Young, Single, and I want a baby.

JenLMac1988 · January 2016

I have always known that I wanted to be a mom. But like many, my fantasy of how my life would go never really came to pass and so I find myself Googling the crap out of donor insemination, IUI and Single-Moms-By-Choice.

At 28, I am single, or mostly single. The man I'm currently "figuring things out" with (his words) and I want very different things at this point in our lives. I want a family; children, a home, holidays surrounded by those I love...and he wants to do his thing and will talk about marriage and children when he's ready.

Ultimately, I have decided that I don't want to put my life on hold while I'm waiting. Waiting for "the one", waiting for someone else to be ready etc.

I'm wondering if there is anyone else who is, or was in a similar situation and if so, how did you begin your journey to being a parent?

DCHokiemom · January 2016

I am not in that situation, but I can relate to how you feel. I was mostly single (dated a lot, but nothing serious), for almost all of my 20s. By the time I was 29, I was just so over dating and wanted a family. I started to consider using donor sperm or even adoption, but ultimately realized how difficult it would be to raise a child alone. I know there are many many women who do it, but I didn't think I was up for it. I made the decision to get serious about meeting someone and signed up for match.com. I was skeptical of online dating but I ended up meeting and ultimately marrying my husband. I am 34 now and we have an 18 month old daughter. I think if I had gone through with having a kid on my own, I would have missed the opportunity to meet someone to share this experience with. Whatever you decide, just know that you shouldn't feel like time is running out, you are so young and have plenty of time.

MRSCORKER · January 2016

Hi and welcome. I don't have any experience with this, I just wanted to say good luck. That's a tough place to be in. I didn't feel the ache to be a mother until I met my H (which was when I was 28, FWIW). If I were in your shoes, I would ditch the guy who doesn't know what he wants, because you clearly do. I would focus on getting my finances in order (they may already be for you), and take a look at my intended career path to see how a child would fit into my life, especially as a single parent. You may have already done all of this, I'm just going off of the information that was shared and my personal thoughts. In the mean time, maybe you could join eharmony or a similar sight where you could be matched with people who want what you want. You don't have to stop looking into DI/IUI but maybe you'll find what you're looking for.
Good luck, I hope you find a clear path forward.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · January 2016

JenLMac1988 said:
I have always known that I wanted to be a mom. But like many, my fantasy of how my life would go never really came to pass and so I find myself Googling the crap out of donor insemination, IUI and Single-Moms-By-Choice.

At 28, I am single, or mostly single. The man I'm currently "figuring things out" with (his words) and I want very different things at this point in our lives. I want a family; children, a home, holidays surrounded by those I love...and he wants to do his thing and will talk about marriage and children when he's ready.

Ultimately, I have decided that I don't want to put my life on hold while I'm waiting. Waiting for "the one", waiting for someone else to be ready etc.

I'm wondering if there is anyone else who is, or was in a similar situation and if so, how did you begin your journey to being a parent?

I think that regardless of age or where you are in life, if you're in a relationship with someone who wants different things, there comes a time where you just have to reassess, have some real conversations and possibly walk away. For both of your sakes.

Maybe by pursuing what you want, you will find it.

I say that because I met my husband when I was 29. Got married at 31, had DS at 33 (was 32 when I got pregnant). There is still time at 28, but you are right that you have to consider what you want and make your decisions based on that. I will say, there is nothing wrong with being a single parent, but it's not easy. It's not easy being a parent period. So just make sure you are sure about it and it's doable for you as far as costs, time, etc. and then do what will make you happy.

izza2 · January 2016

I agree with @LoveIsOwlYouNeed - If you and your "kind of" SO want two different things in life, then the relationship probably needs to be re-evaluated.

However; welcome to the board, and good luck.

LadyMillil · January 2016

Welcome and good luck.
I sort of understand how you are feeling. I wasn't in a rush to have a baby before DH, but I was looking for a serious relationship and wasn't meeting guys that wanted the same things. I used eHarmony and met DH. I liked eHarmony because it did the work for me and sent me men that wanted the same things as me. I know you didn't come here looking for dating advice, but it might be worth giving it a shot while you look into donor options. You never know, you could meet a man that wants the same things as you

_darth · January 2016

I'm just here to offer encouragement. The decision about weather to have kids can absolutely be made independently, and I applaud you for doing so. Before I met DH somewhat unexpectedly, I was in a similar situation relationship-wise. The man with whom I was "figuring thing out" (read: getting supremely annoyed) was intent on forever, but for him that meant maybe considering children and marriage at some point, but mostly having me fit neatly into his life while making no demands whatsoever. I could not see that happening with him, nor did I particularly want his company long term the more I got to know him, so I decided to draw up a timeline for family planning, and pursue it independently if I had not found a suitable, like-minded partner by then. Meeting DH when I did was a lucky coincidence.

MonaLisaRalphio · January 2016

Oh man, I can totally relate to this feeling. I met my now-husband just a couple of months before turning 28, and in the prior few years, I had been in a string of short relationships that went nowhere.

I'm gonna say something that you're not going to like, and I hope you know I'm saying it with love: this guy is not "figuring things out." He knows exactly what he's doing. He's enjoying your company but not committing to you. And that's fine, in and of itself. It doesn't make him a bad person, and it doesn't mean he's not into you. But he doesn't want what you want. Politely show him the door and start to move on. He can figure his shit out just as well on his own, and if he comes back to you ready to start making a life together, great. If not, then you dodged a bullet. Either way, you can't waste your time waiting for him to grow up.

I can't speak to wanting a child without a partner, but I can tell you that there is so much magic and romance in the practicalities of being with someone who is in the same headspace as you. You are obviously a motivated woman who knows what she wants, and you deserve the same thing in a partner. This wishy-washy bullshit lip service is not good enough for you.

Lulucooks · January 2016

Run from the guy your "figuring things out" with. If he doesn't want what you want in the long term you are both wasting your time.

gardeniagirlknits · January 2016

Once upon a time I was engaged and he cheated... I was terrified to break things off and realized it was bc I was fearful that I would be an "old maid" and never have a family. It was the wrong reason to stay and I ended up leaving after a lot of encouragement from those closest to me. I promised myself that if I was 40 and single, I would adopt, and in the meanwhile I would work on getting my finances in order so that I could afford to be a single mom if it came down to that. This really helped calm me down. Fast forward... Married to a wonderful man and ttc. Not sure if this is helpful, I realize it's just my story... But I thought it might be useful for you to know that others have this fear as well. Good luck on everything.

Fwiw - one of my dear friends had a donor and she and her son are very happy and we'll adjusted. But she did wait until she was older and focused on traveling and her career until she went through with it. She blogged about the experience ... Lemme see of I can find it

wifeinraleigh28 · January 2016

DCHokiemom said:

I am not in that situation, but I can relate to how you feel. I was mostly single (dated a lot, but nothing serious), for almost all of my 20s. By the time I was 29, I was just so over dating and wanted a family. I started to consider using donor sperm or even adoption, but ultimately realized how difficult it would be to raise a child alone. I know there are many many women who do it, but I didn't think I was up for it. I made the decision to get serious about meeting someone and signed up for match.com. I was skeptical of online dating but I ended up meeting and ultimately marrying my husband. I am 34 now and we have an 18 month old daughter. I think if I had gone through with having a kid on my own, I would have missed the opportunity to meet someone to share this experience with. Whatever you decide, just know that you shouldn't feel like time is running out, you are so young and have plenty of time.

I love this. I met my husband on match.com as well. I signed up because I had decided I didn't want to wait around for someone great to just show up in my life. I wanted to actively do something about it. I was tired of dating random guys I met while I was out with my girlfriends. I think I would still be single, and nowhere close to settling down, if I hadn't taken that risk and signed up for online dating.

I understand the pain of being single and wanting a family. But I wouldn't trade what I have with my husband for anything in the world. We are struggling to get pregnant, and we may not be able to conceive naturally, but I choose him first and foremost before anyone. I personally would choose to find the love of my life before choosing to have a child, but you have to do what is right for you.

PrimRoseMama · January 2016

my BFF has plans to be a Single-Mom-By-Choice. She's involved in a triad (Poly) but I'm not sure if the anchor couple has plans for children of their own. She wants to talk to them about sperm donation from her boyfriend (their boyfriend-- the triad is FFM) and then not making him pay support or anything (unless he wants to).

In any event, there are many others in your position. It would not work for me (I grew up in a single parent home and it was not easy. I don't want to do that), but I wish you luck on your adventure.

picklesplease · January 2016

wifeinraleigh28 said:

DCHokiemom said:

I am not in that situation, but I can relate to how you feel. I was mostly single (dated a lot, but nothing serious), for almost all of my 20s. By the time I was 29, I was just so over dating and wanted a family. I started to consider using donor sperm or even adoption, but ultimately realized how difficult it would be to raise a child alone. I know there are many many women who do it, but I didn't think I was up for it. I made the decision to get serious about meeting someone and signed up for match.com. I was skeptical of online dating but I ended up meeting and ultimately marrying my husband. I am 34 now and we have an 18 month old daughter. I think if I had gone through with having a kid on my own, I would have missed the opportunity to meet someone to share this experience with. Whatever you decide, just know that you shouldn't feel like time is running out, you are so young and have plenty of time.

I love this. I met my husband on match.com as well. I signed up because I had decided I didn't want to wait around for someone great to just show up in my life. I wanted to actively do something about it. I was tired of dating random guys I met while I was out with my girlfriends. I think I would still be single, and nowhere close to settling down, if I hadn't taken that risk and signed up for online dating.

I understand the pain of being single and wanting a family. But I wouldn't trade what I have with my husband for anything in the world. We are struggling to get pregnant, and we may not be able to conceive naturally, but I choose him first and foremost before anyone. I personally would choose to find the love of my life before choosing to have a child, but you have to do what is right for you.

I love both of these responses. I also met DH on match.com. I had been in quite a few relationships with guys who were "figuring things out." Those men are now married to the women who they started dating after they broke up with me. I'm not saying your guy is doing the same thing, but I agree with @LINDSEYRVA, he knows exactly what he is doing. The guys I had been with told me they cared about me, but they weren't sure if they wanted marriage. I'm going to say something you also might not like, but again, it's from a place of love: They just weren't sure if they wanted to marry ME. I feel as though this might be the same situation with your guy. He's not sure about you, not about marriage. I think it might be time to cut things off with him. I promise you will be better for it. It will, of course, suck at first, but you need to take care of yourself.

I also agree with @gardeniagirlknits and @MRSCORKER - If I were you, I would start to evaluate my financial situation and career path in order to determine whether a child would fit into my life. If you are living comfortably and can put money into savings, then you would be able to take care of a baby (and yourself). You can always join eHarmony or match.com, but you want to make sure YOU are taken care of first.

Best of luck to you!

gardeniagirlknits · January 2016

gardeniagirlknits said:
Once upon a time I was engaged and he cheated... I was terrified to break things off and realized it was bc I was fearful that I would be an "old maid" and never have a family. It was the wrong reason to stay and I ended up leaving after a lot of encouragement from those closest to me. I promised myself that if I was 40 and single, I would adopt, and in the meanwhile I would work on getting my finances in order so that I could afford to be a single mom if it came down to that. This really helped calm me down. Fast forward... Married to a wonderful man and ttc. Not sure if this is helpful, I realize it's just my story... But I thought it might be useful for you to know that others have this fear as well. Good luck on everything.

Fwiw - one of my dear friends had a donor and she and her son are very happy and we'll adjusted. But she did wait until she was older and focused on traveling and her career until she went through with it. She blogged about the experience ... Lemme see of I can find it

I'm back!!! Found it!! Here is my friends story...

The story is called "last call" and her blog is on globetrottermom.wordpress.com

Ps. I tried to copy and paste... I don't know why it's not working. It's a VERY VERY detailed story about the process from her point of view.

Fwiw: I admire her for taking the plunge.... but... I admire her even more because she took DECADES doing her own thing... Traveling, having a kick ass career and trying to have as many experiences as she could. It's what makes her such an undeniably interesting human being, aside from her conception story. Also... This story points out how expensive it is. And I don't know that she would have been in a position to do it even if she wanted too, at a younger age.

Edit clarification

MNturnsVA · January 2016

I would have to just agree with everyone else has said and that it sounds like you need to end things with this guy, especially if you've been together for more than 2 years or so. And even more especially if you've been living together and he still can't "figure out what he wants".

I dated a complete jerk for 3 years and was SO in love with him. All of my friends told me to leave him and I wouldn't listen, until I met my current DH while my ex and I were not talking at the time or had been in an argument. Meeting my DH was a real eye opener. He was everything I REALLY wanted long term. and the more time I spent with DH, the more my ex became the biggest jerk ever and I realized how silly I'd been.

I think that you should definitely end things with the current guy and re-evaluate a few things. Career, where you live, long term goals etc. Take some time to focus on you. If you have the finances, go on your dream trip because once baby comes along you may not have that opportunity. If you need to finish some schooling to further your career, do that.

I think making a long term plan is a key for you as well, lining up finances, career and all of that.

I can totally relate to the wanting a baby thing and knowing you want a baby from early on, but I would also have to wonder, are you wanting a baby because you want to feel loved? So maybe you need to take some time to really love yourself and who knows, maybe you will meet Mr. Right?

Single parenting can be done, but it is going to be much harder than doing it with a partner, the right partner.

I just ran into a friend of mine the other day who is married to her 2nd husband and has 3 kids. She was complaining about how lazy her current DH is. I never would have married somebody like that. If they are lazy to start, they will be lazy. They aren't usually going to change and we have strong wants to change men to fit our needs.

It may take you some time, but there is somebody out there for you. And it may not fit into the dreams you had from the time you were 16 of how your life was going to pan out, but you are still pretty young.

I met my DH when I was 28, we dated and lived together for almost 6 years before we got engaged and married and are now expecting and I'm 35 now.

I really thought I was going to be married and have my kids by the time I was 28 but life had other plans and overall I'm glad for the way that everything has worked out.

Good Luck!!

JenLMac1988 · January 2016

Thank you all so much for your input! There is so much wisdom here; it's very heartwarming

I should be clear though; I haven't decided to give up on love or finding a proper mate. Far from it actually. I am just more interested in having children than finding a partner- I've always been independent to a fault. I have every faith that the right person will show up exactly when he's meant to That being said, I'm SO SO SO glad that all of you have found your loves and were able to proceed on your paths together

I have a very good job that includes absolutely incredible benefits (for me and baby). The support system surrounding me is second to none- with some of the best role models I could ever ask for. I understand though that there will be times that it will be just me.

Of course, the process can be long and it may not even happen right away. The way I see it, it can't hurt to get the ball rolling and if someone special happens to appear than that's great, and if not, I'm OK with that too

JenLMac1988 · January 2016

When I first had this idea that this was the time to get things going, I actually did some of the most soul searching I have ever done.

One of the questions I asked myself was exactly what you said-Do I want to have a baby because I want to feel loved? I'll admit I thought about that question for a long time. Then I came to the conclusion that no, I feel loved all the time. I love myself (took me the majority of my life to do that!) and my life and all of the things I have done. But there was something else and I finally figured it out.

The truth is that I have love to give. And I could spend that love on boys, or family or animals (LOTS of animals), but anyone who really wants children knows that this kind of love is reserved, exclusively, for our children.

Does that make sense lol?

BostonBaby1 · January 2016

***dirty lurking ***

Can I make a somewhat unorthodox suggestion? Like you, I always knew that I wanted to be a mom. I was previously engaged young and that relationship ended three weeks before our wedding. That was a six-year relationship and I couldn't imagine ever knowing somebody well enough to be able to trust them, and I wondered where that would leave me with regards to my desire to become a mother. I am now significantly older (37) and have since met the man of my dreams. And although I have always wanted children, the prospect of having them with him is beyond exciting. He also very much wants to be a father and if he can do so biologically/genetically, even better. We are a team though. We have not had the easiest of times trying to start our family. It has been phenomenal to have him by my side. I wouldn't change anything about our relationship or waiting for "Mr. Right," but if I could go back and do one thing differently, I would freeze my eggs.

Since you have such a good job with great benefits, perhaps you should think about that as well? Check with some reproductive endocrinologists in your area and find out what it might cost. That doesn't mean that you have to wait forever to have children, just that the option will be there for you and it also gives you the chance to meet a man that you want to father your children. If that takes you some time, you still have the luxury. If you end up using the sperm donor or adopting, that's absolutely fine too… But I would urge you to look into all of your options first.

And I agree with moving on from your current relationship. I wish you the best of luck.

*clarity

Itsnotyourturn · January 2016

While I am married now, at 28 I was in a somewhat similiar situation. I was waiting on a guy that wouldn't commitment and I couldn't trust. i was so tired of waiting for "the one" I had decided at the time if I got to a certain age in my thirties and was still single I would find a way to be a parent on my own. I figured I would either adopt, or use donor sperm. I met my husband right at the time I was going to start making decisions so I didn't go that route but I agree with @BostonBaby1 and think freezing your eggs is a really good alternative. If that had been more widely available when I was 28, I would have absolutely gone that route.

Having some 28 year old frozen eggs right now would NOT suck. Now I may be relying on the generosity of one of my sisters (she's 26 and is a one and done Mommy) that has kindly offered to donate her eggs. I wish at 28 I would have been as aware as you are that having a biological child might really matter as some point. I had always leaned more towards adoption when I was single. (I still lean towards adoption though. Time will tell for us I suppose.)

ETA I purposely didn't comment on your current relationship because for me to finally break it off completely with the guy I had been dating it took my husband showing me what being in love actually is. I was definitely not strong enough at the time to break up with him permanantly (it was a complicated mess) but I so wish I had been. I could have saved myself years of heart break.

MrsFL2015 · January 2016

JenLMac1988 said:

At 28, I am single, or mostly single. The man I'm currently "figuring things out" with (his words) and I want very different things at this point in our lives. I want a family; children, a home, holidays surrounded by those I love...and he wants to do his thing and will talk about marriage and children when he's ready.

I admire your decision to "go it on your own". You're obviously a very confident and independent woman, but I want to caution you on single motherhood. You say you want a family with the kids, holidays and love surrounding you. Having a child on your own does not guarantee happiness or the perfect family you desire. Parenthood is difficult for two parent households/situations. Being a single parent is twice as hard. It's also twice as hard if you don't have the financial stability or some type of support (family/close friends). Just make sure the vision you want (the family, home, happiness) is truly attainable with your situation.

You still have a lot of time left to have a child and the family you want; I'm 31 and I just got married. Three years ago, I thought getting married wasn't in the future for me, but life surprises you. There is nothing more special then having a child with someone you love and raising them together. Finding someone to spend your life with is a very special thing, don't give up on it yet.

_darth · January 2016

I disagree that being a single parent is twice as hard, on principle. Having a less than supportive partner who drains your resources is much more difficult. OP is a responsible adult with a career and a great support circle. She has assessed her situation, and has concluded that it is suitable to raise a child. I agree wholeheartedly. Many people have positive experiences with way less.

I also disagree that a child had with someone you love is in any way more special or wonderful than any other child. This train of thought actually upsets me quite a bit. I understand that people are putting forth this sentiment from a personal stand-point, but it is actually pretty disrespectful to the experiences of blended families, single parent families, and adoptees.

Also, finding love and starting a family can very well be independent goals. You don't have to do them in that order, and you certainly don't have to wait on one to start the other.

JenLMac1988 · January 2016

I admire your decision to "go it on your own". You're obviously a very confident and independent woman, but I want to caution you on single motherhood. You say you want a family with the kids, holidays and love surrounding you. Having a child on your own does not guarantee happiness or the perfect family you desire. Parenthood is difficult for two parent households/situations. Being a single parent is twice as hard. It's also twice as hard if you don't have the financial stability or some type of support (family/close friends). Just make sure the vision you want (the family, home, happiness) is truly attainable with your situation.

You still have a lot of time left to have a child and the family you want; I'm 31 and I just got married. Three years ago, I thought getting married wasn't in the future for me, but life surprises you. There is nothing more special then having a child with someone you love and raising them together. Finding someone to spend your life with is a very special thing, don't give up on it yet.

This is such a beautiful sentiment You're very lucky to have found someone that solidifies this belief in you

But, at the risk of sounding...bitter (yikes), and this is PURELY from my own personal perspective based on what I what observe in my own personal life-having a relationship or marriage doesn't guarantee happiness or the perfect family either.

Maybe I notice it more since I'm from such a tiny town but I see these happy families dissolving all around me. That's not meant to say that all will, because many, many people do get and are successful at maintaining a wonderful, happy life with the person they love.

JenLMac1988 · January 2016

I should also backtrack a wee bit...

I painted the person I'm with in poor light. I'm not defending his inaction because it really is frustrating to me and I'm sure my bugging him about it is frustrating for him too. But in reality the poor guy has been to hell and back in his life and he has his reasons for why he is the way he is. I'm not ENTIRELY sure what all happened in his past but I know it would definitely affect his thinking about families and raising children. That in itself is something that I NEED to consider.

I have to be clear though that it's not for lack of feelings on his part that we are in our position. Just his circumstances

izza2 · January 2016

@JenLMac1988 - I can completely respect that; my husband, as much as he had a son before we even met, was not entirely sure if he wanted a family or if he even could handle a family before we got together. His own family was not one that made him strive for a wife and 2.5 kids; his parents split early on in his life, his mother is an alcoholic, his father was uninvolved (despite living 15 minutes away), his maternal grandparents were the only two constant caring people in his life. He didn't know if he could handle a wife and kids and everything that came with it. A part of him wanted it, but it was something we both worked on together; that's what worked for us.
However, that being said, I don't feel that you should sacrifice yourself or your happiness because your SO may not want what you want in life, regardless of his past happenings. Kids are a huge deal. Not talking about children or future plans in a serious relationship is a huge factor in why some couples just don't work out overall. It's not necessarily that one or the other partner is bad or is unfeeling; it's just the way it works sometimes.

Just going to be the devil's advocate here and say; what happens if you stick it out with him and five years down the road you're still pining for a child and he's still on the fence, or still saying no, or he's not ready? It's not that he's a bad person, or he's trying to hurt you or keep you from what you want in life, but he just isn't at a point (or may never be at a point; some people don't want kids at all) where he wants the same things you want.

Regardless of anything; you do you. If you care for your SO and you want to see how things work out, then by all means, do so. Don't let a bunch of strangers tell you what to do with your life. There are plenty of people who will probably side-eye you for wanting to have a child on your own if that's what you choose to do -- and there will be people who side-eye you for having a child with a partner and not being independent; there are too many judgmental people in the world to go by what anyone else but you wants.

Anyway. Now that my story book is over, haha.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · January 2016

What she said ^

I never thought your SO was a bad person, OP. It's just that if two people want different things, conversations and reassessments may be needed. That's not to say what one person wants is wrong or bad. It's just different. And wildly different life directions or preferences can be difficult later. That's all.

FireInWonderland · January 2016

**** lurking from S16 ****

I think it's great that you have a plan. There's been so much good advice that I won't add any - but I will say that I hope you get the loving family that you want in he near future, and that love finds you in the romantic sense, too. It's so special to have someone else there to witness those first moments with you, but that doesn't preclude it from being a friend or grandparent either. It will be just as special for you no matter who it's with, and that's all that's important! Good luck!!!

BostonBaby1 · January 2016

DarthFuriosa said:
I disagree that being a single parent is twice as hard, on principle. Having a less than supportive partner who drains your resources is much more difficult. OP is a responsible adult with a career and a great support circle. She has assessed her situation, and has concluded that it is suitable to raise a child. I agree wholeheartedly. Many people have positive experiences with way less.

I also disagree that a child had with someone you love is in any way more special or wonderful than any other child. This train of thought actually upsets me quite a bit. I understand that people are putting forth this sentiment from a personal stand-point, but it is actually pretty disrespectful to the experiences of blended families, single parent families, and adoptees.

Also, finding love and starting a family can very well be independent goals. You don't have to do them in that order, and you certainly don't have to wait on one to start the other.

^^ Just to elaborate on what I wrote above, I don't think that having a baby with my DH makes that baby anymore special that it would be from somebody else. But I was trying to say was that given all of our difficulties, having somebody that I am in love with as my partner made it plausible to get through these times relatively intact. I agree with what you're saying about there being multiple ways to start a family and one is not necessarily preferential to another.

FiancB · January 2016

I admit I've been there, and it doesn't hurt to look into, but I would give it some more time. It's truly amazing how much your life can change in say 3 years (for me- 25, dumped by my fiance, convinced I would miss out on a family, now I'm 28 and married to a great guy that can't wait to have kids). At one point I said that I hoped to have a baby by 25, well that didn't happen but things worked out for the best for sure.

I'm reading a lot into things but it sounds like maybe you're trying to fix this guy. Don't do it. I know you said he's not a bad guy, but that's not good enough. It sounds like you are scared to start over with someone else and to "waste" yet even more time- why go find someone completely new when maybe this guy will have a change of heart? And he may mostly be with you because you conveniently sound like you have your shit together. It doesn't seem like it at the time but looking back at my past relationship, that's totally what was going on, more or less. You don't want to be the one pressuring someone into something they aren't ready/excited for.

IDK, I don't fault someone for considering this path, but it's something I'd consider maybe in another decade or so. Anyway, I know you didn't come here for dating advice so I'll just shut up now and say welcome.

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