Who are you guys having in the delivery room?

gabrielsmommy0301

I'm a F.T.M., and I've been stressing a lot about who to have in the Delivery Room. I don't really have much of a relationship with my mom she only really contacts me when she needs money.  I have no INTENTIONS on keeping my son away from my mom. I've been set on it just being me and S/O because, I feel like childbirth isn't a spectator sport and it's a very intimate moment that I don't really want to share or feel comfortable sharing( sorry if I'm coming off as selfish): ). My mom keeps asking me who I'm gonna have in the delivery room, at first i told her JUST my S/O we want to get a chance to bond with the baby, skin -skin, and breastfeed at least for an 1 hour before we start allowing people in but she told me I was selfish, and how dare i deprive her of the experience, how dare i take it away from her it's not about me she deserves to be in there. (Mom can be very judgmental and down putting sometimes) I also know that if i let her in her boyfriend and his mom are gonna want to come in. so my question to you guys is do you think I'm being selfish? Do I owe her this experience? What would you do? and who are you having in the Delivery room?

skc040512

Sorry to sound crass, but it's your vagina on display, you get to decide who is there. I'm planning on letting my parents be there while I'm in labor (to relieve DH if he needs a break), but will be kicking everyone out when the hard part comes. It will just be DH and me, and he's been instructed he's not allowed to go past my shoulders lol. It's 100% not selfish to want privacy for an intimate moment. The way I see it, if you weren't there for the conception, you don't need to be there for the delivery.

jonesl12

My mom and DH. I'm adopted and my mom couldn't have babies due to having uterine cancer at the age of 13 and a complete hysterectomy at 14 years old. She missed out on all of it herself so I want her to be there to experience it with me.
No MIL, grandparents, friends, etc

ladylolly89

Only my husband. I have no doubt he'll be a great support and companion. I'm sure my mom is somewhat disappointed, as she had her own mother in there with her. But my mom had three kids of her own, so I think she's had enough labor room fun.
We also will probably not allow any family/visitors until hours later, perhaps not even until the next day.

saladflambe

Only my husband will be in the delivery room. Family can visit me in the hospital after delivery.

Mrsbearmomma

It will just be DH and I. There is no way whatsoever I will be letting anyone else in there. As for your mother, you are not being selfish at all, but this is a time in your life when you are allowed to be selfish about these things. I would tell her that it's not happening and leave it at that.

suchaglencoco

My opinion on this is that now is the perfect time to start setting boundaries and sticking to them.
Being a mother is hard and you constantly decide what is best for you and your little one. You'll have a ton of people second guessing you or pushing their way in when you don't want them to. It's very important to stick to your guns and do what you feel is right.
If you don't want her in there, just tell her it's not happening and that's the end of it. If she brings it up, just literally tell her what you've already said and advance the conversation. You have to be you and your child's advocate, may as well start now.

satuttle1014

Totally up to you how you feel about it. I only want my DH in the room during labor. Before I actually start to push my parents can be in there but that's really it of who I want in the room. Anybody else can be at the hospital but in the waiting room until they can come into where I am. 

Like @skcobb said, my DH is not going past my shoulders. Personally my mom will stress me out and my DH is the only one who will calm me down if I need it so that's why I only want him. I just don't want everyone to see in between my legs, there will already be enough people in there with all the doctors/nurses. 

Wicked4589

The only people allowed in there are those that were part of the conception.

misstopsail

Wicked4589 said:

The only people allowed in there are those that were part of the conception.

This! And the medical staff. Everyone else can wait.. Your body, your baby, your call.

sarahufl

My husband. Period. You didn't put it there, you don't get to watch it come out.

This is absloutely non-negotiable for me.

gabrielsmommy0301

Thanks for the opinions guys!(: You guys are right it's time for boundries to come into play.

Jules08

Just DH and I.  DS will be at a friend's house or with family.

It sounds like you just want it to be you and SO.  Be straight forward with your mom, don't let her feel like she has a say.  Then let your nurses know what you want and they will be the bad guys for you and only let who you want in the room.

smileybabyboy

Just my DH.  I don't want there to be more people than necessary in the delivery room.  I even kicked the med student out of the room when I was in labor with my son.  

fourtsixand2

I'm planning on having my husband and my Mom.  They get along well, and my Mom has never gotten to be IN the delivery room for my sister's kids, so it would be so special for her.  

yogahh

If our parents want to pop in to say hi they can, but once I'm pushing, only DH is allowed in the room.

jkeezy

Only my husband, and if it's a 'normal' uncomplicated delivery*, only my husband in the hospital. Parents can visit at home.**

* if God forbid, there's a complication with me or the baby I'll want my parents there after.

** but my Dad will be instructed to be by the phone as he's a doctor so I trust his advice if we need it or given options

tripledaggerWed95976

Only my husband once I start pushing. I'm close with my parents but I wouldn't feel comfortable with them in the room for that

kyraaD

I'm gunna be having my mom & my SO with me.

SaltyMcNulty

My husband only. The only people who have a "right" to be in the room are the two people it took to create the baby, but that's just my opinion.

Merciel

I haven't 100% decided but I'm kind of leaning toward just the medical staff.

It's probably going to be pretty ugly and I don't think I need anybody witnessing my moment of unglory.

oceanchild

My husband and my doula.
My mama and I have a fantastic relationship; she's like my best friend, but there is absolutely no way in hell I'd have her there during my labor/delivery.
She had her babies. I don't "owe" her this experience any more than my daughter would "owe" it to me just bc she happens to be a girl and *may* have kids one day. I love my mom, but she'd be making "helpful" suggestions (LOL) the whole time and I'd end up kicking her out, and that would be more hurtful. You're not selfish – your *MOM* is being selfish for trying to guilt trip you into including her in a moment that she is not entitled to be a part of. There will be a lifetime of getting to love on her grandchild, but that precious bonding time at the beginning of just for you and papa (if that is what your heart tells you is right for your family).

clairemwalker

Its only going to be the husband and i, family have been notified that we dont even want them in the hospital until we are ready for visitors.

gabrielsmommy0301

I guess I'll have to have a  talk with her, and finally let her know my decision I just felt really pressured because, she'll go and tell the family I won't let her in and everyone tells me this is her first grandchild she "deserves" to be a part of it because she was a young mom and gas always made sacrifices, however isn't that what moms are supposed to do? I didn't know I needed to reward her with my intimate experience, because she did her job as a mom. I let my mom know all the time how thankful I am and always help her when I can but you guys are right I don't "OWE" her anything. I've heard the whole if you weren't there during conception you don't need to be there during the birth and hat makes sense, just got to find a way to tell her she's very defensive when things don't go her way.

gabrielsmommy0301

oceanchild said:

My husband and my doula.
My mama and I have a fantastic relationship; she's like my best friend, but there is absolutely no way in hell I'd have her there during my labor/delivery.
She had her babies. I don't "owe" her this experience any more than my daughter would "owe" it to me just bc she happens to be a girl and *may* have kids one day. I love my mom, but she'd be making "helpful" suggestions (LOL) the whole time and I'd end up kicking her out, and that would be more hurtful. You're not selfish – your *MOM* is being selfish for trying to guilt trip you into including her in a moment that she is not entitled to be a part of. There will be a lifetime of getting to love on her grandchild, but that precious bonding time at the beginning of just for you and papa (if that is what your heart tells you is right for your family).

And it is what's right seeing as to how I'm not comfortable but all my family thinks, it's because I'm angry with her or because the mistakes she's made in the past.So of course everyone is on her side pressuring me to let her in. It's not I've always felt this way about childbirth it is NOT a spectator sport.

gabrielsmommy0301

jonesl12 said:

My mom and DH. I'm adopted and my mom couldn't have babies due to having uterine cancer at the age of 13 and a complete hysterectomy at 14 years old. She missed out on all of it herself so I want her to be there to experience it with me. No MIL, grandparents, friends, etc

That's very sweet of you!(:

jdrdnr

It's your birthing process and your right to who you want in there. She is not entitled just because she is your mom. We had issues with our first delivery where the entire family from both sides was there and after an emergency c section they were in the room before I was even out of surgery which was very uncomfortable given all the checks they do and hadn't even seen my baby. From that point on we don't allow anyone until after the baby is born and the brothers and sisters have been to the hospital. It also gives you time to spend with your newborn and work on feeding him/her and just have a bonding time. Some hospitals only allow one person in there with you as well so they could help in your decision.

GinnyJ2012

Just my DH will be there. My mom was in the room with me for DS1 before delivery, but left whenever I was getting checked and again when it was time to push. Now whatever grandparent who is coming will stay with the kids.

You don't owe anyone the experience of watching you give birth, except your partner. It's personal.

emgee27

It's not about YOU?????? Um, yes, yes it is actually. It's EXACTLY all about you.  Stick to your guns. As others said, you will have to set boundaries so they may as well start now. You don't OWE anyone anything. She can be waiting right there in the waiting room and be the first person to be let in when you are ready for visitors, if you want. Even let her come in all by herself and have some private time with you and the baby and be the first one to do so, if you want to give her a 'special moment.'   But you do not owe her being there during delivery. Maybe that's a nice compromise?

For me, it will be just me and DH during delivery.

Kurtni

Just me and my husband. We would like to avoid telling anyone when we head to the hospital, and wait until baby is born and we've had time to ourselves. I love my family, but they can be a little overbearing and there is a lot of us. I don't want 20 people in the waiting room.

Your mom and family will get over it. Being uncomfortable and stressed in labor can prolong it, and you deserve to give birth however will help you relax as much as possible

smount2011

I  will be having my DH and my 11 y/o DD.  My mother will be on Stand-By in the waiting room, in case DH needs to puke or pass out (one or the other is bound to happen) or if DD gets bored she can leave the room.  Whoever you want in there is YOUR choice- no one else's

redfallon

@gabrielsmommy0301 said:

I'm a F.T.M., and I've been stressing a lot about who to have in the Delivery Room. I don't really have much of a relationship with my mom she only really contacts me when she needs money.  I have no INTENTIONS on keeping my son away from my mom. I've been set on it just being me and S/O because, I feel like childbirth isn't a spectator sport and it's a very intimate moment that I don't really want to share or feel comfortable sharing( sorry if I'm coming off as selfish): ). My mom keeps asking me who I'm gonna have in the delivery room, at first i told her JUST my S/O we want to get a chance to bond with the baby, skin -skin, and breastfeed at least for an 1 hour before we start allowing people in but she told me I was selfish, and how dare i deprive her of the experience, how dare i take it away from her it's not about me she deserves to be in there. (Mom can be very judgmental and down putting sometimes) I also know that if i let her in her boyfriend and his mom are gonna want to come in. so my question to you guys is do you think I'm being selfish? Do I owe her this experience? What would you do? and who are you having in the Delivery room?

Your mom is the one being ridiculous and selfish. I only had DH in there for the first baby and will only have him in there for the second. I'm so glad that I don't have anyone asking or demanding to be in there. Shoot, you could be really mean and selfish and not tell your mom that you even went into labor until after you are home.

Some advice that I would give you is to make sure that you get your bonding time with DH and the new baby before you let any visitors in. Your mother seems like the one who would grab your baby and not give him/her back to you like a reasonable person would. You can also speak to the nursing staff and make sure that you have time to get breastfeeding going (if that is something you're going to do). That can be difficult with a lot of people around, especially those that want to hog the baby and not let new mama hold baby.

AmadorRose

@jonesl12 I swear I didn't come here to stalk you, but I wanted to say you're amazing.

The hospital I'll deliver at enforces the "golden hour," during which no one is allowed to interrupt mom, dad, and baby if baby is healthy and doing well. This allows for skin-to-skin, bfing establishment, and bonding.

Bottom line: your baby, your choice. Tell your mother to f*ck off and have more of her own if she's so keen on seeing more deliveries. They'll put a mirror down there so you can watch, if you want.

Disneygeek77

Your mom is the selfish one. Besides, of all the times in your life when it is OK to be "selfish", this is one of them. Please don't listen to your family members either as they don't know what they are talking about.

jonesl12

gabrielsmommy0301 said:

jonesl12 said:

My mom and DH. I'm adopted and my mom couldn't have babies due to having uterine cancer at the age of 13 and a complete hysterectomy at 14 years old. She missed out on all of it herself so I want her to be there to experience it with me.
No MIL, grandparents, friends, etc

That's very sweet of you!(:

Thanks . @gabrielsmommy0301

Joness11

I vote that you should have or don't have have whoever you want in the delivery room with you. I think people shouldn't be offended if the mother only wants her husband or SO in wither her. But I know people do get offended. I'm struggling with this too. I have a good relationship with my mom, but we're not exactly super super close. I would rather it be just me and my husband, I think it's a personal, intimate experience I was like to share with just him. But I think my mom will be extremely offended if I tell her I just want it to be me and my husband. I'm afraid she will try to take over in the delivery room, and her and my husband don't always get along or see eye-to-eye on stuff, so the last thing I want is people arguing and not getting along while I'm in labor. *sigh* I suppose I'll see what happens.

midge519

1st-my ex, my parents, and his parents

2nd-my mom

3rd-SO my mom and his mom.

It should be who you are comfortable with and no one else. My mom was great with my previous two deliveries but there was a moment with this one where she drove me crazy and I told her to shush. My So's mom was absolutely amazing and a calming presence for me. It really depends on you. But stick to your guns! Only you can stand up for yourself and set the boundaries you want

ZoeyRaeJames

I'm hoping for the hubby ONLY! I don't want my mother in there with me, because of HOW she is. She's the type that would call out the baby as "HER BABY", and try to keep it close by her all the time and such. And both of my Maternal and Paternal grandmothers are the sam freaking way. If anything, the hubby would be more calming for me. He knows how to help me calm down, relax, and breath it all out. Everyone else woudl just stress me out, annoy me, and make things worse!

Latina211508

This is my fourth baby and my husband will be the only one in there. That was automatic. My mom was only there in the delovery room with my first baby because my husband was deployed. But she never insisted, I asked her. She's not pushy at all and you don't owe anyone anuthung. This is your baby. You and your partner decide. Your mother did not make this baby and she doesn't automatically get to be there just because she's your mother. I would tell her no, it's only going to be me and your partner. That's it. If she gets upset then she's being selfish and not thinking of you.

gabrielsmommy0301

I talked to her, she's pissy but she'll get over it! Thanks for the advice guys(:

Pascal86

Since I keep seeing the word "selfish" being thrown around, let's take a look at what it means:

selfish: devoted to caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

Is it selfish to keep mom out of the delivery room? Absolutely. Because when we're going into labor, we should be exclusively devoted to caring for ourselves (and the baby), no matter what anyone's mom thinks. Being selfish isn't a positive/negative adjective, so if anyone calls you selfish, don't worry. There's just a difference between being appropriately selfish and inappropriately selfish, i.e. putting your wishes to be in your daughter's delivery room regardless of added stress this will add to the birthing environment.

This is a thing we talked a lot about in one of my philosophy classes, back in the day. Talking about The Plague, pandemics, etc. - if your family is dying of a fatal and highly contagious disease, is it selfish to abandon them and get the hell away? Yes. Is that a bad thing? No, you're just decreasing overall death rate instead of getting even more people sick/dead - no good is going to come of being selfless and staying with them.

Sorry for the random line of thought, just something that I think about a lot when people start accusing others of being selfish. Like @Disneygeek77 said, this is a time where it's okay to be selfish.