Declining hand me downs

Shelby00519 · December 2015

Is anyone else doing it? This is my first baby and I want everything to be new, I just feel really bad saying no to people who offer. I don't know how to do it without sounding stuck up or rude. SIL just text me offering her old Winnie the Pooh bedding and a cradle and I have no idea what to say back :-/

Nerdchild · December 2015

We are getting a great nursery furniture set off of a friend (he offered and I don't mind pre-loved things), but I am insisting on certain things being new; mattresses, car seats, bedding. On this topic, there is no right or wrong, it's all preference.

As far as politely declining; Maybe say something along the lines of "Thank you, it's so kind of you to think of us, but we are really excited to pick everything out ourselves because we haven't done this before"?

Eta: I guess what I am trying to (poorly) convey is that you aren't necessarily 'declining' baby goods, you are just really excited to have the experience of picking your registey goods and fulfilling your pinterest dreams!

ButterMyBiscuit · December 2015

We got a lot of hand me downs. Take them, see what's usable and donate the rest to goodwill or something. Not everything needs to be new. All kinds of literal shit will get on everything.

Taymiller · December 2015

Exactly what @ButterMyBiscuit said. Babies throw up and poop so much so those extra clothes can be a godsend.

PugsandKisses · December 2015

Take the hand me downs. I wish I did more.

DobbysSock · December 2015

We accepted most hand me downs, and then just went through and donated stuff we didn't want. The one thing we declined was a carseat, as I wanted new for safety reasons (which I just explained to the person). We did get a hand me down crib, but once I realized that drop-sided cribs were actually discontinued and not recommended in Canada due to safety concerns, we let our friends know and asked them if they wanted it back in case they had another baby down the road, and they said no. I'm actually planning to turn it into an outdoor bench, just haven't gotten around to it yet, so it's sitting in a closet for now.

DobbysSock · December 2015

Forgot to add my advice. I think it's fine to either accept things and then donate what you don't want, or for bigger items thank the person and tell them you've already bought the thing or are excited to pick one out for yourself. Nothing wrong with that! I would never be offended if someone declined to use our old baby stuff, as long as they were appreciative and kind about it.

noelietrex · December 2015

I will PM you my address! You do you- share the goods though! You could always tell the person offering you went crazy and stocked up on everything early, but thanks for the offer. Or just take the stuff, keep anything that looks 100% new, and donate the rest- if you itemize your taxes you can write off donations!

trucksntutus · December 2015

I've gotten tons of offers for hand me downs, clothes especially! Clothes I will gladly take. But I agree with PP's, new car seat for sure for safety reasons which is understandable. But I'll take clothes and bedding all day!

jessicarose0602 · December 2015

My sister is giving us a crib. I'm ecstatic to be getting it, less I have to worry about buying later, especially bc I won't be working later on in my pregnancy. My SO's mom actually gave away a lot of his baby clothes back in august. She got so upset initially when he told her that we were expecting... she said If she would have known, she would have given them to us. He secretly told me he didn't want them for our baby, being as they are over 30 years old.. however, they were donated so someone else can get some use out of them.
We are moving back to my home state anyway in a few months, so won't be getting a lot of things just yet until we make that move. But when we move, anything that's used and in good condition, I'll gladly take. Less we will have to buy in the long run.

mrsmommya · December 2015

I agree with many above....accept the smaller hand me downs and donate what you don't want. I get TONS of clothes from my sis and we have to donate 75% of them because they are stained or just not our style. If it is a bigger item you could just say the safety bit if it is something related to that or that you already have one or picked out one. We are very thrifty though and LOVE thrift stores and second hand stores.

EasterEggs · December 2015

You can politely say thanks for the offer but you've already got lots of things coming (that way you don't have to say "we want to buy new stuff" if you don't want to).

As for donating stained or raggedy things, keep in mind that most charities try to treat their clients in need with dignity. They will throw out anything that is stained or that looks threadbare.

ETA: I will accept only a minimum of hand-me-down clothing, mainly for back-up and for events where I won't want to care about the things getting ruined. But I plan on declining lots of things, as we also want to choose most things ourselves.

BostonBaby1 · December 2015

Sigh... I don't expect to be offered many hand-me-downs but my BFF just had her 3rd (and last) in October... I would gladly take anything -car seat excluded- that she gave to me because I know how much care she puts into keeping things clean.

I wish that I had more people that would give hand-me-downs… But I agree that you can politely decline so long as you express appropriate gratitude.

matryoshkadoll · December 2015

I agree with pp that said you can still take some stuff and you don't have to keep it all. One person gave us so much stuff, and it was almost all like new or actually new with tags. It was even from the most expensive baby stores. Some people buy way too much and their baby grows out of it before they even use it once.

Eta obviously though if you definitely aren't going to use it, decline politely so someone else will get it who needs it.

WorkingMom562 · December 2015

I agree with PP, just say thanks, but we're excited to go register/shopping for new stuff! Or don't even guru into detail and just say thanks, but it's covered already.

I am all for hand me downs...I think I've literally bought 5 articles of clothing for my DD (18 months old) and the rest has been gifts or freebies! I like going through the totes of clothes bc it's all new to me! I toss out the stained ones and save the rest for the next family member. I'm getting from 3 different family members! I feel super grateful!

Y0urm0m · December 2015

I'm only here to say

I LOVE HAND ME DOWNS

Send all unwanted hammy downs to me please.

jlgriff11 · December 2015

Send them to me! I need all the hand me downs I can get! Ain't nobody got time (or money) for all that new clothes with two babies. My only requirement is a smoke free home. But even then I'll take them, wash what can be salvaged, and donate or give back the rest.

nopegoat · December 2015

I love hand me downs. While it's fun to shop, baby crap is expensive and you use it for such a short period of time it's almost not worth getting everything new. We got rid of everything after #2 and then decided to go for #3 later. I am still kicking myself for getting rid of it.

ncm1919 · December 2015

I can understand wanting to get your own crib and bedding. For some reason that seems different to me than baby clothes. I know that I want something that is my taste and matches the theme I want for my first nursery

I would say it is probably the gracious thing to at least look through the hand me downs or accept them with the understanding that you will donate what you will not use. In law relationships are tricky and she is probably just very excited for you. I plan to look through all of my SIL's stuff even her maternity clothes. Our styles are very different but it seems like a small thing to do for someone who is going to be obsessed with your child

pandamonium20 · December 2015

Drop down cribs were banned in the US in (2011?) and it is illegal to buy, sell, or even donate them to charity. This is because of infant fatalities. One of my pet peeves is seeing them on Craigslist even all these years after the ban. If someone offers one of these to you, do a quick google on the subject and show them why they are unsafe and decline. Or accept and take it to the nearest fire department for disposal to keep another potential hold out of it.

(Stepping off soapbox now.)

MrsRo731 · December 2015

I love hand-me-downs; most of DD's clothes were handed down from my SIL whose DD is only 9 months older than DD. I did what others recommend - accepted and donated any that I didn't need or wasn't my taste. We registered for the car seat, crib, bedding, etc. and received all of that new.

anskip · December 2015

I love hand me downs!!! I still get offers from close friends and neighbors that I continue to gladly accept!! DD is 2 and it has saved us TONS of money. I just go through what's given and pull out what I want to keep and either pack up the rest to pass along to someone else or donate it. We bought new furniture and car seat for DD, but we even had a mattress given to us from a really close friend.

sboston06 · December 2015

Because we're having our first baby in our 30's, many of our friends and family members have already had kids and/or are done having kids. My sister has generously offered us her crib and my coworker is giving me her bassinet. I completely understand wanting to buy most things new though. To each his own! I think the only thing I'll be getting at my baby shower is cloth diapers and I'm perfectly happy with that

vtulch · December 2015

I accepted hand me down clothes from close friends and family. The first year they go through the sizes so quickly it's just not worth spending the money if you don't have too!

If I have another boy I'm all set and if I have a girl I have a friend on stand by and she is impatiently waiting to give me ALL her daughters clothes (she's done having kids).

piratefairy · December 2015

We are older & don't have a lot of friends going through the baby thing at this point, so pretty much all of our first baby's items were new - I did accept some hand me down clothing from family, wish there was more! When accepting items, I am sure to be clear with the intentions of the exchange - is it ok to donate anything we don't want? would they like the items returned after your use? Have seem some very awkward situations created out of unclear exchange terms - ie. one party assumes item is "borrowed" other assumes it is "gifted" - it never hurts to save a little where you can

ladythrice · December 2015

With our first I really wanted to buy everything new too. We didn't get offered a ton of hand-me-downs, just some clothes. I accepted the clothes because well, why not? I'm very thankful we did! The first year is crazy for clothes. Every baby is different and theres no way to know how long your LO will be in which size. Some babies stay in 3m clothes for ever. Some jump to 6-9 months and stay there forever! My LO was in newborn F O R E V E R. We didn't buy ANY newborn because we assumed he'd be bigger! Thankfully we had the box of hand-me-downs. It was full of newborn clothes!

Moral of the story, take the clothes. I get skipping the bedding and all other trappings, but accept the clothes because you never know!

Also, I think its completely acceptable to say, "thanks so much for your offer of XYZ, but we already have what we need/registered for something DH and I fell in love with. Your generosity is much appreciated!!!"

MsBeachNJ · December 2015

I echo @piratefairy in that it is very important to be clear on the intent of items given to you - if you start donating things that people thought they had lent you - that could lead to some very hurt feelings/uncomfortable situations!

I'm very lucky that my sister has given me 3 bins of her maternity clothes to wear, but I know that she'd ideally like more kids so I'm being very careful with them.

As for other hand me downs - if you aren't interested I think its perfectly acceptable to say thank you so much but you know how it is with the first kid, we're so excited to pick out xyz for ourselves but I so appreciate the offer!

Lchase04 · December 2015

I'd suggest never declining clothes hand me downs - being able to have my nieces clothes has saved us a ton of $ and with how quickly they grow, i'm so very grateful. If people are offering bigger items or 'themed' items, it's totally reasonable to say something like 'I so appreciate your thoughtfulness, but we've decided with 'x' theme and have our eye on a bassinet that'll work well in our house.' No one can be offended by that. Truthfully, as a mom of a toddler that has hoarded her stuff, I think your sister may just be tring to pawn it off to avoid having to good will it, etc.

holly142 · December 2015

I completely understand wanting to choose your own bedding. We bought cute sheets (babies do not need bumbers or a comforter!). We also got a new crib, car seat and stroller. Everything else was handed down to us. I am thankful for how much money it saved us! I agree with others, tell them nicely that you already have something in mind.

ladythrice · December 2015

Just a note about clothing cost. You can EASILY spend $100 per stage of clothing (Newborn, 3M, 6M, 9M, 12M, etc.). We spent that and more once we ran out of our smaller size hand-me-downs and shower gifts. And that was on 'cheap' Carter's brand clothing.

FinePlacentaPie · December 2015

*lurking*

Take all the secondhand clothes you can get your hands on. Just trust me. The amount of fluids that will get on all the things will make you wish you never spent $20 on a brand new onesie.

amandajmonceaux · December 2015

I have so much clothes from my 3 kids I should be prepared for anything. But I still find myself wanting to get new stuff. So it's just a preference of what you want. I am buying a new car seat this time. But I have like 4 cribs and can't see buying a new one. I may be giving away girl clothes though. This will be my last baby.

mamafox14 · December 2015

I LOVE FREE STUFF.

BabyMiller0001 · December 2015

Tell her you already had one in mind that you liked and thank her for offering

UTJESS · December 2015

For me personally, it was just nice getting second hand things from friends and not having to buy them. I liked being about to save the $$$ to get other things you could spend else where... like a crib that is a 4-1 and a dresser they can grow with. Plus, you never know what your kid is going to like. I had a friend who bought the $400 momaroo swing, and her kid hated it... everything is trail and error with them.

Croscrew · December 2015

I don't think it is necessarily bad. I remember being blessed behind imagination with new stuff for our first. I also try to be sensitive to my friends who are new moms because I know they also don't understand it yet, how fast children to through things. How you have this adorable outfit that your child wore twice that they would love to pass on because it's adorbs. With that being said, I usually wait to pass things on to new moms a little after the baby has come and they have to come down from the clouds a bit. Plus, if you don't like Winnie the Pooh for the nursery, just tell her so.

quartz02 · December 2015

I second what PP have said about being clear with the person giving you stuff if they want it back or not. I would be upset if I thought I loaned someone something and they donated it! Even if they're done having kids, they may want the tax write-off themselves

htn1763 · December 2015

Hand me downs are the best! Babies grow out of clothes after wearing things 0-1 time it's such a waste to buy it all new. Believe me, you have years to buy new things. Take what you can get!
Fwiw, I got so much given to me (car seats, crib,clothes, umbrella stroller...) that I splurged on a bugaboo!

MDmomma1217 · December 2015

I really wish DD had cousins for the sake of getting clothes (she's the only grandchild on either side of the family). As she has gotten older, she is really hard on her clothes, she constantly has holes in the knees of her pants. I've saved all of her (good, non-stained) clothes so if this LO is a girl I think we are good to go.

Weville · December 2015

I have been loving the offers for hand me downs. My cousin has a one year old and a three year old so she has a big list of stuff for me to go through when I'm ready. I also have a friend giving me a beautiful crib and my boss has carriers, car seats from last year etc for me. I'm really excited for the money I can save. Clothes I'm less concerned about because I manage a kids clothing store and will have a discount on baby clothes

LadyFleck · December 2015

Can we talk about hand-me-down maternity clothes, too?

My sister is finished having kids (I would be too after FOUR GIRLS!) and she impatiently offloaded 3 bags of maternity clothes to me the minute I mentioned I went off birth control. I am 100% in favor of hand-me-downs, and took plenty for my son when he was little. That said, the clothes my sister handed off were old, ratty, used, and abused. Many of them were hand-me-downs to her and some were way over 10 years old. I could never wear these items to work and only a few of them on the weekends.

I am grateful she wanted to share the "wealth" but also annoyed that she passed 3 bags worth of crap for me to have to donate now (bc she was VERY clear that she didn't want anything back and that it was now my job to donate if I didn't want them).

Moral of story: When we are all ready to pass the torch on to other moms-to-be later down the line...be courteous and discard the shit before the hand-off. Don't make it that mom's job to do your chores. That goes for maternity and baby clothing.

I fear finding out if this baby is a girl...I expect mountains of shit to move as a result.

Want a personalized experience?

Declining hand me downs

Re: Declining hand me downs

Choose Another Board

Search Boards