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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
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Intro

btsrc5btsrc5 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I got my first BFP on Dec 11.  My tests were getting slightly darker but were still pretty faint over the next few days.  I had the slightest bit of spotting when I wiped on Tuesday, so my dr agreed to check my hcg levels.  I got a call from the nurse yesterday saying that I wasn't pregnant.  I explained that I had several days of positive tests (wondfo, frer, clearblue digital) and she told me that I was miscarrying.  So here I am, waiting for it all to start.

I have been an emotional mess since I got that call.  I feel like I am broken, like I failed to keep my baby safe.  My husband clearly doesn't understand why I am so upset since it was so early. I tried to explain to him that there was a baby, I was pregnant and now I am not... and that it makes me so sad.  I just feel really lonely.  I don't want to really talk about it, but I also feel like I need someone to understand. 

I know it was early.  And my heart absolutely breaks for those of you who have gone through this later in pregnancy. 



Married 08/18/07
BFP 02/15/11 EDD 10/27/11 Born at 35w3d on 09/25/11 
BFP 10/13/12 EDD 06/25/13 Born at 37w0d on 06/04/13

BFP 12/11/15 EDD 08/23/16 Early miscarriage

BFP 02/02/16 EDD 10/16/16

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 


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Re: Intro

  • decoycandydecoycandy member
    My condolences. It's a hard process. Hope you find some sanctuary in these forums.
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  • Jessa127Jessa127 member
    I teared up just reading what you wrote. I was in that stage less than 2 weeks ago. I went in for an ultra sound with high hopes, just to be told my baby was gone and to prepare for a miscarriage. I was absolutely devastated. Waiting and wondering what's coming is the hardest part. It will get easier. I wasn't even far enough along to see the baby, yet it was still harder than I imagined it would be. When I actually miscarried a week later (last week), I felt an indescribable feeling of relief. I was not expecting to feel that way, I thought it was only going to get harder, but just knowing it was over instead of wondering what was coming made it so much easier.  It was around that time I also had the realization that it was not my fault. I had blamed myself prior to that, thinking what if I did this different or that different, but when you're that early along, there's really no way to know for sure what caused it. I still grieve the baby, but it is so much more bearable know, after coming to that realization. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. My thoughts are with you. 
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