics that arealwaysgoing to result in heated debate. That's just the nature of the topic. And if that's something people don't want, everyone is going to have to censor themselves to avoid starting a conversation that might upset a few people who don't want any "serious" debates. It's really restrictive and absurd to have so many rules on what people can and can't talk about.

----QBF----
Are you serious? I just said if you want to start a debate thread, go for it. It wasn't sarcasm. When the UO devolves into a debate about one particular topic, it become less of a GTKY thread. People aren't even able to really chime in with other UO. And it seems like everyone feels the need to comment with their particular opinion on said UO. I think all of that inhibits enjoyment and the welcoming tone of the board rather than people trying to lighten the mood and move on.

vinerie · January 2016

lalala2004 said:

lalala2004 said:

@yogahh may not have commented about it not being Thursday anymore, but someone else did:

lalala2004 said:

So the abortion debate itself didn't cause the nastiness, just the fact that it's gone on too long? Kind of hilarious. This is at least the third UO thread on this BMB that had overstayed it's welcome. Let's keep these to Thursday, that's why it's called UO THURSDAY.

So it's not really true to say that wasn't part of the problem.

People have also commented (in, uhh, one of the many places this is being discussed) that they appreciated the discussion and that it did cause them to consider things they hadn't previously. Just because they weren't actively posting as part of the discussion doesn't mean they weren't enjoying it.

I also don't think the discussion was necessarily the "same exact opinions over and over again." Abortion has been discussed on the board previously, but points were raised in this thread that hadn't been raised previously, and this thread in itself even resulted in more nuanced discussions about what makes it different for some people in the case of rape / incest if they believe it's murder. The discussion had gone past the pro-life / pro-choice dichotomy and into other territory about more specific situations, which I would consider as "having a direction." It was a really civil discussion that several people (myself included) found really thought-provoking.
-----QBF---- Yeah, I pointed out that it's the UO Thursday thread. This isn't the first time one of them dragged on due to debating, which raises another point: The thread is about unpopular opinions. The whole point is that not everyone is going to agree. I'm not against a little back and forth, but it's simply not the Thursday debate thread. If that's something people want to start, more power to you. It's not the purpose of what is an GTKY type thread.

So what's the solution then? For nobody to post any opinions that are actually unpopular enough to start a discussion about it? What if people get really super heated because someone posted that they don't like cheese or something else seemingly innocuous?

There are certain topics that arealwaysgoing to result in heated debate. That's just the nature of the topic. And if that's something people don't want, everyone is going to have to censor themselves to avoid starting a conversation that might upset a few people who don't want any "serious" debates. It's really restrictive and absurd to have so many rules on what people can and can't talk about.

----QBF---- Are you serious? I just said if you want to start a debate thread, go for it. It wasn't sarcasm. When the UO devolves into a debate about one particular topic, it become less of a GTKY thread. People aren't even able to really chime in with other UO. And it seems like everyone feels the need to comment with their particular opinion on said UO. I think all of that inhibits enjoyment and the welcoming tone of the board rather than people trying to lighten the mood and move on.

This gif was long overdue!

yogahh · January 2016

@nola520, sorry your name just didn't look familiar, and we know how some people like to lurk on boards just to stir the pot. That's great that you were enjoying the discussion. But my silly comment shouldn't have been enough to ever distract it, or to spawn this nonsense. Again, others let that happen, and actually derailed the conversation away from what they said they wanted to discuss.

On that note, this pregnant lady needs ice cream, the couch and to go to bed. I am all thread policed out for the night.

lalala2004 · January 2016

@NOLA520 ehh, I think we may just be talking at cross purposes at this point. This is what I see happen, and I just don't think it makes for a good GTKY thread.

Step 1: Someone posts an unpopular opinion in the UO thread (imagine that)

Step 2: Someone vehemently disagrees with that opinion and explains why.

Step 3: Original poster comes back to defend their UO opinion.

Step 4: Dozens of people chime in with their opinions and reasonings on either side of the debate.

Step 5: Thread is derailed, lasts almost until the next Thursday.

How I would prefer it to go:

Step 1: Someone posts an UO on the UO Thursday thread.

Step 2: Someone vehemently disagreed and says why.

Step 3: Original poster says "I know my opinion is unpopular. That's why I posted it on this thread."

Unless someone says something inarguably offensive, I feel that's how most should go. They often don't, which is why I don't often participate.

I only got dragged into this thread (one of them? I think it was this one) by being quoted from when I pointed out that the thread is called UO Thursday.

And plus drama.

lalala2004 · January 2016

Meh, debates can be a little fun until they become circular, which they do fast on the Internet. Then apparently you can't even have fun with them, according to @dshannah because they are "serious".

And there have been some hot topic threads that weren't UO threads, so not designated for Thursday's, and freely open to drag on for however long.

But since you admitted to not Bumping much, @NOLA520 , I guess we're just here for your entertainment? We'll try to do better

I'm sure this evening's performance helps.

blaisdew · January 2016

@NOLA520 just wanted to share that we have the same due date! I'm also an infrequent poster, and you're the first one I've noticed!

Sorry to take away from the discussion... Which I'm glad to see has tamed significantly!

sosweet487 · January 2016

Personally I don't log in every day. I have a busy job and I try to not be online when I'm home. I really only go on during my lunch breaks. For example for twatwaffle Tuesday... Sometimes I don't get to the board until 1 or 2 days late... Am I wrong for wanting to vent with the other ladies on the board even though the official day has passed? I feel that I'm allowed to still make a contribution even if it might be a bit late. I like being able to vent with everyone and be included in the discussions. But if I am breaking the TOU by posting on a day old post then I apologize.

I feel really bad about posting my UO today about board tone with newbies. If I had read the rest of the board comments (frankly I didn't want to because it was 7 pages long) I would have kept my UO opinion to myself putting more lighter fluid On the already heated subject. I was responding to something that had been bothering me for a while.

I joined this board because you all seemed like a very welcoming and down to earth bunch. This is my first pregnancy and besides my DH, I don't really have anyone I can go to who understands what I'm going through and all the new things I'm experiencing.

BumpAdmin · January 2016

Hi all,

Maintaining a welcoming environment in the community is something we take very seriously. We welcome debate and engaging dialogue from all perspectives here. We do not tolerate bullying. If you feel you’ve experienced bullying within the community,

Please:

Flag comments that violate our TOU by using the “Report a TOU Violation” feature below posts
Send a Private Message to BumpTara or @BumpCaitlin describing your concerns or send an email to communitybumpxogrp.com and include links to any threads that you are concerned about so we can properly investigate.

Please do not:

Post on the boards about your grievances with the community or individual members. Doing so tends to result in unproductive arguments among members and escalates situations.

By flagging posts that violate the TOU and sharing your concerns directly with our moderators, we are able to address issues promptly and properly.

We will be closing this thread for further comments. Thank you.

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