I feel for you. I spent Sunday night crying in my bathroom after my mother lost her mind about not being in the OR during my c-section. I have been strongly considering getting a doula if someone needs to sub in for my husband. (He may be following the little one to the NICU since our baby has to be born at 36 or 37 weeks, essentially before I show any signs of laboring, due to a myomectomy earlier this year.) I was completely taken aback by my mother's reaction because this honestly isn't about her. We never thought I would be able to conceive (we'd even started classes to adopt or foster) and my fibroids are already growing back, so this may be our one and only opportunity to have a child. It's heartbreaking to feel so unsupported, so I empathize with each of you struggling to balance your own desires with those of your family.
@lbachran Your decision is for the best. Don't feel guilty. If anything this should be a confirmation that you are 100% making the right decision. You may feel a bit vulnerable during the C/S, and you will need someone with a calm, reassuring presence to emotionally support you and be your advocate if need be. Not someone losing their shit during the surgery or while the team is caring for your newborn. Praying for a healthy pregnancy and baby for you.
Stick to your guns. It is your body and your boundaries. You don't want the feeling of resentment by allowing someone to cross your boundary. I have opinionated family members and setting my boundaries and sticking to them makes me happiest.
You are allowed to alter your plans, too. As a first time mom, it's smart to prepare yourself with as much information as possible. Sounds like you are and you are flexible to recognize if what you thought would work is not, you can change the course of action. That is key!
If you weren't there when the baby was created and you don't have medical training you don't belong in the room. End of story. (It's fine if you want someone else! This just usually shuts the conversation down.)
Plus it's a pretty crowded room with all the nurses and such, extras will be in the way.
Don't feel bad. You're labor is a natural process and people that trust and have confidence in you should be the only ones there. Something as simple as a person's presence can drastically change how your labor progresses
I was so thankful when I had DD that our families live far enough away that they didn't come to the birth center when I was in labor. I had my husband there to support me and the midwife and nurse and that was all I wanted. A friend of ours brought DH coffee when I was in transition and DH asked me if I wanted to see her and I said NO! I didn't want to see anyone, and I was so glad to be able to focus on my labor and giving birth and not be distracted by lots of visitors. We let people know I was in labor, and then announced her birth to the family a couple of hours after she was born so I could enjoy my hours of skin to skin snuggling with baby. Later that evening, we facetimed with family and had a few friends visit and brought us food.
Stand your ground and don't feel guilty about insisting on the birth experience that you want.
I told my family that I wanted it to be just me and my husband. My mom told me she was ok with it but just wanted me to tell her when I went to the hospital... So I did and she showed up at 3:30 in the morning.... I was furious. I explained many many times how I wanted it to be my special moment. I did stand my ground and she waited in the waiting room when the big moment came. With this baby she will get a call after the baby is born.
My family will be cool with whomever I say. Not sure about his mom though. We aren't close. But I don't imagine her trying to horn in. Plus my sister will be there and I'm sure will have no issues telling her..uh no.. if she does. My mother is likes to wait until the baby is home before she comes in so that's a non issue.
But even if they weren't on board right now I would make sure I got them there by May. It's my body and mine and husband's baby so, get it together people!
From past experience this crap just won't stop and will only get worse if you allow it. You will be dealing with it for many years. Read toxic in laws or anything else by Susan forward. It gives strategies.
Oh hun have who YOU feel is best for you in your delivery room. Family, friend, neighbors, doesn't matter its your choice. My mom, husband and I will be in this together and that's it I don't tell my family anything unless I want them to know something no matter how much they ask me cause quite frankly its my daughter and my husband daughter and no one else is to have a say.
Re: Family mad at my decision over who I want in my labor room
Your decision is for the best. Don't feel guilty. If anything this should be a confirmation that you are 100% making the right decision. You may feel a bit vulnerable during the C/S, and you will need someone with a calm, reassuring presence to emotionally support you and be your advocate if need be. Not someone losing their shit during the surgery or while the team is caring for your newborn.
Praying for a healthy pregnancy and baby for you.
Little brother was born October 1, 2012.
(It's fine if you want someone else! This just usually shuts the conversation down.)
Plus it's a pretty crowded room with all the nurses and such, extras will be in the way.
Stand your ground and don't feel guilty about insisting on the birth experience that you want.
But even if they weren't on board right now I would make sure I got them there by May. It's my body and mine and husband's baby so, get it together people!
Read toxic in laws or anything else by Susan forward. It gives strategies.