Babies father and dead phone!

StephEppie · December 2015

I just need to rant before I over stress and lose it.
My babies father keeps going out and hanging out with his friends till wee hours of the morning when I'm over here having early contractions on and off at 36 weeks. And to top it off tonight he's out with his friend since 9 getting a "few beers" and he texts me "still out but my phone is at 1%".... So now his phone is dead which has been an argument from a month ago of how irresponsible it is for him to be doing that, and now with 4 weeks left to go he's back at it!!!!! I don't know how to not flip out and lose it right now. I don't sleep well with this stress, and I don't want to have this fight again...... Any calm advice so I don't kill him like I want to?

tudokin · December 2015

Text one of his buddies and say you're in labor and headed to the hospital. Then don't answer your phone.

Mousie93 · December 2015

The above response is tempting but I don't think it will achieve much accept another argument. I totally agree with you and think this kind of behaviour at your stage in pregnancy is unacceptable. I think the best thing you can do is sit him down and communicate with him, tell him you're scared of going into labour and won't be able to reach him - let him know you want his protection. Men often feel very left out of pregnancy because it all happens to the woman, except for the role of 'protector'. I found this with my partner, when I told him he should probably stop going out drinking at around the same time as you are now.

katymae08 · December 2015

I wouldn't ask him to stop going out at all. He is probably stressed out too and this is his way of calming down. He's about to be a dad. They don't become fathers until that baby is their arms. We have 9mo of carrying the child to prepare ourselves. Maybe ask him to limit himself if he's going overboard. Maybe ask him prior to going out if his phone is charged just in case you need to get in touch with him. If all else, maybe ask him if him and his buddy/buddies could have a guys night in at the house (if you live together.) We pregnant ladies become a bit much during the end and a lot of men just don't know how to cope. I'd tell him how you felt in a normal conversation and just see what he says. All you can do in a relationship is talk to one another. It really does help. Point out to him that if he is showing up at the hospital smelling of booze or stumbling it may cause the nurses and/or doctor's to question the abilities of the new parents. While the judgement of anyone shouldn't matter, they may put something in the babies chart to keep an eye on. Doesn't mean that you will end up in a case or anything, but worst case it could make them question you all and nobody wants that. If they question your judgement one time, they will continue to do so over and over because that's human nature.

Edit -- I wasn't quite done.

ashin121 · December 2015

I feel your frustration! I'd be livid too! Since this is a reoccurring fight/discussion, one thing I learned in marriage/relationship was that some things never change so another solution has to be made. Charging a phone definitely sounds easy but it doesn't sound like it's going to happen/...and I'd hate for you to go into labor and not be able to get a hold of him...

Maybe get him a phone charging battery case? I have a mophie because my phone was always dying too!!

willashbaby · December 2015

He sounds like a complete child. I hope you have other people for a support system, I would not be relying on this guy.

ccoleeman · December 2015

Since he's a grown man who is about to become a father, it is not up to you to get him a battery case or buy him anything at all to help him remember his phone should always be fully charged. The point isn't that he has to be on his game because you're about to go into labor, it's that he has to be on it from here on out, so if you're home and he's out or at work and the baby needs something, he can be responsive. It's something that needs fixed long term, not short term.

djdawn29a · December 2015

Maybe get his buddies number so if his goes dead u can still contact him.

Leah6120 · December 2015

Delete this post and be sure to make it look like an accident...

Or.. umm... yeah communicate

in all seriousness have another plan in place to get to the hospital if hes not going to be reliable. I'd just tell him you aren't going to go out of your way to track him down and if he misses it he's the one who has to live with that. I wouldn't be any happier to have my DH there if he was intoxicated and useless. And have a friend, family member, or heck a taxi service ready to call.

Kteems11 · December 2015

I understand becoming a daddy is stressful and wanting a beer with friends but in the hospital I work at if daddy shows up drunk or high it's automatic social service consult. You may want to remind him nicely of that because if the nurses even get a whiff of alcohol and any rude of inappropriate comments we have to report it. It's gonna be more stressful if you start your life with your new baby with social services already questioning your parenting. Hope everything works out for you not too much longer!

sarahbeara25 · December 2015

Going out is one thing... My fiance has his gaming buddies so he just "hangs out" online into the wee hours, but Daddy needs to destress too.

The phone is a big deal though. A charging case or whatever might work but it adds an extra thing he needs to charge. I would say for your peace of mind definitely make sure you have his friends phone numbers. Also if he's going out to a pub or something make sure you have their phone number as well. And tell him that he needs to get his head out of his ass. That you could literally go into labour at anytime now and they wouldn't try to stop it (I'm 36 weeks too, but for the sake of argument let's just say we're 37). My BIL missed his sons birth because his phone was dead (and baby boy was out in 2 hours) and 3.5 years later he's never let his phone die again (FIL was P*SSED and will never let him live it down).

Krisdee123 · December 2015

Hey OP, you called this man "babies father". Are you guys in a relationship right now? If not, there's probably nothing you can do - as pathetic as that is. If you are together, I would totally lose my shit on him. Sorry to other PP, but this is not acceptable behaviour for a father to be. No coddling him, no getting him a back up battery, no excuses. He needs to figure out how to be a responsible adult, and fast.

maddisonwallace · December 2015

I had this problem with my husband until we actually thought my water broke and he was out in the middle of a lake in some waders hunting. Lol. I tried getting ahold of him but his phone was dead. I didn't know the guy he was with, so I had to do some super stalking to find him on FB and then searched for people who I know who might have his number then I texted him while my mom drove me to the hospital.
Luckily, my water hadn't actually broken, but hubby sure did get a shock of reality while he was sitting in that waiting room in full camo and face paint. Now he answers his phone within 2 rings every time he's out! Lol. But it really helped that I had even previously told him, okay listen this is a real thing that could actually happen at any moment. So you have to be a grown up and simmer down and make sure you can 1. Drive and 2. Answer your phone at all times. I made sure he knew I wasn't asking him to go out or to abstain from having a drink TOTALLY until baby is here. That's all fine. But he has to be 100% in daddy mode even more so every single day. And that conversation came off a lot better when we had had AFTER I had cooled down from him not answering and not in the heat of the moment.

Achae · December 2015

StephEppie said:
I just need to rant before I over stress and lose it.
My babies father keeps going out and hanging out with his friends till wee hours of the morning when I'm over here having early contractions on and off at 36 weeks. And to top it off tonight he's out with his friend since 9 getting a "few beers" and he texts me "still out but my phone is at 1%".... So now his phone is dead which has been an argument from a month ago of how irresponsible it is for him to be doing that, and now with 4 weeks left to go he's back at it!!!!! I don't know how to not flip out and lose it right now. I don't sleep well with this stress, and I don't want to have this fight again...... Any calm advice so I don't kill him like I want to?

Agree w pp that he sounds like a child. Also you refer to him as a baby daddy and not your partner so that means something to me as well...

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