Hospital room visitors after delivery

leahbickham · December 2015

Has anyone of you ladies ever restricted visitors after baby is born? This is my 3rd pregnancy and the thought of being swarmed by people after I deliver like I have been in the past is overwhelming and keeps me up at night. My husband doesn't get why I feel this way. I would love to have our parents and siblings come in right away, just not aunts and cousins, friends and everyone else and the truth is, his family is way bigger and that is part of the problem. If this is my last time to deliver, I want it to be as peaceful and intimate as possible afterward. Any ideas on how to do this in a tactful but firm way?

cortney626 · December 2015

The nurses can keep anyone out. I'd tell your parents and siblings not to tell other family members when you go into labor. That you'll make the call when you want visitors.

missnc77 · December 2015

You may find this thread in the 2nd trimester forum interesting -

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12642291/who-are-you-guys-having-in-the-delivery-room

rlworzalla · December 2015

My doctor said it's completely up to me who to have in the room and she will 'body block' anybody who tries to get in. She actually had the mother of a patient get mad at her because my doctor didn't let her in the delivery room immediately. It's your day and you get to let who you want in. If people want to be mad, that's their fault!

countrygrl5533 · December 2015

We only allowed more immediate family and one close friend to visit at the hospital. Since we were there 5 days, it was nice to have the visits spread out a bit. Every one else who wanted the visit respected our wishes of giving us a few days at home first.

gemini2005 · December 2015

We only invited close family and friends. I don't think I could handle extended family in the tiny postpartum room while breastfeeding around the clock. People ended up coming to visit in the weeks after the birth which was a
lot easier to handle. Also, I was only in the hospital for 24 hours last time so hopefully people can just wait to meet the new baby.

doozer1345 · December 2015

I'd lie and tell them ahead of time the "visiting hours" for the hospital and make it a time slot that you're comfortable with...As other PP's have said, the nurses are your body guards. They will turn away anyone for you without you having to deal with it.

Sharra13 · December 2015

We have had this conversation and I think we may just not tell anyone where we are at first, lol. I can't stand most of my family (especially my mom), and the thought of her hovering around during that time really stresses me out. His family is cool for the most part, but since they all live out of the city (if not out of state), I doubt they would come anyway. I wouldn't mind a few friends visiting, but if I have to choose between everyone (family and friends without hand-picking which) or no one, I'd pick no one.

AdorkablePixie · December 2015

After our baby is born we don't plan on allowing visitors at all. We want privacy, time to bond, and I want to try to get the hang of the whole breastfeeding thing. We may end up allowing some family members (our parents only) and that's it.

zekesmommy611 · December 2015

I work as a mental health caseworker and when I was pregnant with DS my clients were very excited and told me a thousand times a day they couldn't wait to meet the baby. I was soooo worried about them showing up or calling me endlessly. I told the nurse upon my admission that I didn't want anyone to know I was there, meaning I would take no phone calls and if people called and asked if I was a patient they would state I wasn't there. This worked perfectly for me and I plan on doing it again. The only people that I wanted to visit were the ones we told.
I totally agree with you in wanting to just have time by yourself, as a new family.
I would recommend not telling anyone you are at the hospital/ you had the baby until afterwards when you are ready for visitors. I would also let the hospital know you want to have a private status so you don't get unexpected visitors/phone calls.

babykasper · December 2015

My husband and I don't want any visitors at the hospital. We aren't going to tell anyone when we go into labor. We will make calls when we get home! But we still aren't going to allow anyone to come over for a few weeks... As we want this time to ourselves!

jessiedee13 · December 2015

We've already made it clear that other than my husband, my SIL, MIL and my best friend will be the only ones there until we say otherwise. Since its a scheduled c section, it depends on what time that is when others can come visit, if we allow other visitors at all. The nurses, as pps have said, are awesome at kicking people out. I've had them kick people out several times for me...because well, some people just don't know when to leave. I'm also breastfeeding this time, which I've not done in the past but I'm tired of buying formula, so I don't want a ton of people there while I'm trying to figure that out.

People will be mad no matter what. I'd just tell them your wishes and what will happen if they don't respect them (aka, you still aren't allowed in). If they're mad, they're mad. Hopefully they're just understanding that having a baby is a big deal and you'd like some time without a bunch of people there, you know?

leahbickham · December 2015

Thanks y'all. It's nice to know I'm not the only one!

JennyS86 · December 2015

As a former postpartum nurse, I feel passionately about this subject!! Take time to think about who you want with you at delivery time, but also during the remainder of the hospital stay and first few days at home.
leahbickham Get your husband on the same page as you before broaching the subject with family. Of course the nurses are more than happy to kick people out, but family will also respect your decisions if you let them know ahead of time. I share your concern for DH's giant, local family storming the tiny postpartum rooms. No thank you.
My last delivery was preterm twins. DH and most of my family was there within a few days to meet the girls in the nicu. We wanted them to meet the girls and support us should one/both not survive. DH's huge family showed up throughout the next day to see the girls, and I was still in shock and completely overwhelmed. Nobody could touch the twins, so that helped.
DH and I briefly talked about our wishes this time around, assuming LO doesn't go to the nicu. (I plan on bringing it up again tomorrow on our road trip). I told him I want to spent a TON of time skin to skin and breastfeeding after my c-section. We agreed that DH's parents and siblings will be invited to the hospital, but that we will send an email out to aunts/uncles/cousins that we would appreciate visitors come anytime once we are home. That way, the twins (turning 2 in March) will also be able to get some attention. (I do plan to have the twins visit the hospital, but let's be real - they may last 30min?)
What we need to discuss tomorrow is my family. They are all out of town. Honestly, I kinda just want them to visit once we are home from the hospital, but I don't want to exclude them from the hospital if we are letting DH's family come if they want. Ideally DH would be able to stay home at least one week, and then my mom would stay another week to help with lifting the twins as I recover.
Should we go the nicu route again, no one other than DH and I will hold LO, no matter how stable.

It's your delivery, your body and your baby - do what feels right to you!!

josie12367 · December 2015

I'm only having DH in the room during and for the first couple of hours after delivery. If for some reason he can't or doesn't make it home (from Korea) before the baby comes then I've decided to do my delivery solo. I can't stand the thought of someone "taking his place" by my side at delivery

I'm also extremely protective over those "firsts" that happen right after delivery....only me or DH get to experience those (first diaper, bath, picture, feeding, etc). Even if I end up with a c-section...I'm going it alone if DH isn't there. We're only telling my parents and sister when I go into labor, and they know my wishes already about delivery and visitors. They'll be my waiting room bouncers

Don't feel guilty and just do what you need to do to rest and recover. They'll get over it...

dshannah · December 2015

People keep asking me this question and I just have no idea.

I haven't thought about it and I think I don't care/won't care.

I imagine I will be too tired to care about firsts, that family will make themselves scarce if I need to be alone with my baby, that both me and DH will appreciate the company and the help that relatives bring.

Am I missing something? Should I be making plans about this? What happens when you don't? Assuming all family gets along and is sane and rational, what do I have to worry about if I just don't make any plans in this regard?

Charissadeats · December 2015

I am going for a c-section but will request that my parents and sisters wait until I let them know it's fine to come - same with MIL.

If they have to wait a day or two - it's not the end of the world. I'm sure they will be upset though..

AdorkablePixie · December 2015

@dshannah If you don't care either way then you don't need to make plans. Some people just don't want to be bombarded with visitors right after giving birth. We tried for 22 months to get pregnant and after fertility treatments I finally got pregnant, so we definitely want alone time with our little boy when he arrives. Plus I know me and I know I'll be overwhelmed and will just want it to be us three.

onislandtime · December 2015

We didn't last time, and I wish we had. Because I was in the recovery room for quite some time, only to be wheeled into our hospital room to find out everyone had already met the baby and had time with him before I did. I was very disappointed. This time I plan on telling the nurses and the receptionist NO visitors until we say so. Apparently they are very firm if you let them know your wishes.

JessicaB0627 · December 2015

dshannah said:
People keep asking me this question and I just have no idea.

I haven't thought about it and I think I don't care/won't care.

I imagine I will be too tired to care about firsts, that family will make themselves scarce if I need to be alone with my baby, that both me and DH will appreciate the company and the help that relatives bring.

Am I missing something? Should I be making plans about this? What happens when you don't? Assuming all family gets along and is sane and rational, what do I have to worry about if I just don't make any plans in this regard?

I think the key words here are sane and rational. DH's family has a really hard time with boundaries and they don't understand when they're being intrusive. We didn't make "rules" last time but we definitely are this time. I need a little bit of privacy so I can work on breastfeeding without DH's grandma insisting on holding our baby the entire time she's there.

Charla1224 · December 2015

With Memorial weekend approaching a couple weeks after LO is due to arrive our hope is to introduce her to everyone then. We've been setting the stage for this idea at all family events. Telling extended family members they'll get to meet her at the Memorial weekend barbecue (race weekend for us Indy people). My hope is having a scheduled "debut" will give people the hint to wait it out and give us time.

josie12367 · December 2015

dshannah said:
People keep asking me this question and I just have no idea.

I haven't thought about it and I think I don't care/won't care.

I imagine I will be too tired to care about firsts, that family will make themselves scarce if I need to be alone with my baby, that both me and DH will appreciate the company and the help that relatives bring.

Am I missing something? Should I be making plans about this? What happens when you don't? Assuming all family gets along and is sane and rational, what do I have to worry about if I just don't make any plans in this regard?

I would make plans honestly. People lose their minds with babies in the mix, and if you have boundaries in place then things tend to go much smoother and lines that you thought would be obvious to some, are not crossed on one of the most important days of your life.

Sharra13 · December 2015

This thread got me thinking about my sister, who delivered this past summer. She wanted me to visit, so I came to see her and was literally able to just walk right into her room. I thought I had to check in at the nurses station, but they just weren't paying attention! When I finally got someone's attention, they seemed annoyed that I even asked, and told me to just go in. I guess my point is (depending on the hospital I am sure), nurses aren't always going to take on being a body guard as their job--if you let people know your room number (or it slips out), be prepared!

I stayed for several hours on the first day (I kept trying to make my exit, but they kept asking me to please stay because they were so bored--wierd). Turned out that I held my niece on the first day of her life longer than mom or dad did! Mom was too sleepy and in pain for much, and dad was totally freaked out about the baby all together. When I finally found out he hadn't held her AT ALL, I practically threw her in his arms, and was like, "Best figure this out!"

TheThornBird · December 2015

Charla1224 said:
With Memorial weekend approaching a couple weeks after LO is due to arrive our hope is to introduce her to everyone then. We've been setting the stage for this idea at all family events. Telling extended family members they'll get to meet her at the Memorial weekend barbecue (race weekend for us Indy people). My hope is having a scheduled "debut" will give people the hint to wait it out and give us time.

That is a fantastic idea! We were planning on holding off on visitors until a couple weeks after LO is born, which falls right on memorial weekend. Mind if I steal your idea?!

AdorkablePixie · December 2015

@Sharra13 My best friend (who is like a sister) was the same way. She was up and walking around when I got to the hospital. I stayed for about an hour and a half and she never once acted like she was ready for me to leave. I could have stayed longer and she wouldn't have cared.
im afraid my husband will be the exact opposite and not let our son down! lol

kbrands7 · December 2015

@dshannah it definitely depends on the family. I set loose boundaries last time and I ended up with a group of people in the room for hours afterwards while I was nauseous, learning to breastfeed, and recovering. There was a lot of baby passing so I had to eventually kick them out to do more skin to skin, and the men in the family (minus DH) stepped out into the hallway just outside of the room while I breastfed which made me feel rushed. We also never got a first family photo which I'm a little disappointed about because so many family members were focused on the baby and each other. I'd rather see people in smaller groups this time, for shorter amounts of time, and not quite as soon.

LemmyRN · December 2015

From what I've seen, the families never consider that mom has been up all night. The poor moms are essentially entertaining family for hours upon hours when they should be just focusing on the baby and resting.

At least have a code word to let the nurse know when you would like visitors kicked out. Some families will not leave EVER and ignore the hint that the mom is exhausted; Something like "headache" or "jello" works well. That way you don't feel like the bad guy asking them to leave, and the nurse will buy you some alone time.

kami09 · December 2015

Why do people feel they *have* to visit?! I feel like friends and extended family sometimes feel obligated to come in- like they are showing us their love in doing so.

Since having DS, I have refused to go to the hospital when my friends have had kids and just told them I would not be bothering them for at least a week or two. They seem to appreciate it very much. So hopefully they will return the favor.

I look back on pictures with a room full of people and me barely keeping my boobs in my gown. It was freaking awkward. I will be telling my mom and MIL to let extended family know they can visit a week after we are home. (& bring food damnit!)

leahbickham · December 2015

I didn't plan for this with my first 2 and I was overwhelmed by a lot of it, but I'm also prone to anxiety and a little obsessive. its definitely personal and if your a laid back person and don't mind the thought of a crowd, then you may not have anything to worry about.

camillaandcarson · December 2015

It was awful after I gave birth in regards to the steady stream of visitors. I am high risk so had no other option than the hospital route and people were in and out, some I didn't even know very well to know their kids names who were holding the baby and passing the baby (very extended family).
Not even sure how everyone found out as I didn't post on social media where I was at all or any details in order to avoid that situation. I didn't get to hold my baby much and was throwing up in front of people and attempting to breastfeed, etc.

It was so stressful to host individuals at the hospital in my own room after a c-section.
The nurses and staff didnt have a check in at the hospital, anyone can walk in at anytime. At one point I even placed a sign on my door for privacy and the staff knew I wanted no visitors they still allowed people in any way because who knows why.

I found out later the only two options where I was were to sign a waiver to not disclose to anyone you are there (so if someone calls they can say you aren't on record at that hospital) or it is a literal free for all.

If if I wasn't so high risk and didn't have an actual date for a c-section given my complicated medical history I would never ever tell anyone until baby was born and maybe not for awhile after that.

And yes kami09 has it right - when visiting anyone with a new baby bring food! And please don't stay long, especially when the mom is trying to sleep, breastfeed, throwing up, etc.

Hospital room visitors after delivery

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