FTM fear about raising kids!

Re: FTM fear about raising kids!

• anskip member

  December 2015

  I'm a STM and this is something I always struggle with. Luckily I have a wonderful husband who makes sure that I take time for myself and makes sure we have date nights. We recently found a great couple that had kids our daughter's age and that has been great too. Making sure we have friends that we can relate to and hang out with.
  
  We decided when we were about 8 months pregnant with DD that we're not perfect and we will make mistakes, but the most important thing is that we keep DD's best interest at heart and do what we feel is best.
  
  No one has a right or wrong. Don't worry, you'll find your grove . We all do.

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• ButterMyBiscuit member

  December 2015

  All I can tell you is that there is so much love. You might be losing your old self but your new self will amaze you.

  
  

  Like PP said, take time to do things for yourself and with your husband but I'm telling you, kids are so wonderful. They will make you insane one minute and the next, they will do something amazing and you'll feel like you couldn't possibly love a little person this much.

  
  

  It will work out.

  
  July BMB May Signature Challenge
  
  

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• quartz02 member

  December 2015

  I think I struggle with this still. We just recently relocated near family and that has helped because I can actually reach out to someone I trust to babysit DD. I think life is all about the priorities you make and there are different seasons of life (God, I sound like a Duggar). Right now, I'm a mom of a young child (soon to be children) and I have less time for myself. Later, I'll have more time to myself and miss the young ones. There are pros/cons to it all.
  

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• vtulch member

  December 2015

  As a STM I can't say that I don't miss some aspects of my old life but what I know for sure is that I would never ever change my current one for the world. It's worth it, every little bit, it really is. I'll deal with an empty nest when the day comes but until that happens there's plenty of time to enjoy family life!

  

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• soberkfell member

  December 2015

  
  

  vtulch said:

  As a STM I can't say that I don't miss some aspects of my old life but what I know for sure is that I would never ever change my current one for the world. It's worth it, every little bit, it really is. I'll deal with an empty nest when the day comes but until that happens there's plenty of time to enjoy family life!

  This!
  

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• Croscrew member

  December 2015

  Sometimes a perspective change is needed. After DD came, I had a hard time learning to say no to events, friends, but especially work things. I am learning that not everything rides upon what I accomplish as an employee. I still am not really "raising" a child. We just left the stage of keeping the thing alive to learning the difference between right and wrong. It will be fun!

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• DobbysSock member

  December 2015

  I'm not going to lie - your life is going to change drastically. The best way to prevent losing yourself in motherhood is to make sure you have a supportive partner or other people in your life, honest communication, and recognizing your needs. To be honest I don't miss my pre-baby life, I just really love my new life so much. I would say DH misses the freedom and spontaneity a bit more, but I've made it a priority to give him time to himself (he goes to the gym 6 days a week, and boxing 1-2 evenings a week). He in turn lets me sleep in most weekend mornings, and makes dinner and does the bath and bedtime routine every night (except boxing nights) so I get some down time. If I want a girls' night or he wants a guys' night we make it work for each other, and also do things as a couple when we can (although this didn't start until DD was a bit older and I was comfortable with a babysitter) and as a family often.

  
  

  Be prepared that for the first little bit, your life will 100% revolve around your baby, and that's ok. It doesn't mean you'll never get yourself back, those little babies are just so dependent on us. This period of time is so short, when they're little and we're their whole world. Also be prepared that your partner might feel a little left out (some do, some don't), because the baby really doesn't "need" anyone but you (particularly if you're breastfeeding, unless you also pump for dad to bottle feed). This stage goes quickly though. At about 3 months post-partum was when I started to come out of my fog and want to reconnect with myself and DH. Thankfully he was supportive and patient while I was so wrapped up in DD. I feel like in the blink of an eye my kids will be in school, and then they'll just be getting more and more independent and want/need me less and less. I have years to explore my own interests and hobbies, I only have a handful of years to be the centre of my kids'  lives.

  
  

  All that said, I have friends who enjoy taking weekend trips with the girls, vacations alone with their partners, doing hobbies and activities alone etc. and doing those things make them better mothers. They also love their kids more than anything and I whole heartedly believe they are amazing moms. They just have different ways of getting their positive energy than I do as an introvert. It's all about recognizing what you need to be happy and fulfilled, and doing those things to be the healthiest and happiest person you can be.

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