Inlaw madness

bearsandbeets7 · January 2016

My old bmb did this for a rant about inlaws and I think after the holidays and all that family time shoved together into one month everyone deserves a good rant.

bearsandbeets7 · January 2016

My in laws are extremely passive aggressive. They think that I pulled their son, grandson, nephew away from them because we don't live right next door to them like they all do. They're all in each other's business 24/7 and I am an extremely private person so I can't deal with all the over bearing craziness.

nerdygangsta · January 2016

I have zero complaints which is new and amazing for me.

My MIL doesn't bother at all anymore. Woo hoo and since she and my FiL divorced he doesn't either

Whitmore1027 · January 2016

My MIL is wonderful. The past few years she has seemed to care even more about me than my birth mother. (She was so excited to get a "daughter" since all she has are sons) and now she is just wanting to help me with anything I need. Haha. (wait...this was the opposite of what this discussion was supposed to be right?) Well..my aunt in law was super happy for me, but then got really....distant because she is so sad that she isn't a grandma yet cause her 3 daughters don't want kids yet (and 2 of them are in their 30s). She's jealous of her sister.

Awkward.

1faceinacrowd · January 2016

My MIL is amazing and I love her to death. She talked to DH last week about wanting to throw my baby shower but doesn't want to "step on any toes" if my mom or someone on my side would rather do it. My mom is nice and all, but she's super lazy (she's actually very much like the mom in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" if any of you have seen that movie) so I'm pretty sure she'll be okay with it. The only in-law I really have any issues with is my DH's older sister, but only because I'm pretty sure she hates me. I'm not sure why, she just never talks to me or acknowledges me. I'm super outgoing and always try to start conversations with her, but she pretty much shuns me.

cabee310 · January 2016

I say nothing because I'm pretty sure my ILs are the type who would stalk this board and use what I say against me.

megframe16 · January 2016

I use to dislike my MIL beyond words. Over they years we have learned to like one another and get along. My FIL passed just before thanksgiving. My DH is still grieving but unfortunately was slightly brain washed by his dad that his mom was an awful person. Since his passing DH refuses to communicate anything with his mom. I feel bad because she reaches out to me and I have to secretly respond. He tells me to just ignore her.. Really not sure what to do here because I don't think it's fair to keep the kiddos from her and her from the kiddos.

imakeeff0rts · January 2016

If you guys want some good reads, here are some links for you:

Dealing with ILs and Family of Origin

Delivery Room Drama

Happy reading, my friends.

Raincity · January 2016

oh, thank god for this thread! I thought I was the only one. I cannot stand my FIL. I thought I did like him until my wedding when he honestly lost his mind and did a fabulous job of 'roasting' me in front of my family at the rehearsal dinner. It was mean and nasty and I'll never forget the looks of horror on my poor parent's faces.

Christmas was holy hell. I cannot be in the same room as my FIL. He says the meanest, nastiest things, and for the most part, his family thinks he's quite clever and 'oh, that's just daddy.' Finally, they're beginning to recognize that he's getting worse and rather intolerable. My MIL just takes it...I consider her a total enabler at this point but I know she has to find a way to cope, she's not going to divorce him. Also, can I just say that my entire husband's family has a volume control problem? My god, people, we're all in the same room.....QUIET DOWN.

imakeeff0rts · January 2016

@Raincity

Does your husband not stand up for you at all in this? I'm so sorry that your FIL is such a douche.

Tnallen107 · January 2016

So, my in-laws used to be incredibly overbearing and impossible to "disagree" with. But, they have gotten much better and I am hoping that this baby does not push us back to the starting point. My MIL was a foster parent, so she knows EVERYTHING about children

, she is also very..."laid back" when it comes to care for children. With this being my first, I know I will probably be overbearing, but I don't want to be made to feel like a moron because of it. Sigh, I guess only time will tell how this will end up.

Good luck ladies!

Bubblegum5586 · January 2016

I am one of the lucky ones with great in laws. They have treated me as family since day one. (I will say listening to FIL and BIL constant negative bashing about the terrible world we live in gets real old real fast).

amandam925 · January 2016

My in-laws basically don't think that anything should change for my husband since he's gotten married. They want us to spend all the holidays with their family, they think my husband should make all the decisions for us without me (and they try to bypass me so that I won't be a part of those decisions -- examples: insisting my husband joins them on spontaneous trips/visits, spontaneously coming over for dinner (when I do the cooking), having family members stay with my husband and myself for long periods of time, and even attempting to interfere with where my husband and I live!)

My husband makes a point of saying, "I'll have to check to see whether that works" "Or, hmm, let me call you back about that," and we make these decisions together, but it's frustrating. We've been married for five years and I almost never say no to my husband, so I don't understand why they feel the need to bypass me.

It makes me really nervous about having grandchildren around them -- to the point where I'd actually like to move further away from them.

allishally13 · January 2016

My in laws drink constantly (like all day every day). My husband and I agreed it would need to be a conversation later about not drinking while babysitting. But without telling a super long story, for awhile my husbands texts between him and other iPhone users was coming up on his dad's iPad. His nosey mother found out about our need for a future conversation by reading my husband's texts to one of his friends and flipped out on us. So typical, she loves drama and doesn't like me. I had to explain that yes, we would be having this conversation with all parents who want to babysit (not really but my husband called her an alcoholic in the texts so I had to calm her down somehow).

The only positive about this argument was she had the nerve to say "well I did successfully raise two kids," so I finally got to tell her we would disagree on some parenting things like me not wanting my baby to use my husband's childhood crib for safety reasons, and that means she can't use it at her own house either (after my husband told her we didn't want to use it, she had the nerve to tell me "then we'll use it for when the baby stays with us"...).

I will say overall my MIL has been much nicer to me since I've been pregnant, but I can tell it is going to be a long hard road to get her to understand these are my babies and I want things a certain way (she told everyone "we're pregnant" as if it was her baby, too). *sigh*

MrsAlT68 · January 2016

My in laws are divorced and I don't get along with either of them, but for very different reasons. I have saw how thet have both been with different sets of grandkids and i know its going to be hell. We don't plan on telling either until right before we formally announce at 12 weeks

jwittwer · January 2016

Inlaws... Ugh. Sometimes I completely despise mine.

My Sister-in-law (married to DH's brother) boycotted our wedding and didn't invite me to her first born's baptism. She makes it awkward whenever we have to go over there.

MIL is a complete airhead. She means well, but drives me crazy.

FIL isn't bad, but his last comment seemed to bug me and I can't seem to shake it. We announced to our parents on Christmas Eve that we were expecting again and his dad said, "Pace yourselves."

WTF does that even mean?!

MSUgrad12 · January 2016

My in laws are divorced. I get along with DH dad okay, but his mom, his sister and I have butted heads since DH and I started dating. Things have cooled off a bit, but you can still feel the tension. DH doesn't get along with his sister either and we weren't ready for her to know about the baby yet. We told DH's dad, then his Mom. He told his Mom not to tell his sister, but I just got a message from his step-mom that his sister left a message for his Dad about me being pregnant. He's pretty angry with his mom.

HuntingLillies · January 2016

My SIL and her husband adopted a 4 year old boy from China in February and I gave birth to my daughter in May. We traveled 6 hours to their house for Thanksgiving and were pretty much treated as an inconvenience they didn't want. Excuse me, you're the ones who WANTED to host Thanksgiving! The whole time we were there she kept commenting on how much harder it was for her to raise her child than it was for us. I wanted to shake her so bad! Don't tell a mother who has survived a baby being ripped out of her stomach, bleeding nipples while breastfeeding, and hasn't had a full night's sleep in almost a year her job is easy. I was so mad. My husband made the executive decision we would leave early. Thank goodness.

ginger819 · January 2016

We had a chemical in October but had told both our parents as soon as we got the bfp because we were so excited (we had hoped for two babies close together). My mom was so excited for us. His mom just kept telling us it was a mistake since we had a then 5 month old. She just kept telling us we wouldn't have time to raise our daughter the way we should. Then we found out we had had a chemical. A few nights later she tried to give our daughter spicy chicken. DS hadn't so much as had more than a shake of salt before and after my husband told my MIL firmly no she continued to hack at the chicken to get a piece from the middle that "was not spicy". Dh lost it and yelled at her to not give her that but she could give her some rotisserie chickenif she really had to give her some chicken. My MIL was not happy and she pouted the rest of the night and tried to guilt trip him by saying she cried all the way home. Then had the audacity to tell him she couldn't wait for #2 so we would not be so picky about what she gives DS to eat and don't watch over her so closely. I really think she thinks we're going to forget about DS and let her breath smoke on her (another issue I have let her see I have issues with) and feed her whatever she pleases after this baby is born. She's got another thing coming if that's what she thinks. My temper has been the worst it's ever been and I'm waiting for her to cross me in one of my hormonal moods.

dobiegirl85 · January 2016

Oh the in-laws....actually my FIL and StepMIL are just fine. I consider them to be "normal" like my parents and we get a long just great. We haven't told them we are expecting number 2 yet, but I am excited to tell them and know they will be very happy for us. My MIL on the other hand is horrible. She has no social boundaries, makes rude/ weird remarks all the time and loves to play the victim. Luckily she lives on the other side of the country (we moved before kids partially to get away from her). After DS's birth she came and stayed with us (I was 6 weeks PP and just starting to get into my groove) for about a week. We gave her different options of when to come and of course she didn't listen (even though she doesn't work and has absolutely nothing else to do). Let's just say she has traumatized me for life after that stay and I have already told my husband she will not be coming that early again and that there will be a long list of rules if she does come.

reneeannem · January 2016

My in-laws are mean, passive-aggressive, abusive and refuse to deal with any problems. My husband and I don't really have a relationship with them, despite moving cities to be closer. It used to be a source of pain, but now that we're having our first child I'm happy to have the clarity to protect ourselves against them (with the option of a relationship if they seek counseling and better themselves). I have suffered no fools in my life because of a rough childhood and never will.

JNew0816 · January 2016

I get along with MIL ok, she just has some boundary issues and doesn't have any self awareness. We have to hide vacations because she will invite herself and it just doesn't go well. She's already tried talking about moving in with us. I don't talk to my family, so I try to get along. Main issue is SIL. DH and her were never close. She steals, does drugs, puts his mom through hell, and she also moved back in with MIL. So we have to meet MIL somewhere or have her come to our house. MIL tries to have us come over or bring SIL to our house without asking. SIL got pregnant immediately after I announced I was pregnant with DS, and then one day after our loss announced a fake pregnancy in FB. She has since given her son to her MIL and had another baby. The last straw was when she gave out MY number to creditors and lawyers looking for her. I had to change my number. MIL wants me to just forgive every time she does something, and always defends her. It's exhausting.

spacedolphin11 · January 2016

We're not telling anyone about this pregnancy for a good long while because of my MIL. She's already made her opinion very clear that we shouldn't have had a second child (mostly because of money but also because DH is an only child & she believes you can't love your second as much as your first)... and here we are having a third. I know my parents will be happy (though surprised), but if MIL found out we told my parents much before her, there would be hell to pay. It's just not worth it for the moment.

ginger819 · February 2016

I know it's been a while since anyone's posted on this but I need to vent. My MIL is a semi heavy smoker. We have limited her time with DD and rarely take her over to her house (she smokes in the house and in her car so we take DD if she goes over there or she wants to see her). The majority of the time my MIL comes over to our house. She knows she has to smoke outside and not smoke around me or DD (though she forgets the last part sometimes).

Yesterday I walked outside and there were 6 or 7 butts in one of my pots I grow vegetables in. It's a huge pot and I WAS going to reuse most of the soil as it takes a whole bag to fill it. Cleaning up after yourself is a decent thing to do. I want to pick them all up in a baggie and go to her house and dump them in her precious flower pots. I find the damn things in our driveway and laying on our front porch. It irritates me more than anything. We're going to have serious issues if she leaves them in our back yard this summer when DD can play outside.

Also the smell of smokers right now makes me want to vomit, so whenever she comes over I have to hold my breath. I would never tell someone they had to stop smoking to see their grandkids (my dad smokes too and I have no issue with it because he NEVER smokes around us or in the house and he doesn't leave butts), but in my book if you aren't going to be respectful it's going to impact how much contact you get.

DisneyIsabelle · February 2016

@ginger819 wow, that's incredibly rude. Thank goodness my DH would but his family or anyone in their place with something like that. I would give her an ashtray to take outside with her when she smokes by passive aggressively being like "oh here you can take this ashtray outside" OR ask your husband to address it but not implicate you.

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