While I don't think many people, even those who were strongly against throwing ones own shower were rude and certainly I don't think someone is rude just because they disagree, in my opinion, what comes off as rude is when others express their opinions as the only correct opinions and do so in a way that is condescending to others. For example, when they use language that suggests their opinion is more than just an opinion, but is in fact the only way to do something and no one else with an opposing viewpoint could possibly be right.
While I don't think many people, even those who were strongly against throwing ones own shower were rude and certainly I don't think someone is rude just because they disagree, in my opinion, what comes off as rude is when others express their opinions as the only correct opinions and do so in a way that is condescending to others. For example, when they use language that suggests their opinion is more than just an opinion, but is in fact the only way to do something and no one else with an opposing viewpoint could possibly be right.
Well, reiterating the traditional etiquette guidelines isn't actually giving an opinion. Saying that you "feel" it's ok to throw your own shower is an opinion. So stating how something is traditionally done is going to come across differently that just stating how you feel about something.
Me: 30 DH: 35
TTC #1 - Jan 2015
BFP on 5/13/15 DD born 1/24/16 TTC #2 - Jun 2017 BFP on 8/24/17
My situation with my first was similar- I lived in a new city and wasn't close to many people. People started asking me when I was having a baby shower and I said I didn't think anyone was throwing me one (just being honest) and a couple of very nice ladies chose to go ahead and throw me a shower. It is still early. I know the holidays complicate things but most people don't have showers until like 35 weeks- which I know isn't terribly far away but someone could step up and throw you one, who knows maybe there's a surprise shower in the works for you already. I would hate to choose to throw my one only to discover someone else was planning one for me. It definitely is frowned upon to throw yourself a shower. I say wait and see if someone throws you one and if they don't then do a sip and see. This is our third so no shower for me- but we are doing a major home addition so I'm thinking in February or so I will do an open house where we provide treats and drinks and people can come see our finished house and the new baby at the same time, but I think a big party would be too much for me- but something where people just meander and come and go for a day would be nice. Just thought I'd add what we are doing in case something similar could work for you :-)
This being my first baby I don't know all the ins and outs of baby shower rules. I had started making out a guest list out when I was 4 months along. I had my own ideas and created my own invitations. My Mom had assumed my bffs (who live out of state) were throwing me a shower. All my friends thought my Mom was going to host it. I had set the date for October 24 and it wasn't until the invitations were printed that my Mom and Grama decided they would take over preparations for it. It was a beautiful shower and some of my ideas were implemented but it wasn't very well organized. I don't have a lot of pictures because my Mom didn't know my friends and didn't think to take pictures of them. Mainly pictures of me opening gifts, the cake, and pictures of me and my grandmother. I was disappointed that aspect wasn't handled better. If I were to get pregnant again I would go against the rules and host it myself. No disrespect to my mom and grandmother because they did a great job, but I have no pictures of my guests and that was extremely important. In my opinion do what you want. It's your baby, your party.
Re: Baby shower
DD born 1/24/16
TTC #2 - Jun 2017
BFP on 8/24/17