I'm just going to be so grateful for anyone who went out of their way to give a gift to my child. I can never imagine being annoyed at someone for giving a gift!
Two years ago my FIL called to ask me if I had a deep dish pie pan. I told him no, I'm not a fan of deep dish pies so it's nothing I would ever need or use. Guess what I got a month later for Christmas? Yup. A deep dish pie pan. Yup. I was annoyed. They have no idea....but I totally was.
I think that is what most people on here are talking about. When you, politely, make your wishes known, but other people ignore them completely. It goes much beyond gift giving, imo, to a lack of caring and respect to be ignored completely. It isn't the gift, it is the being ignored as a person. That is how I always feel when my in-laws do stuff like they did with the pie plate. It feels like, "Oh, you don't really know what you want. I know better for you so I'm going to do this anyway."
See this to me just screams first world problems.
Doesn't make it hurt any less to be treated like you don't matter. Especially when it happens year after year after year and for things besides gifts.
---qbf----
Aw that sucks. My ILs don't buy us gifts. Never even bought DH a gift once he was a teenager. I bet that's hard to have someone choose to give you something for Christmas and hate it. Maybe you should tell them not to get you any gifts anymore since they can't get the right thing.
With all due respect it sounds like you have some deeper seeded issues with your ILs that should probably be addressed. I doubt they gave you the pie dish thinking "oh this will stick it to you. We know what you want so much more than you do. Now you will remember that every time you eat pie".
We've had to work things out over the past 12 years but we still have issues every now and then as we are all human. That really isn't the point.
I was using that as an example to explain to you and others as to what it feels like to have someone, who asked or came up in conversation over what you want/need/your style, completely ignore that in the end. It isn't an ungratefulness at all. It goes beyond the gift itself. It is feeling hurt and annoyed that people ignore you. I highly doubt anyone here is about to throw a gift back at someone.
If you don't understand that, I guess this is just something that a few of us will just have to agree to disagree on.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012 TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
I don't think there is much gray area here. If someone gives you a gift, you should be grateful for the thought even if you don't like or didn't want what they gave you.
I feel ya giiiiiirl. My family is VERY tradition when it comes to gender. Im not. I mentioned im not buying pink to my hubs and thiiiis guy went and bought a pink baby blanket and proceeded to rub it on my belly the day after my no pink discussions. As for everyone else, we will happily take what we get pink, purple whatever. As she gets older ill be sure to buy her gender neutral clothing and toys... I HOPE she hates dolls lol. But if she doesnt ill be sure to buy her dolls of different races... Im raising an aware baby.
Also, sidenote: ive gotten a baby shower invite that says "baby's favorite colors are...." It was a girl and i think the colors were grey, black, white -- i got the drift, babrely any pink at the baby shower. Maybe that could be a good way of saying no pink in a cute way ????
I don't think there is much gray area here. If someone gives you a gift, you should be grateful for the thought even if you don't like or didn't want what they gave you.
I'm with you on this. It seems to me this is being taken to a deeper level that seems nonsensical relating to the original post. This is a skill I was taught when I was a tiny kid.
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
I don't think there is much gray area here. If someone gives you a gift, you should be grateful for the thought even if you don't like or didn't want what they gave you.
I'm with you on this. It seems to me this is being taken to a deeper level that seems nonsensical relating to the original post. This is a skill I was taught when I was a tiny kid.
There's definitely a difference between asking for things and mentioning preference and just being a bad gift reciever. As the OP, I can say I don't intend to look any gift horses in the mouth. you should always be thankful someone thought of you, even if what they really thought of was how awesome it made them feel to spend money. personally, I'm choosing to not have a shower or a public registry. If people ask us what we want they will get a specific list. Family and friends know we're eco friendly, vegan, chemical avoidance people so we are hard to shop for anyway. If someone gets us something plastic/full of chemicals/made from animals/etc etc (including very gender specific) I'll smile and thank them and then probably do somethings with the gift like give it away (if it's a chemical or animal tested product) or give it to friends of mine who are having babies. We're planning a "meet the baby" party when they're a little older so our friends can come by our house, eat good food, drink some beer and see the baby. I'm happy to know I'm not the only FTM who isn't planning a shower or anything, but if you are that is your own deal- and have fun!
Re: He/she/ze
Doesn't make it hurt any less to be treated like you don't matter. Especially when it happens year after year after year and for things besides gifts.
---qbf----
Aw that sucks. My ILs don't buy us gifts. Never even bought DH a gift once he was a teenager. I bet that's hard to have someone choose to give you something for Christmas and hate it. Maybe you should tell them not to get you any gifts anymore since they can't get the right thing.
I was using that as an example to explain to you and others as to what it feels like to have someone, who asked or came up in conversation over what you want/need/your style, completely ignore that in the end. It isn't an ungratefulness at all. It goes beyond the gift itself. It is feeling hurt and annoyed that people ignore you. I highly doubt anyone here is about to throw a gift back at someone.
If you don't understand that, I guess this is just something that a few of us will just have to agree to disagree on.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
Also, sidenote: ive gotten a baby shower invite that says "baby's favorite colors are...." It was a girl and i think the colors were grey, black, white -- i got the drift, babrely any pink at the baby shower. Maybe that could be a good way of saying no pink in a cute way ????
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
There's definitely a difference between asking for things and mentioning preference and just being a bad gift reciever. As the OP, I can say I don't intend to look any gift horses in the mouth. you should always be thankful someone thought of you, even if what they really thought of was how awesome it made them feel to spend money.
personally, I'm choosing to not have a shower or a public registry. If people ask us what we want they will get a specific list. Family and friends know we're eco friendly, vegan, chemical avoidance people so we are hard to shop for anyway. If someone gets us something plastic/full of chemicals/made from animals/etc etc (including very gender specific) I'll smile and thank them and then probably do somethings with the gift like give it away (if it's a chemical or animal tested product) or give it to friends of mine who are having babies. We're planning a "meet the baby" party when they're a little older so our friends can come by our house, eat good food, drink some beer and see the baby.
I'm happy to know I'm not the only FTM who isn't planning a shower or anything, but if you are that is your own deal- and have fun!