My mom, sister and DH will be there. I might tell my mom and sister to leave me the heck alone when it comes time to push, but I think having them in the room with me will be comforting as well as I know DH might be a little useless (nerves) so it will be nice to have women who have gone through this before there with me.
This thread has been really comforting. I am super close with my mom and I know it's going to break her heart not to be in the delivery room but I don't want to have to take care of her or worry about her feelings. And definite nope nope nope to my MIL being there. But hearing that so many of you have made that decision helps.
My mom & DH was the plan for DS. Honestly, labor was so long and boring (epidural), it was nice to have my mom there. I had a few people visit (I was there from 2pm Friday to 5pm Saturday in labor) and my best friend was in the room when I was checked and the baby was basically crowning and I didn't know.
The main reason I wanted my mom in there was to take pics so my husband didn't have to. But DH gave my friend his phone and told her to record (even though I had said no!!). It all happened so very fast that there wasn't time for my friend to leave and honestly, I didn't really care at all who was in the room. All I cared about was having the baby. Our hospital does "Kangaroo Time" where the baby is immediately placed on my chest for minimum of an hour before getting weighed and all that which I loved.
Thinking back on it now, it would have been weird to "plan" to have my friend there, but at the time it was really the last thing I cared about. As for the video....it took me about 2 weeks to watch it because I was still recovering, but now it's so amazing to watch and I am beyond happy to have a recording of such an incredible moment.
DH may not make it through to the birth. He's EXTREMELY squeamish (like, he feels faint if I take his pulse - I'm a nurse) and he's said he may well faint when it starts to get real. Obviously, we can't have another patient in the room, so he may have to leave. My mom will probably be there (she was for my first two), and I told the nurse I work with she's on deck to pinch hit, in case DH passes out. I'm delivering at my hospital.
With my first, It was just me, dh, doula and midwives. My mom was really upset because it was a lon labor and the doula misunderstood and wouldn't let her in at all. Oops second was in the hospital and my mom and dh were there. My mom never left my head so no hoohah flashing there. my mom was with me when I lost number 3 in the hospital (dh had gone home and it was not supposed to happen) this time will be dh, mom and doula at hospital.
This has been so great to read. I don't really want people in the waiting room because I don't want to feel pressured to see them sooner than I want. The ILs tend to make H tense and more snappy, and I'd rather not have to deal with that. I felt like it wouldn't be okay to express those feelings though, but you all made me more comfortable. I brought it up with H and he said whatever I want, we will make happen. Thanks ladies!!
Just DH and I and maybe our doula. No way is anyone else allowed in the room, waiting room, or at the hospital. They (immediate family) can all visit one at a time and over several days once we are home. You weren't there when the embryo went in, you don't have a right to be there when he comes out. Glad to see others feel the same and I'm not alone!
Just my mom and hubby. I had an emergency c with my last pregnancy and was sad she couldn't be with me. I am hoping my MIL has no impressions that she will be with me, she thought she would be with my married into the family SIL and had to be quickly set straight. Funny story, my dad was so queasy about the birth when I was born my mom sent him out and labored by herself. My mom and I are self sufficient like that lol.
Also, my in laws will not be informed til after baby, and not allowed to visit til next day. My husband is one of 7 kids and his family is the type to mob up and crash the party lol.
Just me and DH for my first born. This new crazy notion that anyone "deserves" to be there while you are giving birth besides you and your birthing medical personnel is completely ridiculous. I'm very close with my mom and my sister, but I've told everyone not to come to the hospital unless invited. Giving birth is stressful enough without an audience.
This. I knew I didn't want anyone other than my DH with our first. I called my Nana (who's not even blood related) and told them we were on our way to the hospital after my water broke. She just said to keep her updated when DD arrived. I didn't tell my mom at all because I knew she'd immediately drive to the hospital and I did not want her there, she stresses me out normally I couldn't imagine how it would be in a situation like that. My FIL was in town (they live in Japan) and had extended his stay specifically because I was due around that time so he did come wait in the waiting room all night, but didn't come in until we were in our room and I was fine with that. But when I told my mom she had been born, she says "You were supposed to tell me!!" Haha, sorry, but no. I even had a planned C-sec with DD2 and didn't tell my mom until after. To me...it's a special time for MY family...me, DH and the baby.
I had my mom who is like my best friend and DH there. One holding each leg. It worked out perfectly for us and I'm planning the same thing with this next baby.
I know I'm not going to be the one delivering but when BM goes into labor it will be me, DH and her H (maybe). She said she doesn't even care if he's there. She wants me there 100% and I'll be the one in surgery with her if she has to have a RCS. I'm hoping DH can come too if I can pull some strings at the hospital. I hope she's able to have a VBAC though.
On another note, if it were my labor it would totally be ONLY DH and myself. I have absolutely no doubts about that. We've been through such a long road, we really want this time to be special and our own.
My sister had both our mom and dad in the delivery room during the delivery of all 3 of her kids. I personally thought it was weird but she was okay with it and my parents were over the moon happy to share that moment of their grandkids being born. It really is a personal preference.
My other sister didn't even allow anyone to come to the hospital. She had her twins, they were in the NICU for 3 weeks and no one saw them until a couple weeks after they came home. It was SO different.
TTC #1 Since May 2011 ~ Everyone Welcome
Me (34): DOR d/t chemo/radiation, Immature Endometrial Lining, Hypothyroidism
DH (35): MFI d/t testicular torsion and removal, Low T, Oligospermia, Anti-Sperm Antibodies, Currently on T supplements Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!! March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16 July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?! 7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291 7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac 7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
With DD it was just me and my H and I am so glad it was. It got kinda crazy at the end and there was a lot of tension because she had the cord around her neck and got stuck by her shoulders. He was amazing encouraging me to push, stay calm and we were able to listen to the doctors and nurses when they explained options and what I was to do. Then when she was born it was the most amazing , special feeling and moment of our lives and I am so glad we could share it just us and our little baby. It is everyones choice of course and do what you are comfortable, but we will do the same this time and my mom can come in later when we get time to eat and rest and enjoy our new wrinkly little miracle.
I love my mom and my MIL, but we aren't having anyone in the delivery room that isn't medical staff. We aren't even telling anyone but immediate family that we are at the hospital because we don't want a million people waiting to see baby fresh from the snatch.... They can come visit after we are home from the hospital. Lol
@Rosehip15 I was present at my sister's birth and arrived just as her husband was recovering from passing out when she got her epidural. She was sitting there all calm (although kind of annoyed) and he was drenched in sweat and the centre of attention. Definitely good to have a backup support person if DH is squeamish
@MrsB2814 Honestly I would just ask your doctor and state your preference and talk about it. And remind him when you're in labour. I made a few special requests myself and even though some things weren't standard procedure they were happy to work with me.
Just my husband. It's our first and I just don't want to share that moment with anyone else (besides the obvious medical staff). Thankfully there is no expectation or assumption from any family member to be in the room either.
DH and my MIL were in the delivery room with me for DD. I never really knew my mom and I'm super close to my MIL ( I actually call her mom) it worked out great, MIL took a lot of pictures after DD was born and DH and I just focused on the baby. I will have them both in there again this time.
It will definitely only be my husband and I! I would never in a million years let any family in the room during labor. My lady parts are already on display for nurses and doctors...I don't need anyone in my family experiencing that. Haha.
MrsB8214 - If you take the hospital tour, you can talk to staff or even your doctor about their policies. Like @Emztron500, when DD was born, she was immediately placed on my chest. I held her for roughly 5 minutes. They took her measurements and everything in the room and gave her right back to me. Due to the high volume in the hospital, it was hours before the nurses came to give her a bath, change her clothes, etc. I'm so glad that I didn't have to deal with people who had been sitting in the waiting room. We were both exhausted.
My opinion is that he doesnt really get an opinion or sway here. That may be harsh but hes not the person going through labor. I think you need to do what makes YOU comfortable. If you think your mother in law, or own mother are going to take something away from the experience, and you think you may feel any which way with them there, I think they dont belong there then. If you feel anything besides supported and feel they would be adding something wonderful to the experience, then you need to express that.
That being said, I literally would have preferred to have DH, and no doctors, no nurses and no one else there if i could have but i dont have the confidence to give birth the first time that unassisted. But you couldnt pay me enough money to let any one else in the room beyond who absolutely needs to be there.
I don't know what your plans are for where you're going to give birth, but double check about the number of people allowed in the room (another person also mentioned this). I want on a hospital tour yesterday, and only two support people are allowed. Mine will be a doula and my DH.
Personally, if I had more people than that I might feel panicked or feel the need to reassure everyone else that I was okay (which is ridiculous, but very me). The doula is there to help me feel calm and my husband feel calm. If your mother can fullfill this role, take advantage of the free. I like space and would feel completely uncomfortable with my MIL seeing me in the buff; however, every relationship is different. Ultimately, I think it should be your decision, though, not your DH. What will make you the most comfortable during labor?
Personally, I am having my mom in the delivery room with my DH, but the reason behind that is because she could not have kids. My brother and I were both adopted, so she has never experienced a pregnancy/labor/delivery. This is my first pregnancy, and it has been amazing to share everything with her. I am really looking forward to her being in the room for this one.. I may have a complete different opinion if we decide to have a second child
This one will be just me and DH and the medical staff. It's how we did it the previous two times. My MIL will come stay at the house with the boys, or a neighbor will watch them until she gets there. If for some reason no one can stay with the boys the DH will have to until someone gets there. I would hate to deliver without him there though, but I doubt that would happen because we have fantastic neighbors.
My guest list is short: DH, midwife, doula, and nurse- I'm still trying to cut either the nurse or doula... Our family lives out of state and DH and I agree we won't even alert them until the baby is born and we are home. Then only because we have to. I don't want guests for at least a week, preferably 2 weeks. We're mean introverts.
Here's how I feel about it. It's both of your child, but it's YOUR delivery. If you were going to have heart surgery and could have some people in the room, your hubs wouldn't be the ultimate decider, and so it goes with this. YOU'RE the one in the hospital, "Dad" is an invited guest along with whoever else YOU want there.
However, I know it's important to include hubs in delivery, and nice to let him have his way sometimes, so I'll despence with advice and tell you my experience. When we were having my son DH kept saying he didn't want anyone else in there during delivery. That was fine with me. In fact this was the plan up until about an hour before delivery. My mom had been in and out of the room all day and when it came time to push she asked if we wanted her there and DH and I both said yes. It was wonderful having someone there who had been through it before. DH is great! But he didn't know what was going on or how it felt. And I don't know what I would have done without both of them holding my legs.
My mom almost fainted at all the blood, but she was great. DH was worried about having a family moment, but there are so many nurses there it didn't make any sense to kick out my mom.
For my daughter it was just me and my husband (our family all lives 600-3000 miles away). This time my family will be up here when I have the baby for the sole purpose of watching my daughter. I am very close with my mom, I talk to her everyday, but I think that it is a moment that should be shared with just the mom and dad. This time will be the same as the first time
I'm another one with a squeamish husband. Last time he sat in a chair next to my head with a cold washcloth on the back of his neck, and while I was pushing he kept reaching out weakly to pat my shoulder. It was infuriating. Even in the moment, I was thinking "Why am I feeling like I need to console you when I'm the one pushing a human being out of my body?" We had awesome nurses and an awesome on-duty OB, and I really felt like I was alone with the medical staff anyway, which, as it turns out, was just fine with me. So this time, when it's time to start pushing, the plan is for my husband to leave the room so I can focus on myself and the baby instead of on how he's doing. If it starts to look like I'll need an emergency c-section, we'll call my dad, a retired paramedic who lives 10 minutes away from the hospital, and he'll come in with me. Other than that, I don't want anyone besides my husband around while I'm laboring. Now that I've done it once, I know I want to do it on my own. If I change my mind in the moment, we have people around who will drop everything and come -- but honestly, if we didn't have to have someone to take care of our daughter, I wouldn't want to even tell anyone I'm in labor. For me, it's a really private experience, and I came out of it absolutely trusting the L&D staff at our hospital. Every L&D nurse I encountered during my 25 hours of labor was amazing, and they were so good at knowing what I needed in each moment. That's the kind of support I want during this delivery.
Here is my first thought: As a first time mom, I didn't realize the "state" I would be in mentally, emotionally, physically during labor. It took a lot more concentration than I thought it would. I think I THOUGHT that labor just "happened" to you....but rather...it is more like a marathon you are concentrating and working to focus and get through. THAT being said, I would definitely consider who you would do that best with. If having 2 mothers, a husband, a nurse, and a doctor would help you focus and get through it, then by all means! do it! BUT if you would feel more relaxed and free and focused with just you and DH, that is way more important...and here is why: When you are relaxed, your body relaxes, and the baby should come down and out easier. (Obviously, we all know it doesn't always happen that way)---but you need to plan on working WITH your body to relax. This helps avoid interventions/tears/etc etc. (SIDE-note to read Ina May Gaskin's guide to natural birth---even if you are not interested in having a natural birth, it really helps!)
Second thing: My midwife allowed my husband to "catch" our son. (Meaning, he put on gloves and put his hands on my sons head coming out and the midwife guided his hands with her hands to deliver him)....SO, My husband was able to enjoy that first daddy moment quite well being the only one in the room besides my midwife and nurse. I don't know if your OB would let you---but you can ask.
I personally loved becoming a family for the first time as JUST our little family unit...and then our moms came in about 15 minutes later.
Something to consider : It can be empowering for the men, in a process where they're mostly helpless, to be the ones you're relying on for emotional support and to do things like rub your arm or back or call in the nurse. I think MH would've felt a bit defeated if I called in others. I wanted my husband to have that experience where this felt like his/our moment. If I was worried he couldn't do it, would've brought in a midwife, doula or my mom.
On the other hand, having a large support group there or in waiting room can feel like a big celebration.
What's best depends on your personality, relationships, stress and pain coping and what sort of memories you want.
Just don't decide based on guilt or pressure. Do what's right for you and dad.
I agree with soenamored, it was an incredible experience for just husband and I. He was my rock and helped me through. To this day we love to talk about that day, it was amazing and so special for just he and I. For me, the moment was about me and my husband starting our family, not about the grandparents. it's really up to you and your husband and what you are comfortable with, but I really did have an amazing experience just my husband and I. Good luck with the decision!
Thank you so much for all of your responses! It makes me feel much less selfish to hear everyone's experiences and advice, and I'm so glad other Mommy's to be got to feel the same comfort on this thread. I'm so glad I found this BMC...It's been great to see other ladies having my same questions and concerns!
Just DH. I don't even want anyone else in the waiting room. For our first DH was there. I *may* have had my mom too, but she passed away a couple of years before. For our second, DH was beside me for most of it, but wasn't able to come into the operating room when we went for a crash section. Heck, I joke that I wasn't even there because it was under general anesthetic. This time we will have an elective c section and DH will be holding my hand.
PgAL (MC@7w 29/10/11 - lost you before we knew we had you)
Re: Who are you planning on having in the delivery room?
The main reason I wanted my mom in there was to take pics so my husband didn't have to. But DH gave my friend his phone and told her to record (even though I had said no!!). It all happened so very fast that there wasn't time for my friend to leave and honestly, I didn't really care at all who was in the room. All I cared about was having the baby. Our hospital does "Kangaroo Time" where the baby is immediately placed on my chest for minimum of an hour before getting weighed and all that which I loved.
Thinking back on it now, it would have been weird to "plan" to have my friend there, but at the time it was really the last thing I cared about. As for the video....it took me about 2 weeks to watch it because I was still recovering, but now it's so amazing to watch and I am beyond happy to have a recording of such an incredible moment.
second was in the hospital and my mom and dh were there. My mom never left my head so no hoohah flashing there.
my mom was with me when I lost number 3 in the hospital (dh had gone home and it was not supposed to happen)
this time will be dh, mom and doula at hospital.
Also, my in laws will not be informed til after baby, and not allowed to visit til next day. My husband is one of 7 kids and his family is the type to mob up and crash the party lol.
On another note, if it were my labor it would totally be ONLY DH and myself. I have absolutely no doubts about that. We've been through such a long road, we really want this time to be special and our own.
My sister had both our mom and dad in the delivery room during the delivery of all 3 of her kids. I personally thought it was weird but she was okay with it and my parents were over the moon happy to share that moment of their grandkids being born. It really is a personal preference.
My other sister didn't even allow anyone to come to the hospital. She had her twins, they were in the NICU for 3 weeks and no one saw them until a couple weeks after they came home. It was SO different.
Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!!
March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
It is everyones choice of course and do what you are comfortable, but we will do the same this time and my mom can come in later when we get time to eat and rest and enjoy our new wrinkly little miracle.
@MrsB2814 Honestly I would just ask your doctor and state your preference and talk about it. And remind him when you're in labour. I made a few special requests myself and even though some things weren't standard procedure they were happy to work with me.
That being said, I literally would have preferred to have DH, and no doctors, no nurses and no one else there if i could have but i dont have the confidence to give birth the first time that unassisted. But you couldnt pay me enough money to let any one else in the room beyond who absolutely needs to be there.
Personally, if I had more people than that I might feel panicked or feel the need to reassure everyone else that I was okay (which is ridiculous, but very me). The doula is there to help me feel calm and my husband feel calm. If your mother can fullfill this role, take advantage of the free. I like space and would feel completely uncomfortable with my MIL seeing me in the buff; however, every relationship is different. Ultimately, I think it should be your decision, though, not your DH. What will make you the most comfortable during labor?
Personally, I am having my mom in the delivery room with my DH, but the reason behind that is because she could not have kids. My brother and I were both adopted, so she has never experienced a pregnancy/labor/delivery. This is my first pregnancy, and it has been amazing to share everything with her. I am really looking forward to her being in the room for this one.. I may have a complete different opinion if we decide to have a second child
Our family lives out of state and DH and I agree we won't even alert them until the baby is born and we are home. Then only because we have to. I don't want guests for at least a week, preferably 2 weeks. We're mean introverts.
However, I know it's important to include hubs in delivery, and nice to let him have his way sometimes, so I'll despence with advice and tell you my experience. When we were having my son DH kept saying he didn't want anyone else in there during delivery. That was fine with me. In fact this was the plan up until about an hour before delivery. My mom had been in and out of the room all day and when it came time to push she asked if we wanted her there and DH and I both said yes. It was wonderful having someone there who had been through it before. DH is great! But he didn't know what was going on or how it felt. And I don't know what I would have done without both of them holding my legs.
My mom almost fainted at all the blood, but she was great. DH was worried about having a family moment, but there are so many nurses there it didn't make any sense to kick out my mom.
Second thing: My midwife allowed my husband to "catch" our son. (Meaning, he put on gloves and put his hands on my sons head coming out and the midwife guided his hands with her hands to deliver him)....SO, My husband was able to enjoy that first daddy moment quite well being the only one in the room besides my midwife and nurse. I don't know if your OB would let you---but you can ask.
I personally loved becoming a family for the first time as JUST our little family unit...and then our moms came in about 15 minutes later.
On the other hand, having a large support group there or in waiting room can feel like a big celebration.
What's best depends on your personality, relationships, stress and pain coping and what sort of memories you want.
Just don't decide based on guilt or pressure. Do what's right for you and dad.
Married: 12/16/12
TTC #1: 06/15 BFP #1:07/13/15
D&C: 08/28/15
BFP #2: 09/26/15
M: 06/03/16
BFP #2: 02/12/18
L : 7/26/18 (SIUGR, micropreemie)
For our first DH was there. I *may* have had my mom too, but she passed away a couple of years before.
For our second, DH was beside me for most of it, but wasn't able to come into the operating room when we went for a crash section. Heck, I joke that I wasn't even there because it was under general anesthetic.
This time we will have an elective c section and DH will be holding my hand.