Just think of how much simpler and easier your life would be if you breastfed your child. No bottles, no cleaning/washing/sterilizing, night trips to mix the formula etc. Just stick a nipple in a mouth and continue sleeping. Your milk is always with you. nice and clean.
Sure there will be nipple pain for the first couple of weeks, but the health benefits so worth it
I planned to EBF from the start as in my antenatal classes I was fed the same horse crap you are peddling here. I was told the same, breast feeding is easy, baby will instinctively know what to do, my milk will come in naturally as soon as baby is born etc etc. Unfortunate it's not that simple and easy for everyone but sadly some people who did find it easy don't seem to grasp that. My LO is 6 and a half weeks, I have tried to get her to latch on every feeding session, she screams bloody murder every time but I'm still persevering. My milk didn't come in til day 10 and even then my supply is so small. I pump every 3 hours and have done since day 3 when it became obvious that if I didn't feed my daughter something (ie, formula) then she wouldn't get fed. After a full day pumping I usually have about 1oz of milk in total. My LO eats 24oz a day. I've tried nipple shields, fenugreek, lactation cookies, skin to skin, heat pads and mothers milk tea. I've had the lactation consultant visit me twice a week at home for 6 weeks trying to help me increase my supply and get my LO to latch with no success that she has now suggested I take domperidome as a last ditch attempt to try and increase my supply. This week I was at the breast clinic getting a lump in my armpit checked out from which I've been told I have blocked milk ducts which obviously will reduce my supply even further and Ive been on three courses of antibiotics so far for infections in my milk ducts. I've sat crying my eyes out on many occasions because I feel such a failure as a woman and as a mother. My SO has asked me to stop even attempting to breastfeed as he is worried I'm going to get PPD because in getting so upset about it. With all this in mind please enlighten on how breastfeeding has made my life simpler and easier?
Sorry to go off topic a bit from the OP but this crass simplistic view of breastfeeding helps no one and makes me unbelievably angry. I hate the expression 'breast is best' with a passion, not because I believe formula is better but because it installs in women the belief that if they can't breastfeed then they are somehow not doing the best for their child which is bull.
Sorry for hijacking your post a bit OP, I don't have any experience with what you have been through so can't really offer any advice apart from if you do decide that breastfeeding is not for you then please don't anyone make you feel bad about it as it isn't simple and easy for everyone.
Just think of how much simpler and easier your life would be if you breastfed your child. No bottles, no cleaning/washing/sterilizing, night trips to mix the formula etc. Just stick a nipple in a mouth and continue sleeping. Your milk is always with you. nice and clean.
Sure there will be nipple pain for the first couple of weeks, but the health benefits so worth it
I planned to EBF from the start as in my antenatal classes I was fed the same horse crap you are peddling here. I was told the same, breast feeding is easy, baby will instinctively know what to do, my milk will come in naturally as soon as baby is born etc etc. Unfortunate it's not that simple and easy for everyone but sadly some people who did find it easy don't seem to grasp that. My LO is 6 and a half weeks, I have tried to get her to latch on every feeding session, she screams bloody murder every time but I'm still persevering. My milk didn't come in til day 10 and even then my supply is so small. I pump every 3 hours and have done since day 3 when it became obvious that if I didn't feed my daughter something (ie, formula) then she wouldn't get fed. After a full day pumping I usually have about 1oz of milk in total. My LO eats 24oz a day. I've tried nipple shields, fenugreek, lactation cookies, skin to skin, heat pads and mothers milk tea. I've had the lactation consultant visit me twice a week at home for 6 weeks trying to help me increase my supply and get my LO to latch with no success that she has now suggested I take domperidome as a last ditch attempt to try and increase my supply. This week I was at the breast clinic getting a lump in my armpit checked out from which I've been told I have blocked milk ducts which obviously will reduce my supply even further and Ive been on three courses of antibiotics so far for infections in my milk ducts. I've sat crying my eyes out on many occasions because I feel such a failure as a woman and as a mother. My SO has asked me to stop even attempting to breastfeed as he is worried I'm going to get PPD because in getting so upset about it. With all this in mind please enlighten on how breastfeeding has made my life simpler and easier?
Sorry to go off topic a bit from the OP but this crass simplistic view of breastfeeding helps no one and makes me unbelievably angry. I hate the expression 'breast is best' with a passion, not because I believe formula is better but because it installs in women the belief that if they can't breastfeed then they are somehow not doing the best for their child which is bull.
Sorry for hijacking your post a bit OP, I don't have any experience with what you have been through so can't really offer any advice apart from if you do decide that breastfeeding is not for you then please don't anyone make you feel bad about it as it isn't simple and easy for everyone.
I began to suffer from pp anxiety because I was terrified of having to ff. I have been pumping exclusively up to yesterday and the hippie pseudo medical pros out there had me thinking id dry up any day. I was so anxious I had stopped eating and had all but stopped sleeping - and my perfect baby lets me sleep! Yesterday in tears I called an LC who not only told me that pumping is perfectly ok but that formula isn't the end of the world either. She also told me that most women go through similar difficulties and I was perfectly normal. After hearing about how I leak when my baby cries and it was breaking my heart, she examined my breasts and my baby's mouth and helped me find both a position and technique that works for us. She told me to start by nursing 2 times a date while continuing to pump and then gradually increasing. So my story may have the happy ending I want. But she stressed that any ending that resulted in a fed and well loved baby was a happy ending.
Just think of how much simpler and easier your life would be if you breastfed your child. No bottles, no cleaning/washing/sterilizing, night trips to mix the formula etc. Just stick a nipple in a mouth and continue sleeping. Your milk is always with you. nice and clean.
Sure there will be nipple pain for the first couple of weeks, but the health benefits so worth it
Why would you come into a conversation like this and say this. This is not a formula vs breastmilk topic, and there are other things happening here. Very insensitive and uninformed.
I'm glad you have a counselor to speak to about this. I am also very sorry for the trauma you endured.
That being said, it might be beneficial to you to meet with a lactation consultant prior to giving birth, and perhaps take a breastfeeding class (as long as it would not be a trigger for you).
Married July 2009, Rescue dog adopted September 2010, DS born June 2012
I was also uncomfortable with the thought of BF while pregnant. However, not for the same reason. I've just always been completely indifferent about breasts.
After DS was born, the nurses kept trying to help me BF. They all told me how to do it a different way, nothing was working, and I was a mess my doctor came in and I lost it. I bawled and told him my baby was going to starve to death. He sent in the ward clerk. She is a retired nurse and also a LC. She just worked casual shifts at our rural hospital when they need someone. She was amazing. She was the only reason I didn't quit BF right then and there. We also have another LC consultant who is the health nurse who comes to see you at home once you have a baby (don't know if there's a similar program in the US as I'm in Canada). My first LC also did casual shifts there too. The two of them are the reason I kept it up. I definitely recommend a LC. They helped me get DS latched and how to hold him - everything. They were invaluable. If you decide it is right for you - seek a LC. They may (I don't know) have training / experience with abuse survivors. But, I shared my hospital experience to let you know that those trying to help in the hospital may actually not be helpful, and maybe an LC before hand might be beneficial.
And of course - don't beat yourself up if FF is what is right for you and your family. Your baby will be fed and that is what matters (and your comfort). Good luck.
I think I understand what @Llly436 is trying to convey is that BFing doesn't have to be hard. Maybe I'm in the minority but I had a 5/6 days of nipple pain (was pretty mild) and had no issues BFing other than low supply at times that was managed through diet. Going into BFing thinking it's going to be an uphill battle seems overwhelming.
I think taking it slow - setting milestones, seeing where it's going and knowing where you can turn to for help whether it be a LC for latch issues or councillor for emotional issues. You might be one of the lucky ones that has an easy BFing relationship, it doesn't always have to be doom a gloom.
There were some great suggestions but if you prepare and feel comfortable post labour try to latch naturally and see where it goes. If things aren't working well exclusive pumping or a nipple shield aren't great suggestions.
Good luck and BF or FF I'm sure your baby will be plenty loved and that's all that's needed.
I think I understand what @Llly436 is trying to convey is that BFing doesn't have to be hard. Maybe I'm in the minority but I had a 5/6 days of nipple pain (was pretty mild) and had no issues BFing other than low supply at times that was managed through diet. Going into BFing thinking it's going to be an uphill battle seems overwhelming.
I think taking it slow - setting milestones, seeing where it's going and knowing where you can turn to for help whether it be a LC for latch issues or councillor for emotional issues. You might be one of the lucky ones that has an easy BFing relationship, it doesn't always have to be doom a gloom.
There were some great suggestions but if you prepare and feel comfortable post labour try to latch naturally and see where it goes. If things aren't working well exclusive pumping or a nipple shield aren't great suggestions.
Good luck and BF or FF I'm sure your baby will be plenty loved and that's all that's needed.
But it's a huge disservice to all moms who want to BF when we hear BS like "it's so easy! Everyone can do it!" I gave up after a few days because it's not easy for everyone. Good for you if it is, but saying what she said attaches a stigma to it that if it's not easy, you're a failure. It's best to be honest about it and say "it might be super easy for you, but it might also suck really bad and you might need some help with it and that's okay too."
And how are nipple shields or exclusive pumping bad ideas? If you can't find another way and you want your child to have the advantages of breast milk, what's the problem?
@DrillSergeantCat Ohh good catch I meant to say if things are going well latch-wise then then EP and nipple shields aren't good ideas. They're both excellent ideas if things aren't going well. Excellent excellent tools, but they do have issues of their own (pumping is hard, some women have letdown issues and supply issues with nipple shields), so I'd start latching naturally at the start.
BFing is hard work but I some new Mom's find it really overwhelming before birth only hearing the "it's the hardest thing I've ever done" comments. I didn't mean to say it's easy but it's not super hard for everyone. I like to bring some positivity into the subject. I totally agree on the "this might be easy or it might suck really bad but there are resources" mindset. Heck if it doesn't work in the end that's good too, whatever works for your family.
Better to be prepared for BFing to be a hard, up-hill battle and have it be easy, than go into it thinking easy breezy and struggle instead. I'd rather (and have) plan for all possibilities.
I understand that everyone is very hormonal and emotional, but try to have a common sense - we share our experiences or give advise based on our education or experience. Only politicians say what people want to hear. I had some nipple pain and sometimes did not have enough milk. Got enough info on how to manage all those problems from a book on pregnancy etc. Had a couple of nursing bras, a few bottles to store extra milk and nothing else, did not even pump.The problem is moms give up easily, because they do not think it is a matter of life and death. Bet, if there was a study that BF protects babies from autism, then everyone would have BFed their children, despite pain or flat nipples. For me it was a lot easier to breastfeed and not to deal with colics, colds, bad teeth and other health problems later. The initial question was about how to deal with a psychological discomfort and not about pros and cons of BF. Obviously BF is better, but if someone is not able to overcome a psychological problem, then nothing can be done
I understand that everyone is very hormonal and emotional, but try to have a common sense - we share our experiences or give advise based on our education or experience. Only politicians say what people want to hear. I had some nipple pain and sometimes did not have enough milk. Got enough info on how to manage all those problems from a book on pregnancy etc. Had a couple of nursing bras, a few bottles to store extra milk and nothing else, did not even pump.The problem is moms give up easily, because they do not think it is a matter of life and death. Bet, if there was a study that BF protects babies from autism, then everyone would have BFed their children, despite pain or flat nipples.For me it was a lot easier to breastfeed and not to deal with colics, colds, bad teeth and other health problems later. The initial question was about how to deal with a psychological discomfort and not about pros and cons of BF. Obviously BF is better, but if someone is not able to overcome a psychological problem, then nothing can be done
1. Sorry, but my hormones did not rob me of my common sense. Maybe yours took a long walk off a short pier, but my sense has stayed with me.
2. Then why don't you stick to the original question and actually offer up some advice to help with that. PPs suggestions of reading, talking to LC, and maybe considering exclusively pumping are all helpful ways for OP to attempt to get passed her discomfort. If she can't overcome her discomfort, that's perfectly alright. If she chooses not to even try and goes straight formula, that's perfectly alright, too. Just b/c YOU found it easiest doesn't mean the mommy-shaming above is okay. And it certainly wasn't helpful to anyone.
If you think this is a common sense, then your mommy neglected to instill good manners. You need to learn to be polite to strangers for your own good. I have the same rights to express my opinion here as you Her discomfort is psychological and not physical, it could only be overcame with a help of a good therapist. Thinking more about the baby and not own selfish needs will definitely help. After all this is her third child, how bad a breastfeeding could be compared to sex
If you think this is a common sense, then your mommy neglected to instill good manners. You need to learn to be polite to strangers for your own good. I have the same rights to express my opinion here as you Her discomfort is psychological and not physical, it could only be overcame with a help of a good therapist. Thinking more about the baby and not own selfish needs will definitely help. After all this is her third child, how bad a breastfeeding could be compared to sex
This is one of the most ignorant things I've read on here lately. It just shows how little understanding or empathy you have for victims of abuse. You don't get it, and nothing we can say here will make you get it.
I understand that everyone is very hormonal and emotional, but try to have a common sense - we share our experiences or give advise based on our education or experience. Only politicians say what people want to hear. I had some nipple pain and sometimes did not have enough milk. Got enough info on how to manage all those problems from a book on pregnancy etc. Had a couple of nursing bras, a few bottles to store extra milk and nothing else, did not even pump.The problem is moms give up easily, because they do not think it is a matter of life and death. Bet, if there was a study that BF protects babies from autism, then everyone would have BFed their children, despite pain or flat nipples. For me it was a lot easier to breastfeed and not to deal with colics, colds, bad teeth and other health problems later. The initial question was about how to deal with a psychological discomfort and not about pros and cons of BF. Obviously BF is better, but if someone is not able to overcome a psychological problem, then nothing can be done
This is one of the most ignorant posts I've ever read. You had 'some nipple pain' and 'SOMETIMES' didn't have enough milk. Sounds like you had it pretty easy compared to many others. I wish my only breastfeeding problems were as simple as yours. This is simply a mommy shaming post from someone who has no idea how difficult it CAN be for some mothers and so just ignorantly shames them by judging that they gave up easily. If you have no experience of how difficult simething can be for others (which by your own post you admit you don't) then you have no right to judge them as far as I'm concerned. Oh and just to add, breastfed babies can suffer with colic, colds, bad teeth and health problems just the same as formula fed babies. Breastmilk is best but it's not ambrosia!!!
If you think this is a common sense, then your mommy neglected to instill good manners. You need to learn to be polite to strangers for your own good. I have the same rights to express my opinion here as you Her discomfort is psychological and not physical, it could only be overcame with a help of a good therapist. Thinking more about the baby and not own selfish needs will definitely help. After all this is her third child, how bad a breastfeeding could be compared to sex
This is disgusting, you suggest she needs to learn to be polite to strangers whilst you insult her upbringing and mother. Yeah, that's soooo polite! And are you seriously claiming that a woman who has been through such a physical and psychological trauma in her life is putting her own 'selfish needs' before her child if she gives him formula? Really? I know breast milk is 'best' but seriously, how narrow minded can you be??? I suggest your mommy neglected to instill empathy in your upbringing.
Sometimes breastfeeding IS easy... and sometimes it can be difficult. I think there is so much info and anecdotes about breastfeeding difficulties and failures that we tend to forget that many times, it CAN be that simple.
I agree with you to a degree, but this was not an appropriate response to this thread. There are profound issues in play here that might make BF extremely difficult. Please be aware.
If you think this is a common sense, then your mommy neglected to instill good manners. You need to learn to be polite to strangers for your own good. I have the same rights to express my opinion here as you Her discomfort is psychological and not physical, it could only be overcame with a help of a good therapist. Thinking more about the baby and not own selfish needs will definitely help. After all this is her third child, how bad a breastfeeding could be compared to sex
@LIly436 How is any of this here, POLITE? Abuse is more than simply psychological issues. It encompasses the physical as well. Sex with someone you love is not at all comparable to breast feeding. They are two separate acts and do NOT deserve to be lumped in the same category. Breast feeding is not sexual, but it does involve sexual organs. So, therefore I can see someone who has been mistreated and abused sexually having a very hard time with the exposure, stimulation and touch of the breast.
It is NOT selfish to maintain your self-care regarding your trauma. That is the most ignorant thing I've ever read. I love breast feeding, but this shaming, and ignorant rhetoric will not encourage anyone on the fence to breast feed. Empathy is not your strong suit.
I understand that everyone is very hormonal and emotional, but try to have a common sense - we share our experiences or give advise based on our education or experience. Only politicians say what people want to hear. I had some nipple pain and sometimes did not have enough milk. Got enough info on how to manage all those problems from a book on pregnancy etc. Had a couple of nursing bras, a few bottles to store extra milk and nothing else, did not even pump.The problem is moms give up easily, because they do not think it is a matter of life and death. Bet, if there was a study that BF protects babies from autism, then everyone would have BFed their children, despite pain or flat nipples. For me it was a lot easier to breastfeed and not to deal with colics, colds, bad teeth and other health problems later. The initial question was about how to deal with a psychological discomfort and not about pros and cons of BF. Obviously BF is better, but if someone is not able to overcome a psychological problem, then nothing can be done
So much no. I'm not touching the rest of this, but do NOT tell people BFing prevents colic. DS had horrible horrible colic. It was the worst thing I have ever had to endure. I only made it because my mother moved in with me. He was exclusively BF. He was fed on demand. I tried pumping, but he refused a bottle. Took it once and that was it. Colic has nothing to do with the way your baby is fed.
And before you decide that I'm Hormonal for my response - I'm not pregnant. Even when I was, I could manage my emotions.
ETA BFing worked for us. It was hard at first (see above), but I by no means think it is the only way. It was a choice for my family and we were lucky enough to be able to do it. OP - I set milestones. See if we could get it to work. Six weeks. Six months. By then we had no problems and DS wouldn't take a bottle so we kept going.
My response to the OP was perfectly appropriate. As she states in her post...
"I really want to give it another go around and I plan on purchasing a breast-pump, too. Anyway, now I am just ranting... have any of you ever felt uncomfortable to breastfeed? I am very determined to do this, no matter what. I am mainly looking for some advice, or possibly even some reassurance. Thank you, ladies!"
I did not tell her she was selfish if she chose to FF, or that BF would be easy no matter what, or that she should just "get over" her issues. Nor did I try to blow a rainbow up her ass. Those would have been inappropriate responses. She may try to breastfeed again and find it to be difficult both emotionally and physically, or she may find the process to be easier than she originally anticipated. Your are right-- her issues might make BF extremely difficult... But she won't know until she tries to do it this particular time. Till then, there is nothing wrong with suggesting that it could go well for her. She is aware that it might be difficult for her for a multitude of reasons, and wrote her post looking for support and/or advice.
Totally disagree about talking about BFing in a physical sense can be easy. It can be the hardest thing for some people and it can be easier for others. With the psychological aspect of it being an uphill battle it might be nice to hear that some women have an easier time physically. If it's hard and you still want to battle through then that's great and there's lots of women who have been in your shoes and can offer advice.
I feel like there's a lot of focus on the negative aspects of BFing. No one wants to write articles and posts about how they had an easy time. Kinda rude thing to do in a new mom forum.
If you think this is a common sense, then your mommy neglected to instill good manners. You need to learn to be polite to strangers for your own good. I have the same rights to express my opinion here as you Her discomfort is psychological and not physical, it could only be overcame with a help of a good therapist. Thinking more about the baby and not own selfish needs will definitely help. After all this is her third child, how bad a breastfeeding could be compared to sex
Um what are you even talking about? You legitimately think a mother should just choose to potentially re-traumatize herself? The self-care of the mother should be first and foremost because she is the one who is in turn taking care of the baby. Breastfeeding is only right if it works for mother AND child-- if it doesn't then formula and pumping are 100% acceptable options. All the OP said is she's uncomfortable breastfeeding- which leaves pumping or formula as her options. Pumping is still giving the baby breast milk, and formula is chosen by many mothers and approved by ALL medical professionals. Just because you are of the opinion that breastfeeding Is the end-all be-all doesn't make it true in any way. The only person being "not polite" here is YOU and no one here is going to sympathize with your absurd judgements and close mindedness... Maybe you should figure out a way to call up Doc Brown, jump in the DeLorean, and travel back to the 1950's where your wonderful opinions may actually have some relevance.
Getting back to the original topic- the bottom line is you will be feeding your baby. It really, truly doesn't matter whether it's ff, breastfeeding, pumping or a combo of any of these. I'm so sorry for what you went through and at the end of the day the important thing is that your sweet baby is being fed and that you're also taking care of you.
Just think of how much simpler and easier your life would be if you breastfed your child. No bottles, no cleaning/washing/sterilizing, night trips to mix the formula etc. Just stick a nipple in a mouth and continue sleeping. Your milk is always with you. nice and clean.
Sure there will be nipple pain for the first couple of weeks, but the health benefits so worth it
No. Like others have said...just no.
I breastfed last time, and I plan to this time around. I don't want to go into detail here because of the nature of this post, but my life was most definitely not easier. I had to cut out pretty much everything from my diet, because of some other issues, I pumped for a month straight (and I very much mean that - every two hours for ~15-20 minutes per breast I was pumping), and that took a lot of time away from my child.
Obviously you have never used a pump before - you do have to clean, wash, and sterilize bottles and pump parts. Obviously you have also never had issues breastfeeding, which is obvious by your entire comment. I also can't help but feel that you're being extremely condescending, not only to OP considering her past history, but to other moms who have struggled to breastfeed.
One advantage of the internet is that you can really think about what you want to say before you put it out there. Apparently you didn't do that.
To breastfeed we only need a breast and healthy enough baby with proper reflexes. No need for lactation specialists, pumps or anything else. Majority of women in the world do it just like that. In regards to the cost, I was given a brochure by my OB, which said that a cost of formula for one year is $2500. The cost of my breastfeeding was 0, because I did not even need the breast pads
The main problem here is purely psychological, OP needs a good therapist
Yeah. It's pretty obvious that you've never actually breast fed before.
Good luck to you when your LO is born - I certainly hope that reality doesn't hit you like a ton of bricks.
@imakeeff0rts there are many people who are that lucky that they have extended mat leave and do have success with BFing. Honestly in message boards and groups you rarely hear the success stories because you'd feel like a jerk posting them. Sure everyone has at minimum a rough start and some patches here and there but for everyone it's not all bad. In many places in the world midwives and GPs are great places to go for BFing advice; although I hear in the US and some in Canada are terrible. I think it's important to know going into BFing that it may be the hardest thing you do in the first year of parenting but it also might not. I think knowing that it can be hard and where to get resources if it is, is great. However, Mom's need reassurance that it also works for other Mom's. I'm a sociologist and anthropologist and have studied childhood across cultures and @LIly436 isn't wrong MANY women, especially rural women, BF without things like LCs and pumps; however those cultures are very open about BFing and have been doing so generationally (and for things like pumps you might have a friend or neighbour who is lactating to watch your child - no joke that was an interesting one to find out!). I've studied women and childhood in Russia, India, Phillipines and other cultures and can assure you BFing is not talked about as negatively in those cultures. Women are supportive and knowledgable and have a different sense of community than an anonymous online forum.
My quoting got all messed up. Thought I fixed it. Didn't. On mobile, not trying again. Someone said something about how BF isn't easier and she had to cut things out of her diet.
Once we got the hang of it, BFing was relatively easy. However, DS ate every. Two. Hours. For. At. Least. Eight. Months. I pumped. He wouldn't take a bottle. So if someone was watching him, I had to be back in two hours. DH couldn't help with nighttime feelings (him having no lactating boobs and all). So I woke up every. Two. Hours. FOREVER. Couldn't drink. The chart I had from the health unit said it took 2 hours for my body size to metabolize a drink. Can't risk it because often (esp in the evening) DS would eat again after an hour or an hour and a half.
Also, if I ate vegetables, he screamed. The only veggies that didn't bother him were peppers. I ate a lot of peppers for a lot of months. The one time I wasn't thinking (I was just so excited to be able to eat a medium rare piece of prime rib) and had horse radish - of my god. We all suffered because DS screamed all night.
Again, I did it. I wouldn't change it. It worked for US. But there were a lot of changes that weren't easy. Seriously, vegetables. And my choices and experiences aren't necessarily right for anyone else - not even someone in the same position.
ETA OP, maybe also check out a BFing support group. Our Best Start Hub (local playgroup - but much more - it's run in conjunction with the daycares) sponsors one once a week and brings in the nurse who teaches prenatal classes. I never went, because I didn't know about it when I was having trouble (and most of my perceived trouble was actually colic). I have a couple of friends who love it though.
@jenniferamcooper I'm very well aware that people have no issues breastfeeding here and around the world. It doesn't take a sociologist or anthrolopologist. I'm not an idiot. I think you've missed the point of what I said - Lily came onto a post and told an expectant mother (who is a victim of sexual assault) how much better and easier her life would be if she breastfed. The point of my posts were that a) her comments in this setting are EXTREMELY inappropriate and unhelpful b) what she says is frequently not always true. Many, many women experience issues. She's potentially setting this woman up to believe something that could be harmful to her psychologically - that breastfeeding is easy. In my experience, it is not. And that experience is shared by a lot of women. OP needs to be presented with hard facts - not rainbows and unicorns. She may not have problems and it may work out for her, it could also go the other way and she came here seeking honest, helpful support.
I'm not even going to go into what happens to babies in third world countries that can't be breastfed. Because you really don't typically hear those stories, either. If you're going to present one side, present them both. And if someone has never breastfed, there's really no room (ESPECIALLY in this post) to tell someone what their experience is going to be, and to discount the struggles that others have experenced.
OP, you do what you need to do. You've gotten a lot of great responses. Ultimately, as long as your baby is fed and loved, that's what matters.
Re: Uncomfortable W/ Breastfeeding
Sorry to go off topic a bit from the OP but this crass simplistic view of breastfeeding helps no one and makes me unbelievably angry. I hate the expression 'breast is best' with a passion, not because I believe formula is better but because it installs in women the belief that if they can't breastfeed then they are somehow not doing the best for their child which is bull.
Sorry for hijacking your post a bit OP, I don't have any experience with what you have been through so can't really offer any advice apart from if you do decide that breastfeeding is not for you then please don't anyone make you feel bad about it as it isn't simple and easy for everyone.
That being said, it might be beneficial to you to meet with a lactation consultant prior to giving birth, and perhaps take a breastfeeding class (as long as it would not be a trigger for you).
After DS was born, the nurses kept trying to help me BF. They all told me how to do it a different way, nothing was working, and I was a mess my doctor came in and I lost it. I bawled and told him my baby was going to starve to death. He sent in the ward clerk. She is a retired nurse and also a LC. She just worked casual shifts at our rural hospital when they need someone. She was amazing. She was the only reason I didn't quit BF right then and there. We also have another LC consultant who is the health nurse who comes to see you at home once you have a baby (don't know if there's a similar program in the US as I'm in Canada). My first LC also did casual shifts there too. The two of them are the reason I kept it up. I definitely recommend a LC. They helped me get DS latched and how to hold him - everything. They were invaluable. If you decide it is right for you - seek a LC. They may (I don't know) have training / experience with abuse survivors. But, I shared my hospital experience to let you know that those trying to help in the hospital may actually not be helpful, and maybe an LC before hand might be beneficial.
And of course - don't beat yourself up if FF is what is right for you and your family. Your baby will be fed and that is what matters (and your comfort). Good luck.
I think taking it slow - setting milestones, seeing where it's going and knowing where you can turn to for help whether it be a LC for latch issues or councillor for emotional issues. You might be one of the lucky ones that has an easy BFing relationship, it doesn't always have to be doom a gloom.
There were some great suggestions but if you prepare and feel comfortable post labour try to latch naturally and see where it goes. If things aren't working well exclusive pumping or a nipple shield aren't great suggestions.
Good luck and BF or FF I'm sure your baby will be plenty loved and that's all that's needed.
And how are nipple shields or exclusive pumping bad ideas? If you can't find another way and you want your child to have the advantages of breast milk, what's the problem?
Ohh good catch I meant to say if things are going well latch-wise then then EP and nipple shields aren't good ideas. They're both excellent ideas if things aren't going well. Excellent excellent tools, but they do have issues of their own (pumping is hard, some women have letdown issues and supply issues with nipple shields), so I'd start latching naturally at the start.
BFing is hard work but I some new Mom's find it really overwhelming before birth only hearing the "it's the hardest thing I've ever done" comments. I didn't mean to say it's easy but it's not super hard for everyone. I like to bring some positivity into the subject. I totally agree on the "this might be easy or it might suck really bad but there are resources" mindset. Heck if it doesn't work in the end that's good too, whatever works for your family.
DS1 01/08/03 DD1 08/11/04 DD2 10/06/08 DS2 09/30/14
SURPRISE! Hannah May born 01/22/16
I had some nipple pain and sometimes did not have enough milk. Got enough info on how to manage all those problems from a book on pregnancy etc. Had a couple of nursing bras, a few bottles to store extra milk and nothing else, did not even pump.The problem is moms give up easily, because they do not think it is a matter of life and death. Bet, if there was a study that BF protects babies from autism, then everyone would have BFed their children, despite pain or flat nipples. For me it was a lot easier to breastfeed and not to deal with colics, colds, bad teeth and other health problems later.
The initial question was about how to deal with a psychological discomfort and not about pros and cons of BF. Obviously BF is better, but if someone is not able to overcome a psychological problem, then nothing can be done
1. Sorry, but my hormones did not rob me of my common sense. Maybe yours took a long walk off a short pier, but my sense has stayed with me.
2. Then why don't you stick to the original question and actually offer up some advice to help with that. PPs suggestions of reading, talking to LC, and maybe considering exclusively pumping are all helpful ways for OP to attempt to get passed her discomfort. If she can't overcome her discomfort, that's perfectly alright. If she chooses not to even try and goes straight formula, that's perfectly alright, too. Just b/c YOU found it easiest doesn't mean the mommy-shaming above is okay. And it certainly wasn't helpful to anyone.
DS1 01/08/03 DD1 08/11/04 DD2 10/06/08 DS2 09/30/14
SURPRISE! Hannah May born 01/22/16
Her discomfort is psychological and not physical, it could only be overcame with a help of a good therapist. Thinking more about the baby and not own selfish needs will definitely help. After all this is her third child, how bad a breastfeeding could be compared to sex
This is one of the most ignorant things I've read on here lately. It just shows how little understanding or empathy you have for victims of abuse. You don't get it, and nothing we can say here will make you get it.
DS1 01/08/03 DD1 08/11/04 DD2 10/06/08 DS2 09/30/14
SURPRISE! Hannah May born 01/22/16
N
p I agree with you to a degree, but this was not an appropriate response to this thread. There are profound issues in play here that might make BF extremely difficult. Please be aware.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
It is NOT selfish to maintain your self-care regarding your trauma. That is the most ignorant thing I've ever read. I love breast feeding, but this shaming, and ignorant rhetoric will not encourage anyone on the fence to breast feed. Empathy is not your strong suit.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
And before you decide that I'm
Hormonal for my response - I'm not pregnant. Even when I was, I could manage my emotions.
ETA BFing worked for us. It was hard at first (see above), but I by no means think it is the only way. It was a choice for my family and we were lucky enough to be able to do it. OP - I set milestones. See if we could get it to work. Six weeks. Six months. By then we had no problems and DS wouldn't take a bottle so we kept going.
My response to the OP was perfectly appropriate. As she states in her post...
"I really want to give it another go around and I plan on purchasing a breast-pump, too. Anyway, now I am just ranting... have any of you ever felt uncomfortable to breastfeed? I am very determined to do this, no matter what. I am mainly looking for some advice, or possibly even some reassurance. Thank you, ladies!"
I did not tell her she was selfish if she chose to FF, or that BF would be easy no matter what, or that she should just "get over" her issues. Nor did I try to blow a rainbow up her ass. Those would have been inappropriate responses. She may try to breastfeed again and find it to be difficult both emotionally and physically, or she may find the process to be easier than she originally anticipated. Your are right-- her issues might make BF extremely difficult... But she won't know until she tries to do it this particular time. Till then, there is nothing wrong with suggesting that it could go well for her. She is aware that it might be difficult for her for a multitude of reasons, and wrote her post looking for support and/or advice.
With the psychological aspect of it being an uphill battle it might be nice to hear that some women have an easier time physically. If it's hard and you still want to battle through then that's great and there's lots of women who have been in your shoes and can offer advice.
I feel like there's a lot of focus on the negative aspects of BFing. No one wants to write articles and posts about how they had an easy time. Kinda rude thing to do in a new mom forum.
Edited for spelling
I breastfed last time, and I plan to this time around. I don't want to go into detail here because of the nature of this post, but my life was most definitely not easier. I had to cut out pretty much everything from my diet, because of some other issues, I pumped for a month straight (and I very much mean that - every two hours for ~15-20 minutes per breast I was pumping), and that took a lot of time away from my child.
Obviously you have never used a pump before - you do have to clean, wash, and sterilize bottles and pump parts. Obviously you have also never had issues breastfeeding, which is obvious by your entire comment. I also can't help but feel that you're being extremely condescending, not only to OP considering her past history, but to other moms who have struggled to breastfeed.
One advantage of the internet is that you can really think about what you want to say before you put it out there. Apparently you didn't do that.
Good luck to you when your LO is born - I certainly hope that reality doesn't hit you like a ton of bricks.
In many places in the world midwives and GPs are great places to go for BFing advice; although I hear in the US and some in Canada are terrible.
I think it's important to know going into BFing that it may be the hardest thing you do in the first year of parenting but it also might not. I think knowing that it can be hard and where to get resources if it is, is great. However, Mom's need reassurance that it also works for other Mom's. I'm a sociologist and anthropologist and have studied childhood across cultures and @LIly436 isn't wrong MANY women, especially rural women, BF without things like LCs and pumps; however those cultures are very open about BFing and have been doing so generationally (and for things like pumps you might have a friend or neighbour who is lactating to watch your child - no joke that was an interesting one to find out!). I've studied women and childhood in Russia, India, Phillipines and other cultures and can assure you BFing is not talked about as negatively in those cultures. Women are supportive and knowledgable and have a different sense of community than an anonymous online forum.
Once we got the hang of it, BFing was relatively easy. However, DS ate every. Two. Hours. For. At. Least. Eight. Months. I pumped. He wouldn't take a bottle. So if someone was watching him, I had to be back in two hours. DH couldn't help with nighttime feelings (him having no lactating boobs and all). So I woke up every. Two. Hours. FOREVER. Couldn't drink. The chart I had from the health unit said it took 2 hours for my body size to metabolize a drink. Can't risk it because often (esp in the evening) DS would eat again after an hour or an hour and a half.
Also, if I ate vegetables, he screamed. The only veggies that didn't bother him were peppers. I ate a lot of peppers for a lot of months. The one time I wasn't thinking (I was just so excited to be able to eat a medium rare piece of prime rib) and had horse radish - of my god. We all suffered because DS screamed all night.
Again, I did it. I wouldn't change it. It worked for US. But there were a lot of changes that weren't easy. Seriously, vegetables. And my choices and experiences aren't necessarily right for anyone else - not even someone in the same position.
ETA OP, maybe also check out a BFing support group. Our Best Start Hub (local playgroup - but much more - it's run in conjunction with the daycares) sponsors one once a week and brings in the nurse who teaches prenatal classes. I never went, because I didn't know about it when I was having trouble (and most of my perceived trouble was actually colic). I have a couple of friends who love it though.
I'm very well aware that people have no issues breastfeeding here and around the world. It doesn't take a sociologist or anthrolopologist. I'm not an idiot.
I think you've missed the point of what I said - Lily came onto a post and told an expectant mother (who is a victim of sexual assault) how much better and easier her life would be if she breastfed. The point of my posts were that
a) her comments in this setting are EXTREMELY inappropriate and unhelpful
b) what she says is frequently not always true. Many, many women experience issues. She's potentially setting this woman up to believe something that could be harmful to her psychologically - that breastfeeding is easy. In my experience, it is not. And that experience is shared by a lot of women. OP needs to be presented with hard facts - not rainbows and unicorns. She may not have problems and it may work out for her, it could also go the other way and she came here seeking honest, helpful support.
I'm not even going to go into what happens to babies in third world countries that can't be breastfed. Because you really don't typically hear those stories, either. If you're going to present one side, present them both. And if someone has never breastfed, there's really no room (ESPECIALLY in this post) to tell someone what their experience is going to be, and to discount the struggles that others have experenced.
OP, you do what you need to do. You've gotten a lot of great responses. Ultimately, as long as your baby is fed and loved, that's what matters.