SAHM - changed my mind!

btm013 · December 2015

So, I decided to stay at home with my son after he was born - only working part time for my father who has his own accounting firm. It's nice because I am able to do my job from home - only going into the office once or twice a week and bringing LO. However, it's nearly impossible to get anything done during the day and I find Im going everything late nights and weekends. By the time DH comes home from work, I just want to relax and unwind but instead I'm logging on to work for a few hours. It's becoming too much and I'm getting resentful. Plus, I worked hard (and spend $$) on an advanced degree that I'd like to use. How bad is it that I've changed my mind?!! I obviously adore LO but I just want to work and do something for myself. Starting in February, LO will be going to daycare for 2-3 days. I'm getting heat from my in-laws b/c they think I'm doing it for selfish reasons (and in a way I am) because the current situation is working out financially and logistically. But mentally and physically it's not working out. Heck just now my husband asked if everything was ok (as he was leaving for work) and I just said I was tired and drained from the week. He said "well, you have the weekend off while I take care of Henry." I snapped and said "NO, I HAVE WORK TO DO!" This is my life. Please help me feel good about this decision that I am secretly excited about!!!

alcrimmins · December 2015

You need to do what's best for you, Henry, and Dh, but mainly you. Letting him go to daycare is a great way for him to learn about socialization as well as give each of you a break from each other. Sometimes they need a break from us as well. I think it's crappy of your inlaws to give you crap about it. This is your family and your decisions. I'm a SAHM and LO goes to daycare dot a few hours everyday so I can get stuff done as well as it gives her a chance to play with other babies/kids and it teachers her how to take comfort from someone other than me or DH. Trust your instincts!

HoosOnFirst · December 2015

As someone with an advanced degree, I'd go bonkers if I didn't get to use that side of my brain! I think working a few days a week and putting LO in daycare is a wonderful solution - and still a compromise in my opinion! Maybe your family should think about the fact that you COULD want to work full time! And that would be absolutely legitimate request. There's no rule that one parent has to stay home, or that it couldn't be your husband!

Hope they realize this isn't about being selfish, but about being a fulfilled person and a great role model for your LO.

Ps interesting they don't think it's selfish your DH is working, no?

Gosh it sucks being female sometimes... Fighting these same battles over and over again...

KaLikeAWind · December 2015

This looks harsh in print, but hopefully you understand what I'm saying as its meant - empowering - vs how it looks.

Do what makes you happy. You don't need your in laws or even us on the internet to validate your choices. If being a SAHM makes you happy, do it.

"And it harm none, do what you will"

ElRuby · December 2015

I think it's great that you are choosing to use your education! I work two evenings a week because I have a license and an advanced degree and I don't want to lose all my skills! We could do without me working but I find it the best of both worlds!

ElRuby · December 2015

Also working from home is a total nightmare IMO... I can hardly make phone calls with my two kids around! It's like when the phone or computer comes out it signals them to go bonkers!

jessieR358 · December 2015

I was really upset about going back go work but I actually enjoy the couple days a week I get out and use my advanced degree that I worked so dang hard to get. My mom watches my son and loves it. SAHM isn't for everyone and I think you need to do what makes you happy. If your husband is supportive than I wouldn't worry about your inlaws but I can understand how their judgments are hurtful.

mishmardhiono · December 2015

I'd thank your in laws and let them know you've got everything under control.

If LO is an only child daycare is brilliant for socialising, independence, immunity boosting, your mental health, flexibility. Don't feel bad about this choice and don't think you have to answer to anyone about your decision. You have a brain and by the sounds a very intelligent one. Use it and make yourself happy and make sure in amongst everything you still have me tine

mindaa · December 2015

Not much to add, but sorry IL's are making you feel bad. (unjustified) I'm working even though I don't "have" to. I like contributing income and getting out of the house. I agree that 2-3 days at daycare seems to be positive - LO loves to be around other people and stay more engaged than one adult can keep him for 7 days straight.
ETA: the mom guilt is definitely a real battle. I know I started to get annoyed by the "working moms" board here on TB because the longest discussions seemed to be about how hard it was to work and everyone just wanted to be a sahm. Not helpful, ladies!

KonaCoffeeBean · December 2015

No judgement here. I only did six weeks of manternity leave (doing some work from home after week one), and by week three, my newborn and I had matching sweatpants and I was desperate to go back to court.

Sammy K · December 2015

A resentful mom doesn't do anyone any good. You're doing what is best for everyone. If your DH was in an accident and couldn't work for 6 months, this is your safety net. You don't need to justify it to anyone and you have our full support.

I also have an advanced degree and 2 licenses. I did not invest that much time and energy in my 20s to not work. A 2 year gap in employment would make me unemployable. I explained this to my ILs once and made it clear I was not apologizing for my decision, either. End of conversation.

bethanne09 · December 2015

You're doing what is best for you and your family. I'm a SAHM for now, but I have applied for ideal positions just in case something were to come along. I love being home. LOVE IT, but I didn't go to school to not teach.
The best thing you can do for LO is to show them what it looks like to be a fulfilled adult. That is different for everyone.

aresee · December 2015

Agree with everyone here. I know that I'm a better mom when I'm home because I also get to leave the house and do a job I love. There are some downsides, of course, but I think it's important for LO (also a Henry!) to grow up with a happy mom.

mamameghan · December 2015

I love being a SAHM but I just wanted to add that I know someone who works a couple days a week and her kids attend daycare. She says it encourages her to get out and spend more time with them when she is home, rather than waste it around the house everyday. It'll take more planning on your part but if it makes you happy, and the family better...then do it!

btm013 · December 2015

I commend all those who love being a SAHM!! It's not that I hate it but I feel like I'm losing a part of myself sometimes. I actually miss work - particularly the social aspect of it. Even belonging to two moms groups isn't cutting it. I appreciate all your kind words and support! ❤️

lovethatcolosun · December 2015

I recently got a taste of going back to work part time this month after a three and a half year hiatus while I was a SAHM. I've now got the itch to go back to work a couple of days a week. The good news is that I could put LO in daycare where DS attends preschool. We just need to make it work financially. I love the chance to be back doing what I love and regaining a piece of myself that has been lost. It's all about the balance. Good luck with your decision!

ksimo6 · December 2015

I am better mother because I work outside of the home four days a week. I would not be a sane person if I were home all week with my kids. A healthy and happy mom is what is best for your kids. Make yourself happy!

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