@AEG84@AmadorRose - Those situations are so tough. I feel for you guys, and your husbands, and most especially your poor stepkids. I think there's definitely room for improvement in the whole system--some people's parenting skills, the ability to modify custody arrangements, the ability to fairly modify child support amounts, and legally recognizing the difference between inability to pay and refusal to pay (so that we're not sticking people in jail essentially for being deadbeats when the truth is they're just poor). That whole debit card thing (and the number of people who agree with it) just burns me, though. You nailed it, though, the sorts of people who are agreeing with that aren't the ones who are going above and beyond for their kids, they're the douchenozzles who think that owing a nominal fee every month entitles them to all of the control over their ex and relieves them from the actual responsibility of child-rearing. That's pretty clearly not the case for either of you or your husbands.
FWIW, reading your posts as a divorced kid with a shit dad, I really wish my stepmother had been more like you. Your stepkids are so lucky to have you!
There's so much I don't know. What is making of a murderer? What is the glucose test? Do all pregnant people have to get one?
Are you seeing a doctor or do you have a alternative plan? Your doctor should have given you a schedule of appointments and information on all the testing.. I'd say the vast majority of women, at least in the US, take the glucose test at 28ish weeks. You drink a sugary beverage , and the doctor tests your blood an hour later to determine if you're processing sugars properly. If you fail, you could have gestational diabetes, and need further testing.
My UO.. I don't understand calling family when you go into Labor. They aren't going to be in the room, and it takes a while, so I don't expect anyone to wait around that long. Our hospital has a skin-to-skin and delayed bathing period, so I don't think we'll be seeing visitors until several hours after he's born. Would much rather call them after we're all cleaned up and say 'Come on over!'.
I just got home from the OB and she told me to get the glucose test in 2 weeks. I was just a bit behind in my information. I hope it's not as bad as some are saying!!!
@yodiggity I've done the hospital tour/hospital breastfeeding class and they talk about it a lot! They believe babies drop temperature from baths too soon/the protective covering is good for baby, so it's at minimum a six hour wait for a bath, and we have the option to decline it until we get home.. There's no rush. They're also big supporters of breastfeeding, so they push immediate skin to skin for mom and baby (or dad and baby if mom had to have a c section or other complications).
I don't know that my doctor has mentioned it.. But if you can, try and take a baby class at the hospital you're delivering at.. They might cover this kind of thing! My doctor should know too, if I asked him.. They only deliver babies at this hospital.
There's so much I don't know. What is making of a murderer? What is the glucose test? Do all pregnant people have to get one?
Are you seeing a doctor or do you have a alternative plan? Your doctor should have given you a schedule of appointments and information on all the testing.. I'd say the vast majority of women, at least in the US, take the glucose test at 28ish weeks. You drink a sugary beverage , and the doctor tests your blood an hour later to determine if you're processing sugars properly. If you fail, you could have gestational diabetes, and need further testing.
My UO.. I don't understand calling family when you go into Labor. They aren't going to be in the room, and it takes a while, so I don't expect anyone to wait around that long. Our hospital has a skin-to-skin and delayed bathing period, so I don't think we'll be seeing visitors until several hours after he's born. Would much rather call them after we're all cleaned up and say 'Come on over!'.
I just got home from the OB and she told me to get the glucose test in 2 weeks. I was just a bit behind in my information. I hope it's not as bad as some are saying!!!
I've now done a non-fasting one hour (50g) test that was a total breeze and a fasting two hour (75g) that made me sick the first time but went just fine today. I had absolutely zero effects from the one hour, but had to lay down due to nausea and then had a pretty hard sugar crash today (slept through DH getting home from work during nap time!) after the two hour. I think its the fast that makes the biggest difference. I wouldn't worry, just info to be prepared for.
@AmadorRose So much to respond to today! First, I think you owe all of us with virgin ears an apology for introducing the term "crotch fruit." OMG.
Child support system - I would be really interested in people's ideas for improving the system. Cases like the ones you guys describe make my blood boil, but I'm also not sure how to redraw the lines. And this might be a surprise coming from a liberal like me, but changes to "the system" would likely constitute increased government interference/involvement in what should be personal decisions, and that makes me a little uncomfortable.
Tenure - My perspective on this is that of a civil servant. We get tenure so that the people of the United States have the benefit of professional government workers rather than a new set of rewarded campaign volunteers every four/eight years. What I don't get is why we can't draw a line between no protection from baseless firing and making it extremely onerous to fire someone who is demonstrably incompetent. I genuinely don't see why it's so hard to find some middle ground on this.
There's so much I don't know. What is making of a murderer? What is the glucose test? Do all pregnant people have to get one?
Are you seeing a doctor or do you have a alternative plan? Your doctor should have given you a schedule of appointments and information on all the testing.. I'd say the vast majority of women, at least in the US, take the glucose test at 28ish weeks. You drink a sugary beverage , and the doctor tests your blood an hour later to determine if you're processing sugars properly. If you fail, you could have gestational diabetes, and need further testing.
My UO.. I don't understand calling family when you go into Labor. They aren't going to be in the room, and it takes a while, so I don't expect anyone to wait around that long. Our hospital has a skin-to-skin and delayed bathing period, so I don't think we'll be seeing visitors until several hours after he's born. Would much rather call them after we're all cleaned up and say 'Come on over!'.
I just got home from the OB and she told me to get the glucose test in 2 weeks. I was just a bit behind in my information. I hope it's not as bad as some are saying!!!
I've now done a non-fasting one hour (50g) test that was a total breeze and a fasting two hour (75g) that made me sick the first time but went just fine today. I had absolutely zero effects from the one hour, but had to lay down due to nausea and then had a pretty hard sugar crash today (slept through DH getting home from work during nap time!) after the two hour. I think its the fast that makes the biggest difference. I wouldn't worry, just info to be prepared for.
Tbh mine wouldn't have been as bad if I hadn't gone sooooo long without eating. I went from 8:30 the night before, to almost 2:00 the next day without food, and the first portion of the test was administered at 11:30.
@JadaBlue it's one of many colorful phrases I've picked up since joining the military. Mom is proud
I think one huge improvement in the child support system would be simply allowing the child to live with the parent who is better able to financially and emotionally support the child. Yes, this would include more intrusion into people's personal lives; however, I feel like this is an area where I would happily accept increased government interference for things like psychological screenings, random home visits, and the like. My situation sucks, but baby mama has a relatively good relationship with DH (though I haven't been allowed near the kids in several months) and at least we know she'll ask if she needs help feeding them and they aren't being physically abused or neglected. I feel that my position right now is to support DH in his pursuit to foster his relationship with his children and not meddle, since he's been out of the country more than he's been in it for the last decade. I've worked with far too many men whose children are put in very dangerous situations by their mothers and the men can do little about it, even with legal recourse, simply because they're military men. Most states favor the mother, especially if the father is out-of-state or active military. Makes sense in theory, but it just doesn't work in practice and the children are the ones who really suffer.
I wasn't aware that your position was tenured - but it makes sense. God knows we don't need any more politicians! But I do agree - everyone should be held to a certain standard in their career while still being rewarded for longevity, just like in any other career. I guess it's because of where I come from - on a dairy farm, if you don't get your butt out of bed at 4 AM to milk the cows, they'll develop mastitis and that brings a whole host of problems. The job is self-fulfilling, so a job well done not only pays the bills but also sets you up for future success. If you screw up or just plain suck at what you do, you're hurting yourself more than anyone else. You can't skip milking every day and continue being a farmer just because you've been farming for 10 years.
@AmadorRose What you're describing is actually already the common law standard for determining custody: What is in the best interests of the child? In practice, however, I'm sure there is often still an unofficial presumption that children are best off with their mothers. And also, circumstances change, and my impression is that it is very difficult and expensive to get an order changed. Your idea for post-order observation is interesting--it could catch some bad situations, but I would expect a lot of parents would resent the heck out of it. It sounds like you and your husband are bringing the right attitude to a difficult situation.
Yes, Foreign Service Officers are tenured (or kicked out) after 3-5 years of service. The idea isn't really to reward longevity, but rather to provide for a career diplomatic corps rather than a revolving door of dilettantes. But the U.S. does remain the only developed country in the world with politically-appointed ambassadors. In any case, our particular case is a little different, because like in the military if you don't get promoted after so many years you get kicked out.
@AmadorRose What you're describing is actually already the common law standard for determining custody: What is in the best interests of the child? In practice, however, I'm sure there is often still an unofficial presumption that children are best off with their mothers. And also, circumstances change, and my impression is that it is very difficult and expensive to get an order changed. Your idea for post-order observation is interesting--it could catch some bad situations, but I would expect a lot of parents would resent the heck out of it. It sounds like you and your husband are bringing the right attitude to a difficult situation.
Yes, Foreign Service Officers are tenured (or kicked out) after 3-5 years of service. The idea isn't really to reward longevity, but rather to provide for a career diplomatic corps rather than a revolving door of dilettantes. But the U.S. does remain the only developed country in the world with politically-appointed ambassadors. In any case, our particular case is a little different, because like in the military if you don't get promoted after so many years you get kicked out.
Even with a psychological analysis of both parents, a judge can make the choice to ignore the findings and place the child in the custody of the parent that they want. Many judges do follow the "a child should be with their mother" school of thought, so a terrible mother may end up with a child who would have been a million times better off with their father.
@fbanke42 so true. I should also add that she was originally awarded custody (though technically is supposed to be 50/50) because he went to Iraq shortly after the divorce was finalized. He has since been unable to make changes and unwilling to get nasty in court over it. I guess as long as they're fed and not in danger, they're doing better than most kids in that situation; maybe they'll come live with us and go to college...a girl can dream!
@JadaBlue that makes sense, provided they continue to perform after tenure.
@yodiggity I've done the hospital tour/hospital breastfeeding class and they talk about it a lot! They believe babies drop temperature from baths too soon/the protective covering is good for baby, so it's at minimum a six hour wait for a bath, and we have the option to decline it until we get home.. There's no rush. They're also big supporters of breastfeeding, so they push immediate skin to skin for mom and baby (or dad and baby if mom had to have a c section or other complications).
I don't know that my doctor has mentioned it.. But if you can, try and take a baby class at the hospital you're delivering at.. They might cover this kind of thing! My doctor should know too, if I asked him.. They only deliver babies at this hospital.
Thanks! I will ask at my next OB appt. I signed up for some classes at the hospital but they're not until March.
Re: UO Thursday 1/7/16
FWIW, reading your posts as a divorced kid with a shit dad, I really wish my stepmother had been more like you. Your stepkids are so lucky to have you!
I don't know that my doctor has mentioned it.. But if you can, try and take a baby class at the hospital you're delivering at.. They might cover this kind of thing! My doctor should know too, if I asked him.. They only deliver babies at this hospital.
I've now done a non-fasting one hour (50g) test that was a total breeze and a fasting two hour (75g) that made me sick the first time but went just fine today. I had absolutely zero effects from the one hour, but had to lay down due to nausea and then had a pretty hard sugar crash today (slept through DH getting home from work during nap time!) after the two hour. I think its the fast that makes the biggest difference. I wouldn't worry, just info to be prepared for.
Child support system - I would be really interested in people's ideas for improving the system. Cases like the ones you guys describe make my blood boil, but I'm also not sure how to redraw the lines. And this might be a surprise coming from a liberal like me, but changes to "the system" would likely constitute increased government interference/involvement in what should be personal decisions, and that makes me a little uncomfortable.
Tenure - My perspective on this is that of a civil servant. We get tenure so that the people of the United States have the benefit of professional government workers rather than a new set of rewarded campaign volunteers every four/eight years. What I don't get is why we can't draw a line between no protection from baseless firing and making it extremely onerous to fire someone who is demonstrably incompetent. I genuinely don't see why it's so hard to find some middle ground on this.
Tbh mine wouldn't have been as bad if I hadn't gone sooooo long without eating. I went from 8:30 the night before, to almost 2:00 the next day without food, and the first portion of the test was administered at 11:30.
I think one huge improvement in the child support system would be simply allowing the child to live with the parent who is better able to financially and emotionally support the child. Yes, this would include more intrusion into people's personal lives; however, I feel like this is an area where I would happily accept increased government interference for things like psychological screenings, random home visits, and the like. My situation sucks, but baby mama has a relatively good relationship with DH (though I haven't been allowed near the kids in several months) and at least we know she'll ask if she needs help feeding them and they aren't being physically abused or neglected. I feel that my position right now is to support DH in his pursuit to foster his relationship with his children and not meddle, since he's been out of the country more than he's been in it for the last decade. I've worked with far too many men whose children are put in very dangerous situations by their mothers and the men can do little about it, even with legal recourse, simply because they're military men. Most states favor the mother, especially if the father is out-of-state or active military. Makes sense in theory, but it just doesn't work in practice and the children are the ones who really suffer.
I wasn't aware that your position was tenured - but it makes sense. God knows we don't need any more politicians! But I do agree - everyone should be held to a certain standard in their career while still being rewarded for longevity, just like in any other career. I guess it's because of where I come from - on a dairy farm, if you don't get your butt out of bed at 4 AM to milk the cows, they'll develop mastitis and that brings a whole host of problems. The job is self-fulfilling, so a job well done not only pays the bills but also sets you up for future success. If you screw up or just plain suck at what you do, you're hurting yourself more than anyone else. You can't skip milking every day and continue being a farmer just because you've been farming for 10 years.
ETA: not sure how I posted here... this was supposed to be in the random thread... oh well I guess.
Yes, Foreign Service Officers are tenured (or kicked out) after 3-5 years of service. The idea isn't really to reward longevity, but rather to provide for a career diplomatic corps rather than a revolving door of dilettantes. But the U.S. does remain the only developed country in the world with politically-appointed ambassadors. In any case, our particular case is a little different, because like in the military if you don't get promoted after so many years you get kicked out.
@JadaBlue that makes sense, provided they continue to perform after tenure.