No Baby Gifts for Xmas

pelicanesque · December 2015

Anybody else get absolutely zero baby stuff for Xmas from everybody, including both sides of the family? Sometimes I just think that both mine and my SO's families are so weird. My parents live in another country and are poor, so they are automatically excused from buying stuff and shipping it, but would it kill anyone to buy a cute onesie for a few bucks??
I'm a FTM at 21 weeks, so it's not like I'm still in the first tri.
I'm just wondering if this is indicative of how much support we're going to get from them when the baby comes. They seem just so...disinterested.

(Btw, we're not young kids that are being looked down on and dealing with an unwanted pregnancy. My fiancé and I are in our early 40s and early 30s, respectively).

Sorry, just had to vent. Anybody else in this boat? Am I being unreasonable in my annoyance and just whiny?

sarawifenow · December 2015

We didn't get any gifts for the baby for Christmas and I didn't expect to. I don't think anyone thought to do it. I don't think it is indicative to the amount of support you'll receive and I don't really understand why you would automatically think that...

kbrands7 · December 2015

We didn't get any baby stuff this time, but we got an outfit and an ornament when I was pregnant with DS. I wouldn't think that presents are indicative of the level of support to expect when the baby arrives, and when I got a gift for DS, I wasn't expecting it. I'm sure that many people will be more interested in buying things for the baby when it's nearer to your due date or when the baby is actually involved in Christmas festivities next year. I wouldn't read too much into the lack of presents. If you're feeling unsupported by your families in other ways, it's probably worth talking to them about it!

pelicanesque · December 2015

sarawifenow said:
We didn't get any gifts for the baby for Christmas and I didn't expect to. I don't think anyone thought to do it. I don't think it is indicative to the amount of support you'll receive and I don't really understand why you would automatically think that...

Thanks for your reply.

It's not like this happened in isolation. It seems in line with their regular behavior of being disinterested and never asking about it. When at Xmas eve dinner my fiancé, unsolicited, told the group (mostly his fam and my sister) about how our 20w ultrasound went, my future MIL interrupted to talk about some custom gift that she received which completely changed the subject, and it didn't make sense to keep talking about the ultrasound. I nearly walked out of the room.
It's not like I need things to be about ME. I actually am really uncomfortable being the center of attention. It just seems like they really don't care that much, and I don't mean that in a mean way...they just have their own lives and that's what they're focused on, like most of us. I guess I just wished there was someone in our families that was THRILLED and acted like it. At least my parents kind of are, but as mentioned before, unfortunately they are far away.

countrygrl5533 · December 2015

kbrands7 said:

We didn't get any baby stuff this time, but we got an outfit and an ornament when I was pregnant with DS. I wouldn't think that presents are indicative of the level of support to expect when the baby arrives, and when I got a gift for DS, I wasn't expecting it. I'm sure that many people will be more interested in buying things for the baby when it's nearer to your due date or when the baby is actually involved in Christmas festivities next year. I wouldn't read too much into the lack of presents. If you're feeling unsupported by your families in other ways, it's probably worth talking to them about it!

This. Did you get any gifts from family that you normally get gifts from? As long as you weren't left out completely, I really wouldn't worry. I'm sure they are just waiting until a baby shower, baby is born, etc.

missnc77 · December 2015

I'm also a FTM. My mom only got a little picture frame and ornament for us. I thought nothing of the lack of any other baby gifts. I just found out the sex of the baby and started building a registry, and I have about 4.5 months to go. I know both our families are extremely supportive and excited for us, and I know when the time comes (probably Spring time), they'll be sending us plenty of gifts for the baby. It still feels so early to start receiving a lot of gifts, even from family.

I will say, my husband and I were both a little puzzled by a crystal wine decanter his family got us. It's absolutely beautiful, but that's going to be sitting empty for a little longer. Haha!

doozer1345 · December 2015

I got one thing for baby from a friend. I was thankful. Soak it up now. After LO is here you more than likely will not be getting any gifts that aren't geared to being a mom or LO. I was thankful I got makeup and bath stuff (a first in a couple years) bc it's just for me. Are you having a shower? Maybe that's why no one bought you baby stuff. Did you get any gift certificates? Go buy some baby stuff with it...

PYLWhammy · December 2015

Wait till the baby is here before making judgments on how uninterested they are. I didn't get anything for baby and I didn't expect to. No one is as into your baby as much as you are.

pelicanesque · December 2015

Thanks, all. I guess it's just frustration with [cold] family in general, and lots of worry that we're not going to get the help/support that we'll likely need. As most FTM's, I have no idea what to expect. I guess I hear of all these stories of people's parents and siblings that stay with new parents to help out and are really involved in helping (and I'm not talking financially or with presents, although that's helpful, too), and frankly, that's just not our families. And that's OK, that's just the way the cookie crumbles. If we want my parents to come over to help, we'll have to pay $$$ to fly them over and pay for all of their expenses because they don't have the money themselves. My hubby said that "at the end of the day, it's just us, you and me and the baby" and that we shouldn't rely on anybody else. Everybody's situation is different, and I am thankful that I at least have a fiance that is very supportive, which is more than what others might have, so I don't want to seem ungrateful.
Thanks for letting me vent.

Clauni27 · December 2015

I'm 19 weeks pregnant and it's the first grand child on my husband's side. No family member got the baby anything. It was a little surprising but I also wasn't expecting baby gifts since she's not born yet and it was Christmas not a baby shower.
I don't think the lack of baby gifts says anything about the family's interest in our child.
I had not given it much thought and last night when we were at my husband's grandparent's house my MIL said something that put it in a different perspective for me. She said "This is the last Christmas we are all together before the baby comes".
Meaning as excited as she is she is mourning what our family has been for the last 10 years and knows she and the rest of the family are entering into a new phase.
She didn't mean it in a bad way. I totally understand what she is feeling and I think she is soaking up the last few days of this year. Once the new year hits everything is going to be different and some people take it harder than others.
She is so excited and she's taking care of our unborn baby in her own little ways. It's just different for everyone.

sosweet487 · December 2015

We didn't get anything. My hubby and I were actually wondering if we would. My hubs was convinced we would and I was pretty sure we wouldn't since it was so soon. I talked to my mom and she said the reason why she didn't get us anything was because it was early. We're only 18 weeks. We did however get a lot of gift cards for movies, dinner, and a national parks pass. Our family wanted to buy us nights out before the baby arrived. I'm actually happier we got that instead of actually baby stuff

hellogoodbye2 · December 2015

We didn't get anything and I was definitely not expecting anything either.

pelicanesque · December 2015

Clauni27 said:

... we were at my husband's grandparent's house my MIL said something that put it in a different perspective for me. She said "This is the last Christmas we are all together before the baby comes". Meaning as excited as she is she is mourning what our family has been for the last 10 years and knows she and the rest of the family are entering into a new phase. She didn't mean it in a bad way. I totally understand what she is feeling and I think she is soaking up the last few days of this year.

This is a little closer to what I think is going on on my end, too. Hubby's family is older: mother is mid-70's and his nieces are tween and teen, and I think that everyone's thinking about how different it's going to be having an infant around after not having to deal with something like this for 10 or so years. Which is understandable as I have no idea what it's going to be like at all!

jennaverhaeghe · December 2015

I just got maternity clothes from my parents cause that's what I asked for. My mom took me shopping (I'm 27) we made a fun girls days out of it and now I'm pretty much set for clothes

Honestly I would have been happy to receive baby items for Christmas but baby is still pretty far away and Christmas gifts should be for you shouldn't they? Besides isn't that what the baby shower is for? Just my opinion, might make you feel better.

missnc77 · December 2015

pelicanesque said:

If we want my parents to come over to help, we'll have to pay $$$ to fly them over and pay for all of their expenses because they don't have the money themselves.

My mom is a retired school teacher and doesn't have a lot of cash flow. She's going to come out and help me with the baby, but we're paying for her ticket out and expenses. That wasn't an ultimatum or part of the deal, it's just something I feel like I should do since she's coming to help me.

My suggestion is that if it's important enough or means enough to have your mom or another family member fly in to help you, that maybe you should save up for a plane ticket and offer to fly them out. You can't get mad at them because the thing that's holding them back is money.

tripledaggerWed95976 · December 2015

Maybe people are just waiting for your shower to buy you baby stuff? Also, even though you are 21 weeks along, There are some people who consider it bad luck to buy baby presents before viability ((24 wks)).

cortney626 · December 2015

I wouldn't think anything of not getting gifts for a baby in utero.

katxattack1212 · December 2015

I got a baby activity mat and pack of nb diapers from my inlaws. I thought it was kind of a strange gift for Christmas. Lol.

lalala2004 · December 2015

I certainly didn't expect gifts, although I did receive some. I had specifically asked for maternity clothes, and I did get those.

Some may consider it odd to buy Christmas presents for someone who want be able to use them for months.

bookelf221 · December 2015

I didn't request anything specifically for Baby Who, but my parents gave Baby Who two books by my Mom's favorite children's book author. My Aunt and Uncle gave us Geek Mom and Geek Dad books but that was it. And I'm glad. I didn't expect anything for the baby because I feel like that would be weird.

mcb2016 · December 2015

We got a few unexpected baby gifts. We didn't share the sex until Christmas. I did come home to two huge boxes of baby hand me downs from my cousin and best friend.

caterin · December 2015

Right before Christmas we went to visit my family in Germany. We got picked up at the airport with baby balloons and at home lots of tiny outfits, blankets and teddy bears were set up for us! I thought we would get something small, but seeing my family so excited and proud made me cry!

My husband's family is completely different. No one asks how I'm doing, when we have our due date, not even talking about a little gift. I don't expect it but it just shows how different families can be!

All I know is that I will be more like my family for my child one day! This is something so special and should be celebrated! We are 8 years together, 5 of them married. Weird how one family jumps in hoops and the other absolutely say nothing...

pelicanesque · December 2015

caterin said:

My husband's family is completely different. No one asks how I'm doing, when we have our due date, not even talking about a little gift. I don't expect it but it just shows how different families can be!

This!

pelicanesque · December 2015

I didn't want to make it sound like I expected presents specifically for a developing fetus. I didn't receive anything remotely baby-related (maternity clothing, books, etc.) either. But if you've been following, I guess it would have been a bit of a surprise if i HAD! So no biggie. I just didn't know what to expect, and I see now that there were plenty of people that didn't receive baby-related gifts. I guess I shouldn't have listened to my co-worker when she said that her and her husband were showered with tons of baby-related stuff for christmas when she was only a few weeks along with their first. Yup, every family is different!

buffythevampireslayer · December 2015

Also, depending on age and culture/background, some family members can be superstitious about getting something this early. I know both my family and my husband's family feel this way. While super excited, they have definitely not given us anything for the baby. May or may not be applicable to you, but just something to consider.

doozer1345 · December 2015

pelicanesque said:

I didn't want to make it sound like I expected presents specifically for a developing fetus. I didn't receive anything remotely baby-related (maternity clothing, books, etc.) either. But if you've been following, I guess it would have been a bit of a surprise if i HAD! So no biggie. I just didn't know what to expect, and I see now that there were plenty of people that didn't receive baby-related gifts. I guess I shouldn't have listened to my co-worker when she said that her and her husband were showered with tons of baby-related stuff for christmas when she was only a few weeks along with their first. Yup, every family is different!

Just think of it this way... You're coworker probably had A LOT of clutter and probably got overwhelmed with the realization that she didn't need a lot of baby stuff

You've been spared!

PYLWhammy · December 2015

Yeesh..some people aren't happy they didn't receive anything for baby. Some people think it's weird they DID receive something for baby. Whatever happened to just being grateful for whatever people gift you?

yogahh · December 2015

Maybe it's just me but I'm glad not to get any baby things this year. I figure this is my last year to get thing just for me. And baby gifts are what a baby shower is for.

pelicanesque · December 2015

PYLWhammy said:

Yeesh..some people aren't happy they didn't receive anything for baby. Some people think it's weird they DID receive something for baby. Whatever happened to just being grateful for whatever people gift you?

I am grateful for what I have and what I received and I am not a very materialistic person (I buy very little for myself and prefer experiences over "stuff"). I guess I'm just not thrilled with my cold family and SO's cold family. I didn't mean to make it about "stuff" (even though I totally did, my bad).

Missingchampagne · December 2015

My father asked me what I wanted for Christmas (to tell his entire side of the family). I said I wasn't sure I would end up having a baby shower, but I had a "baby wish list" on Amazon that he could take a look at ... I made a point of telling him that ANY of those items would definitely help me. I also said that I didn't need anything for myself this year, including maternity clothes (I lost weight before getting pregnant so a lot of my older clothes is still fitting me well).

I got a ton of maternity clothes (which I made a point to say I didn't need), nothing on my list at all, and a couple random baby toys that were obviously from sale racks from the notorious "bargain shoppers" in the family (crushed packaging, stickers over stickers... You can tell).

Family, dude. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

doozer1345 · December 2015

Missingchampagne said:

My father asked me what I wanted for Christmas (to tell his entire side of the family). I said I wasn't sure I would end up having a baby shower, but I had a "baby wish list" on Amazon that he could take a look at ... I made a point of telling him that ANY of those items would definitely help me. I also said that I didn't need anything for myself this year, including maternity clothes (I lost weight before getting pregnant so a lot of my older clothes is still fitting me well). I got a ton of maternity clothes (which I made a point to say I didn't need), nothing on my list at all, and a couple random baby toys that were obviously from sale racks from the notorious "bargain shoppers" in the family (crushed packaging, stickers over stickers... You can tell). Family, dude. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Go exchange it all and get a gift card. I got a ton of stuff from my shower I didn't need/want, wrote a thank you card, and had a grand total of $400-ish at Target $300-ish at Walmart and i think $100 at Khols. No one was the wiser and groceries were paid for a few months for us

yineth1979 · December 2015

I guess I should feel grateful. We received several things for our baby.

Bltbear82 · December 2015

@pelicanesque I totally understand feeling underwhelmed by family's reactions, but like a PP said just try to remember that their current reaction isn't an indication of how they might be once baby arrives. My in laws are very reserved (to the point that after we had been dating for 4 years I still wasn't sure my now MIL liked me). Over the last nearly 10 years I've come to realize that even though their reactions aren't what I would do or I what I envisioned/hoped for, that's ok. Everyone reacts differently and just because something life changing is happening to you doesn't mean everyone reacts the same way. I know it's hard when you're crazy excited and your news is met with a tepid reception. Just celebrate your little family as much as you can with DH.

Pomegranate1983 · December 2015

I didn't get any presents for baby either and I didn't expect any. That will be for the baby shower, well, "pre-birthday party." DH and I don't want the traditional baby shower. I also agree with what other May Moms are saying. A baby affects your life 110% and the rest of the family, not as much (for now). Yes, they get the addition of a new role (grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, whatever) and their involvement will depend on what they choose, but for some, that isn't a reality until that baby is in their arms. I also agree with what a poster said about adjusting to the transition of having a different family dynamic once baby comes along. I'm still going through that transition, at times, with my new niece in the picture. I love her very much and I'm very happy she's part of our family but it does change how family holidays and celebrations gatherings go. It'll be the same once our baby comes along. Hopefully when your baby comes, they will be more excited and wanting to talk about it. Sometimes, that change takes more time for family to process, even for the good changes.

khall0 · December 2015

I completely understand why you would think that. Being pregnant is so difficult, physicaly and mentally, that even small things that other people don't or do really bother you or worry you. I am a chronic over analyser myself. I really think that people don't understand the mum-baby connection and get excited about it until the due date is much closer or the baby is born. In my experience when I tell people I'm due in May they say "that is soooo far away" whereas to me and my partner it feels like it's not far at all! Also people are wierd, they often don't want to give the mum a gift until the baby is born or to them it feels like it's a lot sooner. Although it wouldn't have killed them to think about it obviously it was just not realised that it was expected or would be a thoughtful thing to do. Try not to dwell on it too much, once the baby is born you will probably be getting bugged by people so much it will drive you nuts xxx

allisonmunson94 · December 2015

I wouldn't normally have thought anything of it, but at a Christmas party we went to, h's step sister is also pregnant and only a few weeks behind me. She got gift cards, etc from my in-laws for the baby, and I didn't get anything for the baby. I'm not one to think like that or to act selfishly but that's kind of how it's been the whole pregnancy with my MIL and its pretty upsetting.

JoMunson · December 2015

allisonmunson94 said:
I wouldn't normally have thought anything of it, but at a Christmas party we went to, h's step sister is also pregnant and only a few weeks behind me. She got gift cards, etc from my in-laws for the baby, and I didn't get anything for the baby. I'm not one to think like that or to act selfishly but that's kind of how it's been the whole pregnancy with my MIL and its pretty upsetting.

I felt the same way! When my SIL was pregnant my MIL (they aren't related) went nuts and got all the stuff. We set some boundaries and gave them a list and they didn't get us anything, just said "well get you stuff when the baby comes". At first I was sad until I realized they got SIL stuff because she was 21 and starting a school program- they didn't think she could handle it so they took care of the stuff. It's a vote of confidence that they didn't get my baby anything. They believe we can handle this ourselves ☺️

Pascal86 · December 2015

yogahh said:

Maybe it's just me but I'm glad not to get any baby things this year. I figure this is my last year to get thing just for me. And baby gifts are what a baby shower is for.

Exactly how I felt - I actually asked for no baby gifts. I did get a few maternity clothes though, which I'm really grateful for. And both grandmas broke the no baby gift rules, but just small stuff, it was cute.

michellabanana · December 2015

Well if you think about it, most people just found out about it a couple weeks ago. Most people need time to process the information. My mil is also pretty much done Christmas shopping in September lol. December is a busy time, and if you're not showing yet, it really hasn't sunken in with people yet. My nieces and nephews are still weired out by it, I'm the fun aunt so I don't know if they realize I'm an adult lol... They had to be constantly told not to attack me or hit me in the stomach with a light saber.

I was treated like an old lady at Christmas lol...("you shouldn't sit on the floor!". "Can I get you more food?" "If you can walk".... Really I can't walk? lol).

I got a few gifts at Christmas, which I'm extremely grateful for. My brother got me a Hogwarts onsie, my niece got me a onsie that said baby would be love by cousins, my mom got me some onsies and a cow blanket, my sister got me a floor blanket where baby practices tummy time and such, my brother gave me his bassinet that was my sisters (love family connection!). My mother in law have me a frame for the ultrasound pic and new baby pic! I loved all the gifts!

Sharra13 · December 2015

I have had quite a few women tell me they didn't want any baby stuff for the holidays, at it was probably going to be the last time they could get something fro themselves and NOT the baby.

I am the opposite. All the things I want right now are maternity things, baby things, and stuff to help me keep up on the house (I would kill for a new NICE vacuum!!). When people asked what I wanted, I told them baby stuff, since it seemed easy and less specifically expensive.

We actually got a pretty nice high chair, a pack-n-play, some cute blankets, and a gift card to Babies R Us so far. Still waiting on his mom's gifts to arrive in the mail, and I suspect there will be more gift cards in there, too.

The only gift that really surprised me this year was from my FIL and his wife. They usually get us really nice stuff that we love and that makes sense for that year. Last year, for our fairly new house, they got us a TON of awesome stuff for our walls that we now have hanging up. The year before (right around closing time), it was a really nice drill and tool set. I was definitely expecting baby stuff this year and was a little surprised when we opened up...an electric turkey fryer. Lol.

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