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May 2016 Moms
JoMunson
member
He/she/ze
JoMunson
member
Here's my "dilemma"...
Tomorrow I'll find out if I'm having a boy or a girl. I'm pretty into the idea of gender neutrality in terms of clothes/toys/items, especially when a baby is very small and doesn't really care about what is "for boys" and what is "for girls". So far DH's family has been good about it, but I have heard little rumblings that my MIL will freak out (in a positive way) if it's a girl.
I'm 95% sure I'm having a girl, and I don't want my MIL to go crazy with pink stuff and ruffles. Not only do I find that stuff tacky, but it goes against my gender neutral ideas.
Is there a way to announce my babies gender and also let my MIL/others know in a nice way to keep the pink, purple, and ruffles at bay until the baby can ask for it herself?
...ugh...this is such a not problem problem...
Tomorrow I'll find out if I'm having a boy or a girl. I'm pretty into the idea of gender neutrality in terms of clothes/toys/items, especially when a baby is very small and doesn't really care about what is "for boys" and what is "for girls". So far DH's family has been good about it, but I have heard little rumblings that my MIL will freak out (in a positive way) if it's a girl.
I'm 95% sure I'm having a girl, and I don't want my MIL to go crazy with pink stuff and ruffles. Not only do I find that stuff tacky, but it goes against my gender neutral ideas.
Is there a way to announce my babies gender and also let my MIL/others know in a nice way to keep the pink, purple, and ruffles at bay until the baby can ask for it herself?
...ugh...this is such a not problem problem...
Re: He/she/ze
ETA: Words
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Edited because I hit enter too soon.
If it makes you feel better, I'm having a boy and I already received a camoflauge onesie. Thank you...but no. Yes my husband hunts and fishes, but baby won't be wearing it. **No offense to those who love camo!**
ETA: Good luck at your scan tomorrow!! I had mine today and it was pretty awesome
Niece (2 y/o) will not wear anything pink (and nothing frilly at all unless it is Elsa-related), and the girl I used to sit for (when she was 2) insisted for a month that she was Batman, would only dress in black, and would scream if you referred to her as a she.
All of which is to say: if you put baby in frills at six months, she will not necessarily be warped by it into only liking things that are gendered "girl". Also, unless you are returning those gift clothes for money, you can't afford not to use them! They grow out of most things so quickly anyway.
My suggestion? Buy her (and get gender-savvy friends to buy for her) lots of adorable gender neutral clothes, and even some "boy" outfits so she gets to wear (and be seen in) a variety of gender tropes. It'll subtly signal to baby that there are no limits to her sartorial range, and it'll signal to others that they shouldn't coo over her as a "girly girl" only.
Yep, I'd say the same as PPs...if someone gives you ruffley pink and purple stuff that you don't like, exchange or consign it and buy what you like. Put outfits you like on your registry and encourage gift buyers to check there for what you like. But ultimately, you have the say over the clothes that you put on your baby, so dress them in whatever you like!
FWIW, I'm also pretty "gut certain" I'm having a girl, and we've already bought a ton of gender-neutral stuff. After our anatomy scan on the 5th, when we'll hopefully know for sure, I'll be laying down the law with both my ILs and my mom about limiting the amount of pink and ruffles. A simple, "We don't want to dress her like a girly girl. You can see the kind of stuff we like for baby clothes if you check the registry." Not saying they HAVE to buy from the registry, but that it will give them an idea of what we like for baby clothes.
If they did buy things that were obviously not my taste, they would be getting returned...and made that be known as well. I didn't mind hot pink in some things but didn't want a bunch of lacy, ruffle things or bunch of pastels (I hate pastels in general).
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
I have the sort of opposite problem. We are having a boy, and aren't a huge fan of all of the sports, cars, and trucks on baby boy clothes. However, the way we see it is the baby needs clothes, and he'll have no idea what he's wearing. That said, if we get anything with snarky sayings on it I don't agree with, we would return or sell that kind of thing. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to stop people from buying things you don't like!
As others have said it didn't go down well and not sure if people will behave but I have hand downs from others and I really don't want stress of dressing baby in the right outfit to the right visitor!!!
Plus I am excited, this has been long wait for me, late 30's and I really wanna pick my own stuff too!
That wasn't much use but GOOD LUCK! And if all else fails, accept it, smile, stick it on baby, take picture, send pic to MIL and then change the kid !!! Works unless she nearby...
My MIL, and others buy what they want to buy. And PP's have given lots of good suggestions as to what to do with unwanted items. One thing I'll add is that If I don't know where it's from, I always ask,"oh where did you get this?" I explain to them that I'd like to know because of sizing issues
Unfortunately, I think you will try as you might, but people will buy what they want, whether you tell them explicitly or not. Definitely direct them to your registry, use some of the suggestions above and good luck! Little girls are fun
At the end of the day, remember it's your baby, you dress them in what you choose. If you're left with brand new clothes with tags on, you sell them and make money. Win win! You won't be able to control what dad puts them in when you're not around or what grandparents put them in when they sleepover, but that's ok. They eventually discover their own sense of style and then you'll have no control at all anyway
We know grandma will buy pink and frilly and most of it I plan to use when my child is with her. She gets to enjoy it and it's not hurting me or my child but you better believe I have mostly dinosaurs and pirate stuff already saved for a good balance.
Anything I just don't see as appropriate for my child (baby heels? Wtf?) I just won't have her wear and depending on the situation I'll return those gifts if I can.
I was in the exact same boat as you with my first - my husband is the oldest of 3 boys so my MIL was super into the idea of having a granddaughter.
What we did was to register for "gender neutral" things and to spend a lot of time talking about how it would be such a great cost savings in the long run (we want a few kids, haha) to have that super early stuff be more neutral. That was pretty successful for us
#1 - they're ugly
#2 - not practical/comfortable
I hate getting clothes as gifts that are only one-time wear gigs. Like the one above, we might put her in it for church one day, but that will likely be it. It's not something I'd send her to daycare in/everyday playing. I thought I'd be one to put my daughter in dresses all the time, etc, but after she became mobile I realized how they just get in the way.
I guess my take is that if you get gift receipts, exchange for something you like better. If you don't get them, either bite the bullet and have her wear it once/take a picture to satisfy the gift giver, or just don't put it on them at all and move on. It's not really in my taste to dictate what gifts others give me. In my experience, people never actually bought clothes that I put on my registry, and bought clothes that they thought we cute instead.
Oh, and random people, like some of my MIL's neighbors, bought some rather horrendous matching outfit for the girls. pink and purple and mermaids and bows!
We've also received hand me downs, so it's funny to see them in things I wouldn't pick out, for example, I won't buy animal prints for girls or camo for boys. It's just me.
Mama to Three Girls:
Twins born March 2014 at 26 weeks due to preterm labor
and our 37weeker born May 9th, 2016!
I've been told that people will get you clothes no matter what (if you register them or not) but I was considering putting some clothes on my registry so I'll be able pick them or give people a sense of what I'll like.
I'm going at it with a shrug & laugh attitude because they're all generous & excited & well meaning. Honestly I'd rather they get to be happy than me take away this small joy in their life just because of different baby fashion styles. I'm not saying I'll be a pushover on all things but for me this one is less important than many other issues, like napping & nutrition. Or at least, when I'm not in the middle of a terribly crabby/hormonal mood that's my attitude!
Edited because my phone replaced of with if, as usual.
There rant over.
Sorry I forgot the original question.
I will never understand how people can be so picky about the gifts they receive. It's such a horrible attitude to have. Even if you hate the outfit, can't you at least be grateful for the spirit it was given in? And if it's truly that bad, just return it for something you actually want. No harm done.
In general I would probably just say thanks as PPs have suggested and move on but I get how annoying it can be when people seem to ignore your wishes because your wishes don't make them happy.
DD: 05/14/16
When we found out that our first child was a girl, it came up naturally in conversation what style we were planning for the nursery, clothing, etc. It was then that I nicely and tactfully told both my MIL and my mom that lacy, ruffly, glittery, tutu stuff really wouldn't get used. Then they knew 100% what they were already wondering. No one's feelings were hurt. Thankfully, both of them respected my wished in this matter. My DD has now decided she likes those things and that's okay. But while she was a baby, I didn't want to deal with that stuff that frankly, is just in the way.
As for other people, most people who know me know that that style of things wouldn't be my taste at all. For the few that didn't realize, I thanked them and was super polite...then returned later for more practical clothing we would actually use.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
I think that is what most people on here are talking about. When you, politely, make your wishes known, but other people ignore them completely. It goes much beyond gift giving, imo, to a lack of caring and respect to be ignored completely. It isn't the gift, it is the being ignored as a person. That is how I always feel when my in-laws do stuff like they did with the pie plate. It feels like, "Oh, you don't really know what you want. I know better for you so I'm going to do this anyway."
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
See this to me just screams first world problems.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
With all due respect it sounds like you have some deeper seeded issues with your ILs that should probably be addressed. I doubt they gave you the pie dish thinking "oh this will stick it to you. We know what you want so much more than you do. Now you will remember that every time you eat pie".